two n jenn's Blurty

Subject:	under this killing moon
Time:	8:07 am.
Mood:	headachey..

Advice of the day: Never go to bed with a headache. You WILL wake up with one, and it WILL be worse.

Sigh.

I haven't been sleeping so great lately. In fact I can't remember the last time I felt rested. I wake up at least 5 times a night and toss and turn to try to sleep. My eyes are always sore and my neck and back feel all cramped. So I figure this is all on account of one of two things : a) Waterbeds really AREN'T the best to sleep on, or b) I'm emotionally unstable enough to affect my sleeping pattern. Or.. actually.. c) I can't sleep alone. I always sleep better when I'm next to someone, no matter who it is. I'm just that way. I like being with people. I like affection. I've been starved for affection for the past.. 12 months. Wow, it's been a year. It'll be officially a year tomorrow, but it's close enough. Oh well. It's just another day. No use feeling sorry for myself, it won't do anything.

Only one class today, block schedule. 1 1/2 hours of Government. At least I like my teacher and the people who sit around me.. it makes it a lot easier. Meh. Then I might have lunch with David before I have to work at 3. Work hasn't been as bad lately. I think I figured out why it seems like it's been worse than it used to be: I used to run on coffee. I'm serious, I always sold better when I was high on a venti frapp. My old manager used to buy me coffee so that I'd sell more, cause it worked. I just got hyper and happy and more .. outgoing? But yeah. It's kind of sad. Caffine IS a drug, and without it I'm useless. Welll.. not completely useless. But.. of less use. I think I drank so much that I've gotten sick of it. Tis a sad, sad thing :(

Question...
What do you feel is your purpose in life? Do you think you have one? Do you have any idea why you'd be here, and if it's important that you are?

Leave comments..... please.

4 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	i read more maps than books
Time:	12:36 pm.
Mood:	pensive.
Music:	brand new.

I'm playing with ideas for a script. I'm really excited, my friend is going to burn me a copy of this cool script-writing program called Final Draft or something. I've always wanted to write a script and now I'm finally going to do it. Or start it, anyway. Might take me a while. :) What I'm really hoping is to find my niche in writing. I've written short stories, poems, attempted a novel.. none of them seemed to be up to par with what I think they should be. Maybe now I can finally put all of my ideas together to form something great. I love movies, if I could make one I would just die of happiness.

I'd tell you all of my ideas, but since this journal's public, my luck would be that some top-notch screen writer would find it unpatented/untrademarked, and they'd STEAL it and make a multi-million dollar film off MY idea. (Remind you of Big Fat Liar? haha) Welll, ok so that's a little pretentious of me, but it was the only logical reason I had to give.. besides wanting it all to be a surprise.

Why did man have to take the most basic of instincts and label them sins? Well, that's just my own personal opinion, I'm sure many people think it's God who set forth the guidlines, saying what is a sin and what isn't. But I don't hold that belief. It seems like the "purest" of man felt guilty for things they shouldn't have felt guilty about, and decided to damn everyone to Hell if these things were committed. Elitists is all they were. They wanted to rise above the simple, more instinctive man and procure themselves worthy to be with God by purging themselves of all naturally human instincts and behaviors. I suppose by reasoning that if you wanted to be with a perfect unhuman God, you would have to do that. But.. if God created you, why would he create you to deny everything that you are, by nature? as a cruel joke, or a challenge? He created man and said "I hope you have a miserable existance trying to be pure like me!" I mean, really. Why are people ashamed of being human? Never have sex, or think about sex until you are grown and married to someone of the opposite sex. Never love, especially never have sex with someone of the same sex. If you 'practice' homosexuality, you are damned to Hell, even if you were born that way and it defines who you are.

Um. Excuse me, but.. I don't buy any of that.

Meh. Anyway. I think too much. And once I start thinking, I keep on until I've come to some sort of resolution or logical reasoning. So it kind of sucks when I have to just completely ignore whatever is on my mind so that I can deal with customers asking where the Big Moe cd is. I mean, I know it's my job. And I think I take advantage of the easiness and especially good money, and complain about it instead. I really should stop doing that. See, to ME, taking advantage of every aspect of life is more of a sin than pre-marital sex. To me, it's not a moral issue. I have morals, but I guess I'm just on a different plane, level than everyone else.

But yeah. If I had any other job, I wouldn't even have the chance to take advantage of it.. like cleaning the McDonalds kitchen or something. I'd have to do it all with a smile on my face and do the job I'm paid to do. So why can't I think of MY job like that? It's not that it really makes a big difference in my performance. I'm sure it does in some ways, but it's mostly just the fact that I'm not completely happy to be working there. I don't know.. I still hold to the fact that if I didn't work as MUCH, I'd be happier. Working long hours on long days, day after day, just makes you really sick of a job, I think.. no matter what it is. Even rockstars get tired of their job, right? ... Eh, ok, maybe not. I wanna be a rockstar. hahahaha. ROCK.

I've kind of pulled out the Deja Entendu cd from the depths of my huge cd wallet/case thingie and I've been listening to it a lot. I go through phases, where I'll listen to one CD over and over until I get sick of it and find a new one. Then months later I'll pull it back out, and repeat the process by rotating through all of my CD's. But yeah. It's a great CD. You should buy it if you haven't already. Cool.

2 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	jen doesn't like me anymore
Time:	12:08 am.
Mood:	itchy.

tonight was pretty cool, went to javajazz with teh one and only mawio, havent been to that place in forever. and there's a reason for that, which still kinda applies but it just wasn't as bad tonight because there weren't that many people there. it was the right amount of crowd. if that makes any sense.

i met some new people, that was cool. and i saw people there i knew, who are cool. so all in all, the people were cool. except for the uncool people who i didn't know or want to know. like all the hardcore kiddies trying so hard to be "punk rawk", but end up just being obnoxious. they're not cool. but it's ok, because they don't matter and i either ignore or laugh at them. and that, my friends, is cool.

but that reminds me, while i was talking to the cool people, they asked me about the uncool people who think i'm uncool as well. and that gave me a cool feeling.

you know what that cool feeling is? realizing how many people hate you, and realizing if they all came together after you, you'd definitely end up being a bloody pulp. but an even cooler feeling is when you wonder WHY they hate you, and you have no LOGICAL answer. ahh, it's really wonderful when people start hating you based on what they've heard. it's bad enough to judge someone based on rumors, but to full out hate them? tsk tsk tsk.

i really had no problem with siobhan til she started so much shit and pulled me into the picture somehow. i had no reason to dislike her.. she seemed cool enough, and i even thought she started to like me for a little while there while she was friends with aly, but that was probably the only reason. then her drama-queen self emerged from the depths of her so-called "complicated" self, and in a fit of rage she declared her hatred of patrick, jeff, and especially aly. so, being aly's best friend, i'm likely to side with her. but even with that said, i didn't wish death upon her. i just thought it was really stupid how overdramatic she was being about everything, and i didn't like how she treated my best friend. and that was that, we all lived our separate lives. easy enough, right? erm, nope. siobhan insists on continuing the drama by still spreading crap about all of us to all of her friends, some of which are mutual friends. and, i hate to say this, but people are going to listen to their friend's side of the story, and whether they mean to or not, they end up making judgments upon that person. why would you do that? tarnish someones reputation so badly that they won't be able to befriend one of your friends? sooooo lame!

but you know, if the kind of friends she has are the kind of people who would actually listen to all of the rumors and judge me based upon them, then i don't wanna be their friend anyway. so i'm really not losing anything here. and not being siobhan's friend is DEFINITELY not a big loss in my book.

pretty much the only reason i posted any of this was to clear things up on why there's tension between me and her. and i think tension is too light of a word, but i can't think of any other way to put it right now.

so it's pretty much a known fact that she hates me, wishes death upon me, and wishes to fight anyone who wants to be my friend. then she talks about me, spreads rumors about me, and tries to get people to dislike me by convincing them i am who she thinks i am.

i don't personally see the point in putting so much energy into hating someone, unless they killed your family or something. i mean, i never think about her unless someone brings her up, theres no reason to. and even if they do, i don't try to change their opinion of her by making up all this crap. i mean apparently being my friend makes her have less respect for that person. i have plenty of friends who are friends with her, and i dont respect them less for that. thats so freaking lame.

anyway. im done with all that, just had to clear up why siobhan is such a bitch when it comes to me.

haha i hope she reads this. =P it'll add fuel to the fire.

but yeaaaaaaaah. hmm.. what else? I dunno. Things are kinda sucking. But hopefully they'll get better. Aly and I have a plan on how to manipulate my counselor, and I'm thinking this will prove to be a challenging, yet fun experience.

In other news, my head itches.

And on that note, I'm going to bed.

9 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:	1:55 pm.
Mood:	depressed.
Music:	smashing pumpkins.

ookay, well apparently turtle DIDN'T forget my name, it was just some stupid lie. whyyyyyy the hell would you make something like that up? to make someone feel like crap, cause he knew we used to be best friends? man that jared, he's gettin an ass kicking.

annnnyway.. yeah. its really hard sometimes to be happy for people when they're happy, when you feel like shit. like, you do feel happy for them and you are glad they're doing better than you are.. but at the same time you feel like stealing part of their happiness just to know what it feels like. plus you realize how much better off they are than you and how much better they have, and realize it would probably have been possible for you to be in the same situation had you not been who you were, and who you are now. yeah, counting how many things you don't like about yourself isn't fun.. when you run out of fingers, its easier to just tighten them up and punch yourself in the face.

things just keep going wrong. i dont think anyone really knows about them, i hardly like to admit them to myself. i used to be so open. i dont know what happened. i guess i'm scared, i dont know? then again i think by this point i'm just numb to anymore pain and rejection. it's just like.. fuck it. .. nah.. who am i kidding.. it still hurts.

maaaybe if i just go to sleep things will be better, ya know like a magical power nap. yeaaaah thats the ticket.

1 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:	7:14 am.
Mood:	stomach-achey.
Music:	"that's the way loooooove goes.. that's the way love goes".

Last night I worked with our new part timer, Jared. He's friends with George, aka Turtle and was telling me that when he told Turtle he worked at Sam Goody, Turtle couldn't remember my name. I quote Jared's quoting:"Oh, with.. um... with... with.." Jared: "Jen" Turtle ".. yeah!"
What the fuck?
Wow that felt good.

So yeah I guess that's why I had the dream that I did last night. For some reason Turtle lived in a camper with his mom and sister, and I had gone to visit them. I don't remember all of the dream, I just remember it being awkward and for a lot of the time he would space out and forget I was there. I had spent the night, and the morning after his mom told him a girl had come by looking for him but she didn't know what to tell her, so she just told her that Turtle wasn't there... which I guess means it was a girl interested in him who would get mad if I was there or something, I don't know? A lot of the dream has escaped me now, but I think the message is kind of clear. In the dream, he didn't give a shit anymore because he moved on to newer and better friends, and kind of forgot about his "old" friends. In real life, he can't even remember my fucking name. Wooooow really seems like best friends huh?

I guess that's the way life goes. Soooooo this is where I stop whining, shut up, and act like it's ok that yet ANOTHER friend has discarded me so easily.

i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	right now, are you happy?
Time:	6:37 pm.
Mood:	helpless.

Is now all we have?

My mind is driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about how fast time keeps going, and how I have absolutely no control over it. It annoys me, it frustrates me. Time keeps going and I can't keep up with it, I don't want to. I don't want to keep going, I want to just stay where I am and enjoy right now. But I can't enjoy right now, because it doesn't last for more than a moment. Now it's right now. No, now. I keep telling myself to forget about it and enjoy the present, forget about the past and future. I CAN'T. I try. I try so hard. WHY IS THIS DRIVING ME SO INSANE?

It's never been a huge deal before.. but I guess I never felt like I was so close to growing up before. In 8 months I'll be 18, in 9 months I'll be graduated and in 11-12 months I'll be starting college. It might sound like a lot, but I remember 12 months ago like it was 12 hours ago.

I guess I'm just scared.. scared of growing up, scared that I'll fuck up the time I have left to enjoy the last of my childhood, mainly by just NOT enjoying it. I mean, it used to be the good things that went by in a blur, and the bad things that lasted for aeons. But now both go just as fast, twice as fast.

I know concentrating on it doesn't help, it's just wasting time. That's all I feel like I'm doing though, just wasting time, and it's not really something that should be wasted. I just feel really helpless right now.. like I'm in the hands of fate and time, and there's nothing I can do but just "roll with the punches".

If now is all we have, now is not enough.

1 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:	12:13 pm.
Mood:	hot.
Music:	thrice again, yayyyyy.

last 2 days weren't too terribly bad, only worked 1 1/2 hours on wednesday and 3 1/2 hours on thursday. today will be the really fun day. 9 hours with the friday night mall crowd. I keep begging jeremy to not make me work with rhonda, hopefully i don't have to tonight. bah this attitude is no good. what i MEANT to say was...
I'M GONNA HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAY! I'M SO EXCITED I COULD WET MYSELF! ... ah shit.

my paycheck yesterday made me feel better tho :-D hooray. next one will be even bigger! more hoorays!

oh, and just for the record, i am the most forgetful person that any of you know. first week of school and i lose my purse twice, lose my notebook and folder, and a book a couple times. by lose i mean just leave behind in different classes, but still. im such a moron i swear.

meh. anyways. this wasn't too exciting of an update. i want jeremy to hire aly, i want to have a good weekend and i wish i was off, i want to go to sleep for hours and hours, and since i can't i want gallons of coffee, preferably in frappaccino form. annnnnnnd i wanna hang out with people. if i had free time. annnnd.. hmm. i wish guys would call when they said they would (not referring to turtle, someone else, fyi) annnnd.. ok im done.

work time.

1 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	@#&(@$#&$*(!
Time:	12:13 pm.
Mood:	bitchy.
Music:	thursday.

so much for my 2 days off. i have to work today. 1-5, but i'll probably end up having to stay later since the district and regional managers are coming. i swear to god, if he makes me work tomorrow i will pull ALL of my hair out and be sent to a ward out in the middle of nowhere as a bald, violent monster.

so this puts me as over 40 hours for this week. it's a lot of money, but i am not a happy camper right now. in fact i'm more like the grizzly bear who comes and trashes all of the campsites in a fit of rage. 40 hours a week would have worked in the summer, but it just happens to fall on my first week of school so that i will have virtually no free time and no life. it must get better next week. or ELSE. dun dun dunnn.

but yeah, so that's me. mean old grizzly bear. .. and a sad panda. :( that'd be an interesting mating process.

i think the only thing jeremy can do to appease me is get me VIP passes for the engine room (the manager there calls him every month to give him tour dates and offer tickets). that would make me a very happy camper, one of those annoying campers who gets up at the ass crack of dawn yelling out "it's a BEAUTIFUL day for a 50 mile hike uphill!"

mhmm. well im off for work. leave me comments or email me or something. i never get to see/talk to any of you :(

3 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:	12:37 pm.
Mood:	cheerful.
Music:	some song from donnie darko (it was just on! :DDD).

Maybe the answer to everyone's problems is really quite simple, maybe everyone is looking for the same thing :

Something to look forward to.

Or someone, for that matter. But anything, anything that makes you happy that you know you want to live for. Something that doesn't make you regret what you've done and dwell on your past, something you know will always be enjoyable when it comes.

And I think I might have that. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I'm working on it.

( My last first day of high school )

Mmmkay, well that was boring as hell to read I'm sure (if you bothered ;)), but OH WELL.

Work time! Man I'm getting sick of work, I don't think I've had a day off the past week, at least I have this Wed and Thurs off. But until then, it's 8-9 hour shifts for Jen riiiiight after school, so homework will have to wait til 10:30 and sleep will have to wait til 2am. Late arrival ruules though. =)

Later gators! Don't be afraid to visit me at worrrrkkk. I know the mall sucks but if you happen to be there, what could it hurt to drop by, right? ^_^

[edit - dude, what the hell, this was dated as 2010. oooooookay.]

2 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:	11:15 pm.
Mood:	bitchy.
Music:	thrice!.

time for another update? hmm yes i think so.

unfortunately, not a whole lot has been going on. just been working, 32 hours this week and 40 next week. at least it's a lot of money so i can start saving for college. i keep thinking about colleges and which i want to go to. its so hard to decide, especially since i'm a really indecisive person. i have trouble deciding ANYTHING.. like menus are a bitch, so i end up getting the same thing i always get. so how am i supposed to make a huge decision that affects the rest of my life? by flipping a 5-sided coin? bah.

hey everybody we're hiring for part-timers at sam goody, i suggest applying, so you can work with me!.. and get discounts and such. aly you totally should quit mountasia =) haha im just being selfish :)

man, 2 days left of summer. 2 days before Hell starts. i hope its not that bad. it shouldnt be, 3 classes and only 2 real academic ones. and all on level. like i want to learn and be stimulated but i don't want to have to deal with the kind of people that go to khs and all the pressure and crap that comes in the package. only one more year though. i think i can do it.

i'm trying to concentrate but my 10 year old step-brother will not stop talking and i'm pretending to listen and write at the same time and i've never been good at multi-tasking soooo yeah.

i don't like how gas prices are going back up. i'm going to write a letter asking them to stop it because i can't afford to go on as many trips as i'd like to. i'm sure they'd listen and be happy to oblige.

i'm also going to write a letter to the city of humble, asking them to kill all of the stupid people inhabiting the city. asking kingwood would be too much, so i'm just gonna shoot for humble since i have to deal with their people at my job the most. them, and people from clearlake and porter and all those lovely hick towns. they get all dressed up and drive forever to go to a mall, it's the highlight of their week. but they don't appreciate me for being of service to them and making their mall experience all the more pleasurable. instead they bitch at me and annoy the hell out of me, pushing me towards the brink of criminal insanity.

the question i'm getting the most sick of is, "Hey, do you work here?"...

.. nope, I don't. Go ask the OTHER person in the SAM GOODY shirt that says STAFF really huge on the back.

and everyone has the same excuse when saying no to something i want to sell them. "I don't have any time." Bullshit, you had plenty of time to look for the fucking CD since you don't know your alphabet. auuuugh. or when they're in a hurry and tell me to hurry up for them. Excuse me, but NO. So I go slower and they just think I'm retarded so they don't say anything. It's greaaaaaaaat.

anyway, enough about the retards. they're all getting murdered anyway, since it's ME whos controlling the court. of course.

im gonna get started on those letters, so adios amigos.

2 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	i don't wanna feel unreal
Time:	1:48 am.
Mood:	lonely.

a bit of advice... if you're single, lonely, and hating it, do NOT, i repeat DO NOT watch cheesey chick flicks about young people falling in love in college or in high school or in any kind of situation that could possibly be similar to yours. it will only make you feel worse about yourself.

it doesn't help that inbetween those movies of two beautiful people falling love, they have commerical after commercial of beautiful women advertising make up, face wash, lotion, weight-loss products, hair products, you name it. the general message is "buy this product and you will feel better about yourself, because you will look like these women who have great lives because of their great looks". yeah well most of them were born that way, for some of them its maybelline but most of them were just born lucky with high metabolisms and smooth skin and the right kind of body to look the way we're all apparently supposed to look. and yeah, they're pretty. i see so many pretty women all the fucking time i wonder how guys can even lower their raised standards to NORMAL girls who don't look like victoria secret models with bodies to match.

ha that reminds me, for some reason this chick just came out of the blue to tell me i was pretty and that i should model. i thought maybe she was going to give me her card or something, wondering why else she'd say that. but.. she was just saying it. i had to bite my tongue and just say thank you.. instead of reminding her i wasn't a size 00. but yea. it was odd.

i can't take this anymoreeee.. i really can't... i mean.. i live with being single because i have to. i don't like it. i'm independent but im willing to be independent WITH someone. it could work. im miserable because i know what im missing. i know im not the only single 17 year old around. a lot of people my age haven't had a single girlfriend/boyfriend yet. but i've had just enough to know what im missing.. One. the other guys ive dated dont count as real boyfriends. ive had one real one. and because of one i know that i want another one. i just want someone to be there, someone i can be there for. someone to look forward to who would look forward to me. someone who wouldn't just drop me for the next ex-girlfriend.. i mean girl.. who happened to come along ...someone that made me feel like i mattered a whole lot.. and someone to have so i wouldnt be a third wheel anymore like ive been for my whole life... just .. someone.

2 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:

2:16 am.

oh, and this is completely unrelated and random.. but i'm getting sick of how bands are getting so trendy now. how its so trendy and cool to like all these bands that are just now getting famous, but who have been around for years.. it just wasnt cool to like them back then.

i guess i just hate the fact that on almost every profile i read, they list a lot of the same bands that i listen to, and include lyrics of the most famous hit songs from every band to make sure we all know they listen to them. and i suppose it's not fair for me to just assume that most of those people are fakes, but you know some of them are. some of them listen to maybe a few, but the rest are for show. to make them look like they're "hard core" or just plain trendy.

but all this makes me feel like i'm just another kid in the crowd, lumped with them. just another teenager who listens to "punk rock" or "pop punk" or "emo" or whatever kind of genre they have to label EVERY single damn band with. guhhh. unlike them i dont listen to bands because they're trendy, i listen to them because of the music, lyrics, and what it means to me. and its funny how people think that if i like those kinds of bands, im lying when i say i like other bands like tool, a perfect circle, placebo, type o negative, deadsy, etc. what the hell is wrong with liking a variety of music? am i supposed to be limited to one category? its like the same with people who like tool and deftones and stuff. they dont understand how i can like those bands but still like bright eyes and brand new. you people need to open up your fucking minds. if you dont like a band, fine, but if i like them i dont see how that makes me a lesser person than you are, you dumb fuck.

AUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok i think i feel better now.

/end rant

sidenote: the only band i personally see as a reason to disregard the people who listen to them is avril lavinge.

2 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Time:	2:32 am.
Mood:	happy.
Music:	hum of the pc: hummmmmmmmm.

7 hours!! woooohooo!! i'm excited. yea, you see this? :dances: i'm EXCITED. i cant waiiittt to go back hooommeee.

i just woke up at 2am, cause gma made me go to sleep at 11, so now im all awake and crap but ITS OK as long as she doesnt catch me.. :/ eeeka. oh well. last day. mwahahahahaha.

i'm also excited because of THIS=> Senses Fail and Boys Night Out are coming to Houston 9/14/03 @ Engine Room!! I love that place.. and I looooveee Senses Fail! i missed them when they came with brand new :( :sniff: but see now its ok cause ill get to see a longer show of theirs anyway! woo!

i feel like a 10 year old! woo! yay! hyperness overcomes me.

i shall see you all in 9 hours.. well, ok i wont actually see all of you.. but im gonna try to as SOON AS I POSSIBLY CAN. =) honnneyy, im GOIN HOME!

i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	i take the plan, spin it sideways
Time:	12:42 am.
Mood:	chipper.
Music:	placebo.

Duh-na-nahh NAH NAHH! The baseball game ruled so much. It was the Houston Astros vs the Florida Marlins so I cheered for BOTH! :) The Astros sucked mucho muchos though, I was disappointed. They dropped the ball 2-3 times and missed a very easy catch, had to change out the pitcher during the 3rd inning ( i think, it was early though), plus they didn't get one single hit for the first 4 innings. They got 2 runs on the 5th inning but that was it for them for the rest of the game. The Marlins did really well, got at least 2-3 homeruns and ended the game with the score of 5-2.

It was just a whole lotta fun, I haven't been to a ball game in a long long time. A year, I think, if not more. Last one I went to was an Astros game w/ you Aly! And that's when it was still called Enron.. haha.

After that we went to DENNY'S! And I had the best BBQ chicken sandwich ever. Ohhh man, yummy stuff.

This kinda sucks though, like I'm just now beginning to have a lotta fun at the END of our vacation. Woooo. That's ok though, I'm sure I'll be here again soon.

GOOD NEWS!! = I think I have a really good shot at getting into Florida State University because a) if I can use my grandma's residency, I can get the way cheaper rates (plus I was born here), b) I can put down my many family members who have gone there which will help a lot.. my dad, uncle, and two of my cousins Stephanie and Melanie. It's an awweeesome school, and really really pretty. In Tallahassee they actually have 4 seasons (gasp!) unlike Texas where it's just kind of hot all the time.. except for maybe a month of "chilly" weather. Plus, even though it's not known as a "party school", there's still a LOT to do around there. And I could take a drive out to the beach and be able to see through the water, unlike Galveston! (Another gasp!) AND, they have an awesome psychology department as well as a very extensive study abroad! program (according to Stephanie, anyway, and I trust her since she's been there for 4, going on 5 years). But you wanna know the best part of it all? I'd be out of Texas.

Course it'd definitely suck leavin all my friends and stuff but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.. :*( Wahh I don't wanna think about it.. I'm gonna try to enjoy my senior year and what little time I have left as much as I can. We'll see how things go. When I get a 4 day weekend or something, I'm gonna go there and Steph said she'd show me around campus and stuff.. so that'll probably be when I really decide. Of course, I have to be ACCEPTED first. heh.

Things are going much better, by the way. When Steph came over today, I think she put my grandma in a good mood because from then on out she's been nice to me. I'm hoping this good mood lasts. Yesterday I was going to write this whole huge post about my three theories trying to explain her apparent hatred for me, but I don't think I'll bother going into detail anymore. They were 1) She knew I didn't want to come to florida in the first place so she took it personally, 2) she went to the browser history and followed a link to one of my journals, or 3) it's part of her turning senile and flipping out after grandpa's death.. it could be all three or none of the above. But ya know I leave Monday morning, so it's not even worth worrying about anymore. I've had to live with her for a week and I'm still here so I'm sure I can survive another day and night. And I can't exactly blame her for being a little crazy. She doesn't go out much, so she's alone all day in this condo with her dog, without the comfort of her husband always being here. Without the internet, I think she'd go insane.. heh. I just wish she wouldn't talk to crazy creepy nudists in her lingerie on webcams. /shudders

ANYWAY.

In 33 hours, I'm going to be on my flight HOOOMMMEEE!!

<3 me.

6 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	bleh.
Time:	1:31 am.
Mood:	girly :/.
Music:	qotsa.

Another dream last night, of course..

( but hey, it had warped tour and kurt cobain in it ^_^ )

I also saw Johnny English today. That was pretty damn funny.. I might have been the only one in the theater laughing, but I love British humor. And when it's Mr. Bean (psh, like I know his real name), slapstick is always funny. I didn't like Natalie Imbruglia though. She's a singer, not an actress.. I don't know why she's trying to be both. I suppose she's following Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jennifer Lopez's footsteps. Damn, her name should be changed to Jennifer. (Also, cause ya know, Jen's are pretty damn cool.)

Annnd I researched a toonnn of colleges. I'm going to apply to about 10 I think, they're the ones I've narrowed it down to. A couple out of state, but mostly in Texas because of the whole money issue. (I don't have any). At Southwest they have a perfect study abroad program for me, it's a Psychology study based in England with tours of the rest of Europe, 6 hours of credit, for 5 weeks, for only $3000 including tuition, boarding, food, etc. I say that's pretty damn good. And I can do it my sophomore year, normall you have to be at least a junior in college to be considered for it. So I'm excited about that. EUROPA!

And then I go off for about three paragraphs, bitching about my weight.

( how typical, huh? )

I'll be ok. :P

4 | i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	4-5 days worth of happenings in one post = a really long post
Time:	4:48 pm.
Mood:	blah.
Music:	thundering outside.

Edit- k so I'm using the lj-cut feature so you guys don't have to scroll down so much on your friends pages. :D

Haha, so it turns out I'm not in any of the live webcam recording of the wedding because I was sitting on the opposite side of its view. That's pretty funny. Oh well. If you're still interested in seeing my dad and Janna get married by the infamous Elvis, it's up on the archives now under "L. Rose" for July. I just watched it, it seems that the webcam doesn't do so well when there's a bunch of movement, like when they're all dancing at the end. Eh, can't have the cake and eat it too I suppose.

So right now I'm at my Grandma's house in Florida, and she has 3 computers so I have a feeling I'm gonna be online a lot, like normal. I normally grab her laptop because of the keypad. :D heh, anyways. I suppose I shall relate most of the Vegas vacation to you, Mister Blurty.. for future reference.. or something. Or to any of you who were wondering what I did in the City that never sleeps. K, here I gooooo.:

( Thursday, Day 1 )

( Friiiiiiday, Day Dos )

( Saaaaaturday, Tres Day )

( TODAY SUNDAY TOMORROW MONDAY! )

OHh yeah, I was gonna tell you about the "unpleasant lunch conversation" that my dad and I had. Well here goes - (psh, my post is long already, so why not make it even longer)

ok, you have to hear my side.. um, scratch that, you're only going to hear my side anyway. k. :

( Psh, my side is totally the right one. )

Ohhhh well. So that accomplished nothing, just me crying the whole time and him getting more and more annoyed. He saw his friends there at the cafe and talked to them (and made me sit with them) so they made HIM feel better, because they all thought it was funny to make fun of me for being upset. Nice.

The vacation itself was alright.. My dad kept constantly worrying about keeping everyone else happy, so he was so uptight the whole time, and everyone was worried about keeping plans and staying on schedule for crap.. and I'm juts like jeeeez, it's a vacation, RELAX. So yeah I think it could have gone much better, but oh well. It went the way it did and I can't change it now so no use thinkin about it like that. I still had a bit of fun and that's what counts.

Now Florida on the other hand... blahh.. Aly told me to at least talk to Grandma about it, because she could probably help me out if she wanted to about getting a ticket home, early enough to get back in time for the RBF concert. Like if she offers, good, if not, just grin and bear it because I have no other choice. I guess I will, I'm just scared about her reaction because normally she'd be all nice but lately she's been acting kinda funny like she's annoyed with me all the time.. She just finished bitching at me for sleeping in til 2:30 today (which is 1:30 home time, and 11:30 vegas time, so I dont think she has a right to bitch).

Ok.. well.. I think I've done enough bitching of my own in one post. Hopefully the parts that you all skimmed through were somewhat entertaining. If not, oh well. I needed to get all this crap off my shoulders. When you're used to writing in a blurty for a release, it's hard to keep it all inside for 4 days of bitterness.

I miss all of you guys a whoooolleee lot.. you can call me anytime you know, I'd love to hear from you cause I'm bored out of my mind here.:/

i swear i'd treat you like a queen

Subject:	heyyy guys, i'mma leaaaaaavin you!
Time:	10:58 pm.
Mood:	anxious.
Music:	glassjaw.

So remember to go HERE: Watch the wedding, LIVE! on Saturday, 8pm (Houston time, 6pm Vegas time). You should log on a little early cause you need the right player to view it, Real Play One. And if you miss it, they'll keep the recording in their archives for about 3 months, so no worries. :)

Yeah you'll be able to watch my dad and new step-mom get married by Elvis in a chapel in Las Vegas. Sound should work too, so I'll say hi to all you guys (if I remember :D) I still have my sunburn, so no making fun when you see me on cam!! Oh.. and cameras add 10 lbs you know... hahaha.

Yeah, so I'll probably be internetless until Sunday while I'm in Vegas, but I'll have access in Florida at my Grandma's for a lot of the time.. or at least, I should. So yeah.. I guess if you need to get a hold of me, call my cell : 832-444-5167 since it won't be long distance or anything. Or leave a comment.. or something.. yeah.

I'll miss you guys.. and I love you!!

i swear i'd treat you like a queen