Kabie

8:11pm: new journal
ok....so i decided i liked monica's journal better so im switching journals my new journal is http://www.livejournal.com/users/mskaramac/ so if you want to keep reading all about my life.....go there....love ya

3:18pm: survey from moonpie
What time is it now: 3:21PM
Your Name: Kara MacFarlane
Your Nickname: Miss M., Miss Kara, Kabie, Aunt Kara, Special K, Beautiful
Your Online Name: mskaramac
Your sex: F
Your Age: 20
Your Sign: Aries
Your height: 5"4
Your weight: dont know...and really dont care
Hair color: brown
Eye color: brown
Hair length: its a little past my shoulders i guess
Do you wear glasses: no
Are your teeth straight: mostly
Do you have freckles: some
Do you have a fake tooth: no.
Do you have a fake eye: no
Do you draw fake moles on yourself: no
Highest level of school: im in my junior year of college...finally!!!! whoohoo
Do you work: yes...little falls library....magic years preschool and holy angels school
How do you dress: depends on the job
Do you smoke: no
Do you drink: occasionally
Do you do drugs: no
Do you have friends: yes
Do you have online friends: a few
Do you like your friends: no i cant stand them..i just like to hang out with them cuz i love to be miserable....duh...of course
Do you like your online friends: see above
Got any kids? no
Got any pets? dog~matilda, rabbit~winslow, bird~toby, turtle~henry, fishes....and MY VERY OWN HAMSTERS!!!!!!!!~sausage and pepper
Got a car? yup...dodge neon...1996...my sha-bang....
Got Milk? not here at work
Live on your own? nope..but will be living alone soon...house sitting is the bestest job ever
Live with your 'rents? yup

Favorites:
Type of music: showtunes
Actor: i dont know
Actress: bernadette peters
Movie:rodger's and hammerstein's cinderella....the orginal with lesley anne warren
Soda: code red mountain dew
Food: the kind you eat
Car: i like corolla's or maybe a subaru
Hobby: theater stuff, seeing shows, babysitting....umm...i dont know..i really just work and go to school and hang out....
Sport: skateboarding or baseball
Musician: bernadette peters
Artist: jenny
Author: Nicholas sparks
Song: if you're not the one...daniel beddingfield
Color: blue or pink
TV Show:friends, will and grace, queer eye, what not to wear
Brand of beer:yuengling
Brand of liquor: ummm...i dont know
Brand of smokes: i dont smoke
Brand of drug: tylenol
Brand of clothes: cheap...comfy....and looks good
Record Label: who cares
Brand of glue: elmers
Online test: i dunno
Online chat thing: yahoo...but no one is on it
Shape: hearts
Texture: i dont know
Game: spider solitaire or the sims
Place: in the arms of my love....where ever he is
Year: 2003
Holiday: christmas
Quote: "If you couldn't walk i would carry you and if you were blind i would hold your hand"~Mikey 11/13/03
Animal: flamingo
Sound: laughter, music, the heartbeat of someone i love
Person: thats not fair....i cant choose...i love all my friends
Book: probably the rescue
Drink: apple juice

Lies:
Have you lied: yes
Do you lie: unfortunately yes
Do you lie often: no
Do you lie to save your own ass: sometimes
Do you lie to save someone else ass: sometimes, yes
Would you tell a lie that stopped your death but caused the death of your lover: no
Would you tell a lie that stopped your death but caused the death of your enemy?: no
Would you tell a lie that let you keep your job but fired your friend: no
Have you lied to gain money: no
Would you lie to gain money: no
Do you enjoy lying to strangers: no
Have you ever enjoyed lying to a stranger: once i got a big kick out of telling people my name was emily and just talking to them...the only lie was my name....but its still a lie
Do you lie to bums that ask for spare change, saying you have none: sometimes
Would you dare to lie in the face of evil: ive lied to kelly...it wasnt bad...sorry that was mean
Would you dare to lie in the face of your mother: i would never lie to my parents...i tend to stretch and bend the truth...so that they dont get mad...or let me do things...but never flat out lie
Would you dare to lie in the face of your God: god knows.....why would i lie to him
Would you lie to get laid: no way
Have you lied to get laid: nope
Would you lie to get a job: no
Have you lied to get a job: no
Would you lie to get a date: no
Have you lied to get a date: no
Are lies really that harmless: no
Do you lie on online surveys to make yourself seem super cool: not normally
Do you lie online: only about my name
Did you ever lie to a public library to avoid a fine on a damged book/tape/DVD?: nope i just erase it...i work there
If lying is sinful.. are you going to hell: dont know....thats for god to decide

Love life:
Are you single: no
Are you with someone: yes
Are you married: no
Are you divorced: no
Are you "Separated": no
Are you "on break": no
Ever been in love: yes
How many times: once....
Looking back do you regret it: not at all.
Do you date people you meet online: no
Do you date people you meet at bars: nope
Do you date people: yes
Do you "net date": no
Are you happy with your current status, why: oh so very happy..ive never been this happy....and i never want to go back...i belong to him and him to me...and i like it that way
Do you have a crush on someone close to you: yes....the man of my dreams...my one true love...
Are you still holding on to the past: i try to let go...but some things are just hard to let go of....especially without closure
how often do you think about sex: ....
Do you agree that Jet Li is a good husband for Shajuana: huh?

The following apply to you? Y/N
Witty: at times
Charming: i guess
Quiet: yeah
Loud: not normally
Pretty: so ive been told
Radical: not really
Sucky: i can be
Smart: so ive been told
Stupid: sometimes
Dumbass: no
Ugly: not really
Slow: a little
Fast: rarely
Talented: not really
Useless: mostly..i think no
Punk: only in my plaid pants
Young: well im not old
Old: depends who you compare me to
Past your prime: no way
You're just reaching your prime: give me time...it will get better...i hope
Dashing: umm....and prancer and vixen???...oh no thats dasher
Daring: i have my moments
courageous and caring: i hope so
Dainty: not really
Powerful: not really
Athletic: most definitely not.
Artistic: not really
Superhuman: not so much
Sexy: someone thinks so
Gay: as in happy?...i am sometimes...hehehe.....;-)

The following are...
Sex: a gift to give someone you truly love....
Love: something ive never felt until mike....
Happiness: what comes with true love....
Rap: crap...
Pain: my back
Pop music: ok
Anime: salor moon all the way
TV: something to do when im bored
Country: i like
Metal: scares me
Nu-Metal: probably would scare me
Death Metal: scares me
Industrial: yeah...
Punk Rock: okay
Easy Listening:i like
Korn: scares me
Murderous Rampages: ummm...
Sega: never had
Nintendo: love
Play Station: ok
Game Boy: i miss mine..my mom exploded it...
Chinese Food: is great...
Italian Food: is good
Japanese Food: never really had
Mexican Food: too spicy
Online Quizzes: cure for boredom
Online Surveys: see above
Online Relationships: dumb

What...?
Whats your deep dark secret: ummmmmm...tis a secret why should i tell you
Whats your biggest fear: being forgotten
Whats your greatest sexual experience: thats more than im willing to share
Whats your best date ever: probably the day mike and i went to the beach...and then back to his house..then to a carnival....and then i just laid in his arms....on the porch watching the lightening....and talking...(after buttershots....)
Whats your worst date ever: probably babysitting with kyle
What is the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you: ummm..i dont know...off the top of my head..i try to forget them
What is your favorite time of day: my phonecall before bed

MISC:
Would you make a good candidate for Jerry Springer: no
Anime isn't that bad is it?: not terrible
You agree that DVD is much better than VHS right? yes
If you see food laid out on a table in a public place for a banquet, and there is no one around to guard it, do you eat it?: no

Politics:
Do you hate America: no
Do you hate terrorism: yes I hate it... it's evil and rediculous
Do you think America shouldn't be involved in the Mid East why:dont know
Do you hate western culture: no
Do you like America:no major complaints
Do you like Americans: no culture is perfect....
Did you vote for Bush: no i dont vote
Do you think Bush is doing a good job: i dont follow politics
Are you Canadian: nope
Do you believe your country is doing okay or would you change things: i couldnt change it...so i dont really think about it....we are alive....
Are you conservative or liberal? im kara nice to meet you
Do you think immigration in America is out of hand? a little

Religion:
Are you religious? somewhat
Do you believe in a higher being: yes
Is every religion wrong except your own? i believe in what suits my life....the next person believes in what suits his life....its all good
Do you believe that any religion is lower than your own, or is wrong?no
Is your God the only god? i think there is one god....but people just see him differently....and call him different names
Are you going to heaven? i hope so
Are you going to hell? for god to decide

Money:
Do you like it? its dumb...causes problems....
Do you have any? some
Do you make a lot of it? no
Do you get your money through illegal ways? nope
Do you pay taxes? yes
Do you think you shouldn't have to? whatever...we do what we have to do
Do you believe paying rent is theft? nope

Finally:
Who did you get this survey from? jen's journal
What time is it? 4:35pm
What are you going to do after this? work...thats what they are paying me for...right???

7:24pm: im a christmas princess
so here goes....friday i went to see that players show...i think i already wrote about that...not too bad...not my kinda show...but whatever....saw it....got to see alan and keith and george....all cool people....didnt have to hug people i didnt want to....sat with thea....then saturday i got up and showered and came to work.....for 2 hours...i sat alone at the desk the whole time...being bored....doing reserve cards..then pat came in and told me that come january i get a decent paycheck hooray...its only been what??? 4 years...awesome.....then i went home....cleaned what was left to be cleaned....and was on my way to my cousin eddies house....for gingerbread houses....we get there....and made houses.....awww....then i call mike...as we are about to leave..to see where he is...and he is nearby...but lost....so my mom tries to give him directions but cant....so we just go find him....and then we got lost going back to cousin eddie's....but we made it....and then mike made a gingerbread house....i think he was a little in shock at the size of this event....but i think he had fun....plus we were together....then...we got lost on the way home...seems that neither of us paid much attention to the directions we were given....each thinking the other one was paying attention...but we found our way.....we got home....and had food....some of the party food....then went babysitting....we baby sat a t-rex and a ninja....both very violent...but neither of them touched us....so it was all good....they went to bed when i said...bed time...and they were pretty good...then their mom came home...and we sat and talked to her for a while...well i talked to her....mike rolled around on the floor with the little boy....awww...maria said he is a jem and i should keep him....my little jem..rolling around on the floor....gotta love him....then we went back to the party...exhausted....we both came really close to falling asleep on the couch....then we went to bed....i got to sleep in nick's bed...so i wasnt on the floor....then we got up on sunday...to snow...i HATE snow....mike's mom decided she wanted us to go shopping for our christmas presents but my mom wouldnt let us out of the house...said it was too dangerous...i helped clean up the party mess....scored points with that...then we just hung out and watched movies.....my phone is being retarded so when mike left i was a little lonely cuz i didnt get to talk to him all the way home...but i was happy too cuz well...its safer when he doesnt talk to me....then last week was exams....my first exam was cancelled due to the weather....so that was nice....i went shopping and then went to my soc exam....pretty easy...i think i did ok....then tuesday i had my child development exam....pretty easy...i did pretty good...then wednesday i had work...and kait and i went shopping...to get christmas jammies.....and thursday...more work...then friday i had my philosophy exam....not too bad..i knew the questions i could have prepared but i didnt bother....and i think i did pretty well....they got progressively longer and then shorter...as i went through...the first one and the last one were only a page....but oh well...i got to the point....then i just kinda hung out....was bored...went to kait's concert...which was pretty good actually....then saturday i came to work all day...not too bad...poor pat was hurting...so i tried to help her as much as i could...she bought lunch....(she said cuz its christmas...but she finds an excuse to buy everytime she is working)....then after work i went home....grabbed my stuff and was on my way to see my love....traffic wasnt bad at all...i got there in really good time....then i just sat there and waited til mike got there....cuz no one was home....so we go inside....and i talked to his family...updated them on the life of kara....and then we went upstairs....i kept saying that there was something i wanted him to open on saturday night....and he said he had a gift for me on saturday night....so then we are laying there talking....and he goes....do you want to open your present now.....and i was like...whenever....and he was like....now is good....so he starts talking.....let me just tell you that mike is the sweetest man alive....ever....he says to me...well there is this girl...and she has a boyfriend who loves her very much....with all his heart....and he noticed that she doesnt wear jewelry and he knows that she wanted a birthstone ring....and so i got you....and he pulls out this blue box.....i almost died....i thought....this is just a dream....oh my god...he bought me jewelry....i got all choked up....felt the tears coming....so he opens the box....and says to me...this is a promise ring...do you promise to be faithful to me....and i was so overwhelmed.....i dont know if he noticed...but i was in total shock....and i said...i promise....ive always been faithful and always will be....and he put it on my finger...perfect fit...well almost...its a little loose...but i like it that way....so now i have this beautiful diamond ring...(diamond is the birthstone for april too so it works for that as well)...oh my god...i still cant believe it....he really truly loves me....like 100% for sure....its amazing how much he loves me.....wow...and then my poor exhausted baby fell asleep....whining about wanting to go to the movies...he fell asleep....he was so tired.....and then in the morning he opened his present from me...the one that i wanted him to open on saturday night.....christmas pj pants....(ok so its not a ring...or anywhere near one...but he liked them....and i was totally unprepared for a ring....so yeah...i definitely am spoiled rotten...)so then we get up....and his parents are preparing for christmas dinner....(we did christmas early down there cuz monica and josh are going to florida so it was just easier to have christmas early)....we helped decorate a little....and then we got dressed and ready....and came downstairs...and hung out...i met his uncle ace for the first time.....very cool man.....we had an amazingly delicious dinner....let me just tell you....mike and josh and ace were hysterical......i dont think ive ever laughed that hard in my life....they just took one joke and rolled with it for like 40 minutes.....before they came up with something else...hysterical.....then we did presents....and mike's mom, vera handed out the packages.....everyone had piles...including me....i felt loved just looking at the piles....and she's passing out more and more gifts....and she says...and last...and she puts this thing on my lap.....covered in a green blanket.....and once again...almost tears.....the one thing that i have wanted for the past 6 months or so.....that one thing that i i kept putting off getting...cuz i didnt feel i really needed them even though i wanted them sooooooo very much....so i take the blanket off....and its the exact cage i wanted.....and i look inside....and not one....but two....adorable baby dwarf hamsters.....so tiny...and so cute....one is cream colored with red eyes.....and the other one is brown and black with a black strip down its back and black eyes.....so being that his mom always referred to my present as sausage....the cream colored one is named sausage...and the darker one is named pepper.....adorable....i was just in shock...i just sat there and opened my presents quietly...thinking....gee this is too much....gee they must really love me...gee i really dont deserve all this...wow....i got a gold bracelet from mike's parents that matches his sisters....very pretty....another thing not coming off....and a beautiful sweater....thats soooo soft...and mike really loves it says i looking absolutely stunning in it....and a key chain...(jen says its almost coach)...and a change purse and a lipstick holder....very nice...and go nicely with my purse....and a towel wrap with flamingos on it....(i almost bought myself one recently too) and then from monica and josh....and amazing scarf....let me just tell you....i loved it when i opened it....thought it was great....and then monica said she made it.....wow....thats a talent...something i could never do.....i love it....ive been wearing it with my purple coat even though it doesnt match...i dont care..i love it......and his uncle gave me something that was very dear and special to him.....tastycakes peanut butter kandy kakes.....i havent tried them yet...but he assures me that they are the best things ever....everyone seemed to like their presents from me....i felt a little bad that i didnt get as thoughtful presents as mike gave me....or things that appear thoughtful...but he knows that i love him....and i explained to him that a lot of thought went into his presents....and its just seemed to me that clothes and practical things he needed would be of more use to him....than something impractical and very thoughtful.....plus i have been putting a lot of my thoughtful energies into his anniversary present.....so it will all work out.....he knows that i love him....and he really liked his sweater....(maybe just cuz it doesnt have a big whale on it...but thats a different story)....i feel spoiled rotten...especially cuz there is more to come....but i have more for him...and i think he will like them....except the slippers cuz well..he got the ultimate pair of slippers already but thats understandable.....ummm...whatelse...oh mike's mom got me a pair of minnie mouse slippers....they are sooo me....she said that since she calls mike mickey....im minnie...so i needed them...she didnt realize how much i was gonna love them....(i know i know i really am i chubby five year old girl at heart)....and then we hung out a little more....it took me like an hour to leave...cuz well...i never want to leave....and it was hard for them to part with the hamsters.....and its always hard for me to part with mike....then i went home.....took my boys inside....showed my mom the ring...and told her everything else i got....and then i just went to bed.....this morning i got up early and took sausage up to show kait...and nick...and kelly....nick really likes them....i think kait does...but she didnt feel well today....my mom said they were adorable....my dad doesnt like them but what else is new......they seem to like being around us....and they seem pretty happy in my room.....then i got a car for them to run around in from nick.....early christmas present.....and then i went to work....for training....showed off my ring.....everyone said congratulations....(if thats spelled wrong its kevin's fault)....im not used to it.....sometimes it catches my eye....and im like...wow...i dont deserve that......and the bracelet too...i never wore jewelry much...cuz well i didnt have much...except for like special occasions...or when i dress up or something....so i feel too underdressed for my jewelry if that makes sense...but its not coming off.....ever.....it means the world to me....its funny how you spend so long looking for the right man....and then you give up....and he finds you....i guess its true....things just fall into place when the time is right....and its amazing.....i dont think i deserve all the love that i have recieved....but i guess i love him as much as he loves me....so it all evens out.....and his family....wow....i dont think ive ever felt more welcomed in my life....his parents are amazingly lovable people...(maybe thats just cuz they like me...but i love them)....his sister and josh....also very lovable....and its almost like im part of their family...its amazing.....i love you guys....ummmm...ok....so im gonna end this now...cuz its hella long.....but things to come....well...christmas...is almost here...tomorrow i have work...and then wednesday is christmas eve...and then christmas...mike is coming on christmas day with bob....im a little nervous about that.....i mean i love bob and all and he is a cool guy.....i just dont want him to feel left out ya know....like he doesnt belong...but i think nick is really excited about meeting "michael's daddy" and my mom is flipping out over....everything has to be perfect....we are having guests....i think things will be ok.....my dad is really sick...like maybe pneumonia....and kait is sick too...(not as bad) so it should be a fun week.....but ill let you know how things turn out....and what goes on....and what else i get for christmas.....so...til next time....leave love...and merry christmas to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:46am: another jen survey
A is for - Age: 20
B is for - Boyfriend/Girlfriend: mikey my love
C is for - Career in future: kindergarten teacher
D is for - Dad's name: robert t macfarlane
E is for - Essential item to bring to a party: camera
F is for - Favorite song at the moment: if you're not the one ~daniel beddingfield
G is for - Guy/Girls you've kissed: ummmmm....only one really matters and thats mike
H is for - Hometown: little falls nj
I is for - Instruments you play: the drinking straw....what..its a talent...
J is for - Job title: clerk
K is for - Kids: what about them....i want to teach them...i want to have some..but right now...not the time..
L is for - Living arrangement: my room at my parent's house....one day ill be saved from this zoo
M is for Mothers Name: beth a macfarlane
N is for - Number of people you've slept with: 1
O is for - Overnight hospital stays: birth....shortly after birth....then when i was 2....so three
P is for - Phobia[s]: change, being forgotten, being alone(emotionally)...but i dont have to worry about that one anymore
Q is for - Quote(s) you like: currently...."Theo: Say hello to my duck.
Pippin: Hello duck.
Theo: Guess his name.
Pippin: ummm...Agustus.
Theo: notah its Otto. You're not very smart.
Pippin: well i'm smart enough to know that a duck belongs in a pond
and not in a bed" (i know i know im weird...)
R is for - Relationship that lasted the longest: me and mikey...10 months and still going strong
S is for - Sexual position: depends on the day....and mood.....
T is for - Time you wake up: 6:30 normally
U is for - Unique trait(s): ummm..i can memorize musicals after only listening to them twice....i can calm almost any screaming baby....i can play the drinking straw
V is for - Vegetable you love: beets
W is for - Worst habit: making fun of myself....
X is for - X-rays you've had: teeth...i think thats it
Y is for - Yummy food you make: orange chicken....umm peach pie
Z is for - Zodiac sign: aries

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5' 4
HAIR COLOR:brown
SKIN COLOR: pale with red splotches
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: one in each ear and my bellybutton
TATTOOS: none

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?:navy blue plaid
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: none
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: apple juice
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: cold
HOW ARE YOU?: pretty good
WHAT KIND OF COMPUTER ARE YOU USING: compaq...

d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?:nope
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: i suck my thumb....
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: pretty much
LIKE TO DRIVE?: not really...but i dont mind...
WEAR COLOGNE/PERFUME: lately yes...cuz i got perfume from the perfume people....

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: friends...will and grace...queer eye
CONDITIONER: dove....
BOOK: i dont know...probably....something nicholas sparks
MAGAZINE: Cosmo
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: apple juice
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: be with my baby...doesnt matter what we do
BAND OR GROUP: primadonnaz....(actually their music kinda scares me but they are cool people...gee i wish i was glam....love ya ma'am)
KIND OF TAKE-OUT FOOD: Chinese
BROKEN THE LAW: yup....ive had alcohol and im underage...thats breaking the law...also driving without my seatbelt occasionally...yup...breaking the law
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: i used to threaten...but i only left once...and thats cuz my sister was trying to kill me....long story
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: yup....for a hug at 1am...a few times....someone loves me
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: yup
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yup
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: no
USED YOU PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: no but i have one....my mom said..here...sign my name and use it if you want to
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yup
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: both...yes
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: yup
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yeah
HELD A FRIEND'S HAIR WHILE THEY VOMITED: no...i cant stomach the sound....makes me sick

l o v e
IS IT IN YOUR HEAD OR HEART: both
BOYFRIEND: mikey
CHILDREN: not yet....give me time...im only 20...and im not my sister....they are planned for the future....but no time soon
CURRENT CRUSH: mikey
BEEN IN LOVE?: Am in love
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yeah...
BEEN HURT?: yeah
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: not getting to mikey first
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: yes

r a n d o m
DO YOU HATE THE EXCESSIVE USE OF THE WORD "RANDOM": nah
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yes....librarian clerk...little falls library....substitute teacher...holy angels school and magic years preschool
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: purple mountains majesty...
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY? my love mikey, laughter, knowing i made someone smile, knowing i helped someone, friends (the true ones...not the ones who pretend), knowing i made a difference
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: mikey
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: tis the season to stop buying myself things...so we'll see...i know im getting gypsy for christmas
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: mikey, jenny, ma'amy, mike, and alan
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: be kara....

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
YOU ATE JELLY BEANS: mikey's birthday i think..cuz i bought them for him....
TIME YOU CRIED?:the saturday that mikey couldnt come
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: probably with my subaru poster
YOU GOT E-MAIL: i get one everyday...from subaru...seems someone there loves me
THING YOU PURCHASED: bras....
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: a different world
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: cat in the hat...dont bother

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: its murder...no matter how you look at it....you can do it....if you want to...but its still murder....and no reason makes it any less wrong....
TEENAGE SMOKING: gross....why are people so dumb....like..gee we're young...lets start killing ourselves now...cuz thats cool
SPICE GIRLS: so over
DREAMS: i have the strangest dreams....featuring real people in my life...and sometimes events to come
GOD: gave me life....will take it back when my time on earth is done.....

10:40am: ok so here goes.....
kara has been busy....between finishing her work for school and getting ready for finals...and working....she has been keeping busy....ive had a pretty rough week...i think part of it is because i didnt get to see my baby last weekend...so its been one of the longest weeks ive ever had....my last week of classes...so i had a few papers to work on and hand in....just have exams left...i cant wait for this semester to be over....ive been working a little on my application for the teaching program....i handed out both of my recommendations and already got one back....mr. roger is awesome....said nice things about me....now i just have to figure out what i think my own strong points are....patience is one....im not sure about another 2....and i need to figure out something i need improvement on....ive been cleaning every chance i get...my parents get really anal about their cleaning this time of year....cuz they have a party...and so everything must be clean.....i had to be home as much as possible to help with cleaning...and putting up decorations....and doing that family holiday stuff....im skimping on christmas presents this year....only getting kait, nick, and mike....thats it...oh and mike's family cuz they are getting me something....i know this upsets people...but i owe lots of money for school next semester....and i just cant afford it.....and i know i spent a lot of money on mike...but..yeah...he spent more on me....and that bothers me....i wish i could spoil him like he deserves to be spoiled but he understands...i havent talked to a few people in a little while and im really starting to miss talking to them...and hearing from them....and i make and effort and get little response....so i give up.....people if you want to talk to me...im here....you know where to find me...how to get in touch with me....if not...then dont pretend you care.....a great friend of mine just directed a show at msu....much to my regret i was invited and went....i think the experience taught me a lot....i didnt want to be there.....i figured it wouldnt be that bad as long as i didnt go by myself but i couldnt find anyone to go with me....so yeah....alone i went....it wasnt too bad....the show was really not my thing....but i liked the way it was set up...and they did an okay job....the people who i got to see and didnt mind seeing....knew how much i didnt want to be there...and i think alan appreciated it...he's a sweetheart....he asked me if i was there alone....and when i said yes...he asked me if i was in a safe spot....and i had found someone to sit with...so he glad....i think if i hadn't he probably would have sat with me or something...i felt bad cuz as soon as i got there i was in a really crappy mood....but the people who care understood....it wasnt too bad....last time i went back to a place where everyone pretended they missed me but really didnt give a crap....i went alone...i sat by myself...and i ate myself sick....so yeah...this was better...i found someone to sit with....i only talked to people that i wanted to talk to....didnt have to hug anyone i didnt want to hug....just hugged alan....george and keith....the three people involved that still talk to me...i straightened my hair and dressed up nice...hoping people wouldnt recognize me....but it didnt really work...but meg said she didnt recognize me at first....but i dont know....its weird how much ive changed since last semester.....ive gotten more confidence....ive done a lot that will be better for my future like....subbing...and teaching stuff....i dont have very many friends....but if there's anything ive learned its...."its not quantity but quality that counts"....it hurts me to see people who just a short time ago were my friends....who used to talk to me...and hang out with me...and help me out....and stuff....and i had fun....but now they dont talk to me....or invite me places...or even care enough to occasionally send an email or something....and i miss it....i do....i miss the theater....i miss having someplace to go between classes....i miss having lots people to talk to when i have problems...or when my life becomes too much for me....i miss having something to do....but ya know what....i dont miss feeling left out because im under 21...i dont miss feeling like an outsider all the time....i dont miss sitting around listening to everyone bash the people i care about..i dont miss the shy...self conscious ...always putting herself down kara i used to be..and most of all i dont miss wondering about whether or not people actually cared.....i dont miss sending emails to people and never hearing back from them...i dont miss telling people to call me if they go someplace and then never hearing from them....so i may miss people from players....i may miss doing shows and working in a theater....but yeah....mostly i like the new kara...i like the new kara's life....i dont feel so self conscious around those people anymore.....i dont feel like i need to be someone else around them....i still dont know what i would do if they hugged me....probably just stand there....ok...so now its time for me to wrap this up...so i can go home..have lunch...then off to make gingerbread houses with my family and my baby.....then home...for some last minute helping with the party...and then across the street to babysit....should be fun...ill leave more when i feel like it....bye

10:58am: i guess it was ok
so i had this weekend all planned out....mike would get here around midnight....we would sit and chat for a little while and then i would go upstairs to go to sleep...then saturday....we would get up...and go to ellis island....and it wouldnt be too boring....and then we would get something to eat....maybe just hang out....and then go to bat boy......then we would go home....and spend the night together...without having to worry about kelly or anything...i would just have to get up early and go upstairs.....or something...but yeah....things dont go the way kara plans them......ever.....so first my sister breaks the news that anthony is sleeping over as well....great...just what i want to wake up to.....so yeah....that caused some frustration in my house...cuz where was everyone going to sleep....and blah blah blah.....so mike got here around 12:30 ish.....and we got to talk a little.....but then we were both tired so i went upstairs.....then saturday....i get up....and mike is already awake....so i get dressed...and go down to see him...and nick is in there...with practically all his toys.....playing with michael....then kelly says she is going to make muffins but burnt them....whatever....we go to ellis island...i was all excited...yeah...that man definitely talked all the excitement out of me....real quick...it was soooo boring....i felt bad for mike...cuz he didnt have to be there.....yet he stayed with me the whole time.....then we decided at the end that we were gonna look around some more...before heading back...yeah so we did....all good right....but we missed the ferry back...so we had to wait another hour for another one.....so we get something to snack on....and we wait for the ferry...it was a nice day at least.....we get in the ferry and we both fall asleep....some little kid goes...mommy look...those people are asleep....and the mom was like....oh their in love let them sleep....so we get back and its like 5pm....and im starving...i had a craving for soup.....so we went looking for soup.....then we went to see bat boy.....it was ok.....a little weird....i liked the music....i want the cd....but the show was just a little too over the top for my liking.....i had to be all fake...when people came up and were like...hey i havent seen you in like forever...where have you been...hugging me....and kissing me....and i just put this fake smile on my face and put up with it...funny though...everyone was more happy to see mike than me....everyone was like...mike how have you been...what have you been up to....where have you been....kara thanks for bringing mike.....it was weird...no one gave a shit about how ive been.....george said it was cuz they all know ive been around....but no one knows where mike went.....but it still would have been nice to be asked how i was....and not just brushed aside....like i was just mike's driver or something....not cool....so then i go home....and i just want to talk to mike....sit down and have a conversation alone with him....and kait is like up my ass the whole time....and she wouldnt take a hint....finally i was just like...will you go to bed already???? and she finally left.....craziness....and then i was talking to mike....and according to the rules...(my mom said he could sleep over as long as kelly didnt know about it...but kelly was home) mike wasnt allowed to sleep in the house cuz my mom wasnt home.....so fine...right....but mike had no place else to go....so i was torn.....make him go home...and spend all day sunday by myself and upset.....or let him stay and get in trouble or cause another fight between my parents and kelly.....so i didnt know what to do....so he said he would sleep in the car.....but i didnt want to let him sleep in the car...he would freeze....i felt so bad...i felt as if i had disappointed him all day....first i made him come with me on a boring trip....then he didnt get soup even though he wanted it....then i got crappy seats that were too close....and we ran into people we didnt care to see....and i had to be all fake....which i try not to be....and the show wasnt that good...and then he couldnt stay the night....i just felt like suddenly my world was crumbling....i dont know....so i just broke down...poor mike....im not sure he knew what was going on....but its been a long hard week....and sometimes he's the only one that seems to care....i mean i complain at work....and who cares....carol...says she will pray for kelly....and ma'amy listens....but no one care really understand....or help in anyway....i try to talk to mommy about what happens....and she just cries and cries....and kait and daddy...(although daddy wasnt home last week) they just complain to me....dont listen to me...just complain....what am i supposed to do???? so yeah....on top of EVERYTHING that went on this past week....and the amount of disappointment i felt on saturday...i just cried...and cried and cried for a good hour probably......and God bless mike...he just kept saying....i love you....it will be ok....i love you....it will be ok.....he's so sweet.....so yeah....then i couldnt let him spend all night in his car....and i couldnt let him spend all night in the house.....so i told him that he should either go home...or he could sleep in the house for most of the time....and then he just had to get up in morning and go out to his car...before anyone woke up....so he did.....yeah...then next thing i know....8am....my mom wakes me up screaming at me...."why the hell did you make him sleep in his car???" "how rude of you" so now i feel maybe an inch big....i feel horrible and it wasnt even my idea....she bought bagels and was expecting to find him in my bed....but no she saw him in his car....and flipped out on me....told me to wake him up and get him in the house....told me i let the poor boy freeze to death...and she hopes he is still alive.....and what a horrible girlfriend i am to let him sleep in the car.....and i was like..."it wasnt my idea...he said he would....i told him to go home....but he said no".....so here i am feeling like the worse person in the world.....and he walks in.....and says he loves me....like why do i deserve that.....what did i do to have him still come back to me...and kiss me when i made him sleep in his car.......so then we had breakfast....watched the american president....great movie....i fell asleep in his arms...which was nice....and then woke up when it was over.....he watched the whole thing....he didnt like the end...but whatever.....so then we got dressed...had a small lunch...and went to the movies....saw the cat in the hat.....yeah...dont bother.....it wasnt worth it.....i mean....i saw it....and it was ok....but dont pay money to see it in the theater....rent the movie once...you'll be content.....then we went out to dinner with my mom and kait....chinese buffet.....the only part of the weekend that didnt go bad at all really....then we went home...and hung out....kait took over the tv for a while so we had to watch her comedy but it was ok....then we made mike watch dumbo cuz he has never seen it....he was making fun of it....but at least he didnt see me cry during the sad part.....then we watched parts of peter pan with real people....mike thought i was nuts cuz i love that movie and i was singing along.....then we watched some other tv....a little queer eye...and then mike went home....i miss him a lot when he leaves.....even though i know ill see him again....its just sad that he has to leave me.....but ive been pretty good lately....no tears when he has to go.....its not like he wants to leave me.....and its not like i want to leave him.....it just has to be done.....so i can deal with it.....sometimes i miss him so much it hurts.....and no matter how many times i tell myself that i will see him again....and i wont do anything wrong....and he will still love me....and we will be together for a long time....im just afraid im gonna lose him or something....i dont know....i just love him soooo much....so then today i get up and im all awake for school...didnt want to get out of bed...but i made it there in time....we watched a movie in my first class...then i went and emailed mike....then lunch and off to sociology of the family....a paid some attention...answered some questions....ate my lunch....and added more things to my list that ive been working on.....then off to lang/lit.....it was ok....cleared up a lot of things that have been bothering me....and i found that i have brigeta in one of my classes next semester....thats awesome...brigeta is cool....then im on my way home....and i think...hey i wonder if anyone called me...and i look...and i have a voicemail....its my love....kissing me...so i call him...and he is in between jobs.....that boy works soooo hard....he deserves a long vacation and an amazing girlfriend.....not me.....ummm...so yeah...i talked to him....then let him go to work....then i went to cvs....im looking for a gift for carol's party....thats only $5.....but i couldnt find anything....but i bought some stuff for in mike's stocking....and more wrapping paper to wrap his presents....then i came home..and dropped off my stuff....and left to get dinner and now im at work.....i was a little upset cuz when i got here....everything i left on friday that could have been done on saturday....was still sitting there....but i guess...that was not justifiable cuz well i dont know what went on here on saturday....carol said it was a little busy at times....so i guess i have no right to be mad....its just that i have spent the past 3 weeks trying to catch up with the reserve cards...and no one else touches them but me...and everytime i asked someone to do something with any of them....it ended up not done....and there are always so many books...which if i leave them...then i get in trouble....and if i do them...and the cards dont get done....then that adds up.....and i would do the cards on tuesdays when im in the office but i have to do cds....cuz no one else is doing that either and pat keeps asking me where i am on the cds....and i keep telling her the same place....and then she gets mad....so i gotta start doing that as much as possible....before she gets really mad...but i only have 3 hours in the office a week.....im losing my patience with this shit.....but what can i do???? ya know...its gotta get done....and who else is gonna do the cards???? jen never gets around to them...and louise doesnt know how.....i feel like ive been walking around with the same pile for 3 weeks now....and pat keeps asking me if they are done....and how they are going....and i never get to finish them...and the pile gets higher and higher everyday....aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhh......so i worked my ass off today...ran around like a nut for the first 2 hours i was here....and i got ALL the books done and ALL the cards done....except the one that doesnt have a library card....but i called her and left a message.....so you people can just deal....im taking it easy tomorrow...im doing cds...for the whole night.....and get as many done as i can...no aim....no chatting....just non stop cds....and tomorrow morning im going for my last observation....get that done....and now all i have to do is keep going to classes....and write up like 50 papers....and im done....oh yeah and exams...but whatever.....they are having a thanksgiving feast tomorrow so i get to be a part of that....then just hang out til work...im gonna try and get a paper done in between magic years and work...but we'll see....probably my second lit link and then ill have that done to discuss in class on wed....or maybe ill do that tonight but probably not....im gonna work on my "special project" tonight....then that tomorrow afternoon....and some of my site visit reports tomorrow night and wednesday hopefully i can get them all done by wednesday...thats my goal....then thursday is thanksgiving...im going to my aunts....and mike's coming...i cant wait....then home....friday im at work all day....im hoping to get my initial field paper done on friday and then all i have left is lit link one...and my reflection on my read aloud....and im done....how great is that.....and those shouldnt take long....im gonna either do those two on friday or my initial field.....then saturday im at work...then off to mike's...he needs help pet sitting....for the weekend....then one more week of normal classes....and a weird week....and im done except exams....i cant wait....christmas is coming....and all will be better right?!?!?!?! ok im done babbling now...read if you want...comment if you want...no one cares....jenny reads...ma'am reads....mike reads.....i know you 3 read....if anyone else reads....so be it....if you comment...it would be nice...if not....oh well....adios...

8:40pm: jenny survey
- full name ; Kara Lynn Mac Farlane
- birthday ; April 14, 1983
- zodiac sign ; Aries
- nationality ; Irish and Scottish mostly
- born ; morristown nj

- who " last " _____ you ? ..

- called you ; mikey
- yelled at you ; kelly
- saw you cry ; strangers on the turnpike
- made you cry ; me.....missing mike
- made you laugh ; ma'amy....something edgy thats dark...right ma'am
- shared a drink with ; mikey probably
- watch a movie with ; i watched american president while on the phone with mike does that count?
- went to dinner with ; mike probably

- have you ever ? ..
- sed i love you and ment it ; yes
- kissed some one ; yes
- fought ur cat/dog ; i tease her...and stuff but not fight her
- danced naked ; yes
- skinny dipped ; yes
- fucked someone ; thats a bad word....how sad....

- this or that ..

- black or white ; white
- cat or dog ; dog
- spring or fall ; spring
- sun or rain ; sun or a warm rain
- science or geography ; geography
- mcdonalds or burger king ; burger king
- mets or yankees ; phillies
- high skool or college ; college
- jets or giants ; giants

- extras ..

- do you drive ; yes
- hair color ; brown
- height ; 5'4 i think
- pets ; dog, bird, fishes, turtle, rabbit
- siblings ; kelly and kait
- keep secrets ; i try...im not real good
- hooked up with a " friend " ; i guess you could say that....but it worked out nicely
- got drunk ; yup
- got arrested ; no...i did spend time in a hold cell when i was little though....funny story
- stalked someone ; i went along with someone as they stalked this kid...but i just went for the ice cream she promised me

- favorites ..

- shampoo ; dove
- soap ; dove
- colors ; blue, pink and purple....
- characters ; cinderella, marvin the martian and gosomer
- songs ; if youre not the one~daniel beddingfield and more....
- plants ; lilies and roses
- singer/rapper ; bernadette peters

- in the last 2 weeks ..

- cried ; nope actually
- cut your hair ; no
- worn a skirt ; nope
- been mean ; hmmm probably
- been sarcastic ; o yeah
- hugged someone ; yup
- fought with your parents ; no...cuz someone else has been all week...so ive been extra nice
- got into a fight with ur best friend ; no
- played truth or dare ; no

- random ..

- are you bored ; yeah
- lonley at this hour ; im here with ma'am so no....
- happy ; pretty much
- do u drink ; yup
- do you smoke ; nope
- what are u wearin right now ; black fleece...jeans....my hug me socks....and black sneakers
- what song you listenin to ; none
- eatin anything ; nope
- weather ; freezing
- what did u do last nite ; cleaned my room while avoiding getting involved with the war in my house....called my cousin to wish him happy birthday.....played spider solitaire and talked to the man i love
- favorite food ; the kind you eat...i like things in a tube but they dont make much of that anymore
- perfume ; i like sweet pea from bath and body works....
- clothes brands ; cheap
- drink ; apple juice or grape cranberry

8:05pm: help me
kara has to go to the met on saturday....ma'amy says drive in....jenny says go to jersey city and take the path to penn station and then get a cab or a bus.....im gonna be sooooo lost....someone come save me...someone come with me...no one can come on the tour with us...but you can come in the museum....or just pray for me....that i find my way there....carol and i prayed together in work.....gotta love carol.....wish me luck

2:39pm: moonpie's survey revised
[10 Bands You've Seen Live ]
1.LeeAnne Rimes
2.Travis Tritt
3. Stephen Merritt
4. Ben Folds
5. soon to be Barenaked Ladies
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

[09 Things You're Looking Forward To]
1. seeing mike tonight
2. graduating college
3. working with kids
4. moving out of my house
5. my 21st birthday
6. spending my life with the man I love
7. that week in april when my parents are away
8.
9.

[08 Things You Wear Daily]
1. socks
2. pants
3. shirt
4. underwear
5. shoes
6. earrings
7. coat/sweatshirt
8. my hair up

[07 Things That Annoy You]
1. people putting shit in people’s journals
2. people who block intersections when the lights red
3. people who are immature
4. slow computers
5. smelly people
6. people who jump to conclusions
7. people who cook or talk about cooking flamingos

[06 Things You Touch Every Day]
1. my hair
2. my clothes
3. my car
4. my face
5. a pen
6. computer

[05 Things You Do Every Day]
1. Brush My Teeth
2. Wake up
3. talk to mike
4. listen to music
5. eat

[04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time or Hang out With]
1. mike
2. jenny and ma’amy
3. some people from school….from my lang/lit class mostly
4. alan or peter or people who make me laugh


[03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over]
1. cinderella
2. American president
3. beauty and the beast

[02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment]
1. if youre not the one~daniel beddingfield
2. me~faith hill

[01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With]
1. mike unless I screw something up


Yesterday, I:
1. went to class
2. took lots of notes
3. picked up nick
4. went to kait’s parade
5. partied with the kindergarten

Today, I:
1. am going to see mike
2. am at work with jenny
3. am pissed at bad drivers
4. just had a nice chat with a little boy about Thomas the tank engine
5. am going to go to a party I think

Tomorrow, I:
1. will wake up in the arms of my love
2. will spend my day with my love
3. probably spend some time talking to bob and vera
4. enjoy my time in south jersey
5. have to drive back home away from my love


1% what color do you paint your nails?: none normally
2% can you take this?: yeah
3% are you tired?: not really
4% tell me what bugs you.: immaturity
5% do you listen to fleetwood mac?: not really...
6% what about rap?: not if I can help it
7% do you leave the country often?: no
8% is your dad evil?: no
9% do you make pancakes?: sometimes
10% do you watch 'whos line is it anyway'?: rarely
11% golden girls?: rarely
12% the nanny?: sometimes
13% spongebob?: no
14% do you like to doodle?: Yea
15% do you like to make paper airplanes?: no
16% do you smoke cigs?: no
17% weed?: no
18% pumpkins?: nope
19% do you have eyes in the back of your head?: no
20% does your mom?: no
21% have you ever read wayside stories?: YES!
22% harry potter?: the first 5 chapters
23% favorite form of death?: …..ummmm….
24% are these the best years of your life?: if not…than I have some pretty amazing years ahead of me
25% and do they suck? Not at all
26% are you a loser?: no…even jen says no
27% are you a winner in your mind?: im a kara
28% are you in luv?: yes
29% whos yo mama?: im ma’am’s momma….and ma’am’s jen’s momma but jen is not my mamma….so I guess I don’t have one….
30% whos yo dadio?: Kevin says he is
31% do you color with crayons?: yes I love crayons
32% can you see with one eye opened? yes
33% what question is this?:….ummmm….
34% what are your grades?: pretty good
35% whats your nombre?: kara
I didn’t like the ones there….so I erased them….
47% whats the last nice thing you did?: I went to get lunch…I guess that was nice
48% whens the last time you did your laundry?: last weekend

ARE YOU AN 80S KID???

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!" yes
2. You watched the Pound Puppies. yes
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air." yes
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish. yes
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own. yes.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls. Nope but my sister did
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom. yes
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer. 3 more words...CANT TOUCH THIS!....sadly I know that too
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock." I loved fraggle rock
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars. yes
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales." yes
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. I never really liked cartoons too much
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. Yes…and thought I was cool doing it
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen. No but I had all the toys
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. YES!
16. You made your Mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. I had a whole bunch in different colors
17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter Shack, House). YES
18. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it. nope
19. L.A. Gear..yup
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. I loved jem
21. You remember reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and all the Ramona books. yup
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF." yup
23. You wanted to be a Goonie. I never saw that movie til I was like 14
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. god yes
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off. lol. yeah
26. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. Yes!
27. You took lunch pails to school. nope
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. yeah
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence. No but I used to
30. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts. yup
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band. ew...JEM!
32. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up. yup
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets. At the time yes
34. You ever owned a pair of jelly shoes. Once….
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know what you are, but what am I?" yup..
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!" Yep!...HAHAHAHAH
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. yup
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip'n'Slide. yup.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It. god yeah...
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's. !!!....yup
41. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "totally awesome." lol, yep
42. You remember Popples. I still have a movie
43. "Don't worry, be happy." yup
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks. Only on really cool days
45. You wore socks scrunched down. god yes
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK" with silver buttons......all down her back back back...she asked her mother mother mother.....yup
47. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players. Yeah i do
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies. nope
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!" YAY!!!!
50. You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies. yes
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot. yup
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. yeah
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool. sadly
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell".....yup
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME :...yes

11:10am: kara update
ok....kara is having a lot of fun lately.....despite the sickness my life is going really well.....my boyfriend is amazing...he spoils me like a princess....too much i think...but he thinks i deserve it.....his parents love me....his family likes me.....hell even his bird calls me pretty.....i feel really comfortable there.....i really like it there....i have great friends....although jenny is going through a lot right now....and i feel bad cuz i cant help in anyway.....she is still a great friend.....and ma'amy who congrats to ma'am on her new certificate.......i love you guys.....ive been going to school regularly....which is good.....im doing ok.....ive been subbing at magic years....and keep getting calls from holy angels which i must sadly turn down.....but im really enjoying the whole teaching/subbing thing.....ive been pretty busy....and a little stressed...but enjoying it....the one thing i miss is the theater.....i know i dont want to go back to doing theater cuz i dont have time....and im really not that good at it.....but....i miss it.....i sorta wish there was someplace i could go other than school where i could do theater....but i dont know....maybe in the summer or something.....maybe next semester.....im working my way through.....its hard to start a new week.....and i really hate mondays.....especially cuz i had to let go of my love and thats hard....but im managing......ill get through....it will all fall into place eventually right???? its all good...im very anxious for thursday when i can go to the halloween party....and i want to see mike's face when he sees me in my costume......although im sure i wont look as good as he thinks i will....should be fun....ok...im done....off to class...bye leave me love.....no one seems to leave me love but jenny, ma'amy, and mikey.....so guys...if you read this.....send me some love......and ill have other people to talk to......and ill reply....

12:52pm: dedication to our favorite page
just to clear things up....kevin has been one of my favorites from the very beginning...we love kevin...he does his work always....and he is a good boy...keeps track of patrons....and talks to everyone...doesnt have an attitude and he keeps work fun with his crazy nemo references....and his everlasting longing for beige m&ms.....gotta love kevin....

9:30pm: venting...read with caution
ok...i just want to get a few things out in the open....before i do so however...this is no directed towards anyone who has talked to me...or will talk to me today...this is not directed toward anyone at work....this is not directed towards anyone on particular....i was just having a nice chat with a good friend of mine tonight while i was at work and she convinced me that maybe i should get some shit off my chest and this is my only option at this point.....she said that the things im feeling do matter....and although i feel alone...she got me thinking that maybe its all in my mind....and i just expect too much from people....so here goes...

first i want to start off by talking about something at work that has been bothering me.....so here goes....a page is a library employee whose job is to PUT BOOKS AWAY....to make sure no one is in the library when we close....to tell people we are closing...and make sure they leave...keep track of the people there.....to cover books....and it would be pleasant if they talked to everyone and were sociable.....a page IS NOT someone who puts away the few books she feels like....and then sits in the back and processes.....a page IS NOT someone who tells everyone we are closing and then sits on her ass in the office and keeps asking us clerks if the people left....a page IS NOT someone who sits on her ass while i have to shut off lights and check the bathrooms because she is too fucking lazy to do so....a page IS NOT someone who is to put away what she feels like and then go in the back room and do homework....and jen IS NOT the only person who works in the library.....that bitch can fucking hate me if she wants....but she better fucking do some work...or she will have a reason to hate me cuz i will be in pats office everyday if necessary......i slacked off....i had my lazy days...but i got my work done.....i slack off now...but fuck...ive been there 4+ years......and i get paid shit...and i come in whenever they need someone...i deserve to slack off occasionally when there is nothing to do.....this crap of putting books away where ever....or not even putting them away is bullshit...and someone has to do something about it....cuz im not dealing with another princess situation...when i moved up to clerk....that whole library was in a pretty decent order....i have shelf read EVERY section of the library....and the mess that it has become because of A lazy page is bullshit.....sorry...that pisses me off a lot.....im tired of that shit....ml takes her side...likes her best...and she does nothing.....and then she has the nerve to blame valerie for all the work she has to do.....fuck that shit....valerie and kevin both got their work done....and they were nice about it....they talked to more than just jennifer....and they didnt have an attitude everytime you said something to them......no one messes with carol and gets away with it......she's going down i tell you.....

next....i just want to say....(not to jen, jen, ma'am, mikey or anyone that TRULY loves me).....i have had enough of this discomfort......there is no reason why i have to be fake to people....that bullshit.....if you dont like me....fine...dont like me...i cant give a shit anymore....if you like me...than good....but if you claim you care...make an effort to show me that....or ya know what.....ill just assume you dont.....end of story.....there is no more kara thinking everyone hates her...or even caring if anyone does or not.....there is not more....hugging of people who dont talk to me....nope sorry...you want a kara hug...you gotta earn it...you gotta make an effort.....fuck that shit....there is no reason why i walk around campus purpously trying to avoid certain people...because i dont want the discomfort of having to be fake with them.....ive been fake to people....and it makes me sick.....i know you say...oh you are busy....you have your own problems.....or you dont want to burden me with your problems cuz i have my own....but a friend is not someone who only listens all the time....and only gives advice all the time.....a friendship has two sides....no matter how you look at it.....both people should be listening when needed...and both people should be talking if needed....none of this....im here when you need me...but i dont fucking need you.....cuz ya know what i say to that....FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!! maybe i expect to much from people...maybe i go out of my way to make people happy....bring people candy and take that extra step to make sure that they have a smile on their face....but im done...im done pretending i care.....if you dont make an effort....ill be my pleasant self....ill be civilized and say hi....but thats where it ends....if you dont want to know what im up to....dont ask.....and neither will i....this bullshit of seeing me at school and looking all around as if to find an escape from the discomfort of talking to me....is fucking bullshit....grow up people....dont pretend....its not worth the effort....cuz i dont care.....i see right through it....

oh and just for the record for the final time....i did not drop out of players cuz my bf wanted me to...
i did not drop out of players because people there didnt like my bf....
i did not drop out of players because i didnt like the president...
i did not drop out of players because i couldnt handle it....
i did not drop out of players because i hate everyone there....
i did not drop out of players because i thought everyone there hates me....

like ive been saying the whole time....I DROPPED OUT OF PLAYERS CUZ I WAS STARTING TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE THERE...AND I FOUND MYSELF BEING FAKE....AND THERE DIDNT SEEM TO BE ANY HOPE FOR IMPROVEMENT ON EITHER.....

as for those of you who love me.....you are the most amazing people in the world....to put up with my problems and i love you all very much....jen, jenny, ma'amy, mike, mikey I LOVE YOU

11:19am: lost
so im feeling a little lost.....have i been in some kinda dream world for the past couple weeks???? does no one want to talk to me anymore but mike???? i get into work on saturday and jenny tells me she has been talking to this guy and wants to meet him....and this has been going on for a little while now....and how could i not know about it???? valerie quits.....last night caitlin says she knew for a while now...(not that i necessarily believe her...but still)....am i the last to know????? then ma'amy is gone....where is ma'ammy????? how come no one tells me anything???? have i been not paying attention??? did they tell me or let on but i just was too wrapped up in myself to care???? or am i really just out of the loop??? and since when????? oh well...i guess ill get over this.....just a little lost right now....feeling left out of the loop.....so it goes.....on with school...yeah midterm review.....

11:07am: dedicated to the one i love
well i just finished my harry potter assignment.....never finished reading it.....probably would be an excellent book if i didnt HAVE to read it....arrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh....oh well....i just wanted to say...that i am in love with the most amazing man on the face of the earth.....not only does he love me with all his heart and soul and spoil me rotten like a little princess....but then he comes all the way up to my house this weekend to spend some time with me....and we end up spending most of sunday working on my homework.....any other guy would have gotten bored and left me alone at the computer....or left.....but did he??? not my baby...he sat there right next to me...helping me finish my homework.....telling me what happened in harry potter so that i didnt have to finish reading it....not only that be took me to a party....to meet his friends....and he tells people that he loves me....he really does love me...he is sooo smart and kind and considerate....and loyal and trustworthy.....and lovable and loving...and hot and sexy.....and i just love him so much....i am truly the luckiest girl in the world.....i dont understand how anyone could not like my baby....how anyone could make up false rumors about him or believe the rumors that were spread about him...cuz look at him...he is amazing....he has made me the happiest ive ever been in my entire life....and although we have both been through some really hard times in the eight months we have been together....we love each other so much......for all of you people who are going to read this and judge me by my decision to love this man.....whatever....i dont care...i have found the man who is better than anything i could have even imagined....who loves me....and all my weird traits....and all my crazy stories....and cares about my happiness and my future and me......and i wouldnt trade that for all the friends in the world.....sweetheart....i love you soooo much more than i can express to you....and i thank you again for helping me with harry potter....and for all the things you have done for me....and especially for taking the time to get to know me and love me.....muah...i love you, baby....

8:31pm: so they think im friendly....what do you think?

8:09pm: props to scott for the long ass survey
01.Full Name: Kara Lynn Mac Farlane
02. Nicknames: kabie, ka(that’s what the 2 year olds call me) miss kara, aunt kara, beautiful
03. Screen name(s): kabie83
04. Grade: 3rd year in college
06. Sex: female
07. Birthday: april 14, 1983
08. Zodiac sign: aries
09. Hospital where you were born: Morristown memorial
10. Height: 5 4
11. All your toes and fingers: yep
12. Hair Color: brown
13. Eye Color: brown
14. Siblings name(s) &age(s): Kelly soon to be 24…and kait 13

The CRUSH / LOVER Side

16. Crush: yup
17:Girlfriend/Boyfriend? yep
18. If you could go out with anyone in the world, who would it be? Mike keefe….oh wait I already do that….oh great is that
19. When and who was your 1st crush? Steve mizzano when I was in 6th grade
20. What do you first notice about the opposite sex?: eyes
21. Your idea of a perfect date: being with mike and having him love me
23. Biggest turn-on: mike, suspenders (im weird…I know), mike in suspenders….mike playing guitar and singing, mike playing guitar and singing while wearing suspenders…..
24. Perfect/ideal guy: kind hearted, smart, loyal, trustworthy, considerate, someone who possesses some morals and values…mainly mike

The FUTURE Side

26. Occupation: kindergarten teacher…hopefully one day
27. Dream Car: one that doesn’t fall apart WHILE im driving it….oh hey…better yet…one that doesn’t fall apart at all…and starts when I turn the key
28. Marriage: hopefully to the man I love….but not right now….not until at least after graduation
29. Kids: we’ll see….
30. Future son's name: I like matthew and timothy….but I think Michael is really growing on me….
31. Future daughter's name: Emily or Elizabeth….(maybe Vera….we’ll see)
32. Honeymoon: someplace tropical im thinking….or Disney….
33. Where will you live?: right now…its looks like south jersey…I like it there….
34. What are you doing tomorrow?: child development class….10-12:30….then nothing for the rest of the day….enjoy an empty house….and read my harry potter and type the papers…we hope

The FAVORITES Side

35. Food: the kind you eat
36. Drink: apple juice(non-alcohol) or butter shots(alcohol)
37. TV show: queer eye for the straight guy or the other half
38. Movie: Cinderella….
39. CD: my date with mikey or my concert for special k
40. Color: blue
41. Actor: I don’t know
42. Actress: Bernadette peters
43. Weekend Activity: heading down to be with the man I love
44. Day of the week: Sunday lately
45. Month: march
46. book: anything Nicholas sparks….particularly the rescue
47. Holiday: Christmas
48. Number: 8
49. Cookie: chocolate chip
50. Phrase to overuse: awwwww
51. Toothpaste: aim (if someone doesn’t steal it..j/k)
52. Ice cream: chocolate peanut butter
53. Candy : Swedish fish
54. Teacher: Linda mandarino or mr b….or t
55. Restaurant: I don’t know
57. Type of music: showtunes
58. Radio Station: 95.5
59. Shampoo/Conditioner: dove
60. Song : if you’re not the one by Daniel beddingfield
61. Music Video: I don’t know
62. Sport: baseball or skateboarding
63. Website: I don’t know
64. Hangout: hang out….what does hang out mean??? I don’t have time for that

The "PEOPLE YOU KNOW" Side

66. Best Friend: mikey, ma’amy, and jenny
68. Silliest: probably Valerie right now
69. Laughs the most: jenny
70. Craziest: kirsty
71. Skinniest: ma’am
72. Best at keeping your secrets: mikey
73. Smartest: mikey
74. Most innocent-looking: kevin
75. Coolest name: I don’t know
76. Stupidest: ummmm…I don’t hang out with stupid people
77. Weirdest: me
78. Most hyper: valerie
79. never get tired of talking to: mikey

The "EITHER OR" side

81. *N Sync OR BSB: if I have to choose…bsb
82. Peanut butter OR Jelly: peanut butter
83. Boxers OR Briefs: boxers
84. Matt OR Ben: I don’t care
85. Mtv or VH1: vh1
6. Apples OR Oranges: apples
87. Vanilla OR Chocolate: chocolate
88. Flowers OR Candy: flowers
89.Dawson's Creek OR Felicity: dawson…but I like both
90. Romantic, Comedy OR Horror: romantic

The BELIEVE OR NOT Side

91. Do you believe in angels?: yep
92. Aliens: not really
93. Heaven & Hell?: yup
94. God? yes

The HAVE YOU EVER Side

95. Been on a plane: yes
96. Cried in public: all the friggin time
97. Climbed a tree: yup
98. Fell asleep in a Movie Theater: yes
99. Slept naked?: yes
100. With someone else?: yes
101. Met the president: no
102. Gotten a cavity?: yes
103. Shopped at Abercrombie &Fitch?: shopped in? yes... bought from? no...
105. Had sex: yes
106. Said, "I love you,": yes
107. Made prank call?: yes
108. Gone skinny dipping: yep
109. Loved somebody so much it made you cry: yep
110. Gone to a park and checked out all the cute guys/girls: no

QUESTIONS THAT DON'T MATTER Side

111. Do you sleep with a stuff animal?: yes
112. Last time you showered: this morning
113. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: purple mountain’s majesty
114. How many buddies do you have on your list?: 47
115. Do you like this survey?: its something to do
116. Favorite character: ummm…I don’t know
117. One pillow or two, cotton or feather?: two...but I can deal with one
118. Last CD you bought: swingers for mikey
119. How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Buttercup?: putting it in my mouth and chewing and then swallowing
120. Feelings on abortion: murder
121. Is 2pac alive?: do I care?
122. Thoughts on Britney Spears: ehhh…she does what she wants
123. what does your screen name mean?: kabie is my nickname which started out as kaba cuz nick couldn’t say kara and then merged somehow into kabie…..and 83…is the year I was born
124. Who do you most admire: people who have overcome outrageous things and still have the strength to keep on going and loving and living
125. Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: Righty
126. What is on your mouse pad?: its just red
127. What is under your bed?: memory boxes and suitcases
128. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop? I don’t like tootsie pops…
129. Any last comments?: im not like scott….i cant yehaw….lol….

7:08pm: taken from jen
last kiss: little michael muccio kissed me on the cheek today….awww he is so cute I want to take him home with me
last good cry: last week sometime…when I didn’t feel good and no one cared
last library book checked out: punctuation takes a vacation
last movie seen: ummm…probably some lifetime one
last book read: punctuation takes a vacation
last cuss word uttered: oh shit
last beverage drank: burger king coke
last food consumed: burger king French fries
last crush: mikey
last phone call: mikey
last TV show watched: buffy
last time showered: 8am this morning
last shoes worn: my white with blue denim strips
last cd played: bnl stunt
last item bought: burger king
last thing downloaded: I don’t know
last annoyance: crazy patrons at the library
last disappointment: that today was my last day with my 2 year olds….ill miss some of them them…especially michael
last soda drank: coke
last thing written: names on the back of letters
last key used: s
last word spoken: hi
last sleep: 3:30-5:00 this afternoon cuz I didn’t feel good so I went home and took a nap
last sexual fantasy: well I know…..and most of you wont ever know….so we’ll just leave it at that
last weird encounter: i dunno.
last ice cream eaten: sherbert with mike on the Delaware river
last time wanting to die: this afternoon with the piercing headache I had
last time in love: currently with the most amazing, sweetest, most loyal, most lovable man in the world
last time hugged: when I left magic years all the kids hugged me before I left….all they love me….even miss tara said so….i miss them already
last time scolded: my dad yelled at me this afternoon but he was just joking really
last time resentful: I don’t know
last chair sat in: front desk chair at the library
last lipstick used: maybe some chapstick….other than that I don’t know
last bra worn: plain white….its an old one that resurfaced this morning…when I needed a plain white one…and then decided on a shirt that didn’t require one
last shirt worn: black tshirt
last time dancing: probably the last time I was with mike…cuz we are always dancing
last poster looked at: Bernie on my wall
last show attended: godspell in Belleville…h&r productions baby!!!!

10:56am: i got a question...
how come everyone is allowed to get sick but me??? how come everyone is allowed to have a bad day....a bad week...a bad month...but me??? how come people are allowed to be cranky but me??? when i dont feel good...or have a bad day...or week...or i am cranky...everyone gets mad at me....makes me feel ten times worse than i feel already...gives me more stress and crap to deal with than anything....and im not allowed to just be bitchy for a few days....and keep to myself....??? how come??? how come when someone (anyone) says to me...i dont feel good...or im tired...or im not in a good mood...i try to leave them alone and only help them if they ask for it but when i dont feel good...or am tired and in a bad mood....no one even says...oh...whats the matter....or....how are you....or even listen to what i say when i talk???? how come i try my very very hardest to relate to people's problems...and not hold their actions and feelings against them....but when i have my own feelings and emotions and mental breakdowns....no one gives a fucking shit???? am i just put here to be everyone friggin shrink??? to be the fucking shoulder for everyone to cry on...the forgiving forgetting friend???? am i not supposed to have feelings???? am i not supposed to feel stressed and broke and worn down and broken and torn in a million and two directions???? no??? im sorry i thought i had every right to feelings and emotions as everyone else....forgive me.....

7:25pm: survey
+ Basics +

Are you emotional :: yes very much so
Do songs make you cry? Yup..i. cried halfway home yesterday cuz of a song….
What about movies :: yuppers…many
What emotion do you usually feel :: lately..happiness…but today..mostly frustration and stress

+ Sadness +

What does it take to make you cry your heart out :: not much…I gotta be in the mood to cry…and just be upset or something
How many times have you done that :: many many times…
Where do you cry :: in my room…in my bed…with my teddy…..or in a theater at the end of a show….or anywhere….preferably in someone’s arms…who loves me…but that doesn’t happen often….
Do you hate crying :: not really….it helps me through a lot of shit….
Do you like it when others cry :: no…that makes me cry…and that sucks
Do you make people cry :: I work really hard not to….but I guess sometimes I do
Do you think tears make eyes look pretty :: no...
Who looks good when they cry :: no one I don’t think…especially not me…I look like shit when I cry
How else do you express sadness :: sometimes I just get really quiet…and just don’t want to talk to anyone….or I cry
Are you sad all the time :: not so much…I used to be sad a lot…but lately..im pretty happy

+ Anger +

What does it take to make you mad :: a lot….you really have to cross the line or catch me on a bad day….or mess with my love or my boy
What do you do when you're angry :: curse….a lot
How short is your temper ::not so short
How long does it take you to calm down :: depends how pissed off i am
What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad :: said things I shouldn’t have…blamed people for things they didn’t do…or didn’t mean to do
Do you freak out when others are angry :: not so much freak out…try to fix things….and get nervous and stuff
Out of the following, which one describes the level of anger you usually feel: annoyed, frustrated, angry, furious, hatred, about to go insane :: frustrated
Has anyone ever recomded anger management to you :: no
What's the worst thing someone's done to you that made you mad :: calling me selfish…calling me whore….hurting someone I love….
Do you anger people :: sometimes...i guess

+ Joy +

How often are you happy :: lately a lot
What makes you happy :: laughing, friends...hugs…showtunes….kids…my love…flamingos…lots of things
What do you do when you're happy :: laugh a lot, smile... cry sometimes
How optimistic are you :: eh...sometimes
Do happy people make you mad :: not really
What's the worst thing someone can do while they're happy :: assume that everyone else is happy and not take into account how others feel
Ever been so happy you were dying to tell everyone, including your enemies and the bugs :: yup
Ever been so happy you cried :: yes
Do you smile a lot :: I try…people say I look sad if I don’t smile…so I try to
Hug people a lot :: yuppers…ive been known to hug total strangers
Kiss people a lot :: certain people….but only nicky and my love a lot
Who really makes you happy :: my true friends….my love….my family
Do the simple things make you happy :: yes
Do you like doing things for people when you're happy :: Yes…even when im not happy

+ Fear +

What do you do when you're scared :: cry…curl up into a little ball and shy away from people….
What scares you :: change…disappointing people….that’s the two major ones I guess
Do you like scaring people :: not really
Do you like the thrill of being frightened :: no
Does fear accompany anger in your case :: sometimes
Ever been so scared you could barely breathe :: Yes
How often do you panic :: not so much anymore…I used to all the time…panic attacks…chest pains and all….not cool…ive calmed down a lot
What's the one thing that scared you more than anything else in your life so far :: disappointing or losing the man I love or both
What do you do to calm your nerves :: cry…try to talk myself out of being scared….sing really loud….
Do rollercoasters scare you :: not really…I just don’t like to go upside down..its just not right…

+ What do you do +

When the emotion sucks :: cry
When the emotion rocks :: laugh or cry
When there's no emotion :: sit quietly….

+ Would you rather +

Never feel again :: No
Feel loneliness or anger for the rest of your life :: anger
Be happy forever and never experience the bad times :: no…you need bad times to appreciate the good times…occasionally
Cause misery or feel misery :: feel it
Be alone or be with everyone you know :: with everyone…I actually have to face my feelings and thoughts when im alone…where with everyone else there…I can hide from them….

+ Who +

Cheers you up more than anyone else :: mikey….nicky…jenny or ma’am
Angers you more than anyone else :: Kelly….
Scares you more than anyone else :: myself
Makes you think about your emotions more than anyone else :: mikey and mike yesenosky
Makes you really care about how they feel and what they think :: jenny and ma’amy and mikey

10:49am: another week gone by
well....here we go...another update....i gotta go back to school so it will probably be a short one.....i started working at magic years.....the kids are adorable....10 two year olds.....they are so cute..i fell in love with this little boy named michael....he just keeps hugging me and kissing me....and climbing on me....its fun...its not necessarily a teaching job....but its ok...i am learning a lot about kids....its been really busy though...with school work...and work...and magic years...and observing and everything.....so i havent really been sleeping as much as i should cuz ive been staying up telling all my stories to my love....(which is something i absolutely love doing...having someone to share my stories with and someone who wants to share his stories with me....)....ive been actually doing my school work which is rare....i feel myself slipping a little....probably cuz im so busy....but im only working at magic years for this week and next....so ill catch up eventually....ummm...i just spent another very relaxing....very much needed weekend with the man i love....we just kinda hung out....i got some hugs and kisses...and gave some hugs and kisses....and i got to relax....and share time with him....i love to be with him.....ummm....my car was giving me troubles this week...but i think i have that under control....we took it to get fixed...and it wouldnt give the man any troubles....so he couldnt fix it.....but he hasnt been acting up since.....so i hope he is done for a while.....thats about it...not much exciting....bear with me....cuz ill be busy....but when i get time...ill update....leave me love!!!!!!!!!

1:40pm: another survey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{{{ PAST }}}

[ + ]first grade teacher's name: Mrs. mc cloud
[ + ]last word you said: welcome
[ + ]last song you sang: if i didnt believe in you from the last five years
[ + ]last thing you laughed at: valerie
[ + ]last time you cried: thursday

...PRESENT....
[ + ]what's in your cd player: last five years
[ + ]what color socks are you wearing: white with blue trim and blue stars
[ + ]what's under your bed: lots of junk and memory boxes
[ + ]what time did you wake up today: 8am

[[[ CURRENT ]]]

[ + ]current hair: tied up
[ + ]current clothes: jeans and a P.A.P.D shirt...the blue one
[ + ]current annoyance: nothing really
[ + ]current smell: lovely library smell
[ + ]current longing: for the one i love to be here
[ + ]current desktop picture: clouds
[ + ]current favorite music artist: bernadette peters...u2
[ + ]current book: the guardian
[ + ]current worry: mike...and alan after yesterday...and finances
[ + ]current hate: nothing really
[ + ]story behind your username: kabie is my nickname....and i want to be loved
[ + ]current favorite article of clothing: mike's scarf
[ + ]favorite physical feature on a boy: eyes...and butt

[ + ]line from the last thing you wrote to someone: your fluffy friend
[ + ]i am happiest when: chillin with friends or my love
[ + ]i feel lonely when: i end up seeing shows by myself
[ + ]favorite authors: nicholas sparks
[ + ]if you could live anywhere in the world, where: i dont know
[ + ]famous person you have met: the guy from the commish
[ + ]do you have any regrets: that one night where i let my hormones take over and ignored my heart and my head
[ + ]sex or love: love....
[ + ]favorite coffee: just the smell thanx
[ + ]favorite smell: coffee and my man
[ + ]what makes you mad: when people mainly my sister neglects their children

[ + ]favorite way to waste time: surveys or singing
[ + ]what is your best quality: heart?
[ + ]are in currently in love/lust: in love yes
[ + ]what's the craziest thing you have ever done: i dont know
[ + ]any bad habits: crying all the time
[ + ]do you find it hard to trust people: Yes
[ + ]last thing you bought yourself: DvD...of guys and dolls
[ + ]bath or shower: depends
[ + ]favorite season: spring
[ + ]favorite color: blue and pink
[ + ]favorite flavor: peach
[ + ]favorite time of day: 9:47pm
[ + ]gold or silver: silver.

~*~ FASHION ~*~
[ + ]do you wear a watch: no
[ + ]favorite stores: kohls...mandees....payless
[ + ]how big is your closet? dont have one
[ + ]ever spend more then $200 in a store?: Yes
<<>>
[ + ]do your friends know everything about you: some
[ + ]what do they tend to be like: all different
[ + ]can you count on them: Yes
[ + ]can they count on you: Yes

?? LaSt??
[ + ]last book you read: crysanthemum
[ + ]last movie you saw: sunday in the park with george
[ + ]last movie you saw on the big screen: pirates of the caribean
[ + ]last show you watched on tv: friends last night
[ + ]last song you heard: if i didnt believe in you
[ + ]last thing you had to drink: coke
[ + ]last thing you ate: mcdonalds....
[ + ]last time you showered: yesterday
[ + ]last time you smiled: a couple minutes ago
[ + ]last time you laughed: a lot today
[ + ]last person you hugged: valerie
[ + ]last person you talked to online: jenny
[ + ]last person you talked to on the phone: my love

((( DO YOU )))
[ + ]smoke: no
[ + ]do drugs: no
[ + ]drink: socially
[ + ]have sex: no
[ + ]sleep with stuffed animals: Yes :)
[ + ]have a dream that keeps coming back: sometimes
[ + ]play an instrument: the drinking straw if that counts
[ + ]believe there is life on other planets: no
[ + ]read the newspaper: rarely
[ + ]believe in miracles: yeah
[ + ]consider yourself tolerant: yes
[ + ]consider police a friend or foe: friend
[ + ]like the taste of alchohol: yes
[ + ]believe in astrology: yes :)
[ + ]believe in magic: yes
[ + ]go to church: rarely
[ + ]have any secrets: yes
[ + ]have any pets: lots but none of my very own....im working on that...if you have any donations ill take them to get my own
[ + ]go or plan to attened college: Yes
[ + ]talk to strangers: occasionally
[ + ]have any piercings: Ears/bellybutton
[ + ]have any tattoos: no
[ + ]hate yourself: sometimes
[ + ]wish on stars: yes :)
[ + ]like your handwriting: yes
[ + ]believe in witches: sure why not
[ + ]believe in ghosts: yes
[ + ]believe in santa: no
[ + ]believe in the easter bunny: no
[ + ]believe in the tooth fairy: nope.
[ + ]trust others easily: no
[ + ]sing in the shower: sometimes

10:47am: a long awaited update
well since last time.. a lot has happened..me and mike finally ended up at the renaissance fair....and had an awesome time.....i met his sister and brother in law....and got to be a princess for a day....and mike bought me 2 roses...cuz he loves me....what else....ummmm....i spent labor day at the phillies game...the phillies lost...but it was one hell of a game...then we met up with ma'amy and her friends....at tgifridays in cherry hill for her birthday....and got come alcohol in her....that was the weekend i stayed until tuesday morning and i go to send mike off to work which was nice....i got to see him all dressed in his work clothes...and kiss him goodbye and send him off to work....it made me sorta wish that i could do that every morning....although he was late...and that was partly my fault....but oh well.....then i started school....first week of school was ok...my classes seem pretty cool....i got offered a job subbing at holy angels....which was cool...then friday i met mike at a party down the shore....his friend james got a new apartment so he threw a party...i didnt know anyone....and sorta felt out of place being there....at first...mike and i were the only couple...but they sorta made me feel welcome...they were cool...i had fun...then mike came over on saturday night...i was chillin with kait...mike took me to the movies...he was exhausted....and the poor guy fell asleep in the movie...then on sunday...we walked down to the street fair....a disappointment....no zepoles...no beanie babies....no fish you can win..it sucked...then we went to a park where i got to see mike play softball and meet lots of theater people..it was good times....12 miles west washed the floor with the other team....then of course the party afterwards at the office in montclair....then mike and i hung out and walked around and stuff before we were off to a work call at the theater...we took down lights....it was so nice....i felt very welcomed there....they were all very much into theater....they were all pretty professional...and they were more than willing to teach me anything and everything....so i learned how to take down lights....and set them up to be put away....the next week i started my observing at magic years day care....the kids are soooo cute...i just love them....i was a little nervous...but miss kelly who im observing is real cool...and she is a senior at msu...so she knows exactly what i have to do...her and miss barbara a graduate of msu....gave me advice about one of the classes im taking....that friday...the 12th...i subbed at holy angels....well...it was a learning experience if nothing more....i made good money though.....and found out that i NEVER EVER want to teach 5th grade....but i had a little control....and it was my first time so no one really expected much from me....they were really good in church which was what was really worrying me....then i spent the weekend at mikes....saturday we were both a little tired...so we just kinda hung out at his house....went to bed early....then sunday we got up and went to the philadelphia museum of art....which was cool....i love museums....i like to see how different people react to different things....and i love to look at the different furniture and stuff....so i had a lot of fun....then we just kinda hung out for a little while...before i had to come home....it was nice...i really love spending time with him....he really makes me happy....then this week....i did the whole school thing....and observing and work and all that....we had to wear cheesey pins at the library that were orange and had this girl in purple spandex called super librarian on it....it was pretty pathetic....ummm....i got offered a job subbing at magic years.....so for the next 3 weeks ill be there on my days off..tuesdays and thursdays...all day...with the 2 year olds...changing diapers...and whatnot....look im a glorified babysitter.....someone i love dearly has been really depressed lately....and its been bothering me a lot...im not sure how to help him....and everything i try....doesnt seem to help.....there for a while it was like a once in a while thing....but lately its all the time...and it worries me....he tries to convince me that he is an awful person and i know thats not true....so i just keep telling him i love him....and he will get through this.....and things will be better....and then the other night it got really bad....it was almost as if he was so mad at himself that he was taking it out on me.....he just kept telling me that i shouldnt love him....and that i should care....and i just kept saying i did anyway.....i didnt know what else to do...and it seemed like all the good things that are happening in my life...where just making his worse....and as much as he wanted to be proud...he just couldnt....and part of me thought....maybe if i was there with him....maybe if i wasnt so far away....maybe if he could see me...and not just hear my voice...my words would be more effective....and part of me thought....maybe if i just go away for a while....and leave him alone...then that would make things ok....or a little better...so then im left with the question of.....is it my fault...in any way....so this was thursday that he got like this....i had had a pretty busy day....i bought a new table for my room....and got the job offer at magic years....but other than that...it was a pretty lousy day....i missed celebrating my grandmothers birthday cuz my dad was flipping out about the hurricane....so then there i am....crying and upset....and that makes things worse....sometimes i wish i could just be supportive and not have my own feelings....so then i was stressed...i didnt know how to help things....we just kinda left them the way they were.....friday i get up and i email him....a nice long email....just randomly typing what i felt....i dont even know if it made any sense....then i freaked out cuz i didnt get anything back from him for a while....and jenny helped me calm down a little....and then i got an email...and things seemed to be ok....i was supposed to go to class...but class was cancelled....so i just kinda hung out....i got nick...and chilled with him...then i was supposed to see a show with alan....the director of the last show i did....he is an awesome guy...he is always there to give me advice when something bothers me...he was the first one who was supportive of my relationship with mike...and who was happy for me....so i go all the way to elizabeth...by myself.....in the ghetto....and i go in the theater....and i wait...and wait....and i go in the show....and he never shows up.....so how much of a loser did i feel like...i should never get excited about things...cuz they just blow up in my face....so there i was...all alone in the ghetto of elizabeth...feeling like a loser....sitting alone at the show....no one even talked to me...except the owner of the theater....who had a whold convo with me about alan....and how cool it was that he was coming....and then he didnt show up...so then do i be mad??? or worried??? i have no way of contacting him except through email so i emailed him this morning....we'll see what happened....so then now im here at work with jenny and spanish guy....oh the joy there.....its been pretty dead....but fun....i invited jenny to have dinner with me and kait....so we'll see what happens there...i was supposed to chill with kait tonight but she is babysitting so ill be all alone waiting for my love to come visit me.....then tomorrow my family...my love...and i are going to church for kait's ring ceremony...and then a pancake breakfast....then off to see the show at 12 miles west with my love....should be interesting....im sure...we'll see....ill try and find time to update soon....if not...give me a call....and ill tell you whats been going on....

10:05am: deadly sins from jenny
ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? Kelly

2. What is your weapon of choice? Ignoring her

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Not on purpose unless he gets me extremely mad and I don’t get mad easily

4. How about of the same sex? see above

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Kelly

6. What is your pet peeve? People who are rude to those I love….people who don’t know when to give things up and get over them already….people who are inconsiderate and immature….

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends on the person and what they did to me….usually I let them go easily unless I don’t really care about the person….or they really truly hurt me


SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Pick up nick…but its not really my job…and I havent had a car…but im gonna do it today….and what else….make my bed…clean my room….

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Ever??? Probably like 2pm…but I was up all night the night before….

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? no one really…I normally im people or send them an occasional email if I care about them and mean to contact them….

4. What is the last lame excuse you made? Probably….i forget….

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? kait used to be obsessed with that damn QRB crap….so she used to make me watch that one….and the rotissere…set it and forget it….i saw that one…then we got it…then my dad made us all watch it….so we knew how to use it…and stuff…

6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? ummm….kara doesn’t work out

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? I didn’t have to get up for anything but usually about 4


GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Apple juice…whatever is cheapest…yeah im not into overpriced

2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? … white…. Vegetarians: Vegan or no? no

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? two sky blues and 5 buttershots

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? no

5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Not really

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Sweet but not too sweet…and salty but not too salty…and no spicy

7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? Fuck NO


LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? Only one really….

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? One really

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? No

4. Have you "done it"? no

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Eyes and smile

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? no

7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Nope


GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? 2 visas 1 gas and 1 firestone…so 4

2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Payless

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Pay for school….go see gypsy on broadway….and save the rest for school..maybe invest some….and probably buy presents for my friends….plus maybe some new clothes to go teaching in

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich…fame is not for me….

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Maybe at this time in my life….but not as my life career….

6. Have you ever stolen anything? no

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? 0


PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Probably….having the strength to get through this past year…..and all that it threw at me

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? The fact that I have a life plan somewhat….the fact that im 20 and not pregnant or with a son….

3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Graduate…get a job…settle down someplace other than here with the man I love

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? no

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? no

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? yes

7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Its only 10am..i havent done much…but I guess….i didn’t yell at kelly…and that’s good right???


ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I don’t know…I normally don’t like to envy people….i wish I could be like them….but not have what they have….

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Probably jenny…cuz I trust her the most….she has good taste…and style…and she is artistic…so I know she would give an artistic flair to my room….

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Me….i may not like me most times…but that’s who I am…and Im used to that now..i don’t think I could handle being someone else at this point

4. Have you ever been cheated on? Not really…just kinda brokenhearted and forgotten

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? sometimes

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Probably perfect hair….like either perfectly straight or perfectly curly…and not just this frizzled mess

7. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Pride

10:17am: oh the wonderful world of kara
so my weekend didnt exactly go as planned....i called to see if my car was fixed and it wasnt so mike had to come get me.....and he did...in the sports car....we took the back way to his house....cuz the parkway and turnpike were a disaster...we got a little lost....but we found our way...then we just sorta hung out....fed the dogs...and took care of all the animals....had a drink or two and went to bed....we were both pretty tired....then we got up early on saturday morning to go to the pa renn faire...and we drove all the way out there..and right before our exit off the pa turnpike....it started to pour....thunder....lightening...the works...so we figured...oh it wont last too long...so we'll just drive past the faire...to the mcdonalds....and get something to eat...so we're in mcdonalds...and the lights go out....only for a minute or so..but kept blinking on and off...im sure my face was priceless...i had had enough of flickering lights for the week....so then it continued to pour...so we decided to go back home....and just as we were getting back to where the faire was...the skies cleared...but we just kept going....figured we'd try again another day...it would be too muddy anyways.....so we started home....we stopped at the king of prussia mall...to see an imax movie...but the only movie on imax was one we had already seen....and not one of the best movies we'd seen....so we decided to just walk around the mall...well this mall is huge....i mean HUGE....not only did it have all you're typical mall stores....the disney store...a few jewelry stores....macy's, sears, jcpenny, but then it had everything....a harry and davids....which we went in and got pumkin butter....and an ARBY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they had roast beef sandwiches 5 for $5.55.....how great is that....so poor mike thinks im nuts...cuz not only was i trying on tiarra's at the disney store...but i went completely nuts when i saw arby's.....and had to get 5 sandwiches....3 for then....2 for lunch the next day....so yeah..fun times...then we went back to his house....talked to his parents for a little while....then off to bed...to play the new video games he bought....i like spyro.....he's a cute little dragon....then sunday we just kinda hung out and played spyro all day....then dinner with bob...at burtuccies....which was really good....and then he took me home....in the sports car....so although it was not what we planned for the weekend....i had a really nice time....and i got to spend the weekend in the arms of a man who loves me....so then..yesterday i get up....still carless...and go to work.....i went in late cuz i realize at like 12:45pm...that i had chores to do and lunch to eat before work....so i went in an hour late..but whatever...so i worked...til 5...came home for dinner...then worked til 9.....it was ok..pretty dead and boring....but whatever....then home....talked to my love and watched cinderella....and then bed.....and you would think that that would end this lovely tale of the life of kara....but it turns out that thats not the end of my story of friday thru monday.....so i was watching nick last night....while kelly went out...and i figure he's asleep...so ill go to sleep....no big deal right.....well next thing i know..kait comes downstairs....and says he wet the bed....now the boy normally sleep in pull ups....so this doesnt happen.....but did his mom go buy new pullups....hellz...no....this is kelly we are talking about...she ran out of pullups....so she just put him to bed without....so everything was wet.....so i change his sheets....and his pajamas...and put him back in bed...next thing i know..he is in my room...his shirt is still wet....so i look and he wet his blanket too....so i change his shirt....and wrapp him up in a tiny blanket...and a sheet....and put all the wet stuff in the wash.....and he finally goes back to sleep....then she promised me she would pay me first thing this morning...did she....of course not....aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh....why am i so nice to someone who just doesnt give a shit about anyone but herself.....and getting laid....aaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh

11:24am: BLACKOUT 2003
so i get up early yesterday to make sir a cake...help poppy decorate it....at like 7am....no big deal....right....so we make the cake...i go back and start cleaning my room....start making room for a critter...im starting a critter fund by the way...anyone who thinks kara deserves a critter can donate...jenny gave me a quarter and kait gave me a dollar....so im getting there...slowly...but im getting there...as soon as i know that my books and car are paid for....im getting one....so i clean my room...get rid of all kinds of stuff....make room for a critter on my dresser.....and the scanner over by my computer...i tried to hook it up...when a small boy came in to ask if i wanted to go swimming...so what the heck...i go in the pool with my family....and then realize that i have no way of getting to work with this cake....so i call jenny....jenny to the rescue....and she comes to get me...takes me to work....when im not there an hour and the power goes out...on and off real quick...no big deal....so then the computers werent working...so we went and shut them all off...we were gonna restart them...and the server.....and the power goes off again...so i call my mom...no power at home.....ml goes to the police station and they say the whole state is out....so i go and get the radio from the basement....and we hear...its the whole upper east coast....including canada and stretching almost as far as michigan....so pat says...go home....so we go home....ma'amy takes me home.....afraid that she might not be able to go to la....then i just kinda hung out....read my book while it was still light...we had dinner....mama cooked the best she could....nick kept telling me that he was going to fix it.....if he could only the find the right tools....then he was struck with a stroke of genious....he goes...hey aunt kara...if we just plug in all the lights.....they will work again.....yeah try explaining a blackout to a four year old......not easy...he kept turning the tv on...and going...nope still broken....so we just lit candles and hung out....my grandfather had power in spottswood....and i couldnt get in touch with mike...then he finally called me...and he really wanted to just come get me....but i have a lot of stuff to do before i leave for his house today.....and none of it would have gotten done if he came to get me last night....it was soo hot though....then the power came back...i was asleep..i woke up and saw that my clock was blinking.....i turned the ac on and went back to bed....crazy shit let me just tell you.....6+ hours with no electricity...thats insane....then i call this morning to see if my car will be ready or not....and he says next tuesday or wednesday....cuz he had to get the parts from a junk yard..cuz the insurance company wouldnt pay for new ones....and then fix them so that is taking longer than he thought it would....plus im sure the black out didnt help much....so now poor mike has to come get me again.....we are going to the pa renn faire...should be fun....ok im done now....time to go clean...and stuff....leave love