|
|
Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
| |
11:27 pm
|
He hunts me in my dreams
Says I leave him no choice
He muffles my screams
I'm haunted by his voice
Left alone to clean my blood
Watered down with my tears
I'm alone in the flood
A flood of pain and fear
I guess I hurt because
From the moment it began
I lost who I was
I hate who I am
All of this time
I've fought to get by
It never gets better
Why do I try?
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, April 27th, 2003
| |
8:21 pm
|
I'm out of the "happy pills" which really freaks the hell outta me. (Happy pills are for my manic depression). Without them I feel shitty, insecure, and just scared shitless. I just dunno what I'll do. So I cried my fucking eyes out all afternoon over like tons of things...if you really wanna know ask and I might tell. But I swear one more fucking insult and I'll die of depression...or whatever. I have nothing good in life and when I find something positive it always has a negative side to it to tear me apart. At the YMCA dance last night this wanna be badass tried to fuck with me and well I didn't care but then she tried to hit me. I didn't get hurt but I wanted to. I love pain. I started actually wanting to go through physical and emotional pain...but ya know now I am and it feels like shit. Anyways, me and a few people met this guy names Josh at the YMCA he's real cool and super sweet. Maria and I went to his home today and yesh that's the only thing positive that happened today. Oh well, at least I felt special for like awhile. Eh...well thats it...byebye all my lovies. *MwAH*
current mood:  confused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
| |
8:29 am - Mike
|
See Mike's been gone for about three days and I already miss him!
I don't think anyone in the world could understand how close we are with eachother, and we're just best friends! I mean we used to date, but that's the past...which is probably a good thing. Some people probably don't know what he did....I don't know that he would want everyone knowing but he'll yell at me and get over it if he didn't. He went back out with the slut from his school again and you know her, she messed with his head. Well he thought they were serious and was madly inlove with her. (BIG mistake there) Well soon she dumped him while he was not even BEGINING too realize how much he...LOVED her...sad but true. Anyways he was home alone a few nights ago and he shouldn't have been. He called my house but I was sleeping and my faggot brother didn't think to wake me up. So Mike got ahold of some crap and fucked himself up. He's been in the hospital for three days and he hasn't woken up well from what I hear anyways. But the worst part is, his mommy wants me to go see him but the doctor won't let me. Shits just stressing me out this week....but I'm just letting everything fly by...Mike's had too much of an effect on me to care about anything else...That's about all I've thought about and it's all I need to say so, bye.
†~¤*PeAcHeS*¤~†
current mood:  crushed
current music: "Everyone Hurts"-REM
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
| |
7:19 pm - days go by
|
Who the fuck wants to be in the pop world today?!
I look on TV and shit is being said about em. I look in magazines, It's all bullshit. I look on the computer, god knows it goes beyond that. Punk is life. Who the hell would want to be a fuckin ditzy wierd person when you can write meaningful lyrics to people other than little ten year olds? All pop stars write about is love, lust, and heartache! Goddamn EXPERIENCE THE WORLD! They live here, I think they need pain. Mass pain. Not something like "Oh! Mi! Gawd! I broke my pinky nail!" No not everyone in this world is a Britney Spears. I say KILL HER. Music is shitless these days. I'm for real. I only listen to Good charlotte, Simple Plan, Sum41, Custom, Bad Religion, NoFx, Dropkick Murphy's and the gimmie gimmie's. I swear one more faggot pop star trying to be a punk or rapper or something and I'll hang myself...slit my throat! I DO NOT KNOW! But I'm going INSANE from it all....I really don't think your feeling my pain here but what the fuck! No one understands me anymore. I'm a different person to every friend. I hate. I love. I dispise. I lust. And what the fuck I sometimes even care. I could blab about how Britney Spears has it all and acts like it's all shit but DAMN! Who's the one needing three fucking jobs just to rent a house? (not me but hell..) She's got it made man..and what kills me is that she never realizes it. Every day goes by and she just thinks of it as another chance to do a strip tease for all those horny bastards that find her hot. Take a deep look at her, what the hell do YOU see?
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, April 7th, 2003
| |
4:51 pm
|
Mkay today was just the same ole same ole ....but I did find a new favorite song. It's called "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park...here's the lyrics...it is one BADASS song....
Memories concern
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safer in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Cultured my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I have no options left again
I dont want to be the one
Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
Cuz I'm the one that falls
I'll never fight again
and this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Breaking the habit tonight
Simple Plan kinda went the wrong way on the countdown today...lol number three.
*MwAH* mood swings of yesterday are over...I still love ya Maria!
current mood: worried
current music: Linkin Park "Breaking the Habit"
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|