Friday, February 29th, 2008
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4:29 pm
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Does he cry through broken sentences
Like, "I love you far too much"?
current mood:  hungry
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, February 10th, 2008
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7:37 pm - **yikes!**
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wow...i haven't updated here in over a year...
current mood:  depressed
current music: car-aye-zee!
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
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7:51 am - So, pretty much..
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blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
exactly...
current mood:  quixotic
current music: oh, JEW. oh, JEW.
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
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1:14 pm - so, lately i've been pondering...
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is love really enough? i've found that sometimes to make it work, you need more than just love for one another...i mean, i always knew about all those other things you needed...like understanding...trust...all that jazz, but i always thought that just came with love...i thought you couldn't love someone with out the understanding and the trust...but you can...and it sucks...cuz i don't understand him most of the time...i don't trust him any more...yet, there's something that keeps me there...
current mood: n-n-n-needy...
current music: i want the nice, warm, complete feeling to come back...
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(comment on this)
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Friday, December 22nd, 2006
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8:30 pm - so how far has it gotten?
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i counted the pills...
i held the gun...
but i couldn't pull the trigger...
and i just couldn't swallow...
one word comes to mind -=[pathetic]=-
current mood:  sick
current music: so what really held me back?
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, March 5th, 2006
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1:48 pm - TIGER LILY!!!
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she is so damn cute!
current mood: *kErPlOp!*
current music: the drumming of lily's paws running on the floor...
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, February 20th, 2006
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8:03 pm - i'm bored...so here's more...
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6:38 pm - okie then, back to here for a tad...
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Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
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10:31 pm - haven't updated here in a while...
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uh-m...wow...i feel frickin terrible right now...i feel all scared and sad...for no reason...and a little bit wanna die on the side...*ugh*...i feel retchid...i need you my release...but you are too far gone...
i need a car...
current mood:  confused
current music: uh-m..............................................i'm sad...
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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1:27 pm - .:\_more*random*stories*_/:.
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i loved the power i held in that moment...his life was in my hands...i could choose to let him keep it, or take it...like nothing...in a blink of an eye...he could be nothing...i looked at him down the barrel of my 9 mil. and smiled, not too much though...if i were to smile too much you'd see the fear in my eyes that i was trying to hide...so i just barely let my lips curl at the ends just to show him i was enjoying every second of this...the same way he had enjoyed every second of me...all those nights that he'd through the blankets off my bed and rip off my clothes...dig so deep into me just to watch me bleed...i couldn't think of all that now though or else i'd get too over thrown with anger that i'd go crazy and blow the whole thing...right now i'm calm and cool...and he knows it...his breathing is so deep...he knows i'll fuckin do it if he moves...i just love watching him dangle...if i were stronger and not half his size i'd beat the fuck out of him first...but i guess i'd have to settle for this...suddenly he's speachless...wonder what has his tounge?...usually he'd have some cute fucking remark like "gee girl, your rather loose, you sure i'm the only one fucking you?" or "does your mama know what you're letting me do to you?"...letting...that fucking son of a bitch...i can't believe he could even look my mother in the eyes after all the shit he ever did to me...i'll never be able to forget that the first person i lost my virginity to was a fat fucking hick that paid my dad to look the other way...i couldn't help but think of all this...and it was all balling up inside me...i could feel the tears begining to roll...he didn't deserve to see me cry again...he'd seen it so many times before...and i think he enjoys it...so he shouldn't get that enjoyment...not this time...so i do it...and in a flash...right after that second that i pull the trigger...everything is dead silent...almost as if i'm deaf...then his body falls...and his blood gets all over the floor...from all the anger and reliefe inside me...i can't help but cry...a fall to my knees and the tears just don't stop coming...it's over...it's finally over...no more barging into my room in the middle of the night cuz he's drunk and feels like it...no more looking eyes...no more pain...and no more bruises that my dad pretends not to see...but most of all...no more lying to my mom that i'm okie when i'm not...i can finally breath again...and know that it's all going to be okie...i'm finally free...
current mood:  bored
current music: *kerplop*|*kerplunk*
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, May 26th, 2005
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11:40 pm - hmMmMmMmMm...b0rEd...
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i sat there...so early in the morning...i could hear all the stupid birds out side...the type of shit you don't hear in the winter time...it was practically summer...and i could taste it already...the freedom...the sleep...the excitement..let's see what kinda trouble i can get into this summer?...at least i'm home this time...apposed to being in some foreign city...with no friends close by...but there was a boy...who dreamed of me at night...and those whisperes of sweet happiness to know that he was loved by someone too...back when things were so simple...back when life was so great we couldn't even see it...now...there is no silence...there is no calm...just those damn birds i hear in the distance...marking another year...gone by...
current mood:  horny
current music:
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
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9:23 pm - i'm not bored...
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 | You scored as Ariel. Your alter ego is Ariel, the little mermaid! You are a dreamer, and you often want what you can't have. You can be rebellious and sometimes disobey your parents to get what you want.
Ariel | | 75% | The Beast | | 69% | Cinderella | | 69% | Donald Duck | | 63% | Peter Pan | | 63% | Goofy | | 63% | Pinocchio | | 44% | Sleeping Beauty | | 31% | Snow White | | 31% | Cruella De Ville | | 31% |
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com |
current mood: bored
current music: _+pleh+_
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(comment on this)
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Monday, May 16th, 2005
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4:46 pm - ...saw I ereht oS
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So there i was...helpless, not knowing what to do...I just kept looking around at all the crowds of people...they were all around me...i could faintly see the lights from ambulances and cop cars coming from the distance...i couldn't hear a thing...and i couldn't even feel the massive rain pouring down on me...i don't even remember if i was crying still...i'm pretty sure i was...i was just in so much shock...there in my arms layed the love of my life...dying...right in front of me...and there wasn't a thing i could do...i just kept applying pressure on the bullet wound like you see them do on the movies...i wonder if i'm even really suppose to be doing that?...it didn't really matter though...i knew he was dead any way...everything was in total slow motion...and all such a blur...i didn't know what to feel...sad that he was dying...pist that it was his fault...or pist at the person who shot him?...I was mad that he had told me that his drug dealing was over...but apparently it wasn't...there was just so much blood...how could he do this to me?...if he had just told me the truth and stuck to his promice...i wouldn't be getting blood and gutter water all over my new $ 130 jeans...why did he lie to me?...why did i trust him?...I should've just left him...then at least i wouldn't have to now live with his death constantly hanging over me...that fucking ass hole...why did i believe him?...why did i have have to love him?
current mood: bored
current music: _+pLeH+_
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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7:05 pm - hehehe...
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haven't updated here in a while...
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch
the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm greatful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved
by you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love
into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because
of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
current mood:  loved
current music: *smile*
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, November 26th, 2004
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8:49 pm - so lost...
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I sware to god...I'd take it all back...I sware to god...I'd say I'm sorry in a second...if I knew that would make everything better...I sware to god...if I could just make you understand I would...
Our father who art in heaven hollow be thy name...
If I had such powers to make this feeling go away I would...it's not a good feeling...it's not a happy feeling...and it eats at me...day in...and day out...
the past...too far back to see...
the present...to close to notice...
the future...too bizy looking at the past to even think about it...
current mood: terrified...
current music: *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
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(comment on this)
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5:16 pm - just get it over with...
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when will all this stop??...when's it all gonna go away??...when am I gonna be safe with you again?...not just you...with all of you?...when will things be normal?...when will you care?...why'd it go away?...why couldn't I stop it??...did I even try?...why don't you care now?...why do I??...why can't I let you go??...why do I still cry??...
please...please...please...I beg of you...please make it stop...please...help me...please...let me let go...please...don't make me cry NE more...please...say you care with actions...please...care...
in my world...the raining never stops...
current mood:  drained
current music: ...
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Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
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2:23 pm - as the world turn...
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There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say,
But there's something about her.
And you don't know why,
But you're dying to try
You wanna,
Kiss the girl
Yes, you want her
Look at her you know you do
Possible she wants you too,
there is one way to ask her.
It don't take a word,
Not a single word, go on and
Kiss the Girl (sing wit' me now)
Frogs & Sebastien:
Sha la la la la la
My oh my
Look like the boy too shy
He ain't gonna kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Ain't that sad
Ain't it a shame, too bad
You're gonna miss the girl,
(dialogue)
Sebastien:
Now's your moment
(ya ya)
Floating in a blue lagoon
(ya ya ya)
Boy you better do it soon
No time will be better
(ya ya ya ya ya)
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word until you, kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't be scared
You've got the mood prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Sha la la la la la
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how, you wanna
Kiss the girl (woah-woah!)
Sha la la la la la
Float along, and listen to the song
The song say, kiss the girl
Sha la la la la
The music play
Do what the music says
You gotta, kiss the girl
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Meg
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That ancient history,
Been there done that
Muses
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
Meg
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Muses
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh
Meg
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
Muses
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Meg
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
Muses
Give up, but give in
Check the grin you're in love
Meg
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
Muses
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
Meg
(Shoo doo, shoo doo)
You're way off base
I won't say it
(She wont say it)
Get off my case
(Shut Up, shut up)
I won't say it
Muses
Girl, don't be proud
It's okay you're in love
Meg
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
current mood:  cold
current music: Pretty fly for a white guy...
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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8:42 pm - Story told by cha...now retold by stushers...
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Okie...now...there's this guy and girl...and the guys a sailor...and goes off on some voyage...and before he leaves he promises the chick that he'll come back...and she promises him that she'll wait for him...well...hella years pass or what ever...and she just frickin chills there on the dock...and she wears the same dress so when he gets back he doesn't get all conffused or NE thing...okie...so yeah...now...she stays there for years...never leaving...getting attacked by the crabs...and then the locals think she's nuts and try to send her to the looney bin...but she fights them off...(I dunno how...if she never leaves she doesn't eat...so how the hell does she have streagth...but w/e)...so they just leave her alone...and then she falls in love with the ocean...and the fucker never comes back...and that's it...moral of the story...DON'T WAIT FOR SAILORS...THERE FUCK FACES!...
current mood:  rejuvenated
current music: chya...what she said...
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, October 18th, 2004
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4:09 pm - why can't I just be fucking happy for once?!
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Fuck!...ugh...this really pisses me off...like really...I feel so fucking empty...I'm sick of this shit...only if...ugh...only if nothing...I'm too much of a pussy to actually do NE thing...FUCK...it's not fair...I know that there are other people who feel like this...but I don't care...I'm just like..."blah...ohh well...I'm the only dumb fuck like this"...I fuckin hate this all...why can't I just get over it already!?...I fucking hate myself...I'm seriously my own worst enemy...I don't think I've ever wished death so much on NE one else...you know...it's always that one person...that you would want to care if you died...that doesn't...I hate being hated...I hate fucking up...I hate that I fucked up...to be hated...and can't fix things now...
fuck it all
current mood: sad
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 17th, 2004
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7:59 pm - blah...just can't do this NE more...
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I can't take NE of this...it's too much...there's too much change...too many things are just too much different...and poor crazy as stooshumski just can't take it...*tear*...too miserable to live...to scared to end it all...
current mood: drained
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(comment on this)
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