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THIS JUST IN!! [08 Oct 2003|12:58am] I was going to update my last... update, but I realized it's far too important for just a footnote.... ARNOLD IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE WORLD!!! Well, he's at least the Governor of CALIFORNIA! Congratulations Arnold! post comment

Oh Schoolwork... [08 Oct 2003|12:44am] Stupid work! I've written almost three pages in my English essay so far, and have about 1-2 left to write... I don't want to, though. So maybe I won't. Maybe I will, because it's due tomorrow. Bleh... And then I have a Calculus exam Thursday... That'll probably suck. At least I'll have all day to study, no classes, whee... I think I'm just writing this here so I can pretend that I'm doing something worthwhile other than writing. At least it's better than Text Twist, which I was doing just before... Maybe writing this will get me into a mood for writing in general...yeah... Well, school sucks, and so do you! Well, maybe not, but you should. I miss gay sex. :( Goodnight post comment

Weird Magazine! [07 Oct 2003|03:54am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | nothing, it's too LATE ] What the hell! It's 3:30am on Tuesday morning... I've been playing Text Twist for like four hours! If you don't know what it is, I won't tell you, it's a far too addicting... malicious... twisted (!)... beast. But you can Google it if you really care. Ugh. Words... Letters, swirling, combining, meaning foggy through discrete combinatorial confusion... ahhhh..! Why did I stay up this late? I have so much work to do tomorrow, that is, after my Calculus quiz at 3pm. If I sleep now, I can get as much as 9 or so hours, and still shower before my quiz... Yeah. I'll wake at 1pm. Phew, I just got back from STATEN ISLAND tonight at like 8pm. I don't know if I even miss it, but I don't like being here or being there. I don't really want anything right now except immediate gratification. I want food. Sex. Delight of word games. Anything simple like that. Oh, and before I was searching for the serial number for Text Twist (yeah... I downloaded it), and I found out that there actually are viable sources of warez type stuff on the web. I didn't know that, I thought it was 100% porn ads; it's only about 95%! I think I downloaded Civilization III... Well, I downloaded some 377 meg file, and I hope it isn't virus-laden, because I'm stupid enough to run it. Oh my god, Sanghoon (my room mate) is watching some Lord of the Rings: Return of the King trailer on his computer... OMG! That movie is going to be so fulfilling, I just know it. I'm going to read the whole series book a third (fourth? I forget) time... and maybe the last book one extra... ooh... oo.... POOR SAM! POOR FRODO! :o so beautiful goodnight my loyal dogs. post comment

Eleven!! [01 Oct 2003|12:12am] [ mood | happy ] HAPPY ELEVEN MONTHS TO US! :D :D :D Eleven months ago today, I sat in a car and determined my destiny for much time to come, with the help of an infinitely special person, of course. :) Eleven months ago today, I wiped the sleep crust from my eyes and saw for the first time where my personal happiness lay. Eleven months ago, my life began! :D Thank you my Ewe, for ever and everything. Ox Ox Ox Ox! :) post comment

Self Promotion Random [28 Sep 2003|11:25pm] Hey, I haven't updated at all this weekend, and that's ok. Well... I haven't done much, but I did hook up my mixer and get Sonar working on my computer so I can record musics and stuff. And here's what I did randomly last night for two hours, my sort of test recording thingy. It's sloppy and improvisatory, so don't expect too much: Deer and Ewe (oh yeah, and when you think you hear that the timing is really off.... it is. it's not my fault, the MIDI and wave were really hard to sync up because of problems with different versions of Cakewalk... blah blah blah) Goodnight everyone... I still have work to do and sleep to sleep. BYE MY DOGS! post comment

[26 Sep 2003|11:39pm] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | Ben Folds Five - Eddie Walker ] Ok, this is going to be a long post, so brace yourself. I'll leave all the boring long bits at the bottom so you can just stop reading when you get to them! :) Wait, what am I saying, they're all boring bits... Whatever Well, it's Friday night, and Binghamton is official DEAD! It's nuts, the dining halls closed at 1:30PM, half of my classes were cancelled... and nightfall everyone had left for home. I almost typed homo, but that was a typo. Probably my repressed sexuality surfacing. Anyway, I'm not sure if this sucks or is great. I get to feel more alone than I have in a while, and that's cool... But my roommate is still here and so is Laura's, so I don't really have privacy... oh well. It's interesting at least. I was locked out of my room before, and I don't know who closed it on me, but none of my suite-mates were home....hmmm.... I also just typed sweet mates by accident - definitely my burgeoning homosexuality there. Well, nothing's really happening this weekend as far as I know... AND HERE COMES A STUPID BIO-READ-ALL-ABOUT-ME-LIST! WOOHOO! (stolen from Sara who stole it from Al) Ok, this is officially the long boring part... have fun! -1- What's your name? David Mattews, unfortunately -2- What does your first name mean? Possibly 'beloved'... -3- What does your middle name mean? Apparently it means "Who is like God?" -4- What does your last name mean? I have no idea, leave me alone! -5- Would you want to change your first name, if so to what? Probably... something that isn't so connected to my past -6- Were you named after anyone? Nope! :D -7- Which of your parents named you? My mummy -8- What origin is your last name? Probably English or Irish... CURRENT [ Current Clothes ] Light blue t-shirt thing, tan pants, white socks [ Current Mood ] Confused, complacent [ Current Music ] Ben Folds Five [ Current Taste ] In my mouth? nothing. In clothing? shrug. Stupid question. [ Current Make-up ] None [ Current Hair ] My own. [ Current Annoyance ] The social construct of gender [ Current Smell ] Once again, stupid question. [ Current Favorite Artist ] What kind of artist? Umm, your mother. [ Current Desktop Picture ] Some forest sunshine with birdie picture [ Current Favorite Group ] Too hard to answer, so I'll say Stevie Ray Vaughan [ Current Book you're reading ] I'm reading a bunch of books.. [ Current CD in CD Player] Um... I think I still have a SRV CD in my CD-player from last night [ Current DVD in player] ok, no DVD player here [ Current Color Of Toenails ] um... nothing. [ Current Refreshment ] Your mother [ Current Worry] that I'll die sad and lonely. no, just kidding... LAST PERSON... [ You Touched ] Apart from myself, Laura O'Hanlon [ You Talked to ] Same [ You Hugged ] Same [ You Instant messaged ] SAME [ You Yelled At ] I don't even know [ You Kissed ] Your mother... Wait, no that was last night. Laura. FAVORITE... [ Food ] Your... father! I don't know... Ice cream. [ Drink ] Orange juice for taste, vodka for fun. (screwdriver? hmmm :D ) [ Color ] Greeeeen [ Album ] oh my goodness, I don't know... something by Stevie Ray Vaughan [ Shoes ] My new-ish brown Reeboks that look like Laura's... :o [ Candy ] Peppermint Patties!! :D probably.. [ Animal ] oh sheesh... Gorillas! [ Show ] hmmmm.... your mother? no.. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! at least right now [ Movie ] uhhm.. I don't really have favorite movies, I like them when I see them and then I forget if I liked them or not. but I liked Dark City a long time ago [ Dance ] FREAKDANCE! I don't know... I don't dance [ Song ] so hard! um.. possibly Eric Johnson - Lonely in the Night [ Vegetable ] Hmm, carrots? probably [ Fruit ] Pears [ Cartoon ] Family Guy or Simpsons ARE YOU... [ Understanding ] To the best of my ability.. [ Open-minded ] yeaahhhh [ Arrogant ] no. [ Insecure ] yes. [ Interesting ] in some ways. [ Random ] sometimes..... :o [ Hungry ] When I don't eat. [ Friendly ] yeah [ Smart ] in all the unimportant ways [ Moody ] not so much anymore! ;D sometimes.. [ Childish ] ooh yeah, at times [Independent ] now that I'm at college, a little more so... but not emotionally [ Hard working ] sometimes yes, sometimes verrrry no [ Organized ] sometimes very yes, sometimes very no [ Healthy ] more healthy than un-healthy, at least [ Emotionally Stable ] stable, yeah.. [ Difficult ] not for other people (usually) [ Attractive ] no [ Bored Easily ] no. [ Messy ] when I don't watch myself... yeah, I guess so [ Thirsty ] often [ Responsible ] mostly, but sometimes very no [ Obsessed ] sometimes [ Angry ] sometimes [ Happy ] occasionally [ Hyper ] yeah, sometimes [ Trusting ] a bit [ Talkative ] not usually, but sometimes with close people WHO DO YOU WANT TO... [ Slap ] people who are utter assholes and break social custom by cutting in line, being rude to someone undeserving, etc [ Get Really Wasted With ] anyone.... :o [ Get High With ] Laura [ Look Like ] Brad Pitt (1, 2) or Kate Moss [Talk To Offline ] Stevie Ray Vaughan [ Talk To Online ] Stevie Ray Vaughan -W H O- [makes u laugh the most?] laura [makes you smile] laura [gives u a funny feeling when u see them] laura [who do you have a crush on?] laura [has a crush on u?] laura [is easiest to talk to] laura -D O. Y O U .E V E R- [sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to I.M. you?] nope [save aol/aim conversations] no, but I did log IRC when I used it... I don't really use AIM [wish u were a member of the opposite sex] all the time. [cried because of someone saying something to you] yeah. -H A V E .Y O U .E V E R- [fallen for your best friend] yeah! :D [been rejected] by colleges? yes. not relationship-wise, but I've never given myself the chance to be [rejected someone] not formally "No" but yeah, by not returning advance [used someone] no, not emotionally.. or that I can think of [been cheated on] not as far as I know [done something you regret] no, I'm perfect... of COURSE I have, that is the stupidest question. -D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U- [do you smoke?] not cigarettes ever, or anything often [could u live without the computer?] yeah [color ur hair] no [ever get off the damn computer] yes, often [habla espanol] enough to know what that means, and that's about it [how many peeps are on ur buddylist?] um... like 30? not a lot. [drink alchohol?] as often as a) I get to or b) is reasonable [like watching sunrises or sunset] yes [what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?] they're not comparable... but emotional pain lasts the longest, plus it can cause physical pain, so oo.. -N U M B E R- of times I have had my heart broken? zero of hearts I have broken? hopefully none. of guys I have kissed?: hmm.. probably like 4-6. it's hard to remember when you're drunk of girls I have kissed?: probably like 6 or 7? see previous answer of tight friends?: a bunch of cd's that I own?: maybe about 150, very approximately of scars on my body: about 6 or 7 I know of of things in my past that I regret?: that's impossible to say... it's not so much individual actions as behaviors or mindsets that I regret I KNOW: very little I WANT: to feel full of life I HAVE: difficulty with happiness I WISH: I had what I want I HATE: not much, but most often of anything, myself I MISS: Blixt (my online Swedish friend.. no, that sounds funny, but he was my best friend ever) I FEAR: death and failure I HEAR: many unimportant things... I WONDER: what the future holds........ I REGRET: it's hard to say I regret being depressed, because it isn't my fault, but I regret the actions that stemmed from it I LOVE: Laura, my friends, Laura, and simple pure un-thinking happiness I CARE: about the things that I love I ALWAYS: am who I am I AM NOT: motivated I DANCE: when I'm drunk or feeling prideful I SING: when no one can hear I DO NOT ALWAYS: have my mouth closed I FIGHT: Alexander Graham Bell I WRITE: out of a need to let out what I feel I WIN: valuable prizes I LOSE: my pants I CONFUSE: myself, by FAR above all else, myself I LISTEN: to everything that I can I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: in my/laura's dorm room, or class I NEED: love I AM HAPPY: when I'm close to Laura and just feel, not think I SHOULD HAVE: done more with my life before now 1 comment|post comment

Hoo hoo! [25 Sep 2003|04:46pm] [ mood | listless ] Well, the truth is out. I am shit! You Are "Shit"! That quiz was useless; I already knew that. It's a random Thursday... No class Thursday, good day I guess... I don't know what's up, I think I'll just float through the day until its end... post comment

Day of Life [24 Sep 2003|04:23pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Bach - Partita #3 Violin Solo in E ] Ahhhhh, today has been a good day. I'm still feeling academically uncertain and feel that I need to study and go over a lot of things... But that's ok, I have no classes tomorrow, and only two classes on Friday, and then the weekend, so I've plenty of time. But ah! I did my laundry today. I also cleaned my room quite thoroughly, swept, put out my garbage and recycling, and washed my mug and a spoon. That's a good feeling... And it's only 3:22PM. Ooh, and I got out of bed at like 7:45 this morning, so I had time to get breakfast and get to Calculus early. I haven't updated in a while... *shrug* (note to self: Took effexor at 3:30PM today) I guess I feel a little bad updating with such utterly useless shit, since maybe I'm on someone's friends list and they get an e-mail when I update... ok, yeah, it's only you, Laura, and maybe you Alissa, but... Maybe one of you have that feature enabled, and sorry! :o I suddenly started sweating, forehead and pits... No, not because of feeling bad :o Hmm, my body is weird. I was feeling gastrointestinally ill before, but I just pooped a little while ago, so maybe I'm getting over it. Ok, things... I need to learn how to not be such an eyesore clothing-wise. I just don't know how to dress or 'shop'... oh sigh. Maybe that will change with time... Well I just did a whole bunch of other things, whoops.. Wrote down various exam dates on my calendar (my first time ever writing on a calendar..) :o and responded to dad e-mail. yeah... I'm going to go do something... Maybe get a burrito and check out the Bookstore for anything I can buy there... and study or something.... BYE MY DOGS 1 comment|post comment

[21 Sep 2003|07:28pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Nirvana - Where Did You Sleep Last Night ] These last two weekends have pretty much sucked... I think it's because I've had vague suspicions that I would be partying at some point during them, and sort of relied on that. So my weekends have been all just sort of waiting around weekends... Ok, I'll just forget the par-T-ing and start using my weekends, probably for studying. Remember that, use weekends, they are precious... Blah, I have to play tonight with "Kevin" and "Eric"... at some open mic. They want to play Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt," since Johnny Cash is dead. Whatever. It has like five chords in the whole thing and nothing else, but now I have to go out and wait around to play, and probably waste more time... I have reading and work to do, FORK OFF Um.. yeah.. Well, I haven't updated in a while and I might not later tonight... so here's this. I'm going to go eat at the Dining Hall or something. Goodbye my loyal dogs post comment

The End of a Day [18 Sep 2003|11:26pm] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | Doors - Roadhouse Blues ] I'm not quite hyper, exactly, but I have ennnnergy. Being productive is always such a good way to get you to want to be productive. I basically finished my history reading, enough so to do my assignment, and that is a Good Thing. Hmm.. I always such place such importance in time, and how to spend it. When I have things to do ahead of me, I feel choked by time and that no amount of time could ever be enough... And once I finish what I have to do, time suddenly stretches out like an open road. If only I could get a healthier perspective on time, I could definitely be much more productive and happy. Perhaps time-management is something to focus on... Yes, yes, yes... Along with that, however, would come having to have a semi-rigid schedule and not being so easily led by others ("Want to go do [blank]?" "uh...ok"), and thus invoke my fear of not pleasing others. Oh, me, stop being so impossible to work out. Well, this Blurty is turning out to be good, as least for me. I know it probably is..... 1) self-involved drudgery and 2) not being read by anyone, but it's what I've always wanted in terms of documented self-observation. Woohoo. I like school when I don't have anything looming over me. I wonder, also, if the Effexor I took at like 7:30PM... wait, haha, I was about to wonder if I was feeling its effects, but I simultaneously felt the pill itself, unswallowed, in my pocket. Well, then! Good for me. *swallow* I might use this energy on my guitar, then read more, and sleep... I really do need a shower, though... Ooh, I can do that during when I don't have History. Ok, only one class has to deal with un-washed me. Ok, ok, ok! GOODNIGHT MY LOYAL DOGS. 3 comments|post comment

"Morning" On Nothing-Day [18 Sep 2003|01:24pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Origin - Vomit You Out ] Hello everyone who doesn't read my Blurty because I just made it and no one knows about it! I just woke up, it's about 1:20PM... No-class Thursday is so nice. I have a -lot- of history reading to do, and I really don't want to. That sucks...! Poop poop poop. At least the weekend is near... so I can do more studying! Bleh. I don't care, I just don't want to see anyone until I feel prepared for school tomorrow; but of course I can't avoid my hyper-active hall peoples, so... Meh. Well, I don't even know why I decided to update now, I'm just bored and Laura left for some Psychology experiment a while ago, and I don't know what I'm going to do today yet. This Blurty is pretty self-revealing; I try to describe how I feel, but I find so far (a whole two entries!) I don't really have much of a mood. I'm just... awake. I need to find a mood. Preferable a couple of moods, so I have some variety. Goodbye for now, my loyal non-readers. post comment

Introducing Me [17 Sep 2003|07:56pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Liberace - Flight of the bumble bee boogie ] Hello. This is me, talking to you, whoever you are; even if you aren't you, I am talking to you. I finally secured a spot for myself on this "Blurty" contraption... Well, this will definitely take some getting used to, I'm not used to talking to 1) invisible people or 2) myself, so.. yes. Well, my day wasn't very much today... I went to Calculus, went to English, didn't go to History... because IT WAS CANCELLED! Ha, I fooled you... well... I ate and stuff, and... hi. I have no classes tomorrow, so I can do whatever I want tonight........ such as go to sleep really early, which I probably will. I'm thirsty! Bye... post comment

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