|
|
Sunday, January 5th, 2003
|
10:34p - Not much lately
Well, the title for this doesn't really reflect what's going on in my life, but I'm uncreative tonight, therefore I don't know what to write. I guess I could start out with the fact that a) school starts tomorrow and I'm not too thrilled about it. My schedule consists of Bio 102, Stats (which I'm supposed to have with Jennie, but I think she's wrong on when she scheduled it) and then Accounting- b) it's formal recruitment. I'm supposed to play the flute for the pref round, and I haven't played the flute in years. Well, what can I say- it's going to be interesting. c)I don't have much time this month to see people or even to work. That disappoints me because it makes me think *nothing* is going to happen. Nothing has. So, what am I worried about? Jake keeps telling me to let things go- maybe I'll finally listen to him and do that. He says that I overanalyze too much and think too much- he wouldn't be the first to say that, but at the same time, Jake puts things in very easy ways to understand. He actually makes an attempt to really support me, and I am grateful to that.
The holidays were okay. Could've been better, could've been worse. That's all I got to say about that.
I feel like I should've written in this more. I apologize to Chris for kind of scaring him in one of my entries. I don't know how I scared him, but I bet it was because I was in a pretty emotional mood. Right now I'm in a bland mood. I'm disappointed for a variety of reasons: a) one of my sisters deactivated, and I loved her. She was so much fun, and I didn't see it coming b) I haven't heard from anyone that's finally back in town for classes. c) My busy busy schedule. *sighs*
More later.
(comment on this)
|
10:55p - I'm Done.
I'm done trying to figure things out. I'm done trying to wonder what the hell is going on with things. I think I'm just the type of person that is picked out and pinned as, "Hey, there yea go...there's someone who's naive, gullible and easy to hurt. Go for it!" Let's recap.
Well, for one, Karen, Ben and I went to a favorite hangout of mine from the past. Ben knew some people that worked there, so he wanted to go and see what was going on. Well, let's just say it was too much for me. I learned some things that evening- learned some things I should've questioned before, but didn't because I was stupid.
I was stupid again in putting my heart on the line and expressing everything I was feeling. I should've read closer, should've read between the lines- or just the lines on his damn webpage in general to see what was going on. Why the hell do I put things on here? For people to read and understand me. Should've noticed that it's the same thing he was trying to do. Things aren't concrete. Friendship, whatever it is. Nothing is concrete until it's proven to me- and I'm done with intiating anything, with opening up. I've done all I can do, and all my heart will let me do right now.
And the thing is- I wasn't truly listening to my heart. Something told me not to open up. Something told me to trust my friends- and I should've.
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|