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I noticed that my journal entries are always bad... ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE A GOOD JOURNAL ENTRY!! But that isnt going to happen unless i have a good day, and the last time i had a good day was God knows when. I cried so much today.. i cant really explain why. except that i feel so left out, alone and INSECURE. I have absolutly NO confidence, NONE. Its one of the worst feelings in the world. Besides, being alone and left out. To go into this in more detail.. i am alone. I just dont feel it, i am. I mean my family.. i hate them, and they hate me. My friends.. i mean they all left me... well like either they have newer and better best friends this year, or they all have boyfriends, and what do i have? i have myself.. and its not fun. I just wanna feel loved and feel like AT LEAST ONE FREAKIN person cares about me. One of my friends wanted to know whats wrong, and she said shes there for me, and then she starts by saying, "oh i know exactly how u feel, im going thru the same thing.. " and she went on, and u know what? im not trying to sound mean, but she doesnt have that bad of a life, and the problems that she is having now are ALL HER FAULT like about her friends hating her and guy troubles.. well if she was a better girlfriend, and a better friend.. ugh.. she treats her friends and boyfriends like shit.. im really not friends with her, and im sick of hearing other people talk shit about her when they r actually her friends.. they act like friends to her face, but behind her back they r trash talkers..but newayz she has no idea what im going thru. Another friend [i was shocked] really cared tho and really wanted to know what was wrong and they really did care... it made me feel that someone cares a little. But then a few people told me that i shouldnt be upset because i have plenty of friends and dont worry about guys, because i should just be living hs up and not stressing over them... NEWS FLASH... i have NO friends... well no friends thats truely care bout me.. no close friends... everyone has their best friends.. their REAL close friends, i dont and i dont have a boyfriend.. and no family ither.. i have NOTHING. Thats why i feel alone. So i watched this movie yesterday about this guy with an extrmely large nose.. thats how it caught my attention cuz i can relate.. but so everyone kind of looks down on him and describe him as the guy with the big nose, and it hurts his feelings and he just wants to get surgery.. but the surgeon is his friend and wont do it because the surgeon believes that he has that nose for a reason. So i was thinking about the point to the movie and about what my mom once told me. She once said that, "God puts all the obstacles in front of you as a challenge, to see if/how u will make it." So then my misson must be to overcome alll these obstacles in front of me... but where do i start? how do i start? I have no clue. But i guess when the time is right to overcome this setbacks on front of me.. i will. Maybe i should just wait until the right time. I dunno... im just sick of being sad, i have been sad for way too long.. and i just want to be happy. Plus besides stressing over my school, guy, friend, & family life, now i can add driving, getting a job, finding happiness, finding love, finding forgiveness, finding confidence, going on a diet, eating healthy, doing about 100 projects. the big sophmore project, finals, memorial day, and living with no more Everwood... ok so i needa go now because its 8:30 almost and i needa start all my hw... later oh and if anyone were to read this.. my dad restarted my computer and everything got deleted off of it... he did it on purpose cuz there was a HUGE problem with it... so i needa new email... what do u think.... dreamingirl649 or soccergirl649 or thats all i have thoguth so far. Give me ideas any1 |
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stressed.