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[...Friends Only...] [14 May 2034|07:37pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Stuff ] I've had to go all Friends Only up in this shit. :) Cool. Comment to be added. [...die a little...]

[...Singing In The Rain...] [14 Feb 2004|12:22am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | The Smiths- Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want ] So Emilie hasn't updated in a while... And she has much to tell. Sooo...what's up since my last REAL entry? Well, Kara and I are still together. :) That's always great. She's the hottest little mama ever. And...I made new friends! :) Well...I SORT OF made new friends. I mean...I met new people...and Ilike them. Whether or not they like me remains to be seen. :) So yeah, going to the OLOTEAS stuff now. Which is pretty huge for me. I love the people and the atmosphere. So..ok...so I've been to ONE rit...but still. :) The atmosphere is so amazing. I felt like I could be myself...loser that I am...and not fear ostracization. I was shy at first...I usually am...but it wasn't like most things...I felt an immediate affinity with people...which I guess comes from finally finding a group that shares my ideals and interests. I mean, two girls...I'd only just met...on our way to the circle it was so dark and I couldn't see and they each took one of my arms and we walked (In what was meant to be a more or less single file line) three abreast... It was nice...I've never felt that close to people I've just met. The pool thing...that was a bit difficult at first...but only because it was new. But I feel a lot happier, and secure in myself in the past few months because of this direction my life is taking. I mean, it's always been there...I've always been this person...I always will be this person. It's just so nice to finally let it out...to finally find what it is I'm meant to be doing and who it is I am...and to be...open about it...and not ashamed. So much of my past has been spent ashamed of myself...for being different, for not believing what I was told to believe. But I'm a lot happier now. Plans for the wedding are...not...coming along. Probably because I'm a lazy bitch...but also maybe because I'm terrified. I don't want to leave...I don't want to leave everything behind. :( *cowers in the corner* I spent all of last night putting pictures on my wall of old moviestars...Gene Kelly, Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, Vivien Leigh, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, Olivia De Havilland, Lauren Bacall...etc. Oh. And Angelina Jolie. Yeah...she may be modern, but she's more than hot. If I were a guy she'd be the source of all my wet dreams. No joke. :) Let's see...sooooo....um....I'm a starfish. I made an ass of myself at that Shakespeare reading. It's just...when meeting new people...I either go from one extreme to the other...shy and withdrawn, or obnoxious, loud and stupid...and so this time I went for the latter. Not consciously...I think part of it had to do with reading from the play...which always gets my energy up. Ok...I'm tiiiiiiiiiiired. I've been reading Gone With the Wind for the millionth time. EXCELLENT book. Everyone read it. And yesterday I watched Singing in the Rain...and I love that movie. Gene Kelly's such a cutie...and boy does he have an ASS! Alright, that's all folks. I shall leave you with a quote. "Word of warning, over there they call them fanny packs. Cos fanny means your arse over there. *long pause* Not your minge." Haha! :) I *heart* The Office. Yay! ~Off like my bikini top in a wave pool~ [...wilting like 2 decaying souls / live to die a little...]

[...The Ism of the Commune...] [11 Nov 2003|08:34pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | *snickers* ] The Ism of the Commune A paper on Communism and the Left Wing By Wonks The Fox, for Karamerm Communisim is just what the name suggests. An ism, based around a commune. Communism first started back when hippies made it big. That's because they spent most of their time in a commune, and thus the ism was born. Now contrary to popular belief, communism is not about death camps, or oppression, or hunger, or even Russia or China. Communism is about free love, venereal disease (but in a good way), and acid trips. Most people think that communism is associated with the colour red because of the negative connotations of the colours of the Russian and Chinese flags back when they did their mean thing. Not true. Communism (the ism of communes) is associated with red because it is the colour of love. And especially free love. The kind hippies like. Unfortunately communism is not all fun and games. This is where the left wing comes in. These hippies in these communes mostly subscribed to a leftist way of thinking because it meant they didn't have to go to war, didn't have as many governmental sanctions, and could continue all the free love making. Good on them for that, I say. Good on them for that. However, communism lost favour when the hippies were no longer in favour either. Through the sad developments of veneral diseases (in a bad way) free love was no longer practical. Mostly becuase hippies couldn't afford condoms, didn't believe in them or were allergic to rubber. A sad genetic anomaly passed on to their numerous offspring due to all their free love. So the hippies had to leave their communes, because of bad things that happened in the world. And because Madonna ushered in a new trend in music and their happy bird songs were no longer popular. Communes still exist today, however they exist in a capacity much diminished from the original intention of the original hippies, and therefore does not exhibit true Communism, but rather Communism Light. The Light Communist is usually a yuppie who has bought into the health-food craze and has decided to pay a portion of money to upkeep a farm, grocery store, or sometimes--albeit unwittingly--a drug ring. These farms, natural grocery stores, and drug rings are run by the former true Communists, who look askance on these Light Communists, but continue with their business in order to promote their own welfare. Communism has been through many changes, and it varies from commune to commune. But I think it can safely be said, that the ism of communes, in various forms and derivitatives is here to stay. P.S.- Dear Professor: I'm a closet hippy. If you give me an A you may get to find out just how free my love really is [...die a little...]

[...morse code abandoned me...] [11 Nov 2003|04:42pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Shaun's crappy music ] Well, I've finally updated...this update will appear on all my journals just to keep everyone abreast of the new developments in my life... And also cos I'm lazy. But I will start updating everything again soon, so bear with me. I do have about 6 journals or something. It's hard work keeping up with all my non-existent fans. Anyway, I just got back from my 6 weeks in England about 2 weeks ago. New developments: I got a tongue ring and a tragus piercing on my right ear. I had a great time in England. Unfortunately my dad needed the camera to take pix of Shaun's brother's wedding while I was away so I didn't have my own camera with me and the thousands of pictures I normally take has been reduced to hundreds since I used Andy's camera. Speaking of Andy he's seriously great, and I certainly don't deserve him. On another note, completely unrelated, I've devised a plan to try to get Korhall, Kellivara, DragonBlade, and Kell's bf Cory all out here for the wedding, which should be fun. It probably won't work out due to all the uncertainties, but it WOULD be an awesome Mini-Con, and I know it would make them happy. Beorn says he'd like to come as well, and I'm really looking forward to that so I hope it works out. I've actually started planning things for the wedding which is a big step for me. I've narrowed the choices for churches down to three, and I'm going out to see them some time this week with the camera. I'll take pix, send them to Andy via e-mail and hopefully we'll have a church decision within the next two weeks. Hah! Yeah right. I'm such a procrastinator. Though I have made choices for colours and flowers and stuff. I just need to talk to a florist and a dress-maker...well...ok...my mum. She's a great seamstress and I think that if she ever gets her finger out she would like to help. If not I have no problem with taken the girls shopping, it would just be a lot easier with Kara being in Boston and Caitlin being away at school to have everyone measured and then fitted the month before the actual ceremnoy when Kara will be in town and Caitlin will be back home. I have a huge problem with my mother not wanting to help. And I'm even more the black sheep now that she's seen my tongue and ear...it's just a bit of metal...she should chill out. Anyway, I was up late last night talking to Nom and we have a LOT in common...I really really wish things would work out for her, cos I know exactly how she feels and it's crap. :( I'm still off solid foods on a different note...I had a piece of cheese the other day and ate it almost normally! Today I'm going to see how I get on with fishsticks...since they're realatively soft and I can take little bites I might not have a problem. But I hate making food and then not being able to eat it. And speaking of things that I hate, here's another one: Shaun. Everything with me sucks since I?m back in ugly stupid America. But thanks for asking. ;) Well..it wouldn?t suck SO much if my dad?s stupid roommate (I?ve disowned him?he?s no longer my roommate?I would never CHOOSE to live with anybody that awful) has taken to acting like a complete jackass to me. He only speaks to me to tell me what to do (Do the dishes, put the garbage out, vacuum the carpet) or what not to do (don?t sit in the chair like that, don?t clean that saucepan with that rag, don?t forget to clean the counter-tops), and in the meantime he plays stupid passive aggressive games. Like?even though he has a TV with full cable and satellite in his room he still insists on watching TV in the living room, which means that I, who do not have a TV in my room, have to do something completely different?.and even when I?m watching TV he?ll come and change the channel. If I get up to go to the bathroom and leave the TV on, obviously coming right back to continue watching my program, he?ll sneak into the living room, change the channel, plunk himself down, and refuse to get up for a month of Sundays?*sigh* He did that to me last night in the middle of a program I?d been dying to watch about the pyramids in Egypt. He changed the channel so he could watch his stupid basketball. Jerk. Anyway?I tried to go on the computer but he kept at me (don?t sit in the chair like that, don?t type so loud, don?t type so hard, stop typing I?m watching tv) and I just was so put off that I went in my room and went to sleep?it was only around 8pm but I figured it was better than listening to him all night. ANYway, then he proceeded to stay up until 2am, with the TV on full volume, laughing and cheering at the screen at HIS full volume WHILE throwing a ball down the hall (right past my door) for the dog to chase. So I?m woken up around 11 and kept awake until 2am by this constant bounce bounce bounce down the hall and against my door and the wall right behind my head and then the dog racing loudly down the hall to get the ball?over and over and over again?*sigh* And to make matters worse cigarette smoke makes me ill and he insists on smoking in the house so he doesn?t miss a second of his blessed bloody football. (American Football?)?.anyway yeah? Anyway, sorry?I just needed to rant about him?he?s a serious Grade A Asshole?:-/ I hate him?if only my dad would get rid of him!! Oh?and to make matters even MORE awful?this stupid roommate temped the job I do for my dad while I was in England?but now has decided that he doesn?t want to give it back?and my dad can?t stand up to him cos he?s a softie and this guy?s mean and scary and my dad has a soft spot for him?so now I?m out of a job and I have to look for a low-wage job which means I?ll have to work full time and won?t be able to go to school now. It?s really sad. And I hate the way he yells at Saffi (our dog) it's just not nice. :( Poor Saffron is a dog! And he calls her a freak and a spaz when she misbehaves and says things like "If you do that again I'm going to bash your head in!" or "I'm going to break your neck" or "Stop that or I'll kill you!!!" And that seriously bothers me. Shaun's a miserable excuse for a human being...and I just want him out of our lives. Oh?and I?m craving a brie, bacon, and cranberry baguette sandwich something AWFUL?*sigh* English food is much better than American food. England's national (and by national I mean most popular) dish is Chicken Tikka Masala?ours is a McDonald?s Big Mac. Curry may not be fine French cuisine?but it?s ENORMOUSLY better than McDonalds! J Anyway?yeah?that?s what?s up with me?*rolls eyes* Sorry for typing your eyes off?.(as opposed to talking your ears off?since?you know?you can?t hear me?) As for Andy he?s fine, but seriously stressed?it?s his last year at Uni and he?s writing a dissertation this year and it?s weighing on his mind. Plus we?re really short on money right now and since he doesn?t have a job he?s having a real hard time figuring out what he?s going to do for the next year? And that's pretty crappy...it sucks knowing that it'll be months and ages before we see eachother again. I won't see him til the wedding in all likelihood. I might get to go out for a few weeks this spring if I save up enough...but who knows...I'll get a job soon...maybe...yeah right...and we'll see what happens. So that's what's been up with me lately. I'll update again soon. [...die a little...]

[...custom comments...] [29 Aug 2003|03:29am] My custom comment links were automatically generated by 's free LJ Comment Customization Generator. [...die a little...]

[...puddle jumping...] [29 Aug 2003|02:04am] [ mood | exanimate ] [ music | the smiths ] i've just created a blurty community onilne...puddlejumpers i don't really expect people to join, but i thought it might be a good place for me to put my thoughts about moving to england and stuff... and other people can join if they want to share their feelings and stuff etc. i invite all of you to join...you can come post back and forth w/ me about my trip to england. [...die a little...]

[...for those who don't read my blogger...] [15 Aug 2003|09:34pm] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | radiohead- no alarms and no surprises ] Harry Potter Evil: Yes or no? So in reading that "point of view" by some random religious leader I have to wonder what the world is coming to. It's actually interesting, but it's pretty damn stupid too. Read it. Comment. It's all good. Quick rant: Will somebody please tell Shaun he's not black? Damn wigger. I wish he'd stop talking like he grew up in Compton or something. He should realise he's white. And furthermore, the bastard is stupid, he shouldn't try to appear intelligent. He thought Argentinian's spoke Portuguese. I suppose that's not a hard mistake to make, I mean, those South American countries are all the same, right? *gratuitous eye rolling* But it's the sentence a few minutes earlier (when my dad asked if the Argentinian tennis players switched coaches so often was a symptom of perfectionism and Shaun said "Not so much that as they're just tempremental") that really pisses me off. I have an idea, let's make blanketing generalisations about other cultures and people, and unfavourable generalisations I might add, just for the sheer unadulterated hell of it. Yeah. You're cool. And then when later, I say, "No. Argentinians speak Spanish" and Shaun says, "Right. It's Brazil where you get more Portuquese." MORE Portuguese? It's only their national language, dumbass. I guess that means a few of them might speak it. And I especially like the way he agrees with me just to make it look like he knows what he's talking about. Like if after I say something (fact, not opinion. Any opinions I have he arbitrarily rejects and counters) he's like, "Yep. Yep" and starts nodding. As if doing that makes him smarter, as if he actually knew the information before I said it instead of just trying to look smart by agreeing with me or my dad (when he does it). Oh, and for someone who claims to be a chef he sure can't cook. I mean, a steak griller at the Outback isn't really a chef, is he? He's a cook really. Shaun's cooks steaks at B & C level restaurants. Andy's a better cook by far. And surprise surprise he can make more than just 3 dishes. (Spaghetti, Steak, and random permutations of other noodle dishes, and other meat dishes which I count as just one.) And he does this thing...this "Can I make a suggestion?" or "Can you do me a favour?" he's told me (usually when he's yelling at me) numerous times that if you just tell people what to do it pisses them off, so he uses those two catch-all catch-phrases to preface any statement in which he will tell someone what to do. TELLING ME YOU DO THIS JUST MEANS THAT THOSE PHRASES HAVE THE SAME EFFECT AS FLAT OUT TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. He doesn't seem to get this though. And any time I hear him say "Can I make a suggestion?" or "Can you do me a favour?" either to me or to my dad I know it will be followed with "And here's me telling you how to do something you can manage full well on your own" or "And here's me telling you to do something I could very easily do myself but won't because a) I'm to lazy, or b) I've arbitrarily decided it's your "job" or even c) a combination of the two. God, if you're going to butt in when my dad's making FRICKING MACARONI AND TOASTER OVEN GARLIC BREAD to offer "suggestions" on how you can "help" him do it better THEN YOU FUCKING COOK THE MACARONI AND TOAST THE BREAD YOURSELF! Oh, and Heinz 57 sauce does not belong IN hamburgers. If you like the taste, spread some on your hamburger bun and enjoy it that way. But when you're making hamburgers for other people who a) don't like Heinz 57 sauce one bit, and b) don't want their hamburgers to taste like meatloaf HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT AND LEAVE IT OUT! My dad and I try so hard to get him to leave it out. We can't outright ask him because he'll throw a tantrum toss mixing bowls around and storm out. But we make subtle suggestions. We know when we've made enough suggestions though NOT WHEN HE COMPLIES or agrees to be CONSIDERATE and leaves it out, but when he says "If you don't like it make it your fucking self." Which is crap anyway, because any time my dad (I'd try but I can't cook) even ATTEMPS to cook anything within Shaun's realm (Steak, Hamburgers, and various noodle items) Shaun jumps into the kitchen, makes too many suggestions, and eventually complains that he didn't do it right and that he's going to do it from then on. So what choice do we have then to let you do it yourself so that we avoid a big huge pain in the ass. And his cheesy comments have just about reached the breaking point with me. He's got so many random stupid isms he does that if I hear one more I think I'll scream. It's like he says stuff just to make noise, like he can't just not say anything. Oh..and btw, if you have enough water in the pot to cover the noodles after they plump up you're doing alright. They won't stick together if you use 10 cups instead of 11. Sorry. They won't. And since when making macaroni you add the cheese AFTER you DRAIN the water, having 2 cups short of the water in the pot won't make the noodles clump together in balls of cheese. That only happens if the noodles a) aren't cooked properly, or b) aren't mixed with the cheese well enough. So leave my dad alone, stop "Making suggestions" and sit your broke no-count ass down and shut up. Yeah. So Shaun...you suck. Now leave me alone. I guess that wasn't a quick rant after all. [...die a little...]

[...rockin' with the red hair?...] [15 Aug 2003|12:25pm] [ mood | exanimate ] [ music | that "swing swing swing from the something of my heart" song ] i wonder if i could rock the bright red hair like shakira did for "donde estan los ladrones" before she went blonde for her american debut... [...die a little...]

[...Captain Escapism...] [13 Aug 2003|01:10am] [ mood | self-desctructive ] [ music | onelinedrawing-bitte ein kuss ] I'd like to take this time to announce my withdrawl from life. In the future, please look for this space to be filled by a rotting corpse, and/or death and decay. I'm serious. I just don't want to do this anymore. [...wilting like 11 decaying souls / live to die a little...]

[...breathe in...] [08 Aug 2003|12:33am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | guided by voices- hold on hope ] i can smell the salt air blowing up from eliott bay. the moon is a waxing gibbous tonight. 3/4 full. it's glowing just above the washington mutual tower. the night feels soft and salty. it makes me think of the beach andy and i went to... ruby beach. it was so beautiful. it was raining...just a fine mist...and to see the fog rolling over the water...the ocean so grey...so big. the tide was out...and we walked on the sand barefoot...holding hands and letting the waves play around our feet. we could hear all sorts of seagulls and saw the waves crashing against the stacks... it was gorgeous. like a dream. i wish i could go back there. right now. to that little cave under the cliff...it was so peaceful and quiet and yet so loud at the same time. the waves and the birds...and yet no sounds of cars or people. just the ocean and us. though i suppose if i had my choice i'd rather be in england. it's hot there right now. record heat. supposedly the highest temperatures in england's recorded history. but i'd give anything to wake up in that little bedroom on st. margaret road...to see the sun shining through those awful yellow and blue flowered curtains...to catch a glimpse of the spires from the cathedral out the window. and i miss the little kitchen. how the floor is always freezing, and the fridge always has cheese. i miss standing at the sink and washing the dishes...the brown teapot...the blue coffee mugs...the milk foamer... and then trying to somehow fit all the dishes into the tiny cupboard. i don't know why i miss doing the dishes...but i dunno...it was fun. me standing and washing the pots while andy dried them and put them away. i miss watching andy cook...with all his stirring...and throwing things into the pan at random. i miss the seafood he'd make for me. and i miss lying on his tiny loveseat with my head in his lap and my legs over the arm of the sofa, or the other way around with my legs on his lap and my head on the arm, and watching movies. i miss the softness of our bed...the most comfortable bed i've ever met hands down...with it's thick cuddlesome comforter and the soft cotton sheets... i miss england...and the grocery stores...for some reason i like english grocery stores better than american ones. they're more brightly lit...and more...better. i miss the valleys too...and the rivers...i miss the streets...and the air and the way they drive on the wrong side of the road. i miss hearing accents everywhere...and i miss the restaurants and the pubs. and i miss andy. i miss holding him...and kissing him. and i miss his cuddles. and i miss the way that when i'm in his arms everything is better. even if only for a moment...he can make things better. he can make me forget what a fuck up i am and almost get me to believe i'm someone special. that i'm pretty. and sexy. and smart. and he lets me believe...he helps me believe that love really can last a lifetime...that some people really do spend their whole lives together. i always thought i'd be alone...but when i look into his eyes i know i'll never be alone again. and i know that for the rest of my life, as long as i live, he'll love me...and i'll love him. and even if we don't die on the same day...even if one or the other of us goes first...i know that i'll always be with him...and that a day won't go buy that i don't find myself in love with him. it's a good feeling...but it's so scary too. i've never had so much to lose before. i mean...you flunk out of school...so what...you can go back...try again...get back on. but if i were to lose andy...that's it...it's over. my life would be...empty. if something were to happen...and we split up...or were forced apart...or one of us died or something...the thought of not waking up every day and seeing him lying next to me... it's terrifying...maybe it shouldn't scare me so much...but...it really does. to think...that he might not be in my life...that...that's just...god. i know i don't make any sense... but i love him so much...and to lose him...to lose him would be hell. he's everything good in my life...he's the reason i keep working, and keep struggling in school, and keep getting up in the morning. i love him so much...and i wish i could even begin to tell him just how much he's done for me...how much he's helped me...how happy he's made me...how lost i'd be without him. but i know i can't...and though i'm pretty sure that i've done just as much for him...i don't feel there's anyway i can thank him or repay him enough... but i mean to spend the rest of my life trying. [...die a little...]

[...Why Chris Back Sucks...] [07 Aug 2003|03:24pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | kill the hippies ] i'm feeling cynical and impatient. one of the women in my presentation group is a complete moron. she's in her 50s and functions like a one-celled organism. I swear that woman wouldn't know symbolism if it bit her in the ass. she went through the book we're presenting on and made an outline with page numbers of what she thought was important. and one of the notes was just "p. 211, coxcomb" when i asked her what the fuck she meant (since it wasn't a key focus of the novel and i had no idea why there was a note on this word...) she said "Oh...well in this novel so and so calls so and so a coxcomb, and in the other novel we read the other guy calls the other guy a coxcomb too. i thought we could make a parallel." And I was like...hmm... NO. since they're entirely different contexts and the intention of the author was different for each one. NO. Using the same word in two different books does not constiute a parallel or an overarching theme. sorry. you suck. it's like, if I call you [her] moron, and I call my ex-bf a moron, i'm not making a comparison b/w you two, and you're morons for entirely different reasons. it's just a word. and it was common at the time these novels were written. you're wrong. erase that right now. but i said it nicer. she just sucks so much. and she doesn't listen. it's in one ear out the other. you have to tell her things 6 times before she'll remember it. for example: in my other class she's also in my performance group and she as Horatio in the last scene of Hamlet. And after Hamlet kills the king and falls down to die Horatio's like "No! If you die I'm going to drink the last of this poisoned wine and kill myself" and Hamlet's like "NO! give me the cup!" and Chris (the dumbass lady's name) didn't understand that it was the same cup and offered no less than 7 times to bring in a water bottle to use as the wine Hamlet asks for. we told her like...a million times...NO...you take THAT cup...not a different one. and then when sitting in class, the day of the performance, watching the prof give notes to the group that went before us... the prof said: now, the gravedigger asked for a drink of mead, but you took an empty closed Snapple bottle and pretend to drink. It would've worked better to have put iced tea in there and actually taken off the lid...just for effect. And Chris turns to us and was like, "OOH, maybe we can use my water bottle after all" and we were all like...in unison...shouting NO!!! : IT'S THE SAME FREAKING CUP THE KING PUTS THE POISON IN! YOU TAKE IT FROM THE FLOOR BY THE KING'S BODY! DAMNIT! As Kara says: oh the poor thing is so simple. [...die a little...]

[...it's not even a question...] [06 Aug 2003|09:10pm] someone next door is cooking salmon. i can smell it blowing in through the door to the balcony. the sun has set, and the mountains across the sound have a peachy glow above them. it's dark in here. and i feel lonely. i'm not alone. but i wish i were. shaun is in the back room. i always hate being home alone with him. it's not that i don't like him, just that i don't exactly find solace in his company. and i'd rather be alone. today has been pretty bad. just an endless string of disappointments and bad news. i wish it were over. i wish these next two weeks were over. i wish i were right now on a plane crossing the atlantic. [...die a little...]

[...I'm so glad The Cheat is not dead...] [03 Aug 2003|11:14pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Bright Eyes- Something Vague ] Wanderlust Lost (10:47:32 PM): *kara's brain dances circles around emilie's brain.* Wanderlust Lost (10:47:35 PM): *in a kilt* It's so true. It's funny and kind of sad the way we let the television rule our lives in this country. When I was in England there were only 4 channels. (Not that that's all they had, just that that's all The Andy paid for. :)) And I had a lot more fun reading or amusing myself with other things than I did with watching TV. This struck me tonight as, sitting outside on my balcony and reading Evelina and taking notes and blah blah for my paper I heard from across the street and across the courtyards of the apartment buildings surrounding us no less than three echoes of The Sopranos. One was coming from my own living room where Shaun was watching it. (I had to retreat to the balcony to actually get some studying done) and there were maybe two in the building next door and one across the street. I felt like I was in some lost world because as I absorbed myself in 18th century literature, I was surrounded by the incessant naggings of this modern, media driven world we live in. It was surreal...and sad. Stupid TV. [...die a little...]

[...yowser...] [23 Jul 2003|11:40pm] [ mood | Sapphic ] [ music | X-Files Theme ] Angelina Jolie is so hot...I'm torn between wanting her and wanting to look like her... Ok. I don't actually want her. Cos vagina's don't interest me like that. But she's just so GORGEOUS. I like to look at her. I wish I could look like that. I really really do. Everyone has someone or other they'd like to look like, a celebrity or something. She'd be mine. She's just...well she's Lara Croft...she's great. Love her. *sigh* Why can't I be hot? [...wilting like 13 decaying souls / live to die a little...]

[...everything here's about to break...] [22 Jul 2003|09:37pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Frank Sinatra ] I've done it again. Done what you ask? Done the inevitable. Once again. I didn't go to class regularly. I got behind. I have about 13 papers to write tonight. Well...6...really... And what's worse is that I know I have these things to do and I waste time talking to Daron, and Jesse, and Michael, and EVERYBODY. I should buckle down...and take control... But I think I might not care. That's wrong isn't it? To not care. I think that's wrong...right? But it's hard to care about this...when my mind is on something else. I'd rather just be in England. I know that's awful. That if I want to BE in England I should study harder. Work harder. But for some reason I'm just dead inside. And I have no motivation, no drive. What happened to me? I feel like an empty shell. Why do I do this to myself? [...wilting like 2 decaying souls / live to die a little...]

[...do i have to be unhappy for the rest of my life until you're here?...] [20 Jul 2003|03:30pm] me--"you're the most thing ever with the stuff and love" andy--*laughs* "so are you" [...wilting like 2 decaying souls / live to die a little...]

[...opening...] [20 Jul 2003|01:28pm] i'm opening the gateway to the east. this will be my new journal. [...die a little...]

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