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Do AlL g0oD tHiNgS c0mE t0 aN eNd? [11 May 2004|04:15pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | If I ain't got you, by Alica Keys ] Well, just what I thought would happen, has happened. Sarah and I were on the phone at about 4:45 am seriously talking, and it turns out she has been lying to me. She never trusted me....since day one. I trusted her since day...until that day she fucked up on me. But, the difference is that she knew the truth, cause I told her, I never held that fact from her. She had to know that in the trust department she had to start over again. Anyway, I love her so much. I promised her I would not move on too quickly. I am hoping she learns to get her shyt together, all her trust issues, then only then, can we try and see what will happen between her and I. I am willing to wait, but if she reads this, I want her to know that I am not gonna wait forever. That sooner or later, I am gonna move on, with or without her. ;/ Anyway, my eyes are burning right now, so perhaps I will come back and continue on with this day.... Muah. Chelle post comment

What's Da Issue? [11 May 2004|03:17am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Get It Together, by 702 ] How is it that everytime I want to confide in you about the good things that have happened I am always bothered by something or someone and it totally ruins my entry? First off, let me tell you who I am pissed at and why. I am pissed at my girl. Why?, you ask. Well, that is simple. She ended up finding out who I was chillin with a few days ago. I was chilling with a chick that I had been hurt by. A chick I really cared about. A chick who just walked out my life and just so easily as she walked out, she suddenly walked back in. Anyway, the day she walked back into my life, I had already made plans to chill with my homie D'Andre, and I guess he allowed her to tag along. Anyway, we were chilling and I was on the phone with my girl, as I was hanging up with her I said, " I love you, too," and a comment was made and my girl heard it. She was not happy. You want to know what the comment was? Ok. My friend, Sharlene, who is the girl who hurt me, said, "I love you, too, Oden." Who is Oden? Oden is my boyfriend, if you have read my previous entries, you would know this. Anyway, Sarah is really envious of Oden, and I am not just making an assumption, she has told me this on numerous occassions and has also made it really clear in her own journal. Anyway, of couse upon hearing that, Sarah was pissed. She wanted to know who the person was, so I said, "A friend". After that we hung up. Well, I felt bad so I called her back and apologized, well, D'Andre thought I was calling my boyfriend, he yelled, " Hello, Oden." Big Mistake! This pissed Sarah off even more. And what pissed her off even more was that this time I laughed. I didn't mean to, but at the time I thought it was funny, so I guess I did mean to. I now know that in laughing I didn't take her feelings into consideration. Anyway, needless to say, she again hung up pissed. But, I proceeded to have fun with my friends. We chilled the rest of night, got drunk, watched ,movies and talked about the days we use to chill. Anyway, D'Andre was suppose to take me home, but he had drank too much, so Sharlene offered. On our way to my house, Sharlene and I talked about everything in the past and I talked about Sarah and made it very clear that I was not up to having my heart broken a second time by Sharlene. She understood. And it was left at that. And we drove in silence until a song we both knew came on the radio, we sang with it and a few moments later we pulled up to my house, I got out the car and she came to my side the car and hugged me and we said the usual, "I love yous". You have to understand, I have known Sharlene since 97', we were the best of friends, until she hurt me, as a friend. Then we became friends again....then she hurt me in 2003, as a lover. So, when we said " I love you" we meant it in a " I love you, as a friend." Anyway, that was all that happened. Tell me why my girl figures out on her own who it was I was chilling with, and asks me if I still have feelings for Sharlene, and when I answer, "Yes," she gonna ask, " Enough to leave me?" Wtf? Of course I said. "No." Why? Because I won't give up Sarah to greet a another heart break with open arms. And even with answering with the "No," do you know she had the audacity to ask if I would ever do anything with this chick. Wtf? Okay, if I wanted to do something with her, I would leave Sarah first. Simply put. I would not have her around. For what? I gain nada..... anyway, so yes, she pissed me off with that. Because of her insecurities, Chelle has to pay. Wtf? Ugh. -Anyway- Mother's Day was okay....I went out the Parliament House and had a blast. I got so fked up. A lot of the people there knew I was/am a mother, so let's say, a lot of free drinks. Heh. Plus, before we got there, I had stopped at a liquior store and got some Jager. Yummers. It was gone as like 10 minutes after we got to the club parking lot. As soon as we parked....I cracked opened the bottle and downed as much as I could, as did D'Andre. Heh. Then we walked in and walked around, Sharlene called has called while we were on our way there telling us that she should be at the club in like 45 minutes....anyway, as we walking around I was keeping track of the time to make sure we walked up to the front to meet Sharlene, when it was time, D'Andre fpllowed me up front, as we were walking up front, Sharlene was just walking up to the club. Anyway, we chilled, drank and met up with some people there. It was so fkn awesome. Everyone was drunk and happy. The club was fine until some gay men began to fight 15 minutes before the club was suppose to close, so they had to clear it out. Anyway, from there we went to Sharlene's job, to see her man, Anthony. Anthony is so in love with my daugther, he was at the hospital when Chelden was born. ;D Anyway, D'Andre wanted to see his lil "boyfriend". So, Shalene, D'Andre and I went to the other side of Orlando. His "boyfriend's" name is Jeramie. Anyway, we were at Jeramie's house and chilling or whatever and we ended up having to stay there until 6:30 am, which sucked, cause Sharlene was suppose to have picked up her nephew at 6:00 am, and she needed to get home and rest, cause she has to work at 2 pm. And also, because D'Andre had to see his Probation Officer at 8:30 am. Wow. Well, we left there, dropped Sharlene off at her job so she can pick up her vehicle, I drove D'Andre's car to my house and he drove himself home. When I got inside I looked at the clock and it read "7:15". I went to the garage/rec room and told Oden I was home, went to my room, got changed into my sleep clothes, and then Oden came in to hear about my night as I told him I began to fall asleep, so he let me be. I was awakened by my daugther's cries at around 9:30 am. I got up, changed her diaper, feed her and rocked her to sleep. I signed on to AOL, read my email, read my girl's journal *cause she had asked me the night before*, signed off, went to my room aroused, took out my toy, handled my own, and passed out. I woke up at 2pm or so. Chilled with my daugther, washed and folded laundry, signed online, called my girl about 9:15pm and she was chilling with her sister, so I said I would call her back, since she barely spends time with her sister, but Sarah signed on at 11:30 pm, and we chatted for a bit, and then....yes you figured it out...she pissed me off. Well, anyway, I am gonna end here, before I get pissed off all over again. I hope something happens today that is worth being happy about, because I am tired of only typing about negative things. Muah Chelle post comment

WTF? [08 May 2004|08:28pm] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | Burn, Usher ] Ok, when I started to write this entry, I was really happy, but then I got a phone and was told some shyt that pissed me off. My girl called me earlier and I was discussing something with someone and trying to put my daugther to sleep, so I wasn't very talkative...so, then she asked me if I wanted her to call me back and I said, "Yes." Well, why did I do that? I called her back when I was free and her phone just rang and rang. So, I figured someone was on the phone and didn't want to click over, but then I thought she might be online, and so I went online and of course, I didn't see her screen name. Well, that was about 30 minutes ago to an hour. Well, she calls me and asks if I called her and I say, "Yes, but the phone just rang." She then says, "Oh, I was online." And then my reponse was, " I didn't see you online." She says some bullshyt about being online, but had me or everyone, I don't know, blocked. Wtf? Of course that pissed me off, and she knew it bothered me, cause she asked if I was mad, and I said, "Yes, but I will talk to you later," and I hung up. Grrrr. I hate that shyt. I mean, her excuse for putting me on block is really stupid. Wtf@ Needing space. Dude, because I said I am busy at the moment doesn't mean I need space, it means I AM BUSY AT THE MOMENT AND NADA MORE! Damn...why do people have to read into shyt....and just can't take it for what it is? Ugh. Right now. I will end here. I am too pissed to continue on. Bi Bi -Chelle- post comment

Child Abuse, what can I do...but, hope others will get the message [08 May 2004|04:44pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Sorry 2004, Ruben Studdard ] This is an email I received today and it's so sad that people can actually do something cruel and horrific to a living human being. I mean, a child out there is going through abuse as you read this, even as I type this. Please, if you see this going on, or something like it, come on. Help those poor defenseless kids. They do and have done nothing to deserve the pain they go through, or even never getting the chance to live their life to the fullest. You aren't being nosey, and you aren't just getting into someone else's business. You are probably saving a child's life. Thank you for taking the time to read this. -Chelle- R.I.P to all the those little soldiers that had to fight the battle at home alone. You are in a better place now. I'm sorry you didn't have a chance to live. P.S. Chelden Joy....Mommy loves you and will never make you go through that! I love you, Baby! My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me. There are thousands of kids out there just like Sarah. And you can help. Sickens me to my soul, and if you just read this and don't pass it on I pray for your forgiveness, cause you would have to be one heartless person to not be effected by this poem. And because you are effected, do something about it!! Acknowledge that this stuff does happen, and that people like her dad do live in our society, and I pray for child abuse to wither out and die, but also pray for the safety of our youth. post comment

Ooo Ooo Laa Laa [06 May 2004|09:00pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | The Reason, Hoobastank ] The Reason Hoobastank I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new and the reason is you I'm sorry that I hurt you It's something I must live with everyday And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears Thats why i need you to hear I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new and the reason is You and the reason is you and the reason is you and the reason is you and the reason is you I'm not a perfect person I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new and the reason is you I've found a reason to show A side of me you didn't know A reason for all that I do And the reason is you ***I thought I would put that song in there....I love it! I love it! It's so pretty and I love the video! post comment

n0 m0rE dR@M@ PlE@Se [04 May 2004|12:07pm] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | Burn, by Usher ] *I am typing my thoughts just how I am thinking them....so, perhaps it might seem like I am typing in circles, squares, and triangles* Wow. Same shit, different day. So much drama! Dude, one day cannot go by, without some type of drama in my life! If it's not one person, it's another. It seems like I cannot get anything right in my life. I keep a journal for myself, not to make anyone else happy. Too many people take shit to heart, and it's beginning to annoy me. I am about to say, "Fuck everyone!" I hate waking up and having drama on my damn plate. A whole fkn 3 course meal! Damn it! Everyone seems to think I am suppose to bust my ass to make everyone happy. And you know what? I have gone through life doing just that. Trying to make everyone fucking happy. Well, not anymore. It's about Chelle now. And if there is someone who don't like it....heh, I don't know what to tell you. My girl is pissed about my past and my feelings for a certain female that I have talked about in a previous entry. It's fucking crazy. She feels lied to because she said I told her I never felt the way I feel about her for anyone else. She doesn't understand. She thinks she is the only one who put a lot on the line to be in this relationship. The way I feel about her, is a way I really never thought I would feel for a female. I don't even know how to explain it. And I don't really think I have to sit here and explain what my feelings were for this certain other female. And I don't intend on discussing this matter any further. Anyway, I decided to go out this morning, about 1 am....and granted, I know it's pretty late to be going out, but I was hella pissed. So fucking pissed, I didn't want to be home, I really didn't want to *gasp* answer my cellphone! I was so annoyed! Still am. Anyway, I chilled with a homegirl, and we got tipsy, and we began to talk about our relationships, our pasts, and shyt like that. It was awesome. I mean, thinking about my past....well, my "fun" past. We sat there talking about shyt we use to do....and shyt like that. Then the subject came upon Sarah. Wow. I love my girl, I really do, it's just at times we are not on the same page at all. I am not sure if it's bc we don't want to be, or if just don't understand each other at times. Also, she and I have a trust issue. I am not sure if she trusts me, or not. SHe says she does, but, hmm. Me? Do I trust her? Honestly, no. And I told her why, she did some grimey shit, and wow. I can't trust her right now. And I know there has to be trust in a relationship. But, right now, it's kinda hard. I dunno. I know she is mad at me because I told her I was chilling with "a friend." Oh, well. It will be OOOkay. Anyway, I know this entry seems so unorganized but, that is how I am feeling.... Imma go now, One. Chelle post comment

Double Wow... [03 May 2004|10:48pm] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Bag Lady by Eryka Badu ] Soooo....here I am again....a few hours later. I posted my blurty name on my AOL profile, and my girl saw it, and read my journal. Well, she read something in it which upset her, I have no idea what it is...perhaps you do. Forgive me for being real, but I will not apologize for saying how I feel. I will end here... Chelle post comment

Hmmm. [03 May 2004|07:07pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | Confessions Part 2, by Usher ] Ugh, I made an entry and this fk ass journal didn't save it...so here I am doing it over... anyway, where to begin. I have not been doing a good job taking time out of my day to confide of you. Totally defeats the purpose in keeping a journal, eh? Well, Hmm... Let's begin with my LIL ANGEL Chelden. Oh my! Mommy's baby is getting big! She just turned 7 months on the 1st of May! As I told you in the previous entry, she sits on her own, but now, she wants to walk! She is already trying to stand up on her own. Give it another month, and she will be walking! She has Mommy's attitude. I can tell her something, like, "No, not yours,"she'll look at me, and start speaking in gibberish, but with such attitude. Wow. Like, "Shut the fk up, Mom. I do what I want to do." LOL! She is so beautiful. Everyone that sees her falls in love with her in the first few seconds. My girl * who I will tell you about in a minute* might kill me for saying this, but, Chelden is one hell of a chick magnet! =.O Heh. Muah! Chelden, Mommy loves you so much. Oden seems to be changing on me. I don't know why...He is feeling so damn insecure because of my relationship with Sarah. He is always on edge and always on defense. I cannot have a convo with him without him blowing up on me. We argue about EVERYTHING! No matter the topic, no matter how small of a thing, we argue. It's so damn different to be around him sometimes. Like, I don't know. He is so ugh! Like, at times I don't want to be in the same room as him. Sometimes I can't stand being in the same house as him. He is always bytching about me being on MY PHONE! The audacity of the dude. He always wants me to turn off my phone. Ugh, he has his days when he is the nicest man in the world, he becomes the man I had fallen in love with....but now, uh...wow. Let's talk about Sarah, aka BG *BabyGirl*....She lives in Brooklyn, Ny. She is Puerto Rican. She is 17, she will be 18 May 21st. Omg! She is so beautiful. I sit and wonder why and how she is with me. Granted, I am pretty, but yo, my girl, she is so hella fine. Omg....I am so glad I didn't meet her in Florida. You see, I don't go for anyone under 20, let alone 18. But, yo, she and I were friends, chat buddies, an IM here and there, then one day, she was there for me, when I was seeing another chick, she consoled me, she talked to me for at least 4 hours, she didn't have to, we didn't really know each other, like I said, the IMs we shared between each other was, "Hi, how are you doing." 'Good, and yourself?" Shyt like that. But, this time, when I most needed someone, she was there. That was the night that I realized that I was really digging this chick, and that was the same night, she confided in me about how she felt. That same night I had talked to the female I had been seeing and found out that we had not broken up, I had to tell Sarah, she acted so nonchalant, but boy, did I find out that I hurt her. Well, to make a long story short, the female and I broke up...and Sarah was still there, we talked about the situation I had been and then situation Sarah and I were in, and we soon found out that we wanted to be with each other. And since then we have been together (February 06, 2004). We have had our ups and downs, like any other couple, but all the ups outweigh the downs, so, it's easy for us to get through it. Which is why I think my heart and mind made an exception for when it comes to her age. She is so mature, I tend to forget her age. But, like I said, if she had been in Florida, I don't think I would have even looked at her twice, after I had found out her age. Though at this moment, she is upset with me. Reasons that are none of your business. Well, I will end here for now....I might come back later on tonight. post comment

La la la la la la [26 Mar 2004|06:28pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Dream Lover by Mariah Carey ] Hi! Geeze...where to begin...there has been a lot going on...and I will see if I can fit it all in one day. Like I said, I am now involved with a female by the name of Sarahi, whom I call Sarah. She is my baby. I have grown quite fond of her, in fact, I am in love with her. I am torn between her and my man. Aye, we will see what will happen with both of them.......My daugther has been growing up so quickly....today she sat up on her own. I am trying to type as much as , but people keep freaking IMing me and fkn up my shyt.....So, I will end here. And I will get back at you, hopefully tomorrow. post comment

I don't even know where to begin... [12 Feb 2004|05:00am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | None... ] Well, I have a lot to talk about. The female I spoke about in previous enteries of this journal is no longer an interest of mine. I, now have a girlfriend, by the name os Sarahi. She is my baby. I love her dearly.....I plan to be wit her for a long time. Yes, I am fully aware that I have a boyfriend and he is okay with the situation. She and I have been together since Feb 6 th 2004, but I have known her since last August. She was there for me when I was prego and needed someone to cry to....and to talk to about my problems..She was my friend, then she became my girl, and soon she will be my lover. 2 comments|post comment

Ms. Crystal [19 Dec 2003|07:45am] [ mood | hot and bothered ] [ music | Next- Taste so Good/ Kelis ] This is gonna be about this one chick I met Oct 27th. Her name is Crystal . Anyway, I met her at the end of Oct and I promise you, it's like we have known each other for the longest time. Like she knows what I am thinking and if I am not feeling good. I mean, we hit it off the first few minutes of chatting with each other. She makes me feel so sexy. Yes, I know that I have a man, and yes, he makes me feel sexy, but it's totally different when another woman can do that. She makes me feel so comfortable. We talk all the time. I can't really function without hearing her voice...it's so sexy...smooth yet, agressive. Like, when I talk to her my mouth waters....and I have never physically been with her. She makes my heart beat fast. I care about this female a lot. I may be wrong, but I am falling hard for this nena. Man, what to do.... She got me fucked up in the head. She doesn't really know what she does to me. Omg. She is probably the most sophisticated female I have came across. And get this shyt, she is only 20! Most people her age are so damn naive, ignorant, immature, stupid, with no personality, no sense of ambition. She is so great. She loves music. She attends college, sometimes she slacks on her assignments, but she always bounced back. In the short time that we have known one another we have had our ups and downs, I think it may be the aggravation that we are so far, but in our hearts and mind we are so much closer. I want her so badly...not so much sexually, just physically. You know, at arms reach. She is unbelievable! Look at me, just talking in circles. I am so attracted to her...Ugh! Why does she have to be so damn far away!? That is fine though. We are planning to take a road trip up there....so, it's all good. Well, she is online, so I should give her the attention that she deserves..whoever gets a chance to read this...cross your fingers for me....Well, I am out.... Crystal, I am not sure if you will ever read this, but I love you. Muahz. post comment

Catching up... [18 Dec 2003|06:15pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | none, watching The Flintstones ] Hey! It's been awhile. So much has happened! Um, I finally had my lil daughter Chelden Joy. She is so beautiful. She was born Oct. 1st, 2003. She weighed 7.9lbs and was 20 inches. She is so beautiful...I love her to death....Um, before I had her, her father and I moved out of our apt and moved into his parents' house so that they could help with the baby. His mother thought it would be easier for me if I had help with the baby...I think I may be getting a lil too much help if you know what I mean. Oden and I argue a lot more than we did when we were living alone. Oden is very stressed out. No one likes to have their own place, with their own ways and rules, and then move back in with their parents. Ugh. Um, my daugther now gurgles and coos. She has grown a lot. She now weight about 10.12 lbs and is about 22.5 inches in length. She has the most beautiful gray eyes. She steals everyone's heart with just one coo. Um, what else.....I use to have a "friend" by the name of Sharlene, but she pushed herself out the picture. She has some horrific ways. She tends not to take people's feelings or emotions into consideration. But, enough about her, talking about her gives me ulcers. LOL. I met this one chicka by the name of Crystal. And I met her off of AOL. She seems pretty cool. I really care about this girl. She is a really great person. She is also bi. But, totally "in the closet". No one knows about her, only a chosen few. I get aggravated sometimes when she has pussy foot around everyone when it comes to wanting to be with a female... Imma have to cut this entry short...I have to tend to my daughter. love ya post comment

[27 May 2003|02:54pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Water Runs Dry By Boyz II Men ] Here I am cold and alone in the pitch black dark Wondering how a couple so together came apart. Various questions just play randomly in my mind Too many thoughts, so very little time. How could you tell me that you love me one day And the next day act in a different way? Are you worried about the searching eyes? Are you worried that you are caught in your lies? Temptation has taken you away from me forever Tempation is something I never thought I would deal with, ever. Temptation has gotten that best of you Temptation has left me alone and you confused. Sorry, I had to get that out the way! I just wrote it just now! post comment

[27 May 2003|08:55am] [ mood | pissed, feeling used, hurt! ] [ music | You Picked the Wrong Time by Sharissa ] Well, earlier I was discussing something about a particular chick that was in my life at one point, I mean she is still in it, just not the way I would have liked her to be. Well, I was going through Blurty and I came across her journal and I decided to take glimpse through it. And what did I see? Well, I can tell you that not once did I see my name, in fact, where my name should have been, the other female's name was there! *cries* And to think I was fooled for quite sometime. But, I left her message in her ims telling her to hit me up when she gets a chance. Anyhow, she did im me, and she asked why imed her with the message that I left. Well, I told her that I was checking out blurty and I came across her journal and didn't see my name on there. Well, of course she has to defend her self and say, "Oh, your name is on the once or twice." Wtf? Once or twice? Lmao! Wtf? And you wanna know what the entry said, "Oh yeah, I have been talking to Chelle and *blah* and things are going really well." You know what the funny part is? Well, the funny part is that the person that I put in the astreks is not the same girl that she is with now. Lmao. Omg. I swear. I have to laugh at wanna be []D[] []\/[] []Ds! I mean, if they could see how they act, they would stop in their tracks. Anyway, I am so damn tired and stressed out! I don't know what to do! Too much shyt is going through my head! Sometimes I don't know whether I am coming or going. Omg, to think I was even thinking about wasting money to go and see her! Ain't that some shyt? She was talking to three people at the same time. And here I thought I was special to her. Supposely she didn't share her pasts with people, because she didn't trust many people. Too bad it should have been her that couldn't be trusted. *cries* I really liked her, as you can see, I don't think I would have babbled about her in my first two entries. I just wish you could have given me a chance. Plus, I don't really trust the girl she is with. Too many reasons to state. I can giveyou a few, one: she lives in Cali and the girl I liked lives in NY. Two: She has a kid, which means she is obviously attracted to men. Yes, I know I have a man, but she knew that also. She also knew that I was pregnant too. But, that didn't stop her. You know what I think? I believe I was a lil too real for her. I think she was just a bit scared of what I could do unconditionally for her. You know how there are females and males out there that choose to be with assholes, because they feel they aren't worth more. I am not saying that her lady is an asshole, I don't know her at all. All I know of her is that she is 21, she has a son, she is bi, she lives in Cali and that is it. But, I just mean in general. The girl I liked had just gotten out of a relationship, some what bad relationship, as it was told to me, by her and her best friend, and I was there as much as I could be, being that I am here in Orlando and she is in NY. She "poured" her heart out to me. She lead me to believe I was special enough to confide in. I told her things I would never dream of telling anyone, and what did I get? A nice, swift kick in the ass. *sniffles* I just wish I could have seen it coming! Oh man! I was fine when I started this entry, until she imed me and told me she had talked about me once or twice in her journal. Oh, yeh, once or twice. OH I HATE PEOPLE! People fuck off! post comment

Another damn day! [27 May 2003|03:34am] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | None it will fuqq up my concentration! ] Hey, I have had this account for awhile but never knew exactly what to put in it, until now. Why is that too many people are always looking for someone to totally dick over? I am not naming any names, but there was certain person that I trusted, and I am sure she knows of whom I speak, that totally dicked me over. She had me thinking that there was possibility between her and I, but, boy, was I wrong? She plays too many games for my liking. Granted, she is a lesbian, and hey, before any lesbians think I am bashing them, I am not. She is the reason why people are stereotyping lesbians out there. You know the whole BI and Lesbian thing. You don't understand? Well, let me explain. A lot of lesbians will not date, mess, or have anything to do with a bisexual female and vesa versa. I don't know why. But, I am not sure that is the case with her, but she should have told me if she was interested in some other female. I know most of you are wondering why I am even tripping over a female when I have a man and a baby on the way. Well, that is quite simple. I can't choose who I like. All I know is that she was there for me when I thought I was losing my mind with the pregnancy. My man and I were having problems and she was there to help me up when I fell. And I was there for her whenever she wanted someone to talk to at 5 in the morning. I didn't even know her that long and I was willing to allow her into my home. I never knew about the other female until she changed her status in her profile, which had a specific date, she told me some bs lie about some girl stalking her and she had to change her status to make it seem like she has someone. Then one day we got into this arguement over something petty, we weren't on speaking terms for like 2 days. So, one day I decided to be the bigger person and im her,what did I see in her profile? Lmao. I saw the same date where her status was, but guess what? There, by the damn date was a fucking name. I mean what the hell is going? Then she had the audacity to block my name from her list. What the hell? LOL She got mad at me, for calling her out? I don't know why she did it. I mean, why didn't she just up and tell me she was interested in someone else? We weren't a couple....though she told me countless of times that she liked me and wanted to see me! Lmao! And she would come online telling me she missed me and she was thinking of me! Yeah, okay. Why do people chose to bs others and cover their asses, rather be an adult and just come out with the truth? I find the truth a lot easier than a lie. I can forgive if you did something to hurt me and you be upfront and tell me, but I can never forgive nor trust you again, if you lie to me. post comment

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