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Yo yo sup peeps! Another week has came and went, and what did you do with your life? Would you consider yourself "further along" in your quest for ultimate fullfillment? In 10 more days, it'll be another month gone by, and what have you accomplished? Do you have goals, and dreams...perhaps desires? And what exactly are you doing to make those things happen? I don't know about you but I am incredibly ambitious. In fact, I am dangerously ambitious. Almost every single thing I do, has some bearing on my ambitions. I seem easy going, but in fact I'm...oh...what's the word...methodical. In 4 months, it'll be another YEAR that has gone by...Are you ready for it. 2005??! Have you pictured "the wilt" as I like to call it. Your mortality? The day of your death? Its coming, I promise. One day everything you are, and everything you've ever known will be gone from this place (not to say it won't continue on elsewhere) but I'm only referring to this place...this existence...this "reality". And when that day comes, you won't have the opportunity to pause and look back, and reach a hand into the past and rearrange the things you want to rearrange, and change, and add to, and subtract from, and kiss that person you've always wanted, and murder that other person you've always hated, and dye your hair blue, and get up on some stage somewhere and sing that song you really love, and start bawling in the middle of a huge crowd (preferably a busy subway tunnel in N.Y.) and rant about how your childhood really did affect you and all this time you were only pretending it didn't matter to you, and write that book you know is gonna be a bestseller because it'll really make you "think", and tell that family member you've never been able to quite "open up to" because of how damn odd and oldschool and just plain fucked up they are, that really when it comes down to it, that they've been so bad for you yet you still love them and have learned to appreciate at least some things about them, and find a place where they'll set up an apprenticeship for you to learn to make museum replicas of Samurai weapons and armor because you've always been fascinated by that and think you'd make a great swordsmith, and tell that person, that ONE person you imagine making love to forever, just how much you love them...so much so that they'll never understand and how you wish things were different and how much love hurts sometimes and the agony and the ecstasy of having met them, and call that number to that place that you know needs help reading to blind children or taking old people around town because they have no one in their lives, and write huge, frantic run-on sentences, to voice to those people out there that care about you in some strange way because they've gotten to know you through your writings, about how frustration can just rip us to pieces and leave us helpless and tired and just goddamn longing for a goddamn cease-fire or just simply some stillness in a restless soul such as my own. Just get out there and do it. All of you. Oh and don't forget to smile too. :) Yours forever and ever, M |
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exhausted.