Blurty for FramesBlonde.
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| Wednesday, March 17th, 2004 |
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Welcome back to the second edition of How to be Cool, by yours truly, Marcos the Manic Hispanic Rubio. Coolness isn't something you could learn overnight. For most cool people, its more of an instinct, more of a human nature. For the rest of us, its a lifelong process...something to work at...something to strive for. At times, it may seem an arduous task indeed, and you'll wonder if it's really worth it. It is, trust me. And in your head you may be saying, "but Marcos, I've met you, and you're not cool!" Chances are, you don't understand just how cool I ,in fact, am, and there is little hope that you ever will, so die!!! Like there, did you see how many comma's I used properly? If that isn't cool, then what is? Anyways, on with the list: -Study Martial Arts. Martial arts are the epitome of coolness. You put in gads of effort in order to achieve a union of the body and the mind. You become stronger, faster, and lets face it, hotter. I mean, have you ever seen someone of the opposite sex working out so hard, they're sweating, and huffing, and pumping and reaching deep into their spirit for the strength to not quit? That is h-o-t hot! And everybody looks cooler in a gi, or karate uniform...especially when its a black gi, with a purple belt. :) -Drink Ovaltine. Ovaltine is Quik for grown-ups. Get with it. -Be punctual. Always be somewhere you say you're gonna be, WHEN you say you're gonna be. Unless its a party. Then be late every time. Its just proper ettiquette and I will explain myself no further. Etiquette? Hmm... -Learn to spell. Bad spelling is unacceptable. I mean, words are simply abstracts of reality. You will scarce be able to truly express what it is you are feeling or thinking using mere words...so the least you can do is spell them correctly. If you really can't spell, use spellcheck. Everyone will appreciate it. Unless you have dyslexia, or are very street, an purrfurr to jes spill dem werdz all ova da place, cuz you can, ain't no won goan tell you udderwyse, ya dig? 2004 realz yo! -Be thankful for everything. This one isn't easy for most, as it means submitting to a higher power. But trust you me, you have grips to be thankful for. I mean, without them, how would you hold on? HAHAHA....hmm...that wasn't that funny...Anyways, things can always be worse, so even when you are feeling down, you still have a lot to be thankful for. Its like that old addage says, "if you're a paraplegic, at least you're not a quadraplegic, and if you're a quadraplegic, at least you're not a quadraplegic in the rain without an umbrella.:" I mean, that is so true you know. Things could always be worse, I mean, you could be planning to vote for Bush in November! You know, that is not really an old addage though...I'm pretty sure I just made it up, so, lets move on. -Listen to Howard Stern. There is little out there as creative, groundbreaking, edgy, oh, what's the word I'm looking for...oh, COOL, as Howard. He brings to light, that which we all fink (feel+think), and takes a lot of slack for it. He may not be on the air much longer thanks to the religious nuts who are running our country, and if you have never listened before, you've seriously missed out on some good times. If you don't like him, you're an idiot. Its that simple. -Hunt down the things you love. We are not born with a label on the bottom of our feet that says: Marcos Rubio, passionate about: blah, blah, blah. Its not that simple. You have to take your balls into your hands, unless you're a girl, then just gently cup one breast, oh, that's good, yeah, just like that...um, er, what was I saying? Oh, you have to really go out there into this great big world, and find the things you love. Like Morrissey says..."all the things that you love, all the things you loathe, oh sing your life." This involves some risktaking, but its well worth it, when you can just gush about something you love to those people you think understand you, and they look at you like you're a total schlub. Ahh, life is great, idn't it? -Wear you're clothing until it falls off...but not on a first date with someone. At least try to look the part until you've got them in your web of deceit. Then eat them... -Write. Everyone can do it. Even if you're writing reads like an article in YM magazine, do it. Everyone needs something to look back on and think "God, was I really that shallow?" -Keep in touch with relatives. Call that cousin out of the blue, just to say hi. The family unit is pathetic nowadays...so pathetic in fact, that when someone has a strong, healthy, well connected family, we look at it like there's something terribly wrong or lame about it. It's important to have roots. If you're an orphan, come to me...I will be your brother. If your an orphaned woman, come to me and let me shield you from the storm with my big, strong arms...would you like some Ovaltine? See you next week, or the week after...I don't know yet. Same bat time, same bat channel.... |
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Blurty for FramesBlonde.
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