Blurty for FramesBlonde.
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Wednesday, February 18th, 2004

Subject:Baby crocodile's break free from their eggs, and make a dash for the water...
Time:10:44 am.
This is one of those nature vs. nurture stories. When I was maybe 6 or 7, my parents took me to Gemco. These were the days when this fine, though now defunct, retail chain was in the throes of death, and everything was on clearance. I came across something that every 7 year old should have, starting with me...a 6 foot tall blow up, standing plastic Godzilla. Yes, a huge, blow up Godzilla! Now it was priced at 9.99, discounted from about 30.00, but still a lot of money, and especially in 1985. I remember the thought process. I knew that they would not spend ten bucks on me. I just knew it. But I also knew that I could get something out of them, and especially if they saw the value in it, and what a smart consumer I was turning out to be. You see in Mexico, you haggle...I mean haggle, and shamelessly at that. In fact, you haggle as though you are doing them, the seller, a favor. Why just a few years ago, I was in Mexico City, at the pyramids of Teotihuacan with my grandmother, may she rest in peace, when I saw an obsidian crystal ball I really liked. It was pretty big and looked amazing in the light, because, being obsidian, it had a cat's eye quality to it. The lady wanted 200 pesos for it, about 20 bucks, and I thought it was a steal. Crystal balls half this size go for 60 bucks in L.A., and you never find them made of obsidian. Anyways, my grandmother said no, that it was a rip off, and I said it was o.k., because it was cheap. She looked the lady in the eyes, and grabbed another crystal ball, identical to the first, and said, he'll give you 150 pesos for both. I said, but Grandma, I don't want two, I only want one, and she snapped at me to shut up. She argued with the vendor, and the vendor said she couldn't do it, and my grandma grabbed my hand, and led me out of the store. The lady called us back, and sold us both for the equivalent of 15 bucks. Anyways, here I was, in Gemco, thinking deeply about economics, and the psychology of parent-child deal-making, and I was 7 years old. So I peeled the sticker off of something that cost .99 cents, and stuck it to the Godzilla blow up, thinking that perhaps the checkout girl, wouldn't notice the missing 9, and my parents would think, hmm, .99 cents...? Its either this or a copy of E.T., the extra-terrestrial for Atari, which by that time were also going for .99 cents, and last year was voted, by a very reputable video game magazine, as the worst video game ever created. Well, my parents agreed to buy it and for a few minutes, I thought I could get away with it. I was ecstatic!!! The only person who wasn't fooled, was the checkout lady, who kindly pointed out that somebody must have labeled the wrong price, and that it was actually 9.99. My parents said no then. And I was foiled, but the question is, where did I learn to be a little con artist at such a young age? I doubt it was something I just picked up. I think it was in my nature, as it has surfaced many times since. Take that nurturists!!!
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Subject:Se lo llevo la calaca
Time:3:39 pm.
I heard these words today, at a restaurant. The girl was referring to the ex-president of Mexico. The literal translation is, 'the skull came, and took him away'. Only calaca isn't just any ordinary skull...its the magical, laughing, chattering skull so prevalent in Mexican art and folklore. The skull made of sugar on El Dia de los Muertos, or the day of the dead. The skull with the sombrero on its head, and glint in its sockets. We Mexicans are so visceral, and ordinary people speak in such folkish poetics, and we don't hide death from children, and if you have a playing card with a heart on it, it won't be a heart made up of two curved lines meeting at two points, but an actual heart, arteries and all. Even saying the word, CALACA, has a tone that adds a comedic seriousness to it...an emptyness full of sticcatto...you have to bear your teeth to say it properly, and you can spice it with malice to tell your children that the calaca will come for them if they don't go to bed. For these, and many more reasons, Mexicans are way cooler than you.

M
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Blurty for FramesBlonde.

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