| Dreams |
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| 10:33am 30/08/2004 |
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...and yet, the world did stop for a moment, and so many things had to be just right. I held that silver piece of fruit in my hand, and as my teeth punctured the soft flesh, and as my lips tried desperately to catch every drop of the blood-red juice that overwhelmed my senses, and brought a gentle swoon into my eyes, I knew that ages ago, I had dreamed that this moment would change my life forever. We walked that ancient cobblestone path, so much so like the top of a pie or the scaly back of a lizard, hand in hand, amazed at how the leaves seemed to fall only on the edges of that road, and how the puddles whispered to us of how it was drizzling so lightly that day, that our very skin, our skin so alive with each others touch, our skin so expectant, aching in fact to wrap one another in each other, was too busy in rapture to notice it. And when I looked into your eyes, your beautiful gypsy eyes, otherworldy and mine, I understood that I would never understand what it was in you that bound my heart in such hope, and tore my soul asunder, like the very sky being shredded, invisibly, by the crashing thunder. I knew I'd never know greater pain, of having met you so late, and knowing that eventually I would die and be ripped from you once more because I'm just not one of those that can relish the moment, or live for today. And when it seems that I'm around its really all just an illusion because I'm scarcely there, as I live elsewhere. I live in tomorrow sure, and yesterday, no doubt...I live in the moment that passed when you weren't looking, and I live in the moment to come that I'm sure you'll miss...I live in dreams. And you do not share my dreams...so you will never really see me. But if you love, surely you've felt me! And if you dream, you may catch a passing glance of me, pushing off the sky, eternal glee in my eyes, your love living in my heart, though always just passing through. And if you hope, perhaps you can hear my calls to the spirit in the river to carry me across the impassable, past the watchful eyes, to that place where we can sit quietly on its banks, with our bodies pressed together in lovemaking bliss, and a devilish glint in my smile. And if you cry you may see that it is me who pulls on your heart so that your soul sends the saddened rain to quiet the flames. And when you pause for a second, for just a simple quiet second of realization or recollection, I'll be there to answer the quiet calls of your lips with mine... |
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| hello |
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| 03:50pm 26/08/2004 |
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mood:  accomplished music: Pop that thang
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I'm starting to forget my childhood and that makes me very sad.
I'm so damn in goddamn love it makes me goddamn sick and the way she matches her toenails to her belt makes me want to just goddamn eat her up and lick my goddamn fingers afterwards.
I just finished an amazing book...wow...I'll admit my eyes welled up. What sweet release coupled with loss.
I hurt my hand somehow.
My wisdom tooth is conspiring with molar #10 to kill me...I just have to find enough proof to file a report.
I want to live to be 100...o.k...101 at least.
I love being an adult. I tell younger people what to do and they do it!
Have a beauterrifically aweeesomaaaay day!!!
M |
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| It's friday, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do! |
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| 11:22am 20/08/2004 |
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mood:  exhausted music: the agony and the ecstasy
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Yo yo sup peeps! Another week has came and went, and what did you do with your life? Would you consider yourself "further along" in your quest for ultimate fullfillment? In 10 more days, it'll be another month gone by, and what have you accomplished? Do you have goals, and dreams...perhaps desires? And what exactly are you doing to make those things happen? I don't know about you but I am incredibly ambitious. In fact, I am dangerously ambitious. Almost every single thing I do, has some bearing on my ambitions. I seem easy going, but in fact I'm...oh...what's the word...methodical. In 4 months, it'll be another YEAR that has gone by...Are you ready for it. 2005??! Have you pictured "the wilt" as I like to call it. Your mortality? The day of your death? Its coming, I promise. One day everything you are, and everything you've ever known will be gone from this place (not to say it won't continue on elsewhere) but I'm only referring to this place...this existence...this "reality". And when that day comes, you won't have the opportunity to pause and look back, and reach a hand into the past and rearrange the things you want to rearrange, and change, and add to, and subtract from, and kiss that person you've always wanted, and murder that other person you've always hated, and dye your hair blue, and get up on some stage somewhere and sing that song you really love, and start bawling in the middle of a huge crowd (preferably a busy subway tunnel in N.Y.) and rant about how your childhood really did affect you and all this time you were only pretending it didn't matter to you, and write that book you know is gonna be a bestseller because it'll really make you "think", and tell that family member you've never been able to quite "open up to" because of how damn odd and oldschool and just plain fucked up they are, that really when it comes down to it, that they've been so bad for you yet you still love them and have learned to appreciate at least some things about them, and find a place where they'll set up an apprenticeship for you to learn to make museum replicas of Samurai weapons and armor because you've always been fascinated by that and think you'd make a great swordsmith, and tell that person, that ONE person you imagine making love to forever, just how much you love them...so much so that they'll never understand and how you wish things were different and how much love hurts sometimes and the agony and the ecstasy of having met them, and call that number to that place that you know needs help reading to blind children or taking old people around town because they have no one in their lives, and write huge, frantic run-on sentences, to voice to those people out there that care about you in some strange way because they've gotten to know you through your writings, about how frustration can just rip us to pieces and leave us helpless and tired and just goddamn longing for a goddamn cease-fire or just simply some stillness in a restless soul such as my own. Just get out there and do it. All of you. Oh and don't forget to smile too. :)
Yours forever and ever,
M |
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| IF I LIVED! |
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| 02:25pm 16/08/2004 |
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If i lived in Kentucky, every morning I'd count the 4 teeth in my mouth and consider myself lucky. If i lived in Arkansas I'd move to Kansas and say "here I ar!". If i lived in Louisiana, I'd sit on my hot, humid porch in the morn' eatin' nothin' but bananas. If i lived in Georgia, I'd sell my soul and marry Sonya Borja. If I lived in Florida, I'd be swept up by 200 mph winds and scream to ya, "nice to know ya!". If i lived in Mississippi, when I played two-hand touch, I'd rush the QB after yellin, "One Californi, two Californi...!" If i lived in Alabama, I'd be one bad mamma jamma! If i lived in Texas, I'd be Republican and sexless. To be continued... |
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| What be up? I think the sky... |
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| 01:32pm 15/08/2004 |
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mood: accomplished music: Samba para ti by Santana
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Yo yo sup e'rebuddy? Went out last night for a friends B-Day get together and had a blast. Got to kick it with E and L, which was great, and met E's gfriend...she's dope. It was I's B-Day and she got *ucked up, but all kinds a peeps showed up so I'm sure she had a blast. S was there and got pretty tipsy. One of her friends made her a bday cake with a big pot leaf on it...pretty tight. I went internet jukebox crazy, and kinda made the soundtrack for the night, and played Start the Fire by ND, Samba para ti by Santana, Dance the night away by Van Halen, various songs from Radiohead, Redemption song by BoB Marley (I's fav), walkabout by RH chili P, Why does it always rain on me by Travis...some choice shit to get the party mood goin'. Musta dropped about 20 bills on that machine! Totally worth it though. Ran into some old friends I never expected to run into so that was a bonus. Met all kinds of people. I don't know but I'm so confident now...its like I just don't give a shit. Too sexy!!
:)
M |
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| Everyone smile day!!! |
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| 04:13pm 07/08/2004 |
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On the day you read this, spend the whole damn day smiling. Why smiling, so that other people will see you smiling and smile too. If things go wrong smile. If the sky falls on your head, smile. Every day is a gift. If you don't know this, you've never lost someone you loved. Smile like there's no tomorrow....
M
:) |
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| OUCH!!! |
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| 12:09pm 04/08/2004 |
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mood: kinda sad music: Accidentally in love by the Counting Crows
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Oh man...yesterday I had a sty...or is it stye? Anyways, I had a stye in my left eye. This morning I wake up with one in my right eye! If you've ever had a stye, you'll understand how much it sucks. Its when some debris gets stuck under your eyelid, and your body covers it in some stuff that turns hard...kinda like when dirt gets into an oyster, and is covered with some stuff that becomes a pearl...only its on the inside of your eyelid, so everytime you blink, it scratches across the surface of your eye and OUCH! The only way I know of getting rid of them is by waiting it out, or rubbing a cloth wet with HOT water across your eye for a long time, til it bursts...and that is also a major pain in the ass because its hot ass water over your eye and after awhile really starts getting to you. So when someone wishes a stye in someones eye, they really must hate them cuz it totally bites. But aside from that, everything is coo. My homie is coming to visit from AZ this weekend, so next week, we'll be tearin' shit up. I'm testing for my instructors belt on Saturday so I'm a bit nervous but I'm sure I'll do fine. Learned how to shoot fireballs yesterday, but only really small ones and only from my fingers. I can light a candle with them though, so that's kinda cool. Well, this entry has nearly put me to sleep its so damn boring and I can't believe you are still reading it...sucker!!! Bye!!! |
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| !@#$%^&* |
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| 09:59pm 01/08/2004 |
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This is me and my favorite cousin
WE BE TIGHT!!! |
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| What is sexy? |
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| 02:47pm 28/07/2004 |
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mood: ???????? music: Classical...Chopin I think
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I think vanilla is sexy. I think the smell of mulberry is sexy. I think a girl driving with one leg up on the seat is sexy. I think the trepidation of making love for the first time with someone is sexy. I think driving beside someone you like, listening to music you both like is very sexy. I think holding hands is sexy. I think kissing is very sexy. When you kiss someone on the cheek near the ear and her eyes close for a second, very slowly, very dreamily...that is sexy. I think dancing is sexy. I think martial arts are very sexy. I think I am very sexy. I think Gwen Stefani is very sexy. I think Kristin Kreuk is very sexy. I think singing is sexy. I think crying in each others arms is sexy. I think rain is very sexy. I think heavy breezes are sexy. I think the smell of the desert early in the morning is sexy. I think when she has her hair up its sexy. I think when she has her hair down its sexier. I think sitting in a car in the rain, looking out through the window covered in droplets is sexy. I think playing with food with someone you like very sexy. I think Olivia Hussey as Juliet in the balcony scene is very sexy. I think a smile across the room is very sexy. I think the look in her eyes is sexy. I think her hands are sexy. I think the way her lips kinda curl upwards is very sexy. I think WE are the sexiest thing ever. |
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| There's something about the look in your eyes... |
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| 01:54pm 25/07/2004 |
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There are places where one should not be allowed to go. There are things we should never taste. I once had a sip of heaven. I ran my fingers gently along the iron of its gates, and slept soundly beneath its talking trees, and dreamed within its thrall...I drank the sweet waters that ran so slowly, so softly through its lands...waters so clear that you can see answers to every question you never knew you had. Waters so sweet that they fill you with such passion that it borders on an erotic swoon. Alas, I could not stay. Circumstances would not allow. But I will return. And when I do, the earth will welcome my tired feet, and the wind will bear me forth with such gusting hope, and the rays that alight my coming will tear all the darkness of uncertainty asunder. And I will take heaven into my arms, and look into her eyes again and declare...my love...
Still...as full of hope as I am today...there are some days I wish I'd never gone...
nothing really tastes the same...
my heart longs, for longings dusk...
and nothing is as it once was.
But I will not give up.
Because she's so worth the fight.
M |
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| ...and in your eyes I see myself smiling and I have no clue why. |
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| 09:41am 19/07/2004 |
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mood: ^^ music: Under Construction by No Doubt
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Hello all. I'm feeling damn chipper this morning. Got some good news on Saturday morning at our karate picnic. My sensei said I impressed the sensei who runs the instr. academy and that he wants to have some kind of private lessons with me, though I'm not sure what exactly that means. I went to our karate picnic and had a lot of fun. Sometimes its good to just be a kid. We played football, and frisbee and hackey sack, and it was damn great. I don't know...all the other students are just so awesome. It reminds me of Rushmore (probably my favorite movie of all time) how Max's best friend (and chapel partner) is like half his age and his other best friend, played by Bill Murray, is like 3 times older than him. Anyways, went to my cousins wedding after that. Aaawww...she was so pretty and so nervous it just made me smile. And her new husband just loves her so much...you can just see it in his eyes. He and his best man wore black converse with their tux's which was pretty tight. The minister gave the best wedding ceremony I've ever seen. He was one fly motha'. We partied afterwards and ate carnitas...mmm.mmmm. Then my cousin and 2 of her friends came home with me to stay the night. Then I got so damn drunk. Oh man. That was terrible. I didn't even drink that much...i guess I just drank it too fast. Needless to say I ended up praying to the porcelain gods that night. Oh man....tequila=the devil. I didn't work Sunday which was a really good thing because I felt like shit all day. Well, I didn't feel too bad as long as I didn't move, or talk or breathe...Took them home in the evening, played a few rounds of Halo with my cousin's and uncle, then came home and chilled out. All in all...this weekend rocked! Going bodyboarding again on Thurs. and on Sunday morning I'm getting some intensive training from a guy I know who used to be pro. He has like 200 boards and is gonna hook me up with a really nice one, some fins and a rash guard. Sweet! Also...somehow managed to finish 2 great books that I had been reading for awhile, and alienate my neighbors (as a result of Sat. night's drunken antics). My "Super Best of No Doubt Double CD" is almost complete so I'm stoked about that. Hmm...well thats it in a nutshell. :)
the leaves so green
and the fruit so Sweet
and fragrant
and the sun bursts through
in bright warm shafts
and splashes me
with lights delight
And sitting in that tree
with ants crawling all oe'r me
I close my eyes
and smile at this life...
this bountiful prize. |
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| "you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings..." |
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| 11:49am 14/07/2004 |
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mood: garish music: closer by NIN
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sideways glance through blinding light
consternation sits king-like, upon my brow
trust is trite when feelings so sleep
heat so intense that nothing keeps.
Never taken this path before
such a wicked tempest with clothes so thin
Must try to find some warm respite
'fore madness comes bearing its awful grin.
So i'll wander this way, and wonder the way
again not seeing, just barely believing
and i'll wrest conclusions from times careless grip
and take a leap from this doomed ship...
I'll naught recoil,
nor verdant fields bespoil
from fates faults and failings.
Nor will it from me
any ill-riposte see
as I kick off the highest railings.
So tiring so, to me it seems,
For peace is all I've sought,
that never once outside myself
has this silent war been fought. |
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| punctured bicycle, on a hillside desolate...will nature make a man of me yet? |
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| 10:09am 07/07/2004 |
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Thank you silhouette_lie for your previous post. You said you wanted the kind of "love that makes you want to sneak into your lovers window". Those are the words I haven't been able to get out. Its that mutual need for one another that I most desire. That fire that only she and I can see and understand. Its that desire that makes love the best of both worlds.
When desire is fullfilled, and when its denied. Its like heaven and hell both alight in her eyes. Its like catching a star, and burning your hands. Its like riding a train, through beautiful lands. Its like answering her calls for love in the night, then running off wounded by her sudden flight. Like "I love you" whispered in your ear...then looking around, to find no one is near.
I'm going surfing on Sunday...hehe never really done it before so that's gonna be exciting. Also going to kick it with my brother tomorrow so I'm really happy cuz I miss him. Sure he kicked my ass everyday, but it helped turn me into a fighter, which is now my greatest passion so no hard feelings there. I'm pretty sure he can still waste me, but I bet I can give him a mean ole' run for his money now. Big bro you're going down!!! Haha. I'm gonna take him to my mom's work so he can surprise her...she's gonna flip. I'm gonna try and take him to see my dojo too but I don't know if I'll get the chance. Too bad my sensei isn't gonna be in tomorrow...I'd love for them to meet. They're like 2 sides of a coin. Its uncanny.
P.S. I wore white socks today...i feel strange...
M |
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| Haha I watched Romeo and Juliet last night!!! |
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| 01:49pm 05/07/2004 |
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mood:  cheerful music: I was just frontin' by Pharrel
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From whence came thee, devious sprite...
Didst thou devise, my comforts demise?
Tis queer how one so far, can be so near
and how such bound hope cometh with such surprise.
Oh feign not behind such soulful eyes,
for on your lips your true thoughts lie,
and though today 'tis time that binds us,
Await the days that I cease to sigh. |
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| "thats what happens when a girl and boy don't get to play" |
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| 11:37am 05/07/2004 |
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omg...i feel so much better now. I really haven't been myself lately. Last night I had the first moment of clarity since this began. And this morning I was even better. I actually felt something. It means I'm free from this dream. I can now go back to my devious plans. Whew...I am so relieved...I am evil once more... |
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| I now have a new respect for heavy traffic... |
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| 11:23am 30/06/2004 |
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mood: sleepy music: Natural Mystic by Bob Marley
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I've slept about 2 hrs. in the last 3 days. I'm running on the fumes right now. I'm posting just to clear up a few cobwebs in my mind. We all have dreams and we all have wishes. And everyone of us has that one wish. That one main wish, that at times is a prayer, at times a desperate cry to the fiber of existence...always, it is the secret longing that drives us. This wish is not the same throughout your lifetime. It changes along with your needs, and your desires...with the people that come in and out of your life, and your plans. But it is always that one wish that is most crucial. And the fact is, the past is over. If you didn't learn from it, it was all for naught. The future is yet to come. You can plan as best you can, but it will still always come on its own terms. Now is really all that counts. Those wishes...the ones so often mired in hopelessness. The ones wrought of the dust of stars so ancient, they are well beyond comprehension. They do come true. Well, not always...but if they do just once, its amazing enough for all of existence to pause for just one second...to pause and smile and cast twinkling eyes towards that one perfect moment. And then continue on, but never the same again. If none of this makes sense...good. Because its for me, and I'm still walking through a Tim Burton film...if it does...just smile and cast a twinkling eye, and go on with your life...never the same again. |
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| > |
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| 01:23pm 25/06/2004 |
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mood: full of mischief music: I'm ready by Tevin Campbell
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For anyone wondering what those little symbols are on the subject line, they are supposed to be eyes, cringed up as if saying "DOH!". I take back what I said about Death coming for me. I'm not ready yet...still have some unfinished business. So anyways, kg is NOT going with me to see No Doubt tomorrow, and I think I know why, but I'd rather not get into it...suffice to say I am kinda BENT cuz I did find out last minute...but its not her fault. Well I got my blue belt. ::pimp:: ::waits for applause:: and I got to teach 3 private lessons last night which was awesome. I don't know but its very exhilirating to teach. I could seriously see myself doing this for a living, and even if I'm not making mega-bucks doing it, the spiritual currency more than makes up for it. Its like building something amazing...having a student from white belt...Teaching/instructing them all the way to black belt is better than building a pyramid or tower or something, because that person may die one day, but the energy within them will never be uncreated, whereas the stone that makes up the greatest temple or pyramid will eventually crumble, as it has no energy of its own. And you're not just creating something...you're helping someone create something inside themselves...for themselves...and that's the magic. There's still so much more I need to say but I'm still not ready, and trust me...neither are any of you.
M |
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| Hmmm... |
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| 10:43am 23/06/2004 |
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I've got so much to say, and I can't quite put it into words...yet. But I will soon so keep faith alive!!! Got my blue belt on Saturday ::pimp:: I'm starting instructors academy next Saturday. Also, I'm going to go see NoDoubt on Saturday and I my cousin flaked so kg is coming with. Now all I need is a bathtub full of flan and Death can come for me whenever she wants, and I'll just nod my head and smile.
M |
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| "All the things that you loathe..." |
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| 10:33am 14/06/2004 |
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mood: Buggin? music: Erotic City by Prince
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Today I will talk about the things I hate. Why? Because its my journal and I can. Here goes nothing:
-I hate being forced to learn crappy songs from the 3 seconds that it takes me to change the station, because they play them all day long, and I have an uncanny memory for music. Eventually, I'll know every Brittney Spears song...damn, she's even starting to grow on me.
-Baseball...there is little I can think of more boring than baseball. Even the announcers are like, "blah blah blah, drab, drab..." in like the most boring voices imaginable.
-I hate it when there's nothing on the radio but commercials. 15 stations and they all synchronize their commercials!!! WTF!!!
-I hate when I'm trying to get somewhere and I get all the red lights because I truly believe that its my own, (or my passengers) negative energy turning them all red. And whose bright idea was it to make stop lights red? Don't they know red triggers some human anger reflex like bulls? At least it does in me. The worst is when just as you bring your car to a stop, the light turns green...its like a big ole, "HAHA F\/<|( YOU" from the city!
-I hate girls that come on too strong...total turnoff.
-I've actually known girls that tell me "I'm only with my boyfriend cuz you ignore me when I throw myself at you" OMG!!! How is that supposed to win me over? I really hate that...I liken it to giving a gift certificate as a gift...no thought put into it.
-I hate people who verbally abuse others...I'll jump in if I see it on the street...I've gotten myself into trouble with that one a few times.
-I hate liking someone...its really such a pain. When they're around, its like heaven...when they're not, I seriously notice it and it SUCKS!
-I hate it when people don't notice when I'm not around.
-I hate when they mess up on my order at some restaurant, unless they give me extra something, then its O.K.
-I hate that my body can't do what my mind wishes it could like fly or shoot fireballs outta my hands.
-I hate waking up from a dream where I'm with the person I love then I realize its not real...damn...now that really sucks.
-I hate when crappy music makes it on the radio and great music doesn't and you're like "what the hell?" Like this new Avril Lavigne song...this song has to have the worst lyrics ever!!! "did you think that I was gonna give it up to you?? Did you think that it was something I was gonna do?? Don't try to tell me what to think, don't try to tell me what to say...you're better off that way!!" OMG OMG OMG!!!! I mean, is anyone else listening!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Its like I live in Bizarro world sometimes. And what's worse is that I learned it!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
-I hate getting all worked up over nothing...(see last point)
-I hate surprises (unless they're naked and waiting)
-I hate when girls I date have no sense of humor...makes me want to tip their chair over (with them sitting in it) and quickly run away.
-I hate drinking juice after brushing my teeth...very unpleasant.
-I hate that I'm a romantic...makes for a tough existence.
-I hate hearing "George Bush has done a great job!"
-I hate that the ex-president funeral lasts like 2 weeks on T.V. Aren't there children dying of AIDS in Africa? Why don't they get any T.V. coverage, and a dead man does?
-I hate how all bass- ackwards things in this country can be dismissed because hey, at least we have freedom. I'd be willing to trade in some of that freedom if I was assured every family had access to health care and all the kids in this country had food everyday.
-I really hate that this list has gone on for so long.
-I hate when I change it to another station on the radio and a song I love is just ending...:(
Whew...I'm done...on a brighter note, I'm testing for my Blue belt on Saturday. Blue is my favorite color! |
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Read 8 - Post |
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| There once was a girl Chapter 3 |
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| 03:03pm 09/06/2004 |
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I've dated so many Gemini's, its not even funny. But its not like I ask them before the attraction begins what their sign is, its just uncanny. Anyways, our romance ignited like an exploding star. In those days, I had a reputation for being with lots of girls that was frankly, untrue. So one night, we talked about it, and I guess I was able to calm her doubts about me, because the next day, boom, it was on like a wildfire! She was intelligent, and very attractive, with these dark smoldering eyes that feigned a calm countenance...they were like big, black chains holding down a ferocious tiger just waiting in the shadows. She became the unwitting priest in my exorcism...the exorcism of demons that haunted me...I guess you could say family issues that I had dealt with pretty much on my own until then. One thing I remember really made an impression on me, was the boundaries she set with me. Up until that time, I was such a handsome, seemingly innocent boy, and the opposite sex took great pleasure in devouring me and feeling as though they had shown me something I'd never get over. In fact, I've always been a very sexual person, and I was never really swept off my feet persay. But she was so clear about where I could and couldn't go, and not in a prissy or restrictive way, more like...hmm...she knew herself, and could be honest about things that other people would shy away from...and that to me was a surprise, and really drew me to her. It was an air of confidence I guess, that I didn't have. It was like an deer telling a leopard, "you may be able to have me for your dinner, but not until you've chased me down, and even then, I may change my mind after all." I don't really know what I'm saying...it was just so different. In those days, I really hated myself, and manifested it by destroying everything dear to me, and that meant that I had to ruin it or risk being happy. I found some totally lame-ass non-reason to be angry with her, and moved on. I'll quote Morrissey on this one, because for some reason I'm at a loss for words..."...born old sadly wise. Resigned, well we were, to ending our lives, I'm so glad to grow older....to move away from those younger years. I'm in love for the first time, and I don't feel bad." We all have to learn to love ourselves. For some, like her, it came naturally and it shone through. For others, like me, its a never-ending process (and by the way, today I'm doing great ::bows...waits for applause::), but its something that has to be achieved or life will never be understood the way its meant to be. I was lucky to get the chance to ask her forgiveness some years later, and of course, being as kind and bright as she was, she gave it to me. She has since become even more stirringly beautiful...I remember how intensly she'd devour me with her kisses. It was not uncommon for me to taste my own blood... |
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