| Two Stanza's for Sorrow | ||||
| 10:23am 16/12/2004 | ||||
where which within no one but me, could truly begin to even see, the moment that I set you free. Of course I look up and long for clouds, the thick ones...dark, heavy, proud. The kind that roll in without a sound, to remind you of the love you once found. -M |
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| The spread of evil day... | ||||
| 09:56am 10/12/2004 | ||||
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| "so says I, we are a brutal kind..." | ||||
| 12:36pm 09/12/2004 | ||||
-M |
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pensive| Too many magic moments, to be coincidence... | |||
| 09:16am 03/12/2004 | |||
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Hello. I have been away now for quite some time. I'll start on something, then hate it, then delete it. I've been very bad lately. I've been up to no good! But its ok because you only get one life...as far as I know...so bad and good are just relative terms. I mean, I'm not killing anyone but I'm also not paving the road to heaven if you know what I mean. Well, I'm testing for my Green belt in 2 weeks which is great cuz for the first time ever, I will be the same rank as kg. Not for long I'd surmise, as she will probably test soon enough, but nonetheless, one of my goals going into the whole thing was catching up to her. We had a very interesting resolution me and her. Nothing surprising...all stuff I had already figured, but what did surprise me, was just how eloquent she could be. She somehow, quite masterfully, managed to tell me everything I knew, but didn't want to hear, and still make me kinda smile at the fact that she was able to put it so well. Tact? Diplomacy? We are much more alike than I'd like to admit. And kg, if you ever read this, as for fate and chance...those things are inevitable...but still I've never trusted them. A little nudge here and there never hurt! wink wink. Anyways, the tournament is in 2 days. I'm competing in 3 events...sparring, forms, and weapons. Wish me luck! Oh and another thing. Here's the yin and the yang on being a sensitive person. As a sensitive person, you are open...no receptive to more things...you are able to learn a lot more about people, motivations, feelings, fears, hopes, etc...On the other side of it, it also leaves you more susceptible to being hurt. Its like in martial arts. If you block and attack on the outside of an attacker, meaning outside their arms ( to the right of their right arm), while you are safe from attacks from their left arm and leg, you also have less striking opportunities ( mainly the side of the head, a little bit of exposed ribs, and maybe the outside of the knee. However, if you counter on the inside of their body (between both of their arms), while you are more susceptible to attacks from both of their arms and legs, you also have more vital targets (face, neck, solar plexus, groin, etc...) So its a give and take situation. I can be hurt, and badly...its true, but I'm not afraid to stand in harms way because what I gain from that is more than worth it. Hope this all makes sense. M |
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| no diggity | |||
| 10:56am 16/11/2004 | |||
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Late Night, Early Morning a pale,silver sickle, hangs suspicously in the night sky...these eve-time hours are not mine. All seems frozen, still-frame, sublime. My conciousness lies, within a ruinous eye. Half awake, I turn a languid glance round. Reflections like gridlock, impede my view. Slowly, slithering complications accrue, as a dreamy, sandy drake, my senses seeks to impound. Limbs failing, I'm falling, into voluptous void. my eyes see only impractical thoughts. Touch, taste, sound and smell, in muddy waters caught. I'm a remote- controlled, secret hope fueled, android. I catch the gusts and climb the skies knees. My glasses are gone; how infinitely fun! In my dreams I could, a cheetah outrun. Never tiring, no longer aspiring, to anything be. Copyright ©2004 Marcos Rubio I wrote this about 2 years ago. It's on poetry.com...I really like it because I remember everything about that night. I hope you like it too. |
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| The apprentice | |||
| 01:56pm 14/11/2004 | |||
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Hast I the gall to fuel these flames... to stoke these fires; this furnace that burns like an eye in the lull of lust or lips that quiver unto your touch. Formed within the cores of long dead stars Our fates entwined with fell destiny... And with it carry much more woe than one of my stature should hope for undecipherable these mysteries remain when the flames so mercilessly burn. Was love formed in those moments when even light opened its eyes like a newborn babe? Those far off places that beckon with a glimmer unreachable by all but dreams of the end of this long winter are a wellspring to these thoughts these kisses smilingly caught in the hand of this quiet wanderer. The sun hangs low in the November and the lovers that lovingly lie 'neath the covers of their soft smooth sky Will witless each other render. For this love... this sweet, sweet love could drown the bravest warrior in tears and whispers softly of kind and blissful years spent in a binary apprenticeship: sweetly fumbling hands and my lips explorers of your body and its unexplored lands a tireless ecstacy... wrought of you and me. |
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| "Say goodbye don't follow...misery so hollow" | ||||
| 11:42am 14/11/2004 | ||||
WAITING ROOM By: No Doubt I sign in my name I guess I have to wait a while I wanna play this game Call me up if you know how to dial You always had my number You need to be my lover Humiliation I'm in the waiting room Chorus: If we both want the love And I wait long enough Then the ground that we're on might be common All I can do is wait for you All I can do is wait for you I'm all alone in the waiting room I'm all alone in the waiting room When you burn in solitude It can get real thick If Desire is your only food It can get you sick You know you're so fine I'm over here standing in this line Just waiting in the waiting room (Chorus) While I'm in the waiting room A thousand thoughts I think of you Whatever you did has got me glued It's icky, it's sticky, ooh You're the one I'm dreaming of Why does this feel like wasted time? What a price this traveling love? You and me trapped between these lines Ooh, you're so mine (Chorus) All I can do is wait for you (I'm just waiting for you) All I can do is wait for you (You know you want me) All I can do is wait for you (You always had my number) All I can do is wait for you (You know you need to be my lover) All I can do is wait for you All I can do is wait for you Wait for you. Wait for... Why are you making me wait? I'm all alone in the waiting room Will you call me when it's my turn? Hahaha its so funny how this entry came out because frankly, I'm in a really good mood today. In fact I'm in one of those "life is so amazing" modes and a lot of really cool stuff happened since last night, but I'm not gonna talk about it yet. You know, I'm a very simple person in that I'm complicated. I think of every possible thing a thousand times before anything ever happens. And yes my faith falters...but...well...I guess only time will tell what will inevitably be. But I think for now I'll give my number to someone else and leave for awhile. Maybe if I come back before the number is called I may yet look into the eyes of that woman I fell in love with...the one that for a few minutes...those minutes that felt like endless eternities...exquisite as they were excruciating...the one that I carry with me everywhere, though she doesn't seem to really care. Maybe she's still in there somewhere. Wow this entry is too long...sorry!!! :) -M |
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| "...let me know you really care, make me jump into the air!" | ||||
| 12:42pm 12/11/2004 | ||||
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busy| now all I wanna do...sleep in the shadow of you... | ||||
| 02:17pm 07/11/2004 | ||||
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bored| My fellow Americans... | |||
| 02:51pm 04/11/2004 | |||
| What can I say about this country? Bush and co. had a plan. They needed a catalyst. 9-11 came around. Perfect. They go ahead with their plan. Many people are killed in the process. 1100 American troops so far. Its estimated 100,000 civilians in Iraq. It was estimated that maybe 5000 civilians died in Afghanistan. These estimates are just that...estimates. Does it matter? It all comes down to two kinds of people. The kind that see this as just and the kind who don't. These are just numbers. They don't mean much. But if I began killing one person a day...every day...starting today...it would take me 287 1/2 years to kill this many people. Many of the people who lead these casualty studies agree that these are probably conservative numbers. There are probably many more who have died. This is what this country voted for. Can you blame a man for being ignorant? Can you blame a man for murder when he had a purpose in mind. These questions are all moot today as the decision has been made. I don't know how I ended up here. Land of the free to kill, home of the brave enough to send a child to kill for you. Call me unamerican...call me what you will...but I am ashamed to call myself an American today. | |||
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| ...and still it seems as though my screams are caught... | ||||
| 01:46pm 01/11/2004 | ||||
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| ...and still it seems as though my screams are caught... | ||||
| 01:46pm 01/11/2004 | ||||
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| The winter is a great time to watch movies like Braveheart and Robin Hood... | ||||
| 11:52am 24/10/2004 | ||||
M |
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| Hello! | ||||
| 02:03pm 21/10/2004 | ||||
M |
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| Hello! | ||||
| 02:03pm 21/10/2004 | ||||
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| Here goes nothing | |||
| 10:47am 11/10/2004 | |||
| The words always leave me when I sit before this screen. Well I'm back at square one. The other night I experienced terrible jealousy...so terrible I almost punched a brick wall just to feel the pain and see my blood so I could dig my hands into my pockets and keep that secret hurt from prying eyes. I was so beside myself, and it seems any wisdom I've gained was squeezed out of my body through my eyes. It thoroughly exhausted me and I was very, very sad afterwards. Something is happening inside me and its really bad. Geez...I know it will soon pass at it always does but its the things I do while its here that worry me. And the resignation afterwards...its so painful it must be somehow detrimental. Its pretty obvious that diet and exercise aren't enough to control this, so I'm seriously considering going to a psychologist. Not that they'll do anything for me...I'm a goddamn open book from someone else's shelf. The chances of them ever getting anything real out of me are pretty slim as I never want anyone to know me. I can't let anyone know me. Its like when I was young I had a record of whale songs. I would sit and listen to the whales singing, and telling stories about their ancient heroes...the whale that saved the entire pod one day by tearing her side on a reef and leading the sharks away from her family, or of the dolphin who formed a special forces unit that could communicate and respond to undersea emergencies from miles away in seconds. Now this record was just recordings of whale sounds but not to me. So am I supposed to explain to some asshole with a Bush '04 sticker on his Benz things like that...about how much I wished I could speak whale so that maybe they could explain to me why I was born an old man with several lifetimes under my belt that I have flashed back to a countless number of times since before I was able to walk, so he could turn around and tell me that I suffer from some overactive imagination delerium that produces endless and ultimately self defeating scenarios and that it leads to a general lack of fullfillment from strategically created, unrealistic expectations about the parts of life that we're not meant to have any control over? Or maybe he'll just call me a sociopath since I'm able to magically make anything that happens about me...Oh I am really hating myself today... | |||
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| Well I wonder... | |||
| 11:54am 01/10/2004 | |||
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Libra & Sagittarius The merging of Libra and Sagittarius can be paradise found for both Signs; this combination is a harmonious one, to say the least. Signs that are two positions apart in the Zodiac tend to have a very deep, special connection and understanding of one another. Sagittarius, the journeyer, is constantly in search of wisdom. Libra has a mind keen for art, beauty and aesthetics; Libra makes a stimulating companion for Sagittarius on their travels and adds much to Sagittarius's experience. The relationship always feels new because these two keep it exciting -- and yet their natural understanding of one another makes them feel like intimates from the beginning. Together they will reach new horizons in love and in life. Libra and Sagittarius make great friends as well as lovers. They share a certain fresh-faced optimism in the world; they're both enthusiastic about finding truth and beauty in their experiences. Problems rarely occur. Occasionally Sagittarius may hurt sensitive Libra's feelings by speaking without thinking; conversely, Libra can sometimes be a bit too emotionally controlling for Sagittarius. Since Libra is a born diplomat who abhors conflict, they'll be able to smooth over any ruffled feathers. These two have the gift of forgiving and forgetting quickly. Libra is ruled by Venus (Love) and Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter (Luck and Philosophy). Venus's femininity and Jupiter's masculinity make these Signs compatible and balanced. Sagittarius is constantly on a quest for knowledge of the big things -- the truth, the meaning of life and death -- and whenever Libra comes up with a new idea (as they are wont to do) Sagittarius is eager to go along with their partner and become familiar with this new concept. Libra is an Air Sign and Sagittarius is a Fire Sign. This partnership is full of kinetic energy. As air spreads fire and makes it grow exponentially, this relationship is heated and ardorous. Sagittarius thinks they're steering the rudder, but Libra controls the flow of events with a quieter hand. These two are energetic in the extreme and can run together far and wide. The relationship runs most smoothly when Sagittarius can feel they have plenty of freedom and independence within the relationship. Libra is a Cardinal Sign and Sagittarius is a Mutable Sign. Libra is an initiator; they think up new ideas and new places to go -- but can change their minds at a moment's notice. Sagittarius is flexible and adaptable, amenable to any changes Libra wants to make in plans. What's the best aspect of an Libra-Sagittarius relationship? Their mutual interest in cultivating knowledge and utilizing intellect. They are well-matched and will go far together, both emotionally and geographically! |
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| WOW | ||||
| 01:51pm 30/09/2004 | ||||
Now I rest my head from Such an endless dreary time A time of hopes and happiness That had you on my mind Those days are gone and now it seems As if I'll get some rest But now and then I'll see you again And it puts my heart to the test So when are all my troubles going to end? I'm understanding now that We are only friends To this day I'm asking why I still think about you As the days go on I wonder (Will this ever end?) I find it hard to keep control When you're with your boyrfriend I do not mind if all I am is Just a friend to you But all I want to know right now Is if you think about me too... ? So when are all my troubles going to end? I'm understanding now that We are only friends To this day I'm asking why I still think about you -Green Day 10 years ago this was my favorite song. Strange how it still has some relevance today...there's nothing worse in this world than uncertainty...for me at least. Have a wonderful day!!! |
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happy| it drizzled this morning for about 15 seconds | |||
| 11:53am 14/09/2004 | |||
| Hello all! Well its Tuesday right? I'm testing on Saturday for my blue-green belt! Big ups to me!! My hip has been kinda bothering me for awhile but I'm hoping I can just push through it for the 6 hours it takes to complete the test. Booyahkasha!!! Turns out kg is kind of a sadist!!! Guess that explains my attraction eh? Kinda want to find another place to live cuz I want a bigger place to myself. I want a two bedroom so I can turn one of the rooms into a private dojo. I don't think i like having a roommate anymore. He's cool and all but he's really weird and sometimes kind of like a wife, having to deal with his ups and downs. And anyways he disrespected me and I don't like that shit one bit. It took all my new found patience not to rack him the fuck up. Also, when I use the word weird, I mean it. For example, last month he moved all the silverware into the stove. Hmm..okay I said to myself...we don't use the stove that much so maybe um....i don't know. The other day he moved it again, only this time I can't find it anywhere...ANYWHERE! I haven't even asked him where it is because frankly, I just don't want to get sucked into that world. Well guys, this was probably totally boring to you but not to me! Wish me luck on Sat. and I'll catch you all laters. | |||
| Read 4 - Post | |||
| the 4 enemies | ||||
| 10:48am 06/09/2004 | ||||
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awake|
lowkey_liesmith |
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