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[01 Jul 2007|01:30am] |
yeah they don't make dunkachinos anymore. whats up with that..
this summer is pretty much going really bad.
im absolutly slacking. i have no desire to do anything. Even thoguh all i really do is work, i never have time to do anything else or rest. its a little rediculous
my house is a war zone. i want out.
my grandmother is a 72 yr old psychopath.
my father is a pushover
and my mother is a control freak.
my brother has ADD
and i am not going to survive.
i told my mother im never getting married today. yeah she freaked out on me. it was not a good situation.
i wish my grandmother never moved here. sounds terrible but the house is falling apart.
after all its not all her fault. im suprised my parents aren't celebrating thier 10 anniversery of thier divorce. i feel like ever since i was young they wanted out. why did they even get married.
anyway. thats not really my problem. my problem is the fact that i have a granny who hates me a mom who thinks im insane and a father who could give two shits.
oh, and we might be moving.
oh, and our pool is leaking and my car is breaking down and im overdue with work for the station. its really fun.
however, we are all healthy. we have a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs and food in our stomach. but sometimes i just wish i was 6 feet under. and everything, would stop.
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| vanessa= |
[28 Jan 2007|11:53pm] |
Kaboomgrl7 (10:19:31 PM): im just like really lame and cheesy
duckets627 (10:21:28 PM): so am i
Kaboomgrl7 (10:19:38 PM): and hes like harcore metald
uckets627 (10:21:36 PM): but hes tom
Kaboomgrl7 (10:19:44 PM): and im like "weeeeeeeeee flowers!"
Kaboomgrl7 (10:19:45 PM): haha
duckets627 (10:21:43 PM): lol
duckets627 (10:21:59 PM): hes tom tho
Kaboomgrl7 (10:20:09 PM): i feel like we have nothing in common
duckets627 (10:22:04 PM): he isnt really hardcore metal
Kaboomgrl7 (10:20:13 PM): i dont even know why i like him
Kaboomgrl7 (10:20:15 PM): i know he isn't...
Kaboomgrl7 (10:20:16 PM): lol
duckets627 (10:22:18 PM): hes like "weeeeee flowers... and death metal"
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| update? |
[24 Jan 2007|02:50am] |
so i haven't really been updating this.
i simply don't have time
i am in a strange state of calm. its really wierd. i have tones of stuff to do, i can't sleep at night and yet nothing phases me. im already slacking on CD clearences. what will become when classes start. this is not gonna end well.
i am now reading scar tissue. Probably one of the best books i will ever read. i absolutly love the graphic language in which it is written. you can tell that he wasn't holding himself back when he was writing anything and nothing in there seense censored, false, sugarcoated or fake at all. after years of believeing flea is the best bassist on gods green earth and thinking that AK is craziest more experimental rocker of my time [atlesat] i am convinced that im write. and im happy to see so.
no other obsessions at this time. i love the my modern socks CD i think its fantastic. locksley and sloan are good too. i amsolutly must see the thermals when they come to the city. there is no way im missing them again. the shins suck for having a huge angry fanbase that wouldn't let me into thier CMJ performence.
i really am not ready for school to start. the new job and everything. its going fine for now but i don't see it meshing too well in the future. the more i think of my responsibilities when i get back to school i absolutly want to quit work. but i can't i need money. there is not way im going to get out of a measely 20hrs a week of work. not going to happen.
talking about addictions...tom. sweet kid. scared me a little. sorta normal. but not in a bad way.i don't want to even hope for anything becuase nothing ever works out for me. period. im suprised i even got AW producership.
i am loving the new paulson. absolute love. i want them to come and play! :)
im gonna go and try to sleep. it is now 3 am.
goodnight.
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[26 Nov 2006|02:36am] |
Happy Birthday Yana!!
According to our records, today is your birthday... everybody here at Blurty.com
would like to wish you a happy birthday!
If you have any interesting birthday stories to share, do let us know! Or
better, email them to us and also update your LiveJournal with them. :) And if
you have any questions/comments about the service in general, let us know too...
we're real people, not a huge corporation, so we read and try to reply to all
email.
Anyway... the point of this email was originally just HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
--
Blurty.com
http://www.blurty.com/
AWWW even blurty remembered it was my birthday! i love you blurty!
today could have been better but it was fine!
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[17 Nov 2006|09:37am] |
the more i surf facebook the less i think about people.
not about general people, but about the quality of a human being right now.
ppl are so effin retarded
i don't know
i have no patience
i wish sara knee would transfer out of here like she planned to
she clears the worst music
bahh
rehersal today for avf24
gonna be fun [NOT!]
i want a dunkachino
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[04 Nov 2006|07:05pm] |
i should probably be doing some hw
i should DEFINITLY be doing some hw
but im not
imhere updatinh this shit
cmj rocked
semi-rocked
fought with mike
told him im done
shit
fuck
i really am though
really
seriously
lindsay is pissing me OFF goodtimes
i wanna be md
but i said im done iwth that too
so if i go and apply for this shit.....yah....i don't have a backbone
idk
its like friggin november dude
whateves im tired
its 7
i didn't get to see paulson
i didn't get to see the thermals
or valencia
but i made new friends
goodtimes
im gonna go now
and write a proposal
peace
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[02 Nov 2006|02:15am] |
thanks mike, for taking a good night and turning it to complete shit
love, yana
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[26 Oct 2006|09:00am] |
aww these guys are sweet hearts
i haven't updated this in a long ass time
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| real update to come! |
[09 Sep 2006|01:36pm] |
k so my parents are convinced i do drugs
i just REALLY like ice cream =X
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| Summertime, (and the livings easy.) |
[23 Aug 2006|05:47pm] |
so summer is slowly ending
school is just around the cornor
this summer...hmm
can be described as dissapointing.
sucky
overall BAD for just about everyone in my group of friends
its so wierd
how we are so close to eachother yet how quickly we are growing apart.
Rachel
Iv Had the least problems with her. i love her to death and i am SO happy for her that she finally found someone at her pace. Gallo is SO good for her. its sickening. in a good way. the only thing that pissed me off is when she would get horny out of no where and start humping everyone. other then then shes lovely. lol. i think that she is the only one who truely appreciates our group of friends. she was the only one who did not want to leave. she was really upset and said she is going to miss us all. i love her.
Emily
THANK GOD she stayed home from school. and yah we joke about how we dont really see eachother during the school year and how wer always too busy, but shit man. it is SO good to know that when ever i need her i just need to get in my car and drive south for 15 minutes. and I NEED HER. im a very needy person. i really hope shes joking about going away to italy for a semeser. thats gonna be the worse semester of my life. me and her are always just getting closer. i have absolutly no problems with her. i love her and i hope that she finds someone thats good for her quick. becuase " " SUCKS at life and is just generally a bad person and they shouldn't talk anymore. but they do. whatever. in conclusion. she needs to come back from vaca.
Robbie
in this list of people he is definitly not one of my close friends, at this point i dont even know if we are friends. but he had a huge impact on my life this summer and the past 6 months in general. it really started out in the end of january. suprisingly i believe our relationship was at its peak when he came back for his week vacation. its down fall started with the jenna incedent. it takes so goddamn much for me to trust someone that when something like that happenes it just takes everything and throws it away. every thing from the moment became complicated. i started holding back and not telling him things. he did the same. basically by the time he came back for the summer we were basically on the last leg of what ever we had. and that night in the begining of july sort of took whatever was left and just fuckin..idk...flushed it goodbye. However, i continued questioning. and driving my self crazy. i still do. i dont understand so many things...still. when he started getting buddy buddy with jen it started hurting even more. its like i fell in a trap. its like "HELLO! that was ME a month ago!" i dont know. i feel stupid. do i regret it. i dont know. its not like it was all bad. it wasn't. its just that its not the good that stays in my memory. how typical. this is getting too long as it is. basically, i refuse to show him any kind of emotion because if i do i might just have a breakdown. on his last night he was hugging me tight and i just couldn't. i fucking couldn't because id start fucking crying and thinking and remembering and i dont want to do that becuase its obviously over and i just want to BE over it and over him. the last week he was here he wanted to hang out and i said NO. first of all it absolutly infuriated me that he brought it up infront of everyone and second i dont want to hang out with him because im gonna have a fucking mental breadown and start getting all emotional and hysterical and id rather save that for the PSYCHOTHERAPIST that im going to need pretty goddamn soon.
in conclusion, i honestly think i lost him as a friend and it sucks but he doesn't seem to care so why should i.
Corey
just by association he is next on my list. Oh corey. you are retarded. lol i dont know why i respect u the way i do. i think its something that has to do with michal and a really long story. anywhoo. you wanted ass. u had jen. but u were like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" so u found urself sammie. yah shes nice. nicer then jen even. more real. less nerdy. less happy. and oh, way younger. goodtimes. this summer sucked becuase im pretty sure u hated me a little for liking robbie which is cool. and i hated u a little for how u treated jen. even though i dont like her. suprisingly u and sam do sorta fufill eachothers needs. forexample, u are a crazy crackhoe and like to go to applebees everynight, and she as a recovering crack addict has the munchies all the time and doesn't mind going there everynight,. lol. im kidding. u guys like movies comedians and she now wants to go to ur school...shes crazy...good luck to you this semester and i am sorta looking forward to seeing you when u come back. when ever that is. i love you and no hard feelings. :-)
Friedo
you pissed me the eff off in the begining of the summer and sorta ruined my relationship with shari. K THANKS. yet from ur misery and mine we seemed to click and grow closer. i hope u and shari get back on track and even though u might not become best friends, u definitly need to be friends. i hope u go up and party in college cuz u deserve it and u didn't get to do it here. the only thing that annoys me about u is how u just CANT wait to get the hell outta here. we weren't that bad for you and just becuase ur relationship with shari sunk doesn't me that we are not ur friends anymore. it just sucked that most of the summer u spent thinking about how u wanna go back while we were thinking about how u can stay here. hopefully next summer and the next year in general will treat u better. hopefully u will find a girlfriend that will last u longer then a semester. hopefully there will be less drama in ur life and more fun awesome friendly drunken nights that we WANT to remember not WANT to forget.
Steven
I have decided that you owe me ur life. lol. that is if u and jackie work out. if not, i had nothing to do with it. im glad that u have her becuase i really think its time to stop trying to get into rachels pants. im glad that u never got with sara becuase she doesn't deserve you. i hope u have fun in college but dont get too drunk. you just dont wanna be "that guy". i am more then looking forward to seeing u when u come back. this summer was awesome. i think me and u are so OVER that phase where we hated eachother and now we laugh about it. i think thats awesome. i still caNNOT believe u wasted ur money on that dumb ass movie. anyway, dont get alcahol poisoning and have fun!
Rachel G
You are awesomeee. me and u got closer this summer which is absolutly great and i love it. it sucks how u still limp a little from u leg injury but i think i saw u most during the time that u were in bed for a week. I wish nothing but the BEST for u and shapp. i think u guys are the cutest couple and i hope u last for a longggggggg time. dont get drunk when u go to college....please? becuase u wont have friends like me and rachel to make sure that u dont sleep on ur back and die. lol. it sucks that i wont see u for like 3 effin months but its ok cuz im gonna JUMP you when u get back and were gonna have the BEST WEEKEND EVER along with everyone else :-)
to be continued!
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[20 Aug 2006|02:07am] |
im such an ass
why am i crying.
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[03 Aug 2006|06:27pm] |
i am in a pretty good mood
i had an awesome convo with larissa
just about random crap
i miss her company
haven't seen robbie in a few days
it feels so damn good not to see him
carls another one i forgot about already
its 6:30
i want school to start
my diet is going a little wack
im not gonna lie
since monday i lost 5 pounds? cuz thats fucking normal
lmfao
i dont think its true
but whatever
i want a brownie though...haha
gelato
ahhh
lets make a lest of things i CANNOT eat
lol
i have martys work after this
working w. marissa
steph and doug broke up
fucking great
just as the drama was subsiding
it starts up again
whatever
i hate remax i wanna quit NOWWW lol
ill stick it out for a few more weeks why nott lol
good $ lol
got my braces tightned
GOODFUCKINGTIMES as always
had my radio show today
i did very poor announcing but i dont care! lol
i dont like my slot and i want it to change nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
gt
im gonna try working on that letter for the op log thing
peace out homeslice.
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[30 Jul 2006|12:04pm] |
oh camera
how i miss thee
this weekend [so far?]
friday
we saw beatlemania
it was me rachel gallo corey robbie jen and sam
can u say
[oddmanout]
cuz i can.
anywho
it was goodtimes
we came back
went to staphs
where matt wouldn't look at me
it was actually very funny
and evans shirt
goodtimes
brett was drunk of his ass dancing. it was funny
steph....was steph.
we left
went to dunkin
i got a dunkachino for the first time
it was awesome
i plan on getting many more
then we went over robbies
hung out infront of his house
steve and jackie joined us
so did shari and sam
then we all went to the playground by the library
we hung out there . then jen sam and corey were going home
sam and shari were on the floor
gallo and rachel on the bench
robbie sleeping
becuase apperantly his life sucks so fucking much
and me sitting on the floor on the other side
then it escelated
shari kept making dumb-ass comments about my boobs ever since the first second i saw her
and it kept getting more and more retarded
and at the park i basically just had enough of it when RACHEL who i mean, i thought we were friends, she started egging her on! "yana and her boobs are 2 diff ppl"
gosh rachel, did they teach u that in arizona for 15 grand a year?
lets leave the comdey to REAL comedians please.
and i didn't realize the robbie was sleeping and i got really pissed because when anyone says anything about his hair i attack them becuase whats wrong is wrong and theres no reason for ppl to be talking shit
and he wasn't saying anything which made be basically feel like shit, unwanted, disrepected, and like everyone was basically against me.
so i got up and left
rachel chased after me
we got in her car and she drove me home
i was fully prepared to walk home i was so pissed off
i am NOT a person who gets sensetive about stupid shit
and everyone has thier quirks
and this was fucking proof that having big boobs is not an advange
and the people who think that are retarded
theres no other word
but that was gettuing out of control
when rachel chased me down i told her that what she did was absolutly out of line
and ofcourse she didn't say anything
gallo apologized
i just hope it doesn't happen again
this is the reason i dont hang out with ppl anymore
and everytime i fuckking let go just a little it backfires
ppl want me to wear more girly stuff and be more girly
i do too
but i can't becuase GODGORBID anyone saw a read fucking breast
they just get scared and make jokes
ill just wear turtlenecks for the rest of my life
how does that sound
oh and another thing thats been in the back of my head
this is said being a bystander
i dont know what he thinks feels wants or doesn't want
but in my opinion
corey is being the biggest................theres no word for this kind of ignorance.
behind curtain #1 we have jenn
nice, sweet, cares likes corey
curtain number 2 we have sam
crackhoe. friends with john santiago
and yet corey wants to h/u with sam
nice girl, but shes just not all there.
i know its non of mybusiness at all and i know that corey doesn't think i care for him and thinks im a huge bitch and all but hed be suprised. hes like one of those ppl who u dont know THAT well and u dont takl to them THAT often but u care about them alot. and u care about thier opinion alot. i think hes a good guy and he deserves someone. he deserves to be happy. under all that "i just want ass i dont want a relationship" bullshit i fucking KNOW he just wants someone to be there for him.
because thats what everyone wants. even if they cant admit it
i get these random moods
where i feel out of the loop
i get really upset
like when me and jen were talking about how
when u feel alone
even though were in a group
and no one notices which makes it worse
and u really want someone to talk to you
and when u say nothing is wrong u WANT someone to know that ur lieing
i wish i had friends that read me that well
[other then em..she writes me]
lol
whatever man.
this is long
peace
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| my friends have expensive crack habbits |
[28 Jul 2006|03:54pm] |
XeRo223: in russia u dont drive the car, the car drives you
Kaboomgrl7: lmfao i dont even wanna know
XeRo223: and in russai there is no fork in the road and u have to make decision, decision is made for you
XeRo223: idk wtf that was from
Kaboomgrl7: lmfao
Kaboomgrl7: from ur crack bags
Kaboomgrl7: lol
Kaboomgrl7: they have little messeges on them
Kaboomgrl7: i know they do
XeRo223: my fortune cookie said i banged ur mom last night lucky # 69
XeRo223: i was kinda affraid
XeRo223: and in the bill was the picture, i was very mad
Kaboomgrl7: lol lies
XeRo223: ye
Kaboomgrl7: lmfao
XeRo223: and in the snapple cap
Kaboomgrl7: hahahaha
XeRo223: it said real fact #999 "Your adopted"
Kaboomgrl7: lmfao
Kaboomgrl7: where do u get this shit
Kaboomgrl7: hahaha
XeRo223: that 1 i cried
XeRo223: idk
Kaboomgrl7: ahahahaha
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[23 Jul 2006|11:46pm] |
oh and i completly forgot.
i blocked carl
and its just another one that doesn't give a shit
like WHY
am i such a bad person
am i such a shitty friend that you haven't spoken to me in weeks and you don't even give a shit?
i feel great about that
and rob
should have fucking blocked his ass
idk why i didn't
i guess i figured hes never gonna talk to me so i just deleted him from my blurty
and of couse
less then a week after
he IMs me
please, as i was just like "who the fuck is this" lmfao nah
i just wanted to be his friend so bad
and he pushes me away
and for a long asstime i didn't give up
but you know what i am honestly drained
and i cann't keep trying
its like swimming in an ocean and knowing you are going in circles and will NEVER hit shoreline.
mike hearne
what a charcter
what a cutie
i need to know why him and his g/f broke up becuase i can't just jump in and assume things
i feel bad
thay have been together for a really effin long time.
i hope his tour is going well cuz i haven't been able to call him and talk to him
my phone screen is still dead
time to sleep before i get woken up by trucks in the morning
tomorrow:
Station
Work
Station
Happy?
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| L.G. FUAD |
[23 Jul 2006|11:37pm] |
yeah tonight was retarded
after a whole weekend at which the foursome hung out together we all hung out together and i had nothing to do so i figured why not.
i keep on wanting to talk to robbie
idk about what
i just wanna talk to him
we had a whole conversation about telling eachother stuff
and it feels like were growing further apart from eachother then we ever were
he says he doesn't like jen
i think he does
jen says she doesn't like corey.
..i think she does.
i do'nt like the fact that robbie doesn't think when he talks
i think not kissing him was a good thing
but it was also bad
because i feel like he sort of gave up on me there and then
however, i need someone who can pick me up when im down and NOT give up on me
never give up on me
i NEED someone.
and tonight was just retarded
i wanted to come back after i drove rachel back
but jen would have still been there. the point was for her to leave
i <3 rachel
its rediculous how she understands me
curlygirly478: aw thanks. i feel loved. u are the only person worth while tonite anyways lol <3
shes funny and she can be real with me. thats good.
i lose hope sometimes.
and no one seems to care.
i need encouragment.
i need something to keep me going
and right now
i
have
nothing.
"Sister soldier you've been such a positive influence on my mental frame.
If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash and my memory lacks
initative. Goddamn the liquor store's closed we were so close to scoring.
It hurts, it destroys 'til it kills. I am tired and hungry and totally useless..."
its rediculous how motion city soundtrack can write the story of my life
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[06 Jul 2006|06:02am] |
so saturday
i got really drunk...heh
...ahem.but i wasn't drunk enough apperantly b/c i still remember everything.
and it still hurts.
so first off, i started crying hysterically because of shari
hi, i don't hate her.
i hate how somethings about her as so clashy--for a lack of a better word. and how some things she does are crap but i definitly dont hate HER. i think that she is beyond awesome. its just that when i get into my moods i hate everyone.
so we were talking at the playground and then i came back and i was already hysterically crying
talked to robbie
he told me he doesn't like me anymore and he can't "force" himself to like me.
so then i started crying even more
trying to understand WHY he tried to kiss me
only being comforted in the fact that i didn't kiss him back b/c then i would have really been slitting my wrists cuz i would have felt like complete fucking shit.
rachee threw up. shit man, its as if she DOESNT have a tolorence. lol
fried and rachel hooked up
steve is apperantly hooking up with shari on a regular basis which is really fucking NORMALA
i called carl at 3 am yelled at him
yelled at corey which is like somewhere on the TOP of things i regret doing
becuase even though he doesn't know it i respect his opinion more then like 1/2 the ppl in between our group of friends
took a walk at 3 am [right before calling carl] and scared the shit out of rachel.
i have a problem with her
i haven't had a real conversation with her since iv known her.
not cool
passed out
woke up at 9...or 8?
idk but the hosue was clean by like 11. lol
then breakfest
at which point rachel informed me that the reason why robbie was upset the previous night, its becuase he didn't hook up with her.
me thinking: ::::::::::::chee chee::::::::::::::
but whatever
i RATHER HAVE THE TRUTH THEN ANY LIE
becuase sooner or later [in my case REALLY FUCKING SOONER] i will find out anyway and it will hurt 3059868x more then it would in the first place.
so after saturday i really haven't seen anyone and have no desire to.
to continue the :::chee chee:::
on monday em came over
ofcourse she stopped at cvs first
so at about 10:30 carl calls and asks "whats up'' yah really fucking smooth.
so then when em was leaving we go to her car to walk her and she gives him a hug and we say bye and me and carl walk back in the backyard through the gate and he gets a phone call and goes back out the gate me knowing its smething wierd i go and look out the window see him and em making out.
he comes back in
"who was that?"
"my cousin"
"what did he want?"
"help installing software" [at 12:00 am]
"oh, awesome i can stay till 1"
"great"
-later-
"carl, what time is it?"
"oh shit its 12:50"
"is it really? let me see"
-biggest mistake ever as he HANDS ME HIS PHONE-
me being an asshole i check his recieved calls: empa
"oh shit, it is 12:52"
fucker.
resolution in the next entery
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[30 Jun 2006|05:49pm] |
i think i fucked up every relationship i had in this town
and im pretty sure im ready to move again.
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[29 Jun 2006|06:40pm] |
as he does it again ladies and gents
last night
me rach and robbie
rachel ofcourse happened to be extremly horny
laid down on my bed
called robbie over
in the dark
while im on the computer
first the were talking about making out
which is not really funny
and then its silent all the sudden
he says that nothing happened
who am i to believe him
he already lied to me once
when i told him to leave he left
asshole
EVERY TIME he has to leave i have to beg him to stay a little more
and here i TOLD him to leave and he thought that nothing was wrong
shit man
WHY ARE U SO RETARDED
when i say LEAVE it mean STAY and ask me whats wrong
when i say that i DONT CARE it mean i probably could NOT care anymore and its aHUGE deal
and when i pull away it means hold me and do it anyway
i can't spell EVERYTHING out of him
idk when hes gonna catch up
but it has to be soon
i am SO fucking sick and tired
of crap and i just want to go to sleep
today was absolutly terrible
last ngiht he left at 10
i couldn't fall asleep till 2
i had to pee atleat 18560 times
i woke up at 4
did my show 5-9
archived some stuff
left at 11ish went to the mall with em till 1:30
came home collapsed
woke up at 4
realized i have work at 4
was 15 min late to work
which means tomorrow i gotta come in 15 min early
i want to talk to robbie
bad
but it just doesn't seem like he cares
it doesn't feel the same way when he says he likes me
i know im handfull but its rediculous the way he expects me to get over things
i feel cheated.
i gotta go close at work
tomorrow is friday
and did i mention we haven't even kissed yet?
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[27 Jun 2006|04:31pm] |
Dear Emily,
Stop readings this.
I love you,
-Yana
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