| fall & die |
[16 Dec 2004|06:16pm] |
she's got something to remember him by. she'll wear him out like every day is his daily funeral.
can remember what it feels like to need you.
so i cannot retrieve it, we always love the things that hurt us the most.
i don't know who is truly dead, me or him or if i want us to wind up being another romeo & juliet.
i have realized i have been hurt so long by others & by so many.
i have realized i don't want another.
this fall i take with every inch of december, leaves me bruised by the snow, your cold.
your words & actions are more kind after the news i gave but it's far too late.
remember one day into the future i was your first true love, a pretty kind of violence whatever my name was
spelling a few letters wrong.
don't worry, i am going to help you, i am going to help you THROUGH THIS,
but ya didn't care about me when you started the game, i am she who slept on the crook of your arm, with
the sweat from your body rolling off of mine as i felt we were finally one, soul mates.
I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, I SAY. i'll always be there for you don't worry if you're not.
was i meaningless sex, am i the chipping nailpolish embedded where we lay together, am i miscarriage, am i what you don't want.
the upheavel of lungs forcing these questions i have tried to deny.
where has my faith in you gone to?
why did i stop believing you?
why can't i see that you are true?
THIS IS OUR DYING FALL.
one day i am going to fall off my bed to the sound of my bed sheets choking on itself, i will write you a story & we will live in it: dancing in the streets to the worst of songs, & we'll pretend to hate each other, && we will take pictures of what could never be; us.
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