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fall & die [16 Dec 2004|06:16pm] aliceindream she's got something to remember him by. she'll wear him out like every day is his daily funeral. can remember what it feels like to need you. so i cannot retrieve it, we always love the things that hurt us the most. i don't know who is truly dead, me or him or if i want us to wind up being another romeo & juliet. i have realized i have been hurt so long by others & by so many. i have realized i don't want another. this fall i take with every inch of december, leaves me bruised by the snow, your cold. your words & actions are more kind after the news i gave but it's far too late. remember one day into the future i was your first true love, a pretty kind of violence whatever my name was spelling a few letters wrong. don't worry, i am going to help you, i am going to help you THROUGH THIS, but ya didn't care about me when you started the game, i am she who slept on the crook of your arm, with the sweat from your body rolling off of mine as i felt we were finally one, soul mates. I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, I SAY. i'll always be there for you don't worry if you're not. was i meaningless sex, am i the chipping nailpolish embedded where we lay together, am i miscarriage, am i what you don't want. the upheavel of lungs forcing these questions i have tried to deny. where has my faith in you gone to? why did i stop believing you? why can't i see that you are true? THIS IS OUR DYING FALL. one day i am going to fall off my bed to the sound of my bed sheets choking on itself, i will write you a story & we will live in it: dancing in the streets to the worst of songs, & we'll pretend to hate each other, && we will take pictures of what could never be; us. post comment

[08 Nov 2004|04:36pm] lostmizipian this might go on a while so be prepared for a read but its quite a story this thursday was supposed to be our one week now i know one week may not seem like much but for us it would have been everything. on the 18th we will have been friends for 8 months 8 really interesting months but we should have known it would have been odd i mean it was us and then there was the way we met... March 18 i had a feild trip to philli i really didnt want to go i mean i pitched a fit to try and get out of it but i ended up having to suit up in my Class A's (im an avid ROTC cadet) and hop on the bus to drexel. i go to this ROTC swarea so boring ppl talk hooa im a jrotc cadet i will always conduct myself yada yada crap like that; well the food was not enough so my and krissee went to the cafe this crazy hot dominican walks by gorgeous but he is talkin to himself i mean really wylin out and we start laughin like o what a shame and then this really hot dark skinned black guy walks by....u see this is my weak spot.....and hes talkin to himself (later he would swear up and down he was callin cadence(left left left right left) which is believable cause rotc kids do that shyt) so neways he walks by once then he comes back again this time hes facin me our eyes meet and there was just something i smiled he tipped his hat omg he tipped his hat ona those fitted jons i think 76ers and kept walkin then he goes to the dominican i cant stop lookin at him krissee and i start jokin about if two crazy cute boys are talkin to themselves and each other who are they payin more attention too and we bust up....it was funny at the time....then he sees me laughin and i smile big at him and he comes over to the window puts a text in his phone and holds it to the window hi how are u wut school stuff like that i use krissees phone and talk back to him and then instead of him comin in he calls her cell omg we are so weird and i talk to him His voice omg the first time i heard it i melted; he came in we talked we exchanged names and numbers woodley...woodley paul. i nvr thought it would change my life. at first he was just this cute guy that i knew i didnt think he would actually call i called him i started this. that sat i had a drill comp everything ended or so i thought between me and toni a fwb that im completely physically infatuated with but at the time i was still a virgin i was so upset about us ending that when another random fwb that i had known for 6 months and messed with for two asked if he could come over i said sure i thought we would just make out we ended up sleeping together i dont regret the act not even really that it was him i just wish it had happened differently in a way iuno its odd like most things....after it happened i just didnt want to talk to him nemore it wasnt bad but it wasnt good enough lol; so i just really kinda threw myself into this friendship with woodley we started catchin feelings for each other we had both come outa relationships and we just connected in this way i nvr have with anyone...well time goes by we see each other very rarely in fact only 2 in 3 months but we talk so much it doenst matter well it did kind of matter cause this girl amy he likes her a little too he likes both of us but im further away hes known me less time and im also goin to alaska for two months he picks her; i leave i decide not to come back i cant bear it i need to get my head straight im soooo hurt but i didnt drop him or blow him off i couldnt we keep talkin i fuck up in alaska and have to come back home hes so happy im home; amy and him brake up a couple of weeks later we talk more and more about how we feel about each other finally two weeks ago we're like we can make us work cause weve got alot of odds to go against my dad hates him i mean really hates him cause hes black only reason why i cant stand it i cant call him and im not supposed to see him ever well he can call me and that was enough for us and i find out ima see him on thursday and we are soo happy finally we get to see each other and were talkin about all the feelings and like if we could make it we wanna get married and we kno we can make it and then i tell my mom being honest with her ima see woodley shes like okay then the next day she tells me kno i swear i almost died i collapsed in the bio room after school i was yelling and crying soo hard i think thats when i knew it was the end i felt so dead inside so alone so dissapointed and i also knew i was gonna have to tell him i raged at my mom for being so harsh my dad for being so damn stupid i just was angry then he calls my mom says im not allowed to see him he gets on the phone with me silence were both so sad and we wnd up saying that in a way we may love each other and that makes it hurt even more and im crying and i swear at one point it sounded like he cried if not he was just really sad he told me he had wanted to ask me out the next thursday the fourth which would have been a week ago this thursday i was lost numb for a long time friday we fell alseep on the phone it was great just something we do and then we talk again sat nyte he told me he was at a party and he told his ex about us and all the stuph we were goin through they go to the bus stop so he can go home she kissed him and he got all these feelings i swear that one sentence killed it all i just though omg wut if the feelins hes had for me were misplaced ones for her and ive put everyone through so much for this omg stupid stupid and i jus stopped liking him like that i didnt think it would be so simple and i just told him i cant believe this and im not an option for you anymore he did come to church the next day but you could just feel it everything had changed everything it made me kinda sad in the way that i missed what was there i didnt want it i just didnt kno wut to do and he still sounds sad and that makes me sad but i cant go through it anymore and i dont think ill ever fel the same way i did about him now the other guy toni form long long ago started talkin to me again we kissed when i came home and then last wed he came over in his car and we sat outside my house until 1 and just went at it and i dont feel anything for him in the ways of love i mean i like him in a way but really its just the physical he can pratically make me cum just kissin me its so damn good and there are some guys that like me but ryte now all i want is to fool around with toni and i just really think its amazing how something so strong as me and woodley can be ruined in an instant but something so dysfunctional as the shyt me and toni go through has lasted almost two years now and iuno if this is relavant but i had to tell someone so i thought id tell you say what you will post comment

[05 Sep 2004|05:31pm] softkisses21 So, here is my story. It might be a little confusing... The best way to start is from the beginning in order for you all to get a better understanding. In 8th grade i started private school. A christian school. I felt like I didn't fit in and I thought I was different from everyone else. I had no one to hang out with. I made a friend in the second semester, her name was Laura and she lived in a sort of strict house. She wasn't allowd to watch friggin MTV.. but that's the only person i had so I thought whatever.. it's better than being lonely. Her mom wanted her to get new friends that were more of her "type" because her older friends were making bad choices and whatever.. i felt uncomfortable because the girls mom would complain about teenagers wearing thongs and how inappropriate that was. I was the opposite of what she wanted for her daughter. But again.. she was the only friend.. beggars can't be choosers. So I would sit with laura at lunch, yes that right.. with her and her Bad friends, who gave bad examples.. this was more of my crowd. We all joined the soccer team and i started making friends with the other girls and slowly me and Laura stopped talking. her mom wasnt happy.. life goes on. There was girl I was getting really good friends with, her name was bea. We were alike in a lot of ways.. but also very different at the same time. I started going to her house and we would talk a lot.. about everything.. i told her all my secrets. I know this sounds fruity but just listen. She had a boyfriend and they were a great couple. They've been going out for about a year and a half. Everytime me and bea would go out to the movies, he would come along too. Me and him became closer friends and we started talking a lot and online and on the phone.. i just thought of him as a good friend.. never thought anything more would come from it. Everytime i saw Oscar and Bea together i would think, "damn i want that, i want love." So Bea tried to hook me up with his friends but I wasnt really feeling it.. them. So around february of this year he broke up with her. And i'm so sure it was soo hard for her to deal with, i mean HELLO.. she was in love with the kid. So since i was a good friend of hers she kinda used me to get her mind off of oscar meaning she came over a lot i went to her house a lot.. we went out a lot. I was getting annoyed. Sure she was a good friend but i felt used like "oh yeah kerry lets go and do this and that" and she always complained about him and HE would talk to me and complain about her.. remember me and him are friends. So like a month later and we decide to get drunk cuz it makes us HAPPY.. so bea came over, then we invited oscar and brandon and morgan.. I have no idea why she would want to see oscar after all of the pain he put her thru! But whatever.. so anywayz they came over we had fun got drunk.. well everyone except oscar and brandon. So when me and oscar are alone in my room he told me he liked me.. and i was drunk and horny..(Lol). so there, that was our first, and even though i was drunk i will always remember how beautiful it was. My heart melted i had shivers down my spine... it was everything i wanted and everything i was looking for. But wait.. this is beas ex.. wtf kerry.. dont do it. Dilemma, dilemma. She didnt know about it and i couldnt tell her.. she wasnt over him.. she wanted him back. We ended up sleeping over his house and from getting drunk earlier she wasnt feeling great and was in the bathroom a lot of the time.. every oppurtunity me and oscar had we would kiss.. it was like the fourth of july everytime. We started secretly dating. My mom didnt like it cuz she knew me and bea were friends and what i was doing was very very wrong. but i wasnt thinking.. this guy made me happy. As soon as bea found out.. like a month later i guess.. she was fuming with rage. She told everyone my secrets and she made all her friends and other random people at school hate me. Shitty days for little old kerry. But i had oscar.. and even though i didnt really want to be with him anymore it was too late. I needed him now more than ever.. he was all i had. So we dated through the summer and a lot of the time i wasnt happy. Finally he broke up with me like two weeks into school. It was extremely hard for me to deal with, i felt so alone and so ugly and unworthy. Even though things weren't the greatest between us i really liked him a lot.. at one point i thought i loved him. I still have saved convos between us.. i cant delete them.. we were so into eachother. I found out he's been cheating on me with bea during the summer.. and i always had a feeling that he was. She still hasnt forgiven me for what has happened.. but i dont understand how she always made me out to be the bad person when all along shes been with him. and hes back with her now. its so hard for me to see them together. But lately oscar hasnt been looking to happy.. and we have a lot of eye contact in the halls.. and when hes hugging her he looks at me.. does he still want me? i want him sooo bad. I dunno what to do. I'm talking with other guys.. i have a date from homecoming.. he's 3 years older and he's a really sweet guy. But nothing can compare to what me and oscar had.. and i miss him everyday. I need to get my mind off him.. but i dont know how. I have to see him evryday. And when he notices me.. and when i notice that he notices me.. i just dont know what to do. I love him. Help. 1 comment|post comment

[01 Sep 2004|10:44pm] crying_misery [ mood | bored ] I'm not sure If I've posted any of these sorry If I have but I know some are new!! ( Pictures ) 4 comments|post comment

[15 May 2004|07:56pm] _n0betterlove _loveofmylife post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:32pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha 3 comments|post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:32pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:32pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:14pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:14pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:14pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha post comment

:( [14 May 2004|03:14pm] belowthesurface [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Matchbook Romance-Tiger Lily ] My story isn't that serious, but either way it hurts. I've liked this guy named Jack for about three months now. When I told his friend I liked him, he went and told Jack. Currently, Jack was liking this girl [Audrey] so he wasn't too interested. I wrote him a note, then I met him. My stomach dropped. I haven't had that feeling in a long time. I seen him in that hallways all the time, and I'd always get butterflies. We would give eachother notes and stuff. Then I felt a little more comfortable around him, and spring break came rolling along. He went out with another girl [Shannon] and it bothered me. I tried to have fun over the break and not worry about him. Finally, I thought I was over him. I walk into school Monday with my head held high, thinking nothings going to stop me now. I was wrong. There he was, looking better than ever. I felt my knees get weak, and my heart beat faster. On Monday night he broke up with Shannon, and the next day asked out Audrey. He was going to Florida for a week, so I wanted him to go over my friends house [Michelle] so I could see him. I played with his hair, and he left. Then around eight he came back, and we layed in my friend's bed together. It was the greatest thing, I felt so happy. Then he had to go home, and we hugged eachother goodbye. All week I was going through withdrawl, waiting impatiently for him to come back. When he came back, I was so happy. Wednesday night my friend Michelle IM's Me saying that he might break up with his girlfriend. I was excited. Thursday he comes over, we lay together for a while. Him so close to me made me feel so good. Then he had to go. He left, and Michelle told me he wanted to kiss me but I had my head down so he couldn't. I WISH I WOULD OF KNOWN THAT.. but oh well. We ended up hanging out a few more times after that, and his bro asked both of us if we liked eachother. He said yea, but I dunno..things changed. He supposedly doesnt like me anymore. But I still have a feeling he does, or maybe I just want it that way and my mind won't see reality. This hurts a lot. Does anyone have the slightest bit of advice to help me out in this situation? It would be greatly appreciated. <3 Samantha post comment

[01 May 2004|04:54pm] calefool here's something: I was in love with a guy. We got together and loved each other very much. He wanted us to get married as soon as we were out of college. Then he died from shock in a hospital after a car accident. It doesn't get worse than what I'm feeling right now. post comment

im so confused [28 Apr 2004|06:02pm] xlostkisses [ mood | confused ] [ music | hands down, dashboard confessional ] i have liked this guy for along time. we've dated a couple times, and right when we start dating things go great, adn we're the happiest together, but after a while he starts acting really sad, or down. The day he told me he didn't want to date me, he told me that his mom was really sick and that things at home weren't good and that he wasn't really mature enough for a relationship. he told me it wasn't me at all and not ot be sad and that he still wanted to be best friends and stuff but hey we all know this is an impossible task. we still see eachother all the time and i often catch him glancing at me. i know i sound stupid but im still really in love with this guy and i want to know how to either tell him i feel this way, or what to do, even if that means letting go...anybody in a situation similar to this...or can give me any advice? this would be greatly appereciated. thanks so much post comment

eric.....*sigh* [23 Apr 2004|06:26pm] belmontslove [ mood | loved ] [ music | This Love - Maroon 5 ] hey all. last night was the most awesome time of my life! i've liked this guy eric for about a little over a month now, and we've been flirting around for almost that long, give or take a few hours...lol anyway, last monday, i think i wrote in here about that. but we've been planning for 2 weeks now that we were gonna watch movies all night on thursday night. well we got the original dawn of the dead and bram stokers dracula and we watched them. well last time he was watching movies with me, he cuddled with me clear through the second movie...this time, clear through the first movie he sat in the chair and part of the second one too. then through the rest of the second movie, and through part of a third one, snatch, he layed on my bed with me and completley ignored the fact that i was there, then when the third one was almost over, we started to cuddle, but he wouldnt kiss me no matter how many hints i gave him or anything....after the movie got over, we just cuddled, and i finally couldnt stand it anymore, and i said something about it, and he was like "it's driving you nuts, isnt it?" i told him yes, but i wasnt going to make him do anything that he didnt want to because i didnt want to scare him off....we talked about stuff for a little while, during which time, i had my eyes closed, and after we didnt say much for a little bit, i opened my eyes a little bit and he was right there in my face, so we started to make out....i've never had a thrill go through me like i do when i kiss him.....i like him so much...but we made out for awhile, in which time we lost both of our tops....:-D and finally he pulls away, and asks me how far i want to take things, since monday i stopped him, and i told him that that was up to him tonight....then i asked him that if we did do it, if we were gonna be together for awhile, or if it was gonna be some fling he had. he looks at me and says "oh, we'll be awhile..." so we start making out again, and we ended up sleeping together, and tho he's not very expierenced, i loved every minute of it....i'm really starting to like him alot, i hope that he'll be one that really means it when he says that he's gonna last awhile.....i woke up this morning and my hair was one big fro....lol but we were still laying in the position that we fell asleep in.....well i'm gonna go, i have to read some stuff....."take me to england"... post comment

Love hurts [03 Apr 2004|11:37am] ultraintense [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | 5 for Fighting- 100 YEARS ] Well i am new... Um ive been going out with a guy for 2mths now... things are good. But for some odd reason i get this jealous feeling when we dont get to hang out on the days we useally do. I mean i see him 4 times a week sometimes Wed. Friday. sat. or sun. and maybe on Monday. He works everyday but Friday and Sunday and on Wed. he gets off at 5. Other days he gets out around 730 8. But neway.. last week i had not seen him that much and then on Friday he came and picked me up at 4 and i was thinking i was going to spend the rest of the day with him you know. Then all the sudden his Cousin calls and asks him if he wants to go to the movies....im thinking he is gonna say no. He gets off the phone and asks me if i care that he goes to the movies with his cousin btw she is a girl. Im not gonna be a bitchy girlfriend so i said no i dont care. But meanwhile im thinking i cant believe he asked me in the first place... so he drives me home at 630. Its Friday... most of my friends already have plans and are gone. What the hell am i suppose to do its Friday night and im gonna be sitting at home doing nothing now? I dunno... i just really hated that he did that but then i feel bad cause its his cousin why am i jealous of his cousin you know? Hmmmm.... i ended up being mad all weekend and not seeing him till Wed. He said he was sorry that i feel that way but he dosent see nething wrong in what he did. So now to yesterday... which is Friday again.. we made plans Wed. that he was gonna come over and we were gonna watch movies...that didnt happen. He called me at 330 when i got home from school and said " i didnt want you to think i forgot about you but im over Ben`s and we are playing this new video game ill call you later" Its Friday im thinking oh ok so he is gonna call later like 6 or somthing..... umm nope no call so me waiting around for him to come over or call... i ended up waiting till 9 and then got so frustrated i went to bed.... i dont know if he called or not but i really dont care cause if he had called it wouldnt have mattered neway... So i guess i am wondering if i should be mad or not...or am i just being to emotional??? thanx 1 comment|post comment

travis needs to have his dick ripped off [31 Mar 2004|04:43pm] belmontslove [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit ] hey all, travis needs to have his dick ripped off.....his saggy nuts need put through a wringer washer....and he needs his fucking eyes poked out with a white hot poker.....the stupid fucker is getting fucking married to this fucking fat, ugly, retarded bisexual bitch that has not hold on reality......"oh travis, everything turns out for the good, the world is perfect....oh and lets go run through a fucking field of fucking tulips and romp through the fields and pet the deer and watch the fucking sunset..." *eye roll* i hate his fucking guts, he needs to just go gay so no more females have to put up with his bullshit......this wont last, nothing ever does with him....he's so fucking stupid....i hope you are readint this fucker......i'm building up more and more fucking rage against you......i wish you were here right now ass, you'd then know what a fucking ass-reaming would be, you bi-sexual fuck...i'd stick my fucking foot so far up your ass.....rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! anyway, i'm going to the movies tonight with some friends, so i'm gonna go take a shower, talk to ya'll later SSDD post comment

Hiya... [19 Feb 2004|11:08pm] lushiouslushi [ mood | lonely ] I know this is really random...but I just wanted to get the word out that I have started a new community about problems...questions...and answeres...it's kinda like a self help group...but instead of helping yourself...you get help from other people...by asking questions...and what not...and yeah...that should be explanitory enough...:oD...so it'd be great if you could check it out...it's still getting started...but I know that once people start joining...it'l be great!...I just hope that at least some people can get help through my community... www.blurty.com/community/4_realz Thank you for your time...(and space)...hope to see ya soon... post comment

I Wonder [17 Feb 2004|11:28pm] lostsoul754 [ mood | Better ] [ music | None ] I hear songs on the radio, See video's on the tv, Watch movies on the screen. I can't help but think of you, But I have to wonder do you think of me? All the nights we shared our love, Talked about our dreams, Listened to each other stories. I lay awake at night thinking about you, But I have to wonder do you think of me? I miss talking each and every day, When I had a problem you were there, Discussing the up and downs of our day. These things make me think of you, But I wonder do you think of me? I remember your embrace when you held me close, The sent of your skin next to me, Feeling the warmth of your hands when I felt cold in side, Your voice soothing when I was on edge. As days go by I think of you, But I wonder do you think of me? The silkyness of your hair running thru my fingures, Tender lips locked in loves enchantment, Eyes so deep I lost myself in them. I miss these and think of you, But I wonder do you think of me? Damage I did to you, Angery words that spewed from you, Tears fell as our hearts broke, Hurt I felt when you said Goodbye. Pain I feel when I think of you, But I wonder do you ever think of me? post comment

Still Hurting [16 Feb 2004|02:29am] lostsoul754 [ mood | Here ] [ music | Guess ] I came across this and it sums up how I'm feeling. Phil Collins....Against All Odds How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh You're the only one who really knew me at all How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here And you coming back to me is against all odds It's the chance I've gotta take Take a look at me now post comment

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