| im killing myself |
[05 Jun 2003|12:58pm] |
|
Im killing myself tonight.
|
|
| yeah |
[18 May 2003|09:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
Hey whats up, its been a loing ole time since i last updated this bad boy.. not much has gone on since i bet. Prom wasx yesterday night. I had no date. I ended up askin this boy from my work who I had a crush on. He said yeah.... so i bought his ticket. He didnt show up :( so i was stood up. AGAIN. im swearing, something is wrong with me.. i must be the ugliest girl in the entire world! Or something... hell if i know. I mean, personally I think of myself as pretty damn cool sometimes.. way out going... always smilein and shit. I dont know what to do. Honestly, at school and work and everywhere, Im always smiling... but its a front. I may be smilein on the outside.. but inside my heart is crying. Things really havent been working out for me at all. The only good thing tho--- VERY GOOD THING is that i have good grades this trimester. A B C C are my grades, I only have 4 classes. well 25 days till i graduate. Im so excited. 25 days left of my 12 years going to school. Its like i have 25 days to try to get to know everyone in school and 25 days to live to the fullest. But really, what more is there i could do? I really dont know anymore. Seems my life is goin DOWN hill.... really bad. Ive been single almost 6 months now.. Im proud of that.. but at the same time, its not so great cause i get really lonely...just want someone to hold me or kiss me.. just to know that someone is there who cares about me. I did really like this guy Jason at my work-- The one i asked to prom. I was so sure that he liked me too.. I guess not. he is always complaining that everyone at our work is screwed up, mentally and all.. They seriously, litterally do crack.. and some are just sex atticks(i cant beleive i dont remember how to spell that word). Its like so wierd.. i thought he was different than the rest of those peope there, but in reality is just as good as them. well ive got to get ready for work. Peace
|
|
| Somebody Kill Me Please |
[26 Apr 2003|08:54pm] |
|
I wasnt accepted into Point Loma University. :( The only university i applied for- the only thing ive been looking forward to. They said if i pay $5000 theyd let me take a summer course and id be accepted there. Its kinda sad that a christian college is using you for money. But thats reality and thats life- Dog eat Dog world= thats what my mom says. She said shes not going to pay for me because im not a good investment. because it would be a waste of money because im too irresponsible and too immature. She said i wouldnt pay attentionand i would try to hard to fit in and be a "social butterfly" boy that makes me feel great! Even my mom doesnt beleive in me. I feel like killing myself. Honestly, I do. There is nothing worth living for anymore. I mean nothing has even worked out for me at all. Things have been so- sooo.... I cant even think of a word for it.. just hectic i guess. Nothin has worked out for me- no date to prom (i doubt jason and i r even gonna go together cause he tends to bail out at last minutes)... I have no future now... The ONE thing ive been looking forward to since January is takin away from me. what am i going to do with the rest of my life? nothing- Theres nothing for me TO do.. except live in YV for the rest of my life and make babies. im never good enough for anyone. i just wish i could end it right now.
|
|
| Ooo oOooo |
[22 Apr 2003|07:49pm] |
|
Hey whats crackin today? Well its almost 8 o'clock-- its Tuesday.. I havent written since Sunday.. Yesterday was school-- it was lame. LoL as usualll hahah it was pretty laid back tho- It sucked after cause morgan and i had no ride home.. so we had to walk :( in the blasting wind.. to Scotts. We stopped at del taco and i had a burrito.. she did too. It was good- RED BURRITOS KICK ASS! lol but uhm yeah we hung out at scotts- then i went home... Bored. I added #2 to my webpage.. he has his own little section www.angelfire.com/ca2/amanda <-- check it out sometime. You wont regret it. So that was neat. Then i had my mom order tha prom dress i wanted off the net. She didnt read the shipping.. it said 6-8 weeks.. I didnt bring it up to her until AFTER she ordered it tho- Im a bozo. SO she flipped a bitch on be.. and yelled yelled and yelled even more. She told me thats all shes getting me for prom- SUCKS!! :( what am i supposed to do i have no idea. I need shoes!, a peticure, manicure, hair dyed, trimmed, styled, makeup-- I need all that shit. what the fuck am i supposed to do huh? Yeah well I don't know. Its like shes not even a parent anymore. When we go out to eat.. i have to pay for myself. Pathetic huh? Shes bought me half to nothing all year long.. and its like wtf? I needed shoes hella bad like in Nov-- Of course she wasnt going to pay for them- I had to buy my self a fucking pair of shoes-- Arent parents supposed to do that? O well everyone says I'll grow to appreciate my stuff more cause i got it with out anyones help. Well anyways.. I had school today.. it was better Amber wasnt there lol that dork. Shes gonna fail im telling you. I have a B in English. Im so happy i went from like a F minus to a B plus.. Praise The Lord! than you jesus! and math will soon be back up and going! :-D I have a F in there right now. Im such a freaking Slacker! :( Oh in video production.. They do this End of the year project of alll the like clippings from everyones project that year and put them toether into a news show-- EVeryone voted me to be a news anchor. lol So Im the Star of the Show now hehe Yay! i love that.. I think its cause im a Leo.. what do u think? So i was gonna go to the mall today with steven.. and he said he wouldnt be home till like 9 or so.. So i told my mom.. she was like Uhm No i dont think so.. not only do you not have minutes on your cell phone but its a school night. I was like WTF BUY me some minutes if you want me to have them so badly! I wish shed fucking be more giving and shit rather than So fucking stingy- im afraid Im going to be like that with my friends u know.. all stingy? I dont want to be. So she was like be home by 8... Its like she wants to fuck up everyone else's scheduel to fit her own.. its like Im not going on my scheduel to the mall. he invited me therefore its HIS scheduel and im not going to fuck it up and say take me home an hour early.. thats not cool to do to your friends. Kinda TOO controlling if you ask me. So I was like whatever. And i just told steven to take me home cause i didnt want to interfere with his scheduel. its not right to do. Sometimes I fucking hate my mom so much.. all my friends do too.. they all think shes a psycho path-- which i think sshe is seriously a little insane. like not even joking. I just pray i dont end up being a crazy psycho bitch when im older. I just cant wait to graduate and leave this shit hole-- 37 days till grad.. I still havent even taken my senior pictures-- you know i wanna take em BEFORE i graduate! Shes gonna be pissed too when i tell her who i want to send my graduation invatations to. Cause she doesnt want anything to do with my family. so Im sending them out to my ENTIRE family :-D hehe Great isn't it? I know. So yeah.. im in a bitchy mood tonight.. I find out Saturday whether or not Im accepted to this university! :-D im stoked.. ive been praying so much for it.. this is serisouly what i need. If i go away to this college.. Ill be out of my RETARDED house... and that means NO MORE parents. Ill have freedom-- but not TOO much cause it is a christian private university-- Something I want. I want a lot of freedom but not too much- so this university would be great for me. Its on the beach.. its a christian enviornment.. Everything I need to start all over again :-) So-- Pray for me!!! I know I am! lol K well im going--Take care buh bye
|
|
| Ooo oOooo |
[22 Apr 2003|07:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sean Paul "get Busy" |
] |
Hey whats crackin today? Well its almost 8 o'clock-- its Tuesday.. I havent written since Sunday.. Yesterday was school-- it was lame. LoL as usualll hahah it was pretty laid back tho- It sucked after cause morgan and i had no ride home.. so we had to walk :( in the blasting wind.. to Scotts. We stopped at del taco and i had a burrito.. she did too. It was good- RED BURRITOS KICK ASS! lol but uhm yeah we hung out at scotts- then i went home... Bored. I added #2 to my webpage.. he has his own little section www.angelfire.com/ca2/amanda <-- check it out sometime. You wont regret it. So that was neat. Then i had my mom order tha prom dress i wanted off the net. She didnt read the shipping.. it said 6-8 weeks.. I didnt bring it up to her until AFTER she ordered it tho- Im a bozo. SO she flipped a bitch on be.. and yelled yelled and yelled even more. She told me thats all shes getting me for prom- SUCKS!! :( what am i supposed to do i have no idea. I need shoes!, a peticure, manicure, hair dyed, trimmed, styled, makeup-- I need all that shit. what the fuck am i supposed to do huh? Yeah well I don't know. Its like shes not even a parent anymore. When we go out to eat.. i have to pay for myself. Pathetic huh? Shes bought me half to nothing all year long.. and its like wtf? I needed shoes hella bad like in Nov-- Of course she wasnt going to pay for them- I had to buy my self a fucking pair of shoes-- Arent parents supposed to do that? O well everyone says I'll grow to appreciate my stuff more cause i got it with out anyones help. Well anyways.. I had school today.. it was better Amber wasnt there lol that dork. Shes gonna fail im telling you. I have a B in English. Im so happy i went from like a F minus to a B plus.. Praise The Lord! than you jesus! and math will soon be back up and going! :-D I have a F in there right now. Im such a freaking Slacker! :( Oh in video production.. They do this End of the year project of alll the like clippings from everyones project that year and put them toether into a news show-- EVeryone voted me to be a news anchor. lol So Im the Star of the Show now hehe Yay! i love that.. I think its cause im a Leo.. what do u think? So i was gonna go to the mall today with steven.. and he said he wouldnt be home till like 9 or so.. So i told my mom.. she was like Uhm No i dont think so.. not only do you not have minutes on your cell phone but its a school night. I was like WTF BUY me some minutes if you want me to have them so badly! I wish shed fucking be more giving and shit rather than So fucking stingy- im afraid Im going to be like that with my friends u know.. all stingy? I dont want to be. So she was like be home by 8... Its like she wants to fuck up everyone else's scheduel to fit her own.. its like Im not going on my scheduel to the mall. he invited me therefore its HIS scheduel and im not going to fuck it up and say take me home an hour early.. thats not cool to do to your friends. Kinda TOO controlling if you ask me. So I was like whatever. And i just told steven to take me home cause i didnt want to interfere with his scheduel. its not right to do. Sometimes I fucking hate my mom so much.. all my friends do too.. they all think shes a psycho path-- which i think sshe is seriously a little insane. like not even joking. I just pray i dont end up being a crazy psycho bitch when im older. I just cant wait to graduate and leave this shit hole-- 37 days till grad.. I still havent even taken my senior pictures-- you know i wanna take em BEFORE i graduate! Shes gonna be pissed too when i tell her who i want to send my graduation invatations to. Cause she doesnt want anything to do with my family. so Im sending them out to my ENTIRE family :-D hehe Great isn't it? I know. So yeah.. im in a bitchy mood tonight.. I find out Saturday whether or not Im accepted to this university! :-D im stoked.. ive been praying so much for it.. this is serisouly what i need. If i go away to this college.. Ill be out of my RETARDED house... and that means NO MORE parents. Ill have freedom-- but not TOO much cause it is a christian private university-- Something I want. I want a lot of freedom but not too much- so this university would be great for me. Its on the beach.. its a christian enviornment.. Everything I need to start all over again :-) So-- Pray for me!!! I know I am! lol K well im going--Take care buh bye
|
|
| Happy Easter! |
[20 Apr 2003|03:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ryan Tedder- "the look" <-- download it! |
] |
Sooo its easter.. and Im bored outta my stinkn mind! lol Im listen'n to music.. yeah yeah yeah :-) Im talkin to george right now.. hes a silly boy. lol he says hes short and 'bulkey' lol i said im tall and bulkey.. so its okay. hahaha Ive been eatting chocolate all day.. Gross huh? im gonna have a zit attack. Its easter, so i can do that! so HA! lol morgan came over today for 1.5 seconds lol she dropped off a gift.. it was sweet.. alil wooden carving of my name.. whata sweetheart she is! hehe i love her. I talked to amber earlier. shes a sex a holic. LoL. she had sex in the bird sancuary in morongo hahaha.. with ryan ahahaha.. I swear Im the only one who isnt get any now days! lol Im doomed! its all good. I may go to prom still.. no idea. I dont know if i really want to.. its kinda mixed feelings lol. No date.. no dress. I can order a dress offline.. but date.. i cant 'order' one lol. well today i woked on my web page a bit.. and edited abuncha junk. Avick just IMd me.. hes the sweetie marine i met.. hes from Rhode Island.. hes a cutie.. I love his accent. :-) But yeah IM still single mandy.. and still dateless mandy.. Send in all applications to Hyperflirt03@hotmail.com if interested in being mandy's date. lol goshhh bah humbug.. k happy easter ya'll much love!
|
|
| gooood morning |
[19 Apr 2003|10:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
well i woke up at 8 today.. got on the net, and guess who else isonline.. Daniel. lol well he told me he is seeing one of my best friends, Amanda. How scandelous is that shit? they have been for 2 months. pisses me off. well im not going shopping today cause my parents are fucking stupid. so I dont think i want to go to prom any more. nothing has worked out at all. Imean #1.. No dress #2.. No date #3 fuck #3 lol
#1 and #2 are enough. So i dont know what to do any more. jason, danile's friend just called me.. he lives woith daniel now. jason liked me during the summer, but i didnt like him.. cause thats morgan's 'ex'ish and all. hes way cute and funny but no more than that. Buyt anyways Im depressed (is that a surprise) so im gonna go now.
peace
|
|
| Shake your bon bon |
[18 Apr 2003|11:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thirsty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Back That Ass Up |
] |
Hey whats uppppppppp :-p well its 11:30 at night. and i just got home from a club. It was a wack attack. Nothin but a whole buncha kapooot heads. All the lame brain losers from my school showed up there.. and a buncha horney drunk ass marines lol. Lame lame lame. There were like the loser 10th and 9th graders there haha. WITH THIER PARENTS! can u beleive it!? o goodness. A couple girls and I were the only ones who knew how to dance.. black guys knew how too also.. OF COURSE haha.. but yeah it was a wack attack from hell. But Oh well.. it happens i suppose. Well, Im a lil warn out and a lil sappy feelin-- still cant get over the fact he already has a gf!! IM SUCH A RE-TARD! haha but morgan said his gf is ugly. and anu, his good friend said she is too.. and im prettier.. :-) which makes me feel loads better. hehe but yeah Im going to go Nite nite now. TOmorrow I am going prom dress shopping.. yippie! haha ;-) k peace out my lovers
|
|
| Somebody shoot me please lol |
[17 Apr 2003|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"forever" Angelina |
] |
Hey whats up? well its thursday night-- its a follow up from earlier. Today was dumb i did the excersize thing and cleaned house. I finally learned how to make myself throw up all the way.. lol The whole eat and purge thing lol I went to the strip tonight with Anu. he came and picked me up. he is a sweetheart. I hung with Nikki and her 'bf' i guess all nite. I saw morgan before i left. she said Kyle was with another girl :( then i called him. he said it was his gf. Amy. :( why it hurts me or even bothers me I DONT KNOW!!!!! cause ugh i dont know im a retard anda 1/2.. Oh i my mom got home today--- SHE BROKE HER FUCKING FEET! can u beleive it, NO JOKE.. she did. she said she fell and broke her feet haha.. shes on cruches and all.. wierd if u ask me. Well yeah back to kyle, I still have feelings for him, always have, always will.. bites the big one if you ask me. I mean ive moveed on and all that jazz but DAMNIT that just really hurt. i hate being a teenager sometiems, for reasons like that-- you learn what its like to love and stuff at this young age and at this young age unfortunatly u find out what heartbreak is too.. i mean ive been through it before, with daniel. It just hurts EVERYTIME i guess. well depressed mandy is going nite nite now-- Love u guys byebye
|
|
| hey hey |
[17 Apr 2003|02:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
IYSS single for the rest of my life |
] |
So today is thursday, and an uneventful thursday, just like yesterday. Yesterday was lame. I stayed home all day. Didnt do anything.. i slept a bit. Jacob Rizzuto, an old friend of mine called. :) made me smile i used to have a crush on him when i was a sophomore. Hes a sweetie pie. Well i went to sleep the majority of the day. I was about to go to church last night and Number Two called asking me to dinner with him and Morgana. It was thoughtful of them. But I wasnt allowed to. My parents took me to church. It as about gossip and how its murder with the tongue.. I agree. Gossip stinks. My pasture, Carol said "who ever wants to stand up and admit to being a murderer stand up to be forgiven" So i was like one of the first people to stand up. LoL sadly, I tend to gossip. I try my hardest not to.. Cause i hate gossip about me. Sucks really bad. Well I came home afterwards and went to bed after i talked to an old friend of mine, Daniel on the phone... Hes the one i met off the net, With the bad experience lol. Its okay tho now. Anu called too.. Hes cool maybe I will. see him at the strip tonight. So i woke up today to a buncha phone calls at like 8 am. lol Yeah it was okay. No biggie. I cleaned house today and I went for a run.. I LOVE RUNNING-- i mean i hate it But the pay off is excellent. Totally cool if you ask me. Yeah sooo I called up the dog groomer cause my dogs STINK and are dirtyer than anything But they arent open for my dogs until the 25th So i have to deal with thier stank booties. lol But oh well. I cleaned house pretty well. did some laundry.. I burnt a awesome cd. Has all my newest fav tunes. I thought about daniela nd kyle today--- BahHumbug. U know daniel and i have been broke up for almost a year now-- jeeze-- Still I love him :( GAY GAY GAY! ugh! lol But yeah its 2:16 in the afternoon and I have notign to do.. Im gonna look for rides to the strip tonight. I really wanna go. I love going to the strip its so cool. I just really relax there.. its the party scene for us teenagers. Kinda sucks sometimes tho cause i see all the skinny bitches everywhere lol. hahah But yeah Im gonna go now, Cause I always end up writting alot when Im bored.. and i end up boring everyone who reads this cause i just go on and on and on about nonsense. lol SO Peace out wackadoodles... Love ya all.. and junk like that.. Hey i dont feel like stopping lol My fingers keep moving. Im listen'n to this song its so cute IYSS Single for the rest of my life. I lvoe it. I was listen'n to this BOMB ASS SONG-- Angelina- Forever ! DOWNLOAD IT! oh and download Franky J ifor got the name of the song. lol download all his songs. k im going now finally
Byebyebye
|
|
| hiii |
[15 Apr 2003|10:56pm] |
|
hey whats up? Not much here. I just got home, its 11 o clock. I met a girl tonight off the internet.. her name is Emily.. The girl Kyle cheated on me with. We are good friends. she is totally awesome. we went to a party. and took some pics too. it was awesome. Good times. lol Well uhm yeah nothin really is new. im on spring break right now. its boring i guess Not really well kinda. lol Yeah ive been busy so far everday.. I went to the mall today it was awesome. I went with nikki. it was cool i got a cowgirl hat. Its tight. Yesterday I was at Knotts soak city all day. it was tight cause like i met a buncha boys. :-) I was alone the whole time. cause my friends were working there. I dont start there till like 2 weeks. yeah Im stoked. :-) I got a somewhat tan. The other night tho before that i was with rachel again spent the night at laccees. It was cool. :-) yeah uhmm rachel and i have been hanging out everynow and again. its tight. I love having a lot of friends cause im never really alone. But I hate being single sometimes.. cause yeah i get all lonely. :( booHoo. So I am still talking to scottiie i guess we are going to prom together. Kinda sucks cause we have nothing planned. I want a guy who is going to actually ASK me to prom.. Not me ask them. Cause it STINKS! I feel like such a loser and stuff. Its like with him, I have to pay for our tickets cause i asked. and he doesnt seem interested at all. scottie is 22. he lives near glamis. I dont think he is interested at all. He used to be. LIke a month ago. i really like him but i dont know what to do. So Yeah Im on the phone right now So I will go now. Byebye
|
|
| Ba Humbug |
[08 Apr 2003|06:31pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
IGNITION REMIX (again) |
] |
SOoOOoO today is hmm Tuesday! yes indeedy. My weekend was a whole buncha bull hockey. It went Kapoots on me. I thought itd be coo, Id party and junk-- NONE of that. Friday night i went to bed after writing in this.. Saturday i worked then went to bed at 8-- cause i decided not to go to some loser ass party- big numskulls. Sunday i woke up and called Kyle cause i had been thinkn about him. He didnt answer, then i went to work- Lame.. I got some kick stuff tho. Then i went and spent the night at Ambers. I called kyle as soon as i got there cause i wanted to talk to him. he seemed way too busy to talk to me. He was acting wierd- He hadnt answered my calls from the day before- So i figured somehting was up. So i spent the night at her house, dyed her hair a lil.. Looks the same, only a lil redder- awesome tho. Then Ambers family and i went over to the baseball park to watch her lil sis score some whatever they are called--- I DONT LIKE BASEBALL shh sorry! yeah we almost saw 100293029 fights lol actually just 1 big big one. but it was cool. Yeah and so ryan came over to the field and b ought amb er and i dinner-- RED BURRITOS KICK! thanks ryan, u rule ass. AMBERS ASS haha anyhoo uhm yeah I hadnt talked to number two at all.. he was busy i gues during the weekend. Yeah so I got on the comp as soon as i got home yesterday (we had no schooll... thats when i spent the night at ambvers) yeah so i IMd kyle right when i got on and he was like DONT TALK TO ME ANY MORE PLEASE STOP IMING ME and i was like WTF is this, so i called his phone and he was all :hello?" and i was like "WHat r u talking about" and he was like "STOP!" and hung up the phone i was like Uhm okay what the shit is this!? so i IMD him aghain and i was like what the fuck is your probleme we were all awesome the other day and all of a sudden, out of nowhere you change on me? ive been thinkn about u all day and i was looking forward to talking to you--- and hewas like you're bugging, your annoying and some shit like that and i was like Fuck this.. and sop i called again and he said STOP calling me.. and then i finally gave up and went to bed at 8:30-- I cried a little, like a little bitch I am. :( Im such a stupid ass. I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. I called kyle just because i was thinkn about him, and all of a sudden I am annoying. Seriously, there has to be something wrong with me.. or maybe him. Everyone says its him, but maybe they r just saying that cause the r my friends. But i dont know, If I was one of my friends Id get on thier case and be like WHY THE FUCK DO U STILL TALK TO HIM?! i know id be like that to amber or morgan. So I will take my own advice-- If it hasnt worked these past 6 months, it aint ever gonna work. I mean today a cute guy i used to like a lot asked me for my # i was hella stoked. So i meean Maybe im not SOOO bad. I still have NO date for prom- and ive been single for 3 months- INDEPENDENT WOMAN RAWR! lol I dont know what to do or say, but i know one thing tho- BITCHES THEY COME THEY GO! hahahha yeahhhhhh right on, okay im feeling better- hey this journal thing really does work!! SO HOLLA OUT TO MY HOME GIRLS RACHEL WHATS UP U SEXY BITCH I MISSS HANGING OUT WIT CHU! MORGAN GIRLFRIEND I LOVE YOU TO DEATH! AMBER YOOOOO MY WHITE ASS BLACK GIRL WIT DA HAMS IN HER PANTS! STEVEN I LOVE U FUCKER! lol AND NUMERO DOS!! HOLLA BACK YOUNGIN WOOT WOOT CLEETUS IN DA HIZZOUS!!! yeahhh party over hurr-- WTF!? BARBIZON MODEL AGENCY CALLED JUST NOW!!! wtf they want? ass holes- they said that they seen my pics on the internet.. Bull shit Ahh somepeople r gay. Well IM DEAD SEXYY IF A MODELING AGENCY WANTS MY ASS haha jk in my dizzzereams! hahaha k well i am gonna get off the net and
use my energy else where like on the TREDMIL IF u know what im sayin Pizzeeeace!
Hey Im updating this entry.. it was after kyle told me off. Well at the strip that thurs Nikki Stevens's sis (my new big sis) told kyle off. He looked dumbfounded. It was beautiful. hes a big jerk off ass hoole. LoL So i came up to him and i was like WHY WERE YOU AN ASS HOLE TO ME.. his excuse-- I was getting sick(as in a cold) and people were bugging me all that day with IM's so I was getting angry and i went off on you (HAH STUPID FUCKER TRYIN TO MAKE UP EXCUSES SO HE DONT GET HIS ASS KICKED!) But yeah it was so cool. And he was like can i have a hug and i was like psssshhh okay.. I felt like i was hugging a 7th grader cause i hoverd over him (hes short) it was cool.. All his friends were hitting up on me and shit. it was fucking awesome. all up in his face too.. Then Saturday night Rachel and some friends and i went to the strip-- it was car import night. AWEOSME mother fuckin cars. Yeah it was soo cool. And there were guys all up on me and her and our friends. THere were some tight ass cars too I loved it. I met some new boys hehe they were really nice. K buh bye enough gloating
|
|
| Teedle Lee Dee |
[04 Apr 2003|06:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Swing Swing |
] |
Whats crackin? Well its a friday night... 6:30 and im just chilling. Last night was the strip- Pretty cool/gay. I took my drug test earlier that day and passed of course. I had to pass to keep this job i want- its a family oriented place. Then after, Jackie and I went over to the Palm Springs strip to meet her boyfriend there. We had Rubys. It was tasty. I had a salad. I got full too-- It was just a little dinner salad. WIERD! but it was still good. Then Jackie and Gabe left when I found kyle. I was so happy to see him, why i don't know. A lot of things have gone down between him and i. I made him a Mix CD the other night, I made a REMIX song.. Its like SO awesome My 1st one-- its like all of 'our' songs- Stellar-Heaven-Lets Get it on, and many many more. Im listen'n to it right now. Well I saw him there and we hung out, we was with LOSER guys and i was like eww trash.. and then like I saw morgan! and i was like YAY!!!! and then steven! yay! and then Nicole(stevens Sis).. it was awesome, I then dragged Kyle waway from those swamp men and over around with us.. It was okay.. cept kyle never seems like he is having a good time with me. He is either on his phone, or really quiet. Its wierd. Like very uninterested.. now i remember why it didnt ever work with him and i-- I never got any attention. But still I walked around holding his hand. I saw a guy there that was suppoesd to take me there on a date.. i ditched him, and i looked the other way :( I FELT HORRIBLE! like just dieing bad.. Ugh! and then i saw... CHAIS :( my god i was like ggeeeze well i have no chance anyways with him so oh well..i kissed kyle right then, i was like, THIS will get that boy off my mind. love is a crazy thing. But anyways We all were walking around on the strip, kyle in hand.. Nicki Steven and morgan next to us, or in front of us gooofing off. me-calm. Then we saw Joe Rose and his possee.. they r the 'tuff' boys i guess... They all hated Kyle they said he was a pussy and they all wanted to kick his ass.. they said just by looking at him and how he acted with me, that im wasting my time and that his a little bitch and he desereves to get his ass kicked. I told them to be nice. I realized that kyle does in fact treat me like i dont matter.. I went into a store with the girls.. it was a lingerae store and kyle stayed outside when the othre boys followed us in. lol and then I came out to look for him.. and i was like babe what r u doing he was like Im just tired i had a long day at work.. i was like yeah yeah yeah. And then he wasl ike Im gonna go to StarBucks, meet me there.. I felt like just crying He totally put me off like i was nothing. I was like yeah okay seeu later than bye i love u.. and he was like Dont be stupid and I was like WHAT? and he was like I will see u down there k I was like yeah i love u byebye.. and he said the same.. then i walked over to my possee and they were like IS HE DONE BEING A CRY BABY?! Can i kick hiss ass now or later? all the guys, and even girls were saying that.. its like UGH! i dont know what to do, cause i realize he does treat me like im nothing. Why does this always happen to me? Chais doesnt even know that I exist. Kyle treats me like i dont exist. and the other boys- well I feel no spark :( I always feel like im never good enough for anyone- Whats wrong with me? Should i be "putting out" or something? I really dont know what to say or do. I have no date for prom so far :( its next month. I still have to go shopping for a dress and all. o well-- I have my SATs tomorrow morning bright and earlie. maybe i will just go to bed now. Oh! i forgot to say, I saw my other ex last night, Sergio.. he was lookin over at me.. UGH! He was definately my best looking bf ever.. but he told me i was fat and out of shape.. :( sucks balls. Well im gonna probably go study and then head off to bed until someone calls me- Good night world
|
|
| A chance |
[01 Apr 2003|09:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
Give me a chance,
I wont waste your time
You say your sick of being hurt
I'm sick of being hurt.
I want to be the one who makes you smile
I want to be the one you kiss goodnight
I would treat you so perfect
I could never do you wrong
You say only time will tell
I say the time is now
Id do anything for you
Do just one thing for me...
Give me a chance
|
|
| Stinky |
[01 Apr 2003|09:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
Well its uhm tuesday night. Today was good. rob and morgan picked me up for school today, on the way to school we got a ticket for speeding, which i dont think we were, but it is very possible. I just painted my nails hot pink lol. So im tryn not to mess em up with typing. I feel so freaking fat- UGH! anyways yeah uhmmm I got a call today from Knotts soak city- I have an interview tomorrow 6:30- 8:00. Im stoked! yeeehaw I am watching American Idol right now. FUnny shit. lol My nails are getting all messed up. I talked to my brother today hes good. I got my report card today D A C A A.. good job yay. lol SOO i have a 3.0 GPA (B average). Im very happy. I have my SATs Saturday Yikes! Im scared. I prayyyy I get a high score! I wanna go to this university more than anything in the entire world. I talked to Chais today, through Text Messaging, It was wierd. I asked him if i ever have a chance with him, he said Only time will tell.. Well its been 12 years, So far time has only told me i need to give up and move on. I still dont get why he doesnt just give me a chance. Guess im not good enough for him. I wrote a poem.. I will post it next. i saw a guy i used to think was cute today working at Del Taco, I hit on him a little, he was way interested. People say he looks like my ex Daniel, i think he looks better. Hes cleaned up a lot, doesnt smoke pot or the bad things. My day was pretty laid back.
|
|
| Lalalalal |
[31 Mar 2003|05:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 creative |
] |
So Im here at morgans house right now. its 5:20. We just got home from Rancho Mirage cause she got her braces off. While she was getting them off, Rob (#2) and i were laying out on the lawn hahahah gettin tan. Right now, Morgan is being a whiner lol and shes like "I DONT WANT TO WEAR MY RETAINER" blah blah lol and rob is sittin on top of her putting it in her mouth.. CLETTUS! lol Thats his new nickname mine is Mable. lol And morgan is betty lou. But anyways, Im here listening to music-- All the lovey dovey shit. cause im gonna make kyle a cd, mix kinda thing and some crap like that. Dont you hate it when you get that lonely feeling and like you just want someone there to hold you and you know just love you and stuff? well i keep seeing morgan and rob, Amber and Ryan and they are all happy, holding hands making out-- all that good stuff.. and what am i doing? Goofing off in my own little world. Kinda sucks, cause Im here wondering thinking to myself, Prom is in 1 month.. No date still. So it bites the big one. Totally depressing- no matter what I will have a date. or i just wont go. Lame huh- I dont know what to do. I dont want to go with a girlfriend again this year. It stunk. lol So morgan and rob are all happy right now, super cute if u ask me. lol its awesome. Well yeah so whats uppp not too much here. School was alright, pretty good day. No drama. :-) Thats the best. ROB is wearing morgans deoderant, SECRET==== woops not a secret anymore huh? oh well hahahaha Yeah but anyhoo Im gonna go now-- Love yahhhhz ill write back soon enough
Mandy
|
|
| wow |
[29 Mar 2003|10:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"cause Im a blonde" julie brown |
] |
So i havent written in this stupid thing forever. lol like WHOA haha well tonight is saturday. i just got home from the rock off. Ive had an awesome and not so awesome week. I got a little tan at the spas with my girls and guys lol Rob and jon whatd up 2!!! lol yeah and rob came up and partied with us homeis numba two! hahah and morgan and i hung out like everyday girl friend i love you! yeah thrusday night we went to the strip damn was that depressing my god! every single girl-- PERFECT BEAUTIFUL SKINNY TAN AND BLONDE I was so jealous and never felt so fat and ugly in my entire life. EWwwwWww. I was feeling all angry and stuff and really irratible. I felt like i was taking it out on my friends. and i didnt mean to so girl (morgan) im sorry if i was a bitch to you.. just one of those nights i gues. I really wanted to see kyle there just to see how he was and all. lol SO im in a great mood if you couldnt tell. yesterday was a horrible day- from missing the buss to school and falling down to meeting a wierdo dude off the net... Girls if i havent told you, dont worry youll find out soon enough lol . Today was the rock off. my god it was awesome. i had an awesome time. I dyed my hair early this morning then Number two and steven came over and they helped me get ready for my big night. I preformed in front of like the whole school it seemed "cause im a blonde" assisted by a homie of mine, Ashlei. It was awesome. i wore the skimpiest outfit and my boobs were everywhere. I looked like your typical Blonde 80z bimbo haah it was rad. People were like Dang Mandy you got skinny. I was like wow that made me feel really good about myself. I had morgan's ex Jon up there in our skit.. he was checking us out. it was really funny and like one of the most popular guys in school, brenden was in our skit also, So it was great. lol Uhm Well after the rock off, I am walking with steven and guess what stupid fucking hoe i see.. KIM "UGLY BIRDCALL" YOUNGBERG Im sorry, but if you saw this girl, youd puke shes hidieous. and she thinks she is so much better than me and is always trying to rip jokes lol shes so ugly hahhahaa but yeah steven and i were walking and she was like Eww Steven why r u walking with that blonde bimbo trash? and i was like FUCK YOU JEALOUS BITCH and i kept walking, boy did i feel good. lol I really dont like her. SHes soooo STUPID and lame and immature and omg i can go on and on and on. lol Lame Anyways calm down! haha Yeah my night-- awesome. GOSH i hate it.. i You know what, With Chais Burtsell.. I will have a crush on him until the day I die- 12 years and still no luck.. ITS NOT meant to be.. I just have to get it through my stupid head that Ill never bee good enough for him and no matter what i do or what i say he wont ever care about me. Hes not even my type! hes got red hair WHITE skinn and freckles up the ying yang but still Im crazy for him like co-co puffs. iTs soo WACK! He is so beautiful in my eyes and sooo funny and perfect and he dates the UGLIES hoes and girls that have been around- I would do ANYTHING for this guy and boy do i mean anything- its sad But I have to learn how to let go of him and totally just move on.. 12 years and still no luck-- What is wrong with me and why wont he ever like me? I honestly dont get it. I know Im not terribly ugly or humungusly fat. I have a kick ass personality and im so fun to be around. WHAT IS IT!? SOMEBODY PLEASE TEL ME!!!! lol okay well enough of my bitchin and complaining.. Im gonna drink the rest of this glass of water and head off to beeddddd :-p Nite nite lovers
|
|
| whoa there |
[25 Mar 2003|08:21am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ignition remix- Rkelly |
] |
Hey whats cracking. well im in 1st period so im gonna make this short and sweet lol.. .yesterday was awesome- school then the spa Jon, Rob, morgan, amber, and i went ... I barely even got a tan.. its okay tho- lol. i looked so disgusting in a bathing suit my lord! so when i got home, i went for a run. lol yeah its nasty-- nobody ever needs to see me in a bikini let me tell U! so for now on im going to exercise every single day. and eat veggies salad and drink only water- jeeezus! lol so today will be great- either im going to practice for the rock off or im going to go to morgans to lay out in the sun, in a thong-- GROSS so i can get dark and burnt lol k well catch yah later!
mandy
|
|
| good stuff |
[22 Mar 2003|05:53pm] |
Hey whats up all u sexy people? LoL well i just ate some salad. It was good stuff.. Damnit! I know I am getting fatter. I just know it. seriously, No joke! im gonna start working out agian, I wish i would have never stopped but i got way busy with school and junk. Man o man! I will start eatin healthier and excersizing and more f'n pills! LoL well 53 days until i graduate, I can hardly wait. Oh so what have i been up to? ehh well last night, (friday) Rob drove his ass all the way up here to morgans crib- picked us up, and drove ALL the way back down to Hunnington beach, where we took a long walk on the beach (pier lol) and ate some beautiful cusiene(Wendys). I slept the entire time just about. It was cool tho- I missed #2.. I swear to you people. MORGAN and him BELONG together-- AMEN! They do they do! SO tonight is "sadies" it was really canceled.. SO im waitin for rachel to call me-- cause maybe shes still up to partying. My parents have no idea it was cancled- this is just a bomb ass way to being able to stay out till 12 or so. lol Yeah Soo not much is new.. Im not gettin any taxes back-- stupid fuckers. pisses me off! I wantedd some MONEY!!!!!!! Jon is away in Big Bear for the weekend. Scottie hasnt called me really. I wanna talk to Kyle-- have him come up-- BOOOTY CALL lol Naw lol jk.. We still talk-- like friends. I wanna make out with Jerimiah lol.. he said we should.. Jonny-- I wanna hang out with him too Rawr-- make out some more! hahaha *wink* well like i said nothin much is new cept im gettin fat ewwwww gosh i hate it
k well im gonna go, make run a few 938492348 laps
|
|
| blah blah |
[17 Mar 2003|08:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
La la la la LOVEEE uuu I loveeeee uuuu (some oldie song lol) |
] |
So today is the 1st day of my last trimester ever! ahhh
56 days and then im gradyated! lol I can hardly wait. So today was lame.. i guess. I saw chais in my 2nd period class.. made me kinda miss him-- its like My dream since 1st grade was to hook up with him- Its never gonna happen. And i know that :( No joke either. loL ive had a crush on him that long. Kinda sad-- cause i know after he graduates, hes going into the navy or someting-- which means No chance- ever :( its kinda upsetting But ohh well there is always Jenny Jones in 15 years right? So I talked to kyle tonight- No feelings for him anymore- lol Hes still same ole kyle. Daniel called me out of nowhere, asking for Amanda Davis' phone number. i played stupid and said i didnt have it. He told me he wants to hook up with her. And he also told me he has NO feelings what so ever for me.. Kinda depressing huh? Sucks.. but im used to it from him. Why is moving on so hard for me? I always get attatched! EWw i hate it! also, George called me.. good ole 15 yr old george! haha he lives in santa cruz now! I miss that kid! lol hes so funny. I taught him how to work AIM.. im stoked! Hes coming up here for the rock off.. Oh and so is Rob! yay #2!!!! Oh and Kyle might. lol And Scottie might too! I hope scottie and #2 do! o man thatd be awesome! So Morgan n her man (bitch) travis broke up.. THANK GOD HALLILUJAH! im stoked! its about freaking time. SO #2 and her BETTER get back together. He is right for her-- PERFECTO! Itd be a beautiful thing.. Then theyd be all happy and back together and PROM DATES! WOOO! lol yay. Rachel and i are going to Sadies together.. i can hardly wait. we are going to match clothes and all that jazz. I wish Morgan could go also, but shes got Cheer competition.. GOOD LUCK FOR HER! best get 1st place! School was alright today-- same ole junk. Yeahh but jon asked me to the movies 2nite.. I said no.. But only cause i feel kinda bad! cause its like hes payin for me to go to the movies.. i feel like a mooch! lol i hate it when boys pay for me, Im not used to it at all.. i gotta start gettin used to it tho.. cause i always buy loads of shit for boys. its gay. lol But yeahh I need to lose 20 lbs by prom!!! I NEED to. and get a tan, a trim, a peticute, manicure, and all that great fun shit. lol #1 loose weight #2 TAN lol Not #2 rob, #2 thing to do! lol but yeah #2 good luck on my friend morgana! shes a looker. hahaha and AWESOME new pics! Rachell have fun at work 2morrow! lol and i will get the slip for the dance for u! so dont worry! oh and Morgana-- Cant wait to seeu at school 2morrow yeeehaw i will try to get a 1st period and no 5th period yah hur! lol and for the rest of u psychos! WERD UP TO UR MOTHAS!
|
|