Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lostsoul's Blurty:

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Thursday, April 1st, 2004
3:18 am	Love Is Trisha I have found someone who makes me smile. Just when I was giving up on love again, she came in like a breath of fresh air. We spend hours on the phone talking getting to know each other. We hoping that she can come down in June. That would be so nice since it's the month of her birth. I will keep ya all updated. Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: Love In The First Degree.....Alabama (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
1:46 am	Hurt I just got dumbed I think. I have been talking to some one for a couple of weeks. she told me that she just wanted to be friends, wich is cool. I'm not looking for a relationship just someone to hang with. I been trying have heartly find some to have sex with. But I still have feelings for my ex. I'm want to move on but not sure how. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Dead or Alive.....Bon Jovi (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
11:48 pm	Love Again Maybe? Well all, I have been chatting with some ladies and figure that I would give dating another try. I have meet some people who have been able to make me smile. One even lives here in my owm city, wow I'm planning on meeting some in person. I'm not wanting to jump in a relationship right away. Maybe just play, if that us ok with both partys. I'll keep ya updated. Current Mood: giggly Current Music: Shoop bee doop (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
11:37 pm	I'm awake Hey MC these songs always reminded mu of us. Check'em out. I'll Be There For You So no one told you life was gonna be this way Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. It's like you're always stuck in second gear And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, Or even your year but... Chorus I'll be there for you When the rain starts to pour I'll be there for you Like I've been there before I'll be there for you 'Cuz you're there for me too... You're still in bed at ten And work began at eight You've burned your breakfast So far... things are goin' great Your mother warned you there'd be days like these Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought You down to your knees that... Chorus No one could ever know me No one could ever see me Seems you're the only one who knows What it's like to be me Someone to face the day with Make it through all the rest with Someone I'll always laugh with Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah It's like you're always stuck in second gear And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, Or even your year... Chorus I'll be there for you (3X) 'Cuz you're there for me too... The Golden Girls Thank you for being a friend Travel down the road and back again your heart is true, your a pal and a confidant And if you threw a party, Invited everyone you knew, You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, Thank you for being a friend. This one always reminded me of Granite and Madison. Wild In The Streets Find this song on Sheet music, CD words and music: Jon Bon Jovi Joey comes from a sacred part of town Where sometimes you talk so tough That your feet don't touch the ground And the sidewalk soldiers sing their midnite blues While the old men recite their story lines About when I was young like you They say: Oh yeah We were cruising to the backbeat Oh yeah, Making love in the backseats We were wild, wild in the streets Wild, wild in the streets A member of the boy's brigade Had a date with the girl next door You know it made her daddy crazy But it only made her want him more They weren't looking for trouble You know that boy didn't want a fight - not tonight So she headed out thru her bathroom window What her daddy didn't know was gonna be alright They said: Oh yeah We were cruising to the backbeat Oh yeah, Making love in the backseat We were wild, wild in the streets Wild, wild in the streets Wild, wild in the streets Wild, wild in the streets Sometimes this town ain't pretty But you know it ain't so bad Just like a girl who looks so happy When inside she's so sad In here we got this code of honor Nobody's going down don't walk in vain Through the kid's parade 'Cause this is my hometown Current Mood: awake Current Music: Maybe Your Baby Got The Blues........The Judds (Comment on this)
Monday, March 8th, 2004
1:34 am	Not much happening Early morin all, not much to report today. I have to tale back THUG today :( I've made it to chapter 23 0f 27. I'm stuck tho, suckin futs. I have a couple of people answer me, maybe I will be able to meet some one to date or hook up with, at least make some friends. My nephew made out like a bandit at his party. The kid has more toys than Toys R Us, LOL. Well I need to get home and get some sleep. I'm meeting up with my sponcer tonight. L8R all Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Roseanne theme (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 6th, 2004
2:27 pm	HI HO Well hey everyone, I haven't been on here lately I know. I have a new addiction, I got my PS2 out of layaway and rented THUG ( Tony Hawk Underground) I finaly made my ass go to bed at 6 this morning. Then I had to get up at noon UGH. I didn't go to the club as planned, too busy skating, lol. In good news my toilet is fixed, thank you potty god, lol. I getting ready to go to my nephew's B-Day party, damn he's 4, and probably grab something small to eat. I don't need to fill up on crap. NO offence CM. I got to rent Party Monster. It was a really cool movie. I want to read the book now. I heard of Micheal Alig and James St. James but never really knew who they were. I'm hoping to rent it again soon. Maybe I can get CM to watch it with me. Maybe she can get some tips on how to dress, LMAO, sorry hon have to pick on ya,LMAO still. Well my son is bitching to be loved and petted on, so I live you with these words of wisdom. You can't roller skate in a buffalo heard, you can't drive around with a tiger in your car, You can't take a shower in a parraket cage, BUT you can be happy if you mind too. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Tywy bitching (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 28th, 2004
4:10 pm	Last Night Last night was a blast. I attened a meeting then went to see a Drag Show. I ran into a good friend there and we got to hang out. Even though she stopped me from going home with anyone. Oh well I had a blast dancing with some of the queens. I even got lap dances from 3 of them. Erica Lee the main queen kept telling all single Lesi's to help me with my hornyness, LOL. She's a riot. Next Friday is her B-Day bash and she told me that I have to show up. I'm seriously thinking about going, It was nice to be able to cut up and have fun. I have 2 places where i can go and be myself, I just wish that I can some how bring'em together. I never have to hide my being an addict in the meetings or afraid to show my PRIDE in the club. Having Lauren there last night was amazeing, I had both worlds in place for a while. Even tho alot of people in recovery know I'm gay and some people at the club know I'm in recovery. I can tell that they're not sure how to act or what to say about that side of me. Even when I'm at my best friends house I never really feel that I can be all of me. I get the eye rolls or an uneasy feeling when I talk recovery or my gayness. For a few months there I had someone in my life that made me fell that I didn't have to hold back who I was. But do to my fuck up, I lost her. She no longers want anything to do with me, It hurts like hell. I still love her. I wish I could make it up to her but I can't. I have to learn to go on living with out her in my life. Even tho it hurts like hell. A fellow addict told me last night that I should be thankful for what she brought to my life, and I am, If she didn't leave me I would never started getting serious about my recovery again. I would still be barely getting by with a little as I could in it. Current Mood: confused Current Music: Standing Outside The Fire (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
7:40 pm	I'm New Here Hello all, I am a 28 year old lesbian, I just recently lost the love of my life over something stupid I did. I really don't have a gay commenity near me. Across the river is a big one but I don't know anything about that area. So I basicly am looking for people to chat with. Age and race doesn't matter people R people. If you would like to chat please hit me. Thanks Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Perfect....Simple Plan (Comment on this)
7:39 pm	I'm New Here Hello all, I am a 28 year old lesbian, I just recently lost the love of my life over something stupid I did. I really don't have a gay commenity near me. Across the river has a big one but I don't know anything about that area. So I basicly am looking for people to chat with. Age and race doesn't matter people R people. If you would like to chat please hit me. Thanks Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Perfect....Simple Plan (Comment on this)
7:34 pm	I'm New Here Hello all, I am a 28 year old lesbian, I just recently lost the love of my life over something stupid I did. I really don't have a gay commenity near me. Across the river has a big one but I don't know anything about that area. So I basicly am looking for people to chat with. Age and race doesn't matter people R people. If you would like to chat please hit me. Thanks (Comment on this)
7:00 pm	Ok CM I'm updating Well, my mind is clearer today. I been in a fog since whenever. I got some shit done today. washed some laundry, whoa!!! I even got off my ass and wrote on my 6th step, Hell has just freezed over. Other than that I been breathing and somewhat living. I don't cry as much as I use to. My dreams still haunt me. CM your food party was the BOMB!! I had a blast, now you have to help me with mine. LOL Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Peeps talking (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 19th, 2004
4:24 pm	God it's so pretty out It is almost 70 outside today. But cold weather is comming back this weekend, OH WELL HELL. I'm in a pretty good mood. I finaly got my computer back, THANKS sister/friend. My niece and nephew are comming over in a bit. I haven't seen them in a few weeks. So I'm looking forward to seeing them. I hitting a meeting tonight, my sponsor is getting her 9 year coin tonight, looking forward to that. The only sucky thing is I want to play catch and no one will play with me. Spring weather is making me want to get out and do shit. I even VACUM my livingroom. Once in a life time shit here peeps, LOL Out Till L8R Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: HAHAHA...She Bop....Cyndi Lauper (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
11:04 pm	Semi Down Hearted I went to my meeting tonight, it was a real up and down one. I found out that a guy I have known for a while went out, used and died. It hurts when I hear that addiction has won a battle. It made me think of myself a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to get loaded so bad. I know that it could have been me who went out got loaded and died. Scares the shit out of me when I think about it. But we also celebrated my friend's 1 year clean B Day. It was cool, her parents came to help celebrate. You don't see family members come to meetings very often. I always wanted my mom to come to one, maybe one day she will. I been trying to keep myself busy so I wont get to down or crazy. Current Mood: numb Current Music: none (Comment on this)
1:38 am	Things are looking up I chatted with my cousin tonight by IM. We talked about my dad, it felt good to talk about him with someone. I can't believe he would be 57, damn that seems so old for him. He was 47 when he died so I can't picture him in the 50's. I am looking foward to my homegroup tonight, my friend Jamie is getting her 1 year coin. Then Wednsday night my sponcer is getting her 9 year coin. B days every where, makes me want to keep working on my program. Well I'm off to make B Day cards. Remember Cats R Kids Too Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Roseann in back ground (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
11:41 pm	A new day is here I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I realized that I need to get on with my life. I have to concentrate on myself. If there is any chance of my getting back with her, I have to do some inner growing up and some growing up period. I still love her very much but I'm not healthy enough to be in a relationship right now. I pray that some day we will get back together, but right now I need to work on myself. I spent most of the day in bed sleeping, I had trouble sleeping last night. I keep thinking about my dad. I miss him so much. With today being his birthday. I just trying to keep my head up and plow on. Life goes on, the world didn't stop for my broken heart. I still want to call her and see if she is ok. I miss not being able to talk to her. I hear a song or see something funny on tv and think I can't wait to tell her this. Then I remember I can't. It'll take time I know. Signing off for know Current Mood: okay Current Music: None (Comment on this)
11:29 pm	I Wonder I hear songs on the radio, See video's on the tv, Watch movies on the screen. I can't help but think of you, But I have to wonder do you think of me? All the nights we shared our love, Talked about our dreams, Listened to each other stories. I lay awake at night thinking about you, But I have to wonder do you think of me? I miss talking each and every day, When I had a problem you were there, Discussing the up and downs of our day. These things make me think of you, But I wonder do you think of me? I remember your embrace when you held me close, The sent of your skin next to me, Feeling the warmth of your hands when I felt cold in side, Your voice soothing when I was on edge. As days go by I think of you, But I wonder do you think of me? The silkyness of your hair running thru my fingures, Tender lips locked in loves enchantment, Eyes so deep I lost myself in them. I miss these and think of you, But I wonder do you think of me? Damage I did to you, Angery words that spewed from you, Tears fell as our hearts broke, Hurt I felt when you said Goodbye. Pain I feel when I think of you, But I wonder do you ever think of me? Current Mood: Better Current Music: None (Comment on this)
Monday, February 16th, 2004
2:51 am	My Dad My dad has been gone almost 10 years now. Tomorrow would have been his birthday. I miss him so much, he was the only person who listened to me when I talked except for me recent ex. I was starting to learn to deal with is death. But don't have the energy to do so now. He always told me that he loved me, but I never took it to heart. The Greatest Man I Never Knew Lyrics The greatest man I never knew Lived just down the hall And everyday we said hello But never touched at all He was in his paper I was in my room How was I to know he thought I hung the moon The greatest man I never knew Came home late every night He never had too much to say Too much was on his mind I never really knew him And now it seems so sad Everything he gave to us took all he had Then the days turned into years And the memories to black and white He grew cold like an old winter wind Blowing across my life The greatest words I never heard I guess I'll never hear The man I thought would never die S'been dead almost a year He was good at business But there was business left to do He never said he loved me Guess he thought I knew Current Mood: sad Current Music: None (Comment on this)
2:40 am	Here Came across this, it sums up how I feel. How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh You're the only one who really knew me at all How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here And you coming back to me is against all odds It's the chance I've gotta take Take a look at me now Phil Collins.......Against All Odds Current Mood: trying to survive Current Music: guess (Comment on this)
2:37 am	Here Came across this, it sums up how I feel. Phil Collins.....Against All Odds How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh You're the only one who really knew me at all How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's what I've got to face I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why You're the only one who really knew me at all So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here And you coming back to me is against all odds It's the chance I've gotta take Take a look at me now Current Mood: wanting to live again Current Music: guess (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
11:27 pm	Still Breathing The Cold Hard Truth You Don't know who I am But I know all about you I've come to talk to you tonight About the things I've seen you do. I've come to set the record straight I've come to shine the light on you Let me introduce my self I'm the cold hard truth. There is a woman we both know I think you know the one I mean She gave her heart and soul to you You gave her only broken dreams You say your not the one to blame For all the heartaches she's been though I say you're nothing but a liar And I'm the cold hard truth. All your life that's how it's been Lookin' out for number one Takin' more than you give Movin' on when you're done. With her you could have had it all A family and love to last If you had any sense at all You'de go and beg her to come back. You think that you're a real man But you're nothing but a fool The way you run away from love The way you try to play it cool I'm gonna say this just one time Time is running out on you You best remember me my friend I am the cold hard truth. You best remember me my friend I am the cold hard truth. Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: The Cold Hard Truth....George Jones (Comment on this)