Blurty for I wish on stars..

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Tuesday, March 25th, 2003

(5 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:7:03 am.
Im tired...i have no eye liner on. I look hideous. HIDEOUS I SAY! -.-' *whines and rubs her eyes*

School time is now. Bye bye!

<333 nOeL

AlL mAd HeRe! [ to my site ^^]

Monday, March 24th, 2003

(2 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:Fuck the red, white and blue.
Time:8:01 pm.
Music:Orgy//Dreams in Digital.
Sometimes it seems that my anti-american attitude gets people pissed at me. Dont you think if you live in a country and hate the government that there is some kind of a problem? Well, hell, i do. When i get old enough. Im going to hitchhike around Europe. I dont really have that many plans for spring break. Kinda sad. Its freshmen year, and im still a loser. Thats ok though i guess. Live, Learn and Forget..or something to that effect.

Anyways, i got my leg *raped* by some kid named Chris, he comes up humps my leg says "There now your my whore" and licks me. I smack him lightly and am all like "Biatch, your my bitch. I'll let you lick me when i feel necassary." Kinda scared him. Then i met this kid named Richard. He has been kicked out of two different school for possesion of weed. He always gives me "looks" in PE. When my class has to be stupid and run a green and play football his class plays indoor socer and walks the tennis courts. Carl, being...well, Carl, yells "YEAH NOEL! YOU PLAY WITH THAT BALL!" Im standing there, looking like shit, mud on my shirt, my guy pe shorts going down past my knees, my hair not spiking right and my shoes soaked holding this football laughing hysterically and giving him the finger.
Im bored and am adding a picture of hideous!!! :x! Taco Bell!!!

Sunday, March 23rd, 2003

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:3:18 pm.
Its getting harder for me to except this life that i am forced to live. Which each remark made toward me leaves one more scar on my arm. Everyone comment on my looks makes me take one more trip to the bathroom to throw up my lunch and try to be the person they want me to be. I guess what i am trying to say is. Im way to effected by what people think about me. They say it only matters what you think about yourself. i guess i think what other people think. When i used to look into my mirror i used to see a beautiful, young, happy teenage girl. Now when i look into it i see is this hideous, depressed, angry, fat little girl who is always by herself. No one wants me. No one ever wants me. Im left alone, by myself. No one seems to care anymore. I hate myself. I really do. Im always 'one of the guys' or 'just a friend' im tired of it. I really wanna leave Bella Vista and go to another school. Im thinking about asking my mom to put me in a new school. Not like they would care, not like he would care. Not like he ever did care in the first place.

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:3:01 pm.
Bloody hell..i knew he liked her. I knew it. I knew he had no feelings for me. I know i should just die. x_X i wish i would have stayed longer at the party..maybe i wouldnt be single if i did.

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:If you wanna riot say..oi oi!
Time:11:12 am.
Mood: creative.
Music:Brain Dead//Problem.
I don't regret last night, sneeking around and getting drunk with your best friends.Only two meet up with 2 more friends later and get high.It felt like one of those typical teenage roadtrip/party movies. We went downtown looking for trouble, hanging out. Getting back into the car to find that party with the punk band and breaking out into song with one other person then start laughing when you are the only people who know what the hell you are singing. Then that song comes on that describes whats going on now, the one about growning up, about hanging out with friends. Waiting for summer to come. The wierd physical talents that you show to each other on the way to the staci and how she can put her foot behinde her head. Driving down the highway smoking out of a pipe giving each other shotguns..making alex think that we were making out. Getting to the party after being lost for a hour and a half. Not knowing anyone. And be approuched by people who want a ciggarette. Joking around with those people like they were friends for ever even though you just met them. Sitting on the couch in the living room listening to the band practice there set twice through. Going out side and watching all the guys skate for an hour, sharing cigarrettes and laughing when the guys would fall. Laughing at guys pissing in bushes tying to make them nervous only to get into a fight with them on how big there dick size is. Having a "secret" meeting in the bushes talking about how we can kick certain people out of the party. People leaving and more people coming. The band playing there set twice through once more, this time on video. Then leaving the party only to get home and be grounded. Thinking that this was one of the bests nights of your life, even if to everyone else, it was a normal weekend with their friends.

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:3rd entry today.
Time:12:38 am.
"Don't be afraid of death, be afraid of the unlived life. It doesnt matter if you live forever, it just matters if you live."

Saturday, March 22nd, 2003

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:I cant wait till i grow up!
Time:10:37 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:Brain Dead//I Like Pie.
Well i guess i can post since i confessed to my mother what we really did.

I went to Staci's hung out with her and drunk..went to Raleys saw Alex and Sara, got high. Went down town to a war ralley..and we thought it was for peace. But was FOR the damned war. So we all walked around giving the peace signs saying "WAR IS BAD! MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!" It was fun. Then we went to find Travis' house to go to his party. Well we got lost.ALOT! We got out of downtown and some how ended back up there 4 times. Went in a circle..6 times..then we got there. I met was the people..
Sara [kinda gothic she was hella cool]
Amy [Random girl who was cool]
Robin [Guy....REALLLY HOTT kept giving me wierd looks..]
Matt [played Drums for brain dead.]
Travis [Bass/vocals for brain dead]
Brandyn [Vocals/guitar for Brain Dead]
Jeramiah [Who i thought was hott]
Shawn [Little goth guy who was sexy]
Brian [MAN SLUT!]
Jess [cool guy person who beatboxes]
Joe [he was cool.]
and yeah thats all i remember. But we got there and hung out. I kept to myself and was sitting down on a bench on the deck smoking Jeramiah comes up and was like..Uh..are you ok? i nodded and kepts smoking we talk for awhile then i went inside.Went back outside and sat down and started smoking pack fell of the bench and the deck into the ivy -.-' i yelled and whined. Jeramiah jumps down and takes like..5 mins to find them for me. He gives em back and takes one which i didnt care about. Then i watched Brain Dead, they rocked. The songs were :I like pie, minium wage, oblivious, hey you, Riot, Problem and..thats all i remember. All of us went down into the "forest" by the deck and hung out..Jeramiah walks over to a little cornor going to take a piss and i was like uhhh have fun..and he said "Oh you know you want my massive cock" i was like "Uh huh "Massive" i dont do small fake objects there buddy." He said "Fuck you" i said "When where and how hard" that shut him up. Brain dead played there set 2 more times. and then i got a ride home with Alex. But today rocked.

i guess when it comes down to it
being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up
these are the best days of our lives
the only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:10:00 pm.
Music:Brain Dead//Riot.
Well If im going to be grounded im sure as hell i got grounded today. Today rocked like never before. I shall tell more when im not afraid that my people are going to be gay and read my journal.

All i can say is....



Thursday, March 20th, 2003

(1 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:8:21 pm.
Me and Britney dressed up as "anti-pop stars" today. It was soooo kick ass *does pop punk jump* YEAH I ROCK! *another jump*

(2 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:I thought i saw a man brought to life.
Time:4:33 pm.
Music:Toadies//Possum Kingdom.
The world went blind yesterday, some said they say a revolution, others just watched. I stood there and laughed.

War has started children, duct tape can't save you now.

In history we watched the news for like 30 mins, and we got to voice our thoughts on it. So yeah. Sparky was wearing a shirt that says "No War" or something like that..and on his pants he wrote anti-war things. Its so cool. Anyways yeah, i really dont like school. Im slowly moving back into my depressed state. I dont feel like writing right now...So i will leave you with a past poem.

Bitter Sweet Romance:
I need someone to buy me red roses
Someone to wipe the blood from my wrists
The tears from my eyes
without asking why i hurt myself so much
Why i stay up at night crying to myself
I need a bitter sweet romance
to sweep me off my sore and tired feet
so hard standing through this all alone
I need a hand that knows how to hold me
but knows when the tears are meant to fall
A bitter sweet romance
Someone to simply hold me through this all

Wednesday, March 19th, 2003

(4 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:8:00 pm.
im watching the wierdest thing on tv..its called "The Flying Nun" its soooo funny.

Tuesday, March 18th, 2003

(4 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:Ralleys Suck
Time:4:06 pm.
We had a rally today..School Spirit can lick my clit.

Monday, March 17th, 2003

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:5:57 pm.
Music:The Ataris//In This Diary.
I was sitting on my windowciel thinking about summer and this song came on. It's basiclly how i spend my summer. Only we go to del taco everyday, get cigarettes from sercurity guards, sneek out of houses. But this song reminds me so much of last summer.

Here in this diary, i write you visions of my summer
it was the best i ever had
there were choruses and sing alongs, and that unspoken feeling
of knowing that right nows all that matters

all the nights we stayed up talking, listening to 80s songs
and quoting lines from all those movies that we loved
it still brings a smile to my face

i guess when it comes down to it
being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up
these are the best days of our lives
the only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right

breaking in to hotel swimming pools
and wreaking havoc on our world
hanging out at truck stops just to pass the time
the blacktop singing me to sleep

lighting fireworks in parking lots
illuminate the blackest nights
cherry cokes under this moonlit summer sky
twenty fifteen (2015) riverside, its time to say goodbye
get on the bus, its time to go

being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up
these are the best days of our lives
the only thing that matters is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right

I really want summer to go, no school, friends, smokes, del taco, man its all so great. The only thing i dont like is that, i wont get to see some people all summer, thats the only thing that sucks.

Sunday, March 16th, 2003

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:Hawksley workmen is soooo much cooler than some people.
Time:8:35 pm.
Mood: crazy.
Man, Today was ok..I got Chipotle!! How can you possible have a bad day after eating a chipotle burrtio??? You couldnt plain and simple. Anywho, I went to the mall almost raped some was funny...this is how it went..
Him: *blinks and stares*
Me:Your Uber sexy, i mean..i wanna rape you...i mean..i wanna have your babies..i mean...damn your hott..
Me:*Smiles* OoOoOOo!!! Can i lick your face?!?!
Him: *stares at me and smiles slightly* Sure...
Me: YAY! *Licks his face and gives him a hug* THANK YOU!!! *skips away*

I bought Pink converse..and 2 jeans..and my person bought me 2 shirts from american eagle.

More random writing

Coming home in the care today,
I thought of you smiling and how you look when you laugh
and it made me content

I thought about the days we shared while walking to the spot,
We walked around aimlesslyand at the same time knowing where we were going,
Trying to talk about things that we wouldn't normally,
Sharing your last menthol cigarette that tasted no good,
How you made me giggle at the stupidest things,
All because we have the same sense of humor

As much as I don't want to think too much of this,
I keep thinking of how much fun we have when we are together
and how our past heartbreaks happened at the same time
Maybe all things do happen for a reason...

You keep me going
I know things will never be the same
And now it seems we're over it, because we don't talk about "us" anymore and what we should do someday
We talk about your different and our silly adventures we had with our seperate groups

We bring up the fun times from a few days back
It always makes us laugh, and I love your laugh
I love the way you make me feel comfortable
And the little observations you make

I wish I knew what you were thinking
If you think of me as something more...
If I'd ever get the chance to hold you.

Maybe I'm setting myself up for rejection once again,
but I'm loving this feeling I have right now

We'll see...
Wooooo i am so not in like with him.


(2 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:9:56 am.
Mood:Blah and Stuff.
Music:Justin Sane//We Found A Place.
I feel sick and dont actually feel like writing, but here are a few tests..
Read more... )

Saturday, March 15th, 2003

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:11:52 pm.
Mood: depressed.
One by one the stars fall from the sky-Lucky them

(Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:10:40 pm.
Mood: depressed.
Music:Juliana Theory//Closest Thing.
Here is somemore things i wrote about *cough cough ahem* Im soooooo not in like with him.

I'll dream of us crashing again,
Spinning around yet we don't hurt ourselves,
We'll always exist in this place that we don't want to be in

Yet... Only a moment later

You walked with me through the school
It was like the past fell back into my grasp
I had you again to make me smile and it was the best kind of happiness

Y o u e f f e c t e d m e i n w a y s I c o u l d n o t c o m p r e h e n d.

We talked at the the bike racks and i fell in love across the quad,
and we figured out why it didn't work last time, and hoped
that us breaking up won't happen a second time

You were so sweet and were so nice, even though
I told you that you didnt have too
You our eyes met and you looked down at me
with that sleepy yet attentive stare
I saw the stars in your eyes and I felt the way I do when
everything fits into place

When I awoke, I couldn't get you out of my head,
I realised this dream made me miss you,
a past lover, a heartbreaker, yet still such a beautiful boy

I think I'm going to call you today.

I want that feeling... That beautiful fun that's always full of so much love and importance. That fun that you always remember from time to time.

The laughter, the closeness, the little stories that are told time and time again.

Walking in the autumn leaves that you crush under your shoes, chasing the air, chasing you to hold you. We flop onto our usual spots sharing that half a cigarette and that uncomfortable moment never comes. It's always so complacent. We always felt on top of the world.

I miss that perfection. I miss those days that ended in a smile and a feeling of such awe. I miss those tears of laughter that we shared.

I f o n l y t h o s e d a y s w o u l d c o m e b a c k . I w a n t to f e e l t h a t f e e l i n g a n d k n o w w e ' r e o k a y a g a i n.

Sorry I don't talk to you as much as i used to, i just dont want it to slip out that "I need you"

Erase all these words, erase all these feelings. Erase everything that makes me so lonely.

(2 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:Yo Yo Yo My Homies!
Time:10:00 pm.
Music:Flaming Lips//Vasaline.
Saras journal keeps getting fruitier and fruitier. She now spells school "skool" and Amy "Amee" and gay shiet like that. When Tim dumped her she was crushed, yes crushed i say, and was for a day or two. She told everyone she has liked Alex and BLAH BLAH BITCH LYING SHIET! Then she says "March 1st i started liking Alex and blah blah im Head over heels for him" YOU ARE NOT FUCKING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HIM YOU LYING LIAR!!!

Beware: Sara is the kind of girl who steals the last tampon when everyone is on their period, eats the last cookie when everyone has the munchies , calls people fat who are 1/1,000,000,000 her fucking size, wears the clothes that you cant fit in to {for that matter niether can she} and will have sex just to surport her drug problem.

Yes well, thats all for now. Thank you to Nina who i stole my bitching "Beware" idea from! ^^!!!

Surport your local rock

also your local E-Zine type

(2 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Time:4:50 pm.
Music:Dobie Grey//Drift Away.
Because monty python is the best movie..EVER
ARTHUR: Old woman!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven - I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you 'Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say 'Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the 'old woman,' but from the behind you looked -
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers - by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress -

Guy:What makes you think she is a witch??
Peasent-Well, she turned me into a newt..
Guy:A newt?
Peasent-I got better.
Arthor-Look you stupid bastard you've not no arms left!!
Black Knight-Yes i have.
Black Knight-Its a flesh wound!
Head of the Knights who say Ni- We are no longer the knights who say 'ni' we are the knights who say 'ikki-ikki-ikki-ikki-[random sounds that you cant really make out]
Because monty python is the best movie..EVER
Arthur: "I am your king!"
Woman: "Well I didn't vote for you!"
Arthur: "You don't vote for kings."
Woman: "Well how'd you become king then?"
Yeah...this is what happens when im bored at home..and am grounded.

Friday, March 14th, 2003

(2 | Lord, what fools these mortals be!)

Subject:Its hard to say what i see in you.
Time:2:59 pm.
Mood: flirty.
Music:Sister Hazel//All For you.
Chris sent me the song All For you by Sister Hazel, man i love it so much. I listen to it and i think about him. Its like "Its hard to say what i see in you" and "Words cant say and i cant do enough to prove its all for you."I really want to be with him, more than just friends, but as Doug said to me when he read it "Be pacient. He never had anyone say this to him, if he wants more to happen i think he will say something, just wait. Good things come to those who wait." Well, im tired of waiting. I wanted to like jump on him and lick his face. But i didnt. >.> Anywho, im really bored and am sick of being alone. I talked to him on the phone last night and on AIM. it was fun, eveN though we really didnt talk about much. But yeah. It was so funny. After school i was walking to the car and i saw Chris and Kenny walking. Kenny is ahead of me and stops so i basicly rape his ass so i hit him. Me and Chris start talking about how i can kill Kenny. Then out of no where Kenny yells "WHAT NOEL?!?!! NO! I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!" thinking it will embarss me..i just look at him "Oooooh please Kenny, i want you so bad! Please!!! make out with me!" then him and Chris walk towards the quad and wave bye. I think i embarssed Kenny quite abit. ^^!!!!.

Man, i really hate being single.

Blurty for I wish on stars..

View:User Info.
View:Website (The Things I'll Never Say).
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