| welp...it has to go somewhere... |
[27 Jun 2006|02:55pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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i just wanna know for sure though...why not? why not 1 more |
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there's a million things i want to open up and say to you...but i think i know what's gonna happen if i say'em...i hate it, cuz it's always been me that never wants to keep NE thing in cuz "what if?"...cuz maybe i'm wrong? maybe those thing won't happen? maybe things would work? maybe i just wanna hope that i'm wrong...even though more than NE thing in the world i know i'm right...we all know i love being right...but right now i'd give NE thing to be wrong...then again...i don't even know if my intentions are pure? i could just be once again attempting to grasp that one part of me that i miss more than life itself...but it feels real...it feels right...then again sometimes it all just feel like on big wrong lie...i guess it doesn't matter though...cuz i won't speak a word...cuz it's like watching a movie for a second time and knowing what's going to happen...and that's basically all i'm trying to do...or is it? i hate that i don't even know my own motives...or maybe i do...but it's just more interesting to keep even myself guessing...i just wanna know...i just wanna try it one more time...i mean...it's a totally changed situation...it's like working for a company...then leaving...cuz you hated the hours and labor...but then that company starts producing something different...the only thing that's the same is the building...i mean even the moving trucks look more adventurous...so would working for them be the same at all? i just want a second chance at employment...to see if i could make it work this time...cuz they're not the reason i quit...i was...i did it...but i thought it would be best for us all if i did...but i'm getting a little too far into this...i was so young and stupid back then...i mean, even i'm different now...so could this work? i've had a little more work experience...i think i'm ready this time...but are they? would they take one look at my resume and say "been there, done that, and we're going in a different direction now"? is it too late just cuz i didn't want to put in the time to get to here? but wait...had i stayed they never would've had the courage to move on the bigger and better products! it's once the work force went down that they decided that they needed to do something! jeez! all i want to know is what would happend if i put in a new application! i want to know!!! not just guess and most likely be right...i want to look into a magic crystal ball and see exactly what he would say if i just went up to him and told him.........*sigh*...why even ask? i already know...
i want to be with you...i miss you...and i love you...
akward silence
yeah...that's what i thought...i'm so sorry...but i couldn't live NE longer with out knowing for sure...i mean, i know it was stupid...and i really hope this doesn't change things between us...can we just forget this ever happend?
well, i mean, it happend. i really don't think either of us could forget it...and i'm really sorry. i just don't feel that way NE more about you...
that's when he walks away...and i yell after him...
but you said! you promised! if i was ever interested in getting a dog again! you said! you told me!
that's when he just gives me a really confused look and walks away never seeing me again...
yeah...this is why i can't say NE thing to him...that's why...
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