| I just don't understand NE more... |
[28 Dec 2004|08:48pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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this is definantly not good... |
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it hurts more than NE thing...still...I was doing good at keeping it out a while ago...I didn't care...I was just like fuck him...and I still am...I still fucking hate him...so fucking much...but it hurts...still...I'm with someone else...and I couldn't be happier...until I start thinking about the pain...sure it's easy to tell me just not to think about it...but that would be like...as someone is kicking you in the chest to just say...ohh...just don't think about it...I know where I fucked up...it was the other day...we were driving...and that song came on...it's that song that I love...but it brings back all the pain...I listend to it...and I let myself feel those old feelings again...just for a little while...just for the extent of the song...and then I'd close it all back up again...but apparently I left it open just a bit...cuz it's hurting like hell right now...it's so fucking lame...and I actually sang it...the way I use to...before the best thing that ever happend to me came into my life...I sang those words...as I looked at him...making sure that no one saw my lips moving to the wrong lyrics...I felt so bad...but I still let myself get sucked back into it...I don't love him NE more...that is for damn sure...I don't want to be with him NE more...I mean...I would love to...but he died...he died so long ago...so fucking long ago...and I miss him so much...just to be there...I don't want to be with him NE more...I don't...cuz that's not him........cuz he actually loved me...and when that love stopped and all those evil words came out...that wasn't him...and now...I'm forced to look at something I use to know...somthing I use to love...and it's not him...it's like in the story I wrote...where the girl got all her memory taken away...and her friends came up to her...and she didn't even know them...it's like that...I look at him...and I know he isn't who he use to be........and it hurts to think that he died on the inside...and so did I........but I died cuz I missed him...and my dad.......he just changed....and I ended getting hurt over it...
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