| Psh... |
[17 Dec 2004|09:24pm] |
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mood |
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It's funny...how even after a year and a half...one can freeze in one moment...and feel as if even though it was so long ago it was just yesterday...a year and a half is a long time...but when you hit something so hard...so real...you just get stuck...in that moment...and it's crazy...it's as if life goes on...but you don't...next thing you know...that moment was yesterday...then sooner or later you realize it's last week...then months pass...then there's that one year anaversary...fuck...a year and a half...and the scare that you still bare on your heart stings like it was just yesterday...but that yesterday was so long ago....1 year...and 10 months...almost 2 years...almost 2 long cold hurt years...now things are good...and that part of you that I remember is far long gone...I do miss it...but I don't crave it as I once did before...it was nice...but things are fine and happy now...but just because I'm content with the way that life is...doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt.......so many...too many.......yeah...too many people...gone at a blink of an eye...in my small brain the only way I could comprehend all this was that...they all stoped caring...not all...just you...and him.......but at least with him...he had no choice...it wasn't his decision to leave me...if it were up to him...he would've stayed...but you...you hurt me on purpose...for what?...to make things interesting for you?...just cuz you were bored?...I'm tormented...and I still cry...over something that was just produced out of bordom......why does it still hurt?...why did you ever hurt me?...why can't these tears stop?...why can't I help myself?...I don't care about you NE more...you are not him...your not...you...just like me...we all died...that was our youth...this is us now...ever so different...ever so apart...I don't miss you...I morn for what you once were...the one that I once loved...and the one that once loved me...but you now...no...that's not you...that's...that's.......I don't even care...I don't care about you...the same way you just randomly stopped caring about me...all the pain I felt before mentally...I now wish upon you physically...........rot...in your own evil bitterness........and this time I mean it for real....
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