substance in smoke's journal

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Sunday, October 11th, 2020
2:14 pm
update is for permanently relevent links :D

ways to get rid of electronic gizmos etc to protect the planet!

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Sunday, April 25th, 2010
11:16 am
Okay, not doing my update. Bleh. When I get out of school, okay?

...But seriously. North Korea better simmer the fuck down. *not pleased* If they start a goddamn war and keep me from studying abroad I WILL kick some ass.

current mood: determined

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Saturday, January 23rd, 2010
3:53 pm
okay *cracks knuckles* let's see what i can do about this year in review thing. oy.

first, a prelude, book list of 2009 )

2009 part I )

...okay, i'm tired. that seemed like an appropriate place to end. more to come, but holy shit. this is very self-serving, isn't it? the writing is particularly boring. i'm disappointed in myself. but omg i need to stop. feels like there's a lot to cover.

current mood: okay
current music: Paperthin Hymn-Anberlin

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Tuesday, January 19th, 2010
7:35 pm
promise i'll get to this update thing at some point. possibly this weekend.

let's do this, school. you'll possibly kill me. but that's okay.

i feel busy already. bleh.

current mood: busy
current music: America's Suitehearts-Fall Out Boy

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Sunday, January 3rd, 2010
1:01 am
i am full of typos lately.

know what i'm not full of? food. *scavanges*

current mood: hungry

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Saturday, January 2nd, 2010
1:29 am
so how dumb am i that it just clicked that if i want to go to grad school i'm going to have to prep for one more round of crappy standardized testing that doesn't represent anything at all about a person's intelligence or ability?

is going to grad school going to end up being the worst decision i ever made? *facepalm*

need out of this house. need to clear my head.

oh, fun news. moving up on sunday. possibly going to eat with brother, which is awesome. negative? brother wants to bring his 18 year old girlfriend.
i should probably just cut out my tongue now.
he wants her to meet us. therefore this is serious? oh god. why.

thank you 2010. you're already such a joy.

current mood: distressed

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Friday, January 1st, 2010
11:46 pm - friday
well. it's the new year.

good by 09. i will not miss you.

let's do this thin 2010. ima make you my bitch. or more likely end up weeping in a tragic heap at your end. but hey, why break a tradition? :P

i SHOULD do that epic update thing. just to see how far we've all come. i don't really feel like doing that hunched over my computer int he computer chair at home. so purhaps once i'm back in my dorm in a couple of days. i'm going to have some evenings to kill anyway.

i'm in a hurry to get going for the year, oddly enough. here's to hoping i actually stay ahead of the game for a change. (i shouldn't be hoping for that. that should be a mission statement. finding faith? hehe)

new year's party was fun, anyway. :D laters.

ps: mythbusters is so amazing.

current mood: anxious

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Sunday, December 27th, 2009
3:34 pm - sunday
december needs to end. fast.

hope everyone survived the Great Christmas Blizzard. i don't want to drive until spring. screw this shit.

brian's truck is not short person friendly, by the way. the floor of the cab starts at my hip and there is no step. it's like everything that elementary school was, oy.
but Sherlock Holmes is awesome. :D

i should probably do a big end of the year thing like usual. truth is, i don't even want to think about 2009 anymore. i have no idea what to look forward to in 2010. every year just gets harder.

i'll do it, just not today. laters.

current mood: helpless and confused

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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
2:51 pm - Tuesday
i'm freaking emo. but i don't care. the last couple of days have just been bad.

my parents are insane. and frustrating. seriously, STOP. BITCHING. and do something about it. but when i say that i get yelled at. i don't want to come home just to listen to them fight about whatever and go around in circles. maybe that makes me selfish. i don't even like coming home anymore.

there be further dramz. and i hate it.

Talked to aaron today. it was awkward and depressing.

i just hate everything.

current mood: depressed

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Sunday, December 13th, 2009
12:15 am - sunday
i hate finals.

i'll post more when i'm not busy trying to come up with a way to get out of them that doesn't involve massive hospital bills and/or required psychiatric help.


i'm constantly amazed i haven't flunked out of school yet.

WOW. second fight i've heard today seems to be going down in the hall. STRESS IS EATING PEOPLE.

current mood: stressed
current music: Ex's and Oh's-Atreyu

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Sunday, November 29th, 2009
11:04 am - Sunday
i so do not want to go back to school. break needs to be here now. boo.

had a good holiday anyway. justin, nate, my uncle stephen, and even my grandma were all here. it was nice, and we actually didn't fight. woo!

i so am not prepped for school. ugh. know i like coming home, but i really think i need to get out of here. i just can't live with my parents for as long as i used to. that sounds terrible but there it is.

*rubs face*

getting together with everyone was lots of fun. :D we'll have to do it again over christmas if we can.

...i don't really have much to update about i guess. i'll run along, laters.

current mood: tired
current music: Run-Snow Patrol

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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
11:35 am - wednesday

crazy tuesday. came home into family problems. bleh. which made for an icky start to the night, given that i'd kind of had an icky day. (there may have been a bad grade on a certain japanese test. BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE YAMADA SENSEI IS AWESOME AND EMAILED ME SAYING I COULD RETAKE IT. i suspect there were a few bad grades, since even the kids who ramble off sentences in class took forever to finish a page and a half long test. and several people weren't there, at least one legitimately, but i think the others skipped. so yeah. all things concidered i'm actually surprised i did as well as i did. XD)

um...but yeah. family stuff. it's cool, and brian's nice for being patient. i felt bad about sort of screwing up his plans, but i think the night worked out.

THERE ARE SO MANY DEER EVERYWHERE. i'm actually a little surprised they didn't extend hunting season or something. road kill in general is pretty bad, but it's not normal to see like 3 or 4 dead deer between here and lincoln.

i love break. thanksgiving is just awesome all around. tons of food, pretty much everyone comes home, wonderful calm before the epic storm of a last three weeks of a semester. *stretches* even if my room was COLD last night, and our house all around is pretty chilly. no more progress on the porch, which means the back portch and bathroom are pretty much exposed. it's cold. and i ahve to do laundry sometime, shit.

time to go explore the net and see if any of my fanfiction has update. :D laters.

current mood: okay

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Saturday, November 21st, 2009
7:18 pm - Saturday
i really have been terrible at updating this thing. my 20 most recent entries reach back to JULY.

*stretch* so yeah, i think i covered the aaron thing well enough. just told my mom. i think that makes me a terrible daughter, but yeah... was really good to see brandin again. it's so weird, seeing him so little, but getting along so well. if someone had told me we'd be friends like this now back in high school i would have laughed.

mommy's birthday tomorrow, which means her and dad will be up in lincoln. i'm supposed to track down nate and invite him. ...speaking of i should probably tell him about the break up too.
i'm really a bad communicator, haha.

i'm pretty excited for thanksgiving. my boss asked me what my favorite sidedish is. frankly, it's impossible to choose. that holiday is nothing but comfort food. BEST DAY EVER.
it's also gonna be great that pretty much everyone is home. :D i'm excited, haven't seen people in a while.

um...playing catch up now. i got pretty behind that week i was sick, then that week brandin was home. trying to get everything in by thanksgiving so i dont' have to worry about it and can start thinking about my next research paper. thank christ for awesome profs and small classes.

schedule for next year is going to eat my face. i'll be having 3 research papers if i choose to stick out. insane? maybe. but you already knew that.

alright, i'm gonna hop in the shower quick. i feel gross. laters.

current mood: blank

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Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
10:23 pm - tuesday

i need to update. it's been a while.

but there's a lot to cover, n'est pas?

brandin's been here and left. miss him. D: he's going to be in an active war zone before much longer. there is nothing right in the world.

...aaron and i broke up, although i contacted 2 of the people who read this, i suppose i should get that out there. it's okay, we're both fine. it was mutual. things just weren't working between us anymore and we didn't have the time to dedicate to fixing it. i mean...we were normal for an 'old couple' i guess. we'd sort of hit that long-term stage or whatever, which is what's supposed to happen i guess. but not to 20 year old college students who don't even live together. it just wasn't working. officially we were together for 5 years, 10 months, and 5 days. i could wax philosophical here, but i think i don't really need to say anything.
we're...friends. it's weird. it'll be weird for a while. but that's that.

um...i'm busy with school and such. like always.

and i'm gonna run a long, but that's my update for now.

current mood: indescribable
current music: Feel Good Drag-Anberlin

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Thursday, November 5th, 2009
9:43 pm - thursday
BEING SICK SUCKS. antibiotics pwn, though. maybe it's just cause i never use them, but when i had these for strep and now, i take the first dose and like a couple hours later feel almost 100%.

also, i gets request since i hopped into this game AFTER everyone's found pictures? i want to see a ferret on a cieling fan.

i has shit to do. this sick thing just fucked up my whole week. ugh.

and i just remembered i have to write a paper for tomorrow. oops.

so i'm gonna run along and do that shit. MORE UPDATE TO COME. MAYBE.

current mood: busy
current music: Just Another Star-Bullet for my Valentine

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Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
6:29 pm - wednesday
it's a little odd that i update on wednesdays. it's such a long day. but whatever.

workshopped one of my poems today. awesome, considering i finished it at 3:00 AM. HA. oh well, i liked the way this turned out. they made a suggestion i'm debating over. see, i intentionally didn't introduce a persona until the very end of the poem. it's basically casting a mosh pit as a religious experience, and i figured you kind of do lose yourself in that kind of thing until the 'come down' period. but they (okay, my prof and this one guy, aaron, who talks about every poem because he's awesome) suggested i put the "I" in at the beginning to make the experience more personal, so other's can indulge in it. i don't know which way to go with it. argh.

coming up on the worst two weeks of my life (excepting any and all deadweek/finals week). this weekend i need to read through at least 5 of my research books, because Love wants them back by the 3rd now. i guess it's motivation at least.
wednesday i have another poem due. this time we actually have to stick to an established form for a change. of course, he blabbed on about how hard a sestina is to do (OH MY GOD THE INSTRUCTIONS MAKE MY BRAIN HURT) so you can bet your sweet ass i want to try it. if it comes to be 3:00 AM that day though, i'll just crank out a set of haikus and call it good. XD
friday the 6th i have my next paper for brit lit due, this one requiring us to write a fucking sonnet and then analyze it in reference to shakespeare's sonnets. WARGH.
budget hearing at 3:10 on sunday. damn it. so not looking forward to that.
sometime next week i want to meet with Jake to inquire about study abraod. KGU doesn't send out it's applications until like april anyway, but yeah. i want to plan my classes.
speaking of, i need to plan my classes and meet with my advisers. fack.
thursday the 12th 'rough' complete draft of nazi germany research paper due.
friday the 13th OH THERE IS A SHOCK book report for asian history again.

oh, a side note, brandin is going to be home from like the 7th to the 14th. he's going to HATE me.

god, it's already 6:45. it really eats your day when you don't get out of class until 5:30. wtf.

now, tonight. i have some reading and writing for nazi germany. need to finish my keypal messege for japanese. study to make up a japanese quiz. i'd LIKE to get a jump on some other reading, then.

toss me a subject for an epic huge poem. sestina's are 6 sestets (six lines each) and a tercet (3 lines). epic huge. :D i probably won't end up using it. inspiration strikes randomly and all that.

anyway, time to go for foods and to return my library books to the library on this campus.

current mood: busy
current music: (*Fin)-Anberlin

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Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
5:52 pm - wednesday
i am failing at this whole updating thing. bah.

you know what is not cool? skipping a class to write a paper, only to have the prof from said class be sitting in on a LATER class that you show up too. oops. FATE HATES MY GUTS.

poetry workshoping is a surprising ego boost.

i have shit to doooo.

yeah, that whole 'gonna get shit done over break' thing? DIDN'T HAPPEN I'M FUCKED YAY. c'est la vie. je suis une idiote. oui.

time to dive back into some work. 'byes.

current mood: busy

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Sunday, October 11th, 2009
1:52 pm - sunday
paranormal activity ftw. wow.
i'm actually kind of depressed that i know it's going to end up being made fun of.

this has been a crazy weekend kind of. snow. wtf snow. and walking 20 minutes in it. i mean, it was BARELY freezing (30 degrees according to one of those clock/temp signs we walked by) so it wasn't a horrible walk or anything. really quite pretty actually. BUT IT IS TOO EARLY FOR SNOW.

last night paranormal activity. omg. julie, don't watch it. i'm sure you'll never sleep again.

now..midterms and other fun things. >:( boo.

current mood: intimidated
current music: Hold Me Down-Motion City Soundtrack

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Monday, October 5th, 2009
5:44 pm - monday
so maintenance won't turn on the heat until there are "3 consecutive days of cold weather" or some shit. who defines what's cold? besides that, people in this building are opening their windows to warm it up. BRICK HOLDS COLD.

so midterms are next week. 2 actual defined take-home midterms assigned so far, plus one paper that i ASSUME is functioning as a midterm, but i don't know for sure.
blessing or a curse on japanese, which is apparently doing it's 'midterm' thing this week with a test and a speaking activity. of course, that means i have a lot of japanese shit to do this week. *sigh*

little over a month until draft one of nazi germany paper is due. meep. i am going to have a PRODUCTIVE fall break, damn it.

need to get going on homework for tomorrow. boy wants me to go over there and watch a movie at 10. *facepalm* i love you, but i have class before you're even out of bed and probably far more going on that you do right now. *flail*

off to do 50 pages of reading and a writing assignment because hayden-roy is a sadist and i didn't start it sooner. WHAT THE BRIT LIT READING PLUS WHAT I HAD TO MAKE UP TOOK ME FOREVER. 'bye.

current mood: cold

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Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
5:32 pm - tuesday
urgh. need to write paper. which doesn't make sense to me. it's following the theme of justice in economy...and we've been reading religious documents from around the middle ages. don't gimme that look, i know how they CAN connect. :P problem is that didn't really show up in the readings. TIME FOR SOME GRADE A BULLSHIT. *cracks knuckles*

at least it's only 2-3 pages. HA. i scoff at you, short paper.

so i was kinda excited that i wasn't gonna have a draft REQUIRED for my history paper. turns out he just forgot to put the date on the paper guidelines. d'oh.'s good for me. it means i won't be starting it at midnight december whatever-the-night-before-that-class's-final-is. like i'll end up doing for my ENGLISH research paper.

y'know, SOMEONE, namely my advisor, told me that the only real distinction between 100 and 200 level classes here is that 200 level requires research paper. I BEG TO DIFFER. (seriously though, 100 and 200 don't mean shit here. i've taken 100 level that were just as hard as 200 level. it's kind of just whatever the prof wants it to be.)

on the plus side the questions for nazi germany that he was gonna have us do for thursday are scrapped. because he realized he'd assigned 3 writing assignments in a row, and 2 next week. *facepalm* i'm beginning to think he works the same way i do, he's just a lot better at winging it. far we've done...4 writing assignments, plus the 2 next week is 6 by october 8th. he only assigns 10 a semester. NOT THAT I'M NOT HAPPY WE'RE GETTING THEM OUT OF THE WAY EARLY. but still. oy. i just wanna READ this shit. it's interesting.

btw my nine source bibliography earned me a 90%. HA.

i totally should not be going home this weekend, but it's sounds so nice.

need to get to love library. before fall break. i'll have PLENTY of reading time over fall break. or i intend to. if nothing else i'll probably have time to read at work because there is NO WAY there is going to be that much to do.

fuck. midterms. i forgot about midterms. fuck.

ANYWAY. off to poke this paper. and maybe do some poetry. laters.

ps: wow, this was an extremely self-serving entry. i'm just thinking out loud.

pps: dry air is the bane of my existance. my eyes, sinuses, lips, and skin on my back HURT.

current mood: aggravated

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