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Caitlin

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[03 Jun 2004|10:52am]
[ mood | heartbroken ]


my life has now come to an end. i have no reason to even be living anymore. i have no reason to even be breathing right now. brandon left me a voicemail...saying its over because he talked to some kid that i supposively dont do shit with...and i guess that kid fuckin made up some bullshit story and said i do...i really dont know WHO he talked to...maybe edmund??? i dont know what to do...i tried calling brandon..no answer...im so clueless right now....why did he leave me? why did some1 say i hook up with them? why did brandon actually believe them? im alone in this world right now...i have no idea whats going on but all i know is that my bestfriend my world has just left me. right now i feel this knot in my heart just getting tighter and tighter and more painful...because it really is over and i dont know how it happened and im left here helpless and alone.
2 Did| Make It Better

[02 Jun 2004|05:52pm]
[ mood | sick ]

im sick with a sinus infection and it sucks hairy monkey balls. so basically i have to stay home cuz i like walk 2 inches and has a coughing fit and cough up my lungs. but today i skimmed my pool and did like 1000 loads of laundry. as soon as i hang up all my clothes and shit on the line it starts randomly pouring outside so i run out there and im like some1 help me but of course no1 does so im stuck in getting soaked...in the rain...sick...taking all my clothes off the line...wow i have such a helping family.

i worked things out with brandon...he says he will treat me better because he doesnt want to loose me...i dont want to loose him...i hope he treats me better...well i know things will be better.

<33
cait
Make It Better

never good enough [01 Jun 2004|02:36pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

today is our 5 month anniversary. think we should be celebrating? think i should be apprecated? yea i would think so too. but instead all i get is an email telling me how i keep things from him and bla bla bla. yea thats funny that i get an email bitching me out...AN EMAIL...he pretended everything was okay last night...i hate things like that. i know he is never happy with me. he always wants to find SOMETHING to complain about...but dont u think i should have a lot to complain about? i stuck by his side through his worst times. when he lost his car...his job..and had no money and all we did was hang out in his house....I WAS LOYAL...i never complained...and im not complaining now...but most girls would never do that...because if a man has no car and no money...girls dont see the point in being with him. but i never thought that...i liked the little things...just being able to spend time with him...just me and him...nothing else..no worries no doubts..nothing...just love. i always appreciated it all. on the other hand...he always had doubts in me...always thought i had something else going on...that i had some1 on the side...or that i fuckin hated him...stupid shit. i thought yea maybe he is insecure and everyone is a little insecure...but when ur with some1 for 5 months and you claim to be best friends....you should never even think about them like that...because u should now them inside and out. but for some1 you appreciate so much and love with all your heart...would think...that u have alteriar motives towards them...damn that really hurts...its just like a slap in the face. its like he forgets everything i did for him and only put his mind on stupid little shit that he makes up in his head...its ridiculous....how can he treat me so good...but then treat me so bad?

i understand he doesnt have it easy right now....but that should make him be grateful for having a girlfriend like me...some1 who loves him for him....who is 110% faithful to him WHILE he is in college an hour away. you hardly see relationships these days where people are actually faithful to one another. but instead he only wants to make up stupid shit and it is so irratating i dont know what to do about it. i dont know if i should make him realize what it would be like without me so he will actually appreciate me? because i know i deserve to be treated like a queen. to be worshiped by my man. but right now im not getting that....all im getting is pain...and i shouldnt accept it and i defiantly wont....but i love him so much and i can never leave him but he needs to treat me better.

he thinks im cheating on him because i got text messages from this 14 yr old boy,edmund who has a crush on me. so on friday brandon was going thorugh my phone and i didnt want him to read the text mesages because i know how he gets and he would over react and blow everything out of reality. so yea that made him think i was being shady and i can understand that totally...but he ALWAYS does overreact....like he is very controlling like omg u were checking out dave becuase u were looking at him...riiightt???

all im saying is that he doesnt realize how much im dedicated to HIM....not materalistic things...because i defiantly do not get that from him.....so he really should not complain....because im more loyal than he would ever know....and i deserve to be treated like a queen...because i know there are guys out there who would do that for me....but i defiantly dont want them....i want brandon...because what we have is far more greater than any other relationship....all i want is to be appreciated.

4 Did| Make It Better

[31 May 2004|12:14pm]
[ mood | sick ]

ew yesterday i woke up with a cold and it sucks...my head was pounding all day and i have a runny nose..i hate it! i did horrible at the show....i placed with a 3rd,4th,and a 5th. Mostly because Tango was being an asshole throwing his head in the air...and the other excuse was because i felt like shit.

My mom pissed me off so much last night. Brandon was over and we were tired so we fell asleep on my bed with the door WIDE open...and she comes downstairs and sees us and automatically assumes that we were having sex and how could i have no shame and be so disrespectful. i was so mad cuz we honestly were just sleeping....she is so stupid...when we actually dont do anything i get in trouble but when we do she is completely oblivious. so i pretty much told her off...and she is still trying to kiss my ass but it makes me mad because she tries to be super mom to me and she lets my 12 year old brother run around and do wutever he wants...seriously its fucked up.

<33
cait

Make It Better

[28 May 2004|01:23pm]

ugh melissa came back to school today. i was so mad. that slut is pregnant again. she claims her mom made her come back...which is pointless because shes 18 and a senior and she missed liek 2 months of school...her dumbass is going to get leftback. i took out darells braids in school today. he has so much fuckin hair it took me like a million hours. deidre had the nerve to tell melissa that it looks like im gettin chunkier...everyone was like wtf cait...u got a nice body..just cuz i got curves and she has stretch marks going all the way up her face and her saggy ass boobs. ew wut a bitch. yay brandon will be here tonight! im soo fuckin happy. i have a horse compeition on sunday.

<33
cait
3 Did| Make It Better

some just want everything [27 May 2004|08:38pm]
[ mood | full ]


thank god tommorow is friday...for two reasons...reason #1--Brandon is coming home!! yay! Reason #2--I don't have to see all those cowards until tuesday cuz no school on Monday!

I had my riding lesson today...it was fun...especially talking shit about Chris right in front of her face haha it was great.

I ate ritas italian ice today...yum...chocolate ice and vanilla custard..ohh yeah.

<33
cait
2 Did| Make It Better

take me away [26 May 2004|09:29pm]
[ mood | groggy ]


today sucked...it was so boring and i had a major headache...apparently i won best dressed for the yearbook. oh well...today like 2 people came up and asked me why ive been so quiet lately...i straight out told them"because im tired of actually pretending to like you people" haha it was great im such a bitch...and they still continue to worship me. then i came home and i fell asleep...my brother woke me up to tell me mom was on the phone and i freaked out cuz i thought i was late for school..i was like MOM im getting in the shower now!!!she was like for what?? i was like for school...than i wasl ike ooo yeaaa...i just came home from school....then i woke up at 6:40 and i was like OMG im late for school and i jumped out of bed and was getting my towel to go take a shower...i was so scared that i missed school lol.

since brandon doesnt have a phone we have to talk online until friday...i told him last night to go online at 430...but i accidently fell asleep for to long and i felt bad cuz i didnt get to talk to him and he was kind of upset....but hes online now so its all good.

i went to the library to return my books and i got an application to fill out to work there...i think i would like working there because it doesnt seem to stressful and its quiet...just what i like.

<33
cait
Make It Better

another survey [25 May 2004|02:31pm]
1. name: Caitlin
2. birthday:September 22
3. sign: Gemini
4. birthplace: Lakewood, NJ
5. sex: gurl
6. location: Jacskon, NJ
7. school: OAHS
8. glasses/contacts: contacts
9. braces: no
10. fat/skinny: average
11. tall/short: short
12. do you like ketchup: ya
13. do you like mustard:yes
14. do you like mayonnaise: yep
15. do you like pickles: yep
16. do you like boys or girls: boys
17. do you like pickle relish: not really
18. do you like chicken: yea
19. do you like spinach: yepyep
20. do you have any siblings: yeh
21. what are their names: Jeffrey
22. how old are they: 12
23. do you have any pets: yeh
24. what are their names: ralphie(dog), fish,mattie and nellie(cats), Tango(horse)
25. what kind of pets are they: look ^
26. do you like school: not really
27. if you could choose anyone to rule the world who would you choose: of course myself
28. do you like pokemon: NO
29. do you talk to voices in your head: sorry no
30. do they tell you to do stuff:
31. do you listen:
32. have you ever had wet dreams about someone: haha no
33. how often do you talk on the phone: everyday for like hours
34. how often do you surf the web: all the time
35. how often do you hang out with friends: not a lot
36. do you have a bf/gf: yep
37. do you love them: yes i do
38. have you ever loved anyone: yea my boyfriend
39. have you ever made-out with someone: yeh
40. are you loopy:wtf is loopy?
41. have you ever broke any bones: nope
42. if so, which ones: ...
43. how often do you shower: everyday
44. which group do you hang out with at school: i dont have a group...i migrate from group to group cuz im cool like that
45. do you get good grades: yeh
46. do you always get in trouble: yess
47. do you get along with your parents: not with the bastard oops i mean my dad
48. are you gonna go to college: yeh
49. who is your best girl friend: kim
50. who is your best boy friend: brandon
51. who do you talk to the most on the phone: brandon
52. who do you talk to the most on the net: no 1
53. do you like email or snail mail better: snail mail...even though no1 ever sends me any
54. do you like gold or silver jewelry: silver
55. have you ever prank called a 1-800 number: haha yea...those sex question hotlines
56. have you ever tried to impress your crush and ended up embarrassing yourself: probably
57. what are you most afraid of: losing the one person i love
58. are you weird: hell yeah
59. how long does it take you to get ready for school: 30 mins i dont really care wut i look like when i go to school
60. do you have a crush: if u consider my boyfriend a crush
61. what are their names: brandon
62. do they like you: yes lol
63. do you like coffee: ew no
64. if not, how come: because it tastes like ass juice and it gives u coffee breathe
65. what is the longest you have went out with someone: ...
66. do you regret it: yea?
67. how do you know the person who sent this to you: i stole it from some community
68. where do you want to live? a house and somewhere warm
69. where is the most fun place to go? maryland!
70. where do you want to meet your husband/wife? i already met him
71. do you want to go heaven or hell? heaven
72. do you want to get married? yeh
73. do you like to do? sit on my ass
74. was the most fun retreat/trip you ever went on? id ont know
75. friend is always there? kim
76. relative sends you the most money for christmas? no one
77. do you like about your church or school clique? we are so mean
78. do you want to be when you grow up? teacher
79. do you want your husbands name to be? brandon
80. is your favorite sport? horseback riding
81. is your favorite piece of clothing? i dunno

have you, in the last 24 hrs...
82. cried? yea
83. gotten in major trouble? yea
84. cut your hair? nah
85. ate a meal? yeah
86. hugged someone? yeh
87. kissed someone? yep
88. made a new friend? nope
89. lost something? no

have you ever ..
90. been so drunk you passed out? no
91. gone out in public in your pajamas? yea
92. had an imaginary friend? no
93. cried during a chick flick? yea
94. owned a new kids on the block cd? no
95. gotten in a car accident? no
96. liked someone so much you cried? yeah
97. cussed when your parents were around? um yeah
98. told your sister/brother he/she was a bitch? yep
99. sung in front of the mirror? no
100. made faces in the mirror? lol.. all the time
101. spent more than one hour on your hair? yea when its deing dick and i try to fix it
102. walked or talked in your sleep? haha yea...one time brandon asked me wut time it was and i was like no table...noooo table
103. watched a scary movie and couldn't sleep all night? nope
104. gone caroling? nope
2 Did| Make It Better

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