12:07AM - eek!
ok.. well i start my new scholl in... 1, 2, 3, - 6 days! =O! im reeeeele nervous cuz im going to a new school (and thats turned into a good thing!) so like ahh! i have NO friends here and my mom is forvcing me into doing some club or something, and since im like miss anti-social i was like noooo way jose. but- grrr i picked yearbook club (what the-) oh well. wen i went to the orientation i saw some pritty neat looking chiks there that are pritty good looking candatates for friends. haha no, im just kidding about candadates, but there were some cool looking ppl there. alot of preps tho but thats ok. some of them are nice. like harry from " the boat" says 'its nice to be nice'. hes a weird dude, but a co0l one. wow im scurred! eek. well tomorro im picking up my tv stand and two side tables !! yay FURNITURE! lo. i still need to get my pineapple bed o.O hehehe then im going SHOPPING. yeay- well last time i was at pac sun the guy that was working the floor was like checking me out and it was funny cuz wen i went to leave he like buried his face in the sweaters! i was like HA HA HA. he was like 16 too! thats really weird cuz my 16 year old snowboard instructor liked me too! =O hmm... i wonder what that means!!!!!????? i guess ill never know. yea, and like my mom has been looking at all my aim conversations so that made me really really mad. i was like CAN U STAY OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE!? no obveously, but thats ok... i guess. i still love her =D but les is worse =( he has to know everything in my life. its like wow im not even ur daughter, and people need their personal life. it pisses me off. oh well. i guess its for the best?? but i mean he like looks at the things i do behind my back and thats like... grrrrrrrrr. hes so involved- ok i gtg to bed
Current mood: 
awake
Current music: rufio-above me
12:31PM - i confess
ok, well. i didnt get the new lotr books. i took them. from a very good friend. i dont know WHY but, ugh. im discusted in MYSELF. my heart is in my throaght because i feel so so so so bad abot what i did and now, ive lost a good friend. but i figure that i deserve it for being such a bad person, but even worse-a bad friend. so im sorry katie, im sorry to my self and im sorry for everything ive done. and i know all you people wont accept my apologies, but i deserve that too.
Current mood: 
guilty
8:05PM - ...please, make it more obveous...
guess you could say. ok, so- i have no friends in monroe.... and no friends here. hm. isnt life good to me? no. it sucks. well im going school clothes shopping on friday so i guess that should cheer me up. and if that doesnt? then ill indulge myself in some ben and jerrys ice cream. that sounds good. and ill sit on the couch and watch tv. my life sucks ne way so why not rot my brain?(and my stomache) well yesterday i bought J.R.R. Tolkens complete lord of the rings (the hobbit, fellowship of the rings,the two towers and the return of the king.) i read the hobbit already GOOD FRIGGIN BOOK you should read it too. and i started on felloship, even thought i know what happens, i still wanna kno what happens in the book. it has alot of big words and such. well i feel like watching a movie so i will leave you all to do whatever you were doing before you read this.
I can't have you blues
I got the I can't have you, I can't have you blues
I can't have you, I can't have you blues
I can't have you, I can't have you...
Nothings the same, need my fix of you
A crack in the mirror, pictures split in two
I can't believe you slipped away
I been drinking too much cause I'm trying to forget your face
And if I always try to do, all the things you want me to
I've been letting myself down to an early grave
And if I always try to do, all the things you want me to
I've been letting myself down to an early grave
Nothing stays the same, in this game
I can't have you, I can't have you blues
I can't have you, I can't have you...
Nothings the same, need my fix of you
A crack in the mirror, pictures blank too
I can't believe you slipped away
I been drinking too much cause I'm trying to forget your face
And if I always try to do, all the things you want me to
I've been letting myself down to an early grave
Nothing stays the same, in this game
I can't have you, I can't have you blues
I can't have you, I can't have you blues
I can't have you, I can't have you blues
I can't have you, I can't have you blues
Current mood: 
lonely
Current music: alice in chains-cant have you blues
4:30PM - ...bored...
ahh yet again! i am bored. well sponge bob has been on all day and i still didnt do what i was supposeto. ahh well i better do tht now....
Current mood: 
bored
Current music:
3:23PM - ...all alone in a really big house...
yep you guessed it! im home alone today, and watching sponge bob. my mom expected me to do the laundry, open like 50 million windows and do the dishes. well im to lazy but if i dont do it im gonna be in deeeep trouble. well maybe not deep but trouble. my sunburn is all itchy and peely on my back. eww. ive been hungry all day and been eating EVERYTHING. this weekend i went to THE boat. grrrrr. well this guy there harry, was on orange county choppers (on discovery channel) cuz hes friends with paulie Sr. and i was talking with harrys wife kathy and she was like yea we'll take u down there so you can meet them. and CODY!! i was like ahhh cody is so hott!
lol. oh no! i just finished my honey stick! now i need something NEW to eat. hmm... like 10 minutes after i woke up (about 12:10) some1 came to the door and it was scary so i just watched him out of the upstairs window till he went away. he was probally a jahovas witness. oh well, i need to go do stuff (like watch sponge bob) and eat stuff ( like oreos and salt and vinegar chips)
hasta luego
Can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms
It's empty tonight and i'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know
But i'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart
the end
Current mood: 
busy
Current music: finch-notes to you
Friday, August 22, 2003
10:54PM - ...im back...
well the beach was FUN. except i got sunburned ALL OVER my back and my face and my chest. grrRrrr. it hurts so bad. and my nose has like little sun blisters on it. ew. so, right now im watching not another teen movie. even tho its sick its funny as hell. ahh im all hurty! =O. i was reading the hobbit before, yea thats a good book. eric and steve came to the beach thursday and today it was fun. on thursday night we had glow sticks and we took a walk on the beach and played with them!! but the stupid sand raker guy was there so like every 10 minutes we had to move. damn you mr.sand raking guy. and today we went swimming and took a walk and my bathing suit broke. ahh it was so scary. like the plastic hook thing on the back broke and i was like freaking out so i ran over and put my volcom shirt on. it was SO EMBARRASSING. well at least no1 good saw. (lol) i need aloe badly. grr. well, i dont really know what else to say, so im gonna add a song, re-read it, add a hamster and LEAVE.
I liked you
You showed me
These calls must continue
Time is collapsing in my head
I built all the walls you can’t come in
You were the one that called me last
I highly doubt this thing will last
Sticks and stones, they hurt
When you shoot them through the phone
And you dragged my name through dirt
And it hurts to be left here all alone
Elegant thoughts I will not share
My symphonic silence I hope you can bear it baby
I liked you
You showed me
Exactly who I don’t wanna be
Sticks and stones, they hurt
When you shoot them through the phone
And you dragged my name through dirt
And it hurts to be left here all alone
I’ll always look for you
I’ll always look for you
No stone was left unturned
You were the one that called me last
I highly doubt this thing will last
Cause you were the one that messed up
Sticks and stones, they hurt
When you shoot them through the phone
And you dragged my name through dirt
And it hurts to be left here all alone
Sticks and stones get shot through the telephone
With instant results, we’re both left alone
^ailen ant farm, sticks and stones
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Current mood: blah
Current music: the credit music for not another teen movie
Monday, August 18, 2003
9:14AM - ...a new day...
well, its 9 12, and i got up at 8 30. we're getting ready to go to the beach. woo hoo. my friend has left me and i dont know where she went! this is gonna be so much fun. id be a little more excited if it was later in the day, and i got up at my usual time (2:00) but oh well. i have a bad taste in my mouth and its yucky. we fell asleep watching lord of the rings. gtg do stuff, bb friday
Current mood: 
tired
Current music: none
Sunday, August 17, 2003
8:53PM - ...another one of these...
yep kiddies u guessed i. another one of thoes feeling-left-out days. we've all had them b4 and yea they suck major assage. well, i guess its because wenever i look at this kid who i was kinda into early this summer, and now we're not really good friends ne more (which bites) all of thoes old feelings come back and its really hard not to get all mad and sad and happy at the same time. well, im mad because its like he doesnt give a fuck, sad bcuz i know itll never work out again and he like my BF. and happy? im happy for my firend. shes the koolest girl in the world but i mean i cant help it shes the koolest best friend someone could want. but i mean cummon wouldnt u feel jealous? cuz i do. he barely said 2 word to me the whole time so i was like whoo. friggin. whoo. im just saying..... so yea, ill write later cuz i feel all chloriniey so im gonna go take a shower.
i sat and smelled your clothes for an hour
giving up, cuz i feel i have no power
over what you think of me
i guess ill wait to see
my world is turning upsidown
i forever frown
when i think of you
like always u dont have a clue
u haunt my dreams
and plauge my days
people tell me this is just a phase
im doubting that more each day
my emotions are clay,
as you mold them in you what u want them to be...
Current mood: 
jealous
12:45AM - MAD MAD MAD
wow. wow. wow. wow. im really mad, im mad like - ajkd kjdgb zkjfgn zkjfdhzkjd gjkg. yea that mad?? ok well my friend wanted me to go somewhere ok? ok. so isaid ok i think i can. i THINK. do u see the word think!? ok good cuz i can too. so my friend was like well keep asking keep asking keep asking and a million times i said no its doesnt work NO NO NO NO NO. do YOU see the word no? cuz i do. good im glad u can see it too. and then my friend is acting like i dont care, and i dont try, and thats not true because i did try i do care and my friend makes me feel like a jerk when my friend does this to me. can u see im not using he or she? yea me too. any way, so its like so totally aggrivating when my friend goes ' oh, well its to late to ask some one now cuz no1s on. u shoodve asked u r mom b4 oh well i cant ask some 1 now its too late' and does like 20 smiley faces and i just wanna scream at the top if my lungs. so i do that, i went outside and screamed and screamed and screamed then i came in and threw scissors at the wall a knife at the refrigerator and pillows at very expensive windows, bit the corner of my wall 2ce, screamed in some pillows, beat the shit outta my matress, did a BAM MARGERA wich is slamming my head on a box spring, bit my comforter, brushed my teeth till i bled, and threw the pillows around sommore. and im still mad, i need to beat someone up. or stop, and breathe... but thats not happening netime soon, because u can obveously see not alot of oxygen is getting into my brain. i feel like a fucking cynical maniac cuz this is all very comical to me. GOD! im like hyper active. but being mad. so its like punch kick thro mess up any thing i see. its very very VERY tempting not beating up ainnie righ tnow ( my little sister) im mad mad mad mad mad mad mad and this conversation happened between me n my friend aproxamately 36 minutes and 15 seconds ago. sounds fun!? yes it is, fun fun fun for the whole family AHAHAHAHA ahahaha ahhaha ahh im going crazy i need medicine, i need a shrink I NEED A GUN SO I CAN SHOOT MYSELF. now doesnt tht sound fun??? it is, well it sounds fun. too bad les doesnt keep bullets in his guns downstairs. oh well. im so mad right now. SO MAD. cuz my friend does this all the god damn time. NOW IM THE JERK HUH!? OH? OK THEN! U WIN I CANT STAND THIS ANY MORE. and if your reading this, then good i hope ur having fun!
im gonna regret all of this
Current mood: 
frustrated
Current music: the mad song, by me
Saturday, August 16, 2003
9:33PM
ahh sorry bout the quiz one. i screwed up and i was to lazay to redo them. well, reno 911 is on and im drinking gatoraid. no1 is on, in fact there all away. today i had to go to a little 11 yr olds bday party. it sucked cuz it was boring. the best part was when we left. cuz it was over. i just came in from picking up climps of grass in my huse back yard and it sucked. i smell like grass too. im so glad cuz 2morro im going to jersey so yeay, i get to be away from evb, god they drive me insane! im so happy about my new shoes, because their new. hahah one lady on tv just said 'i wouldnt go with you garcia if unicorns flew out of my butt crack!' my nose hurts. ow. also today, i found a mic! woo hoo. im really bord and tired and i have nothing else to say... so yea ill wite som moe 2morro b4 i leave for the beach (if im awake in time)
Well I'm back in the class
Falling out of your past
All the letters that I wrote
And you thought as a joke
And the phone never rings
When you're cold and it stings
All the holidays suck
By myself 'cause I am fucked
And I'm dying, dying, dying
So how does it feel?
How does it feel?
'Cause it's tearing me apart
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
'Cause it's tearing me apart
Well I'm back for some more
Round two was a bore
And you're driftin' away
'Cause you want it that way
And I'm picking up pieces
Of hearts that completely
Are broken in two
So it must have been you
While you're lying in bed
With somebody new
You cannot convince me anymore
You cannot control me like before
You cannot convince me anymore
You cannot control me like before
How does it feel?
And it's 1:45
And I'm feeling alive
I've got it all
And it's your last call
There's somebody new
And she's better than you
You've been replaced
By a prettier face
So look who's crying now
We don't wanna be the enemies of what we used to be
we don't wanna be the enemy of what we used to be
Current mood: 
cynical
Current music: cky-96 bitter beings
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
8:18PM - bored quizes
hey dudes, i was bored today so i took some quizes. here they are!
You should be dating a Pisces.
19 February - 20 March
Your mate is loving and caring, trusting and
hospitable, and romantic. Though he/she can be
self-pitying, temperamental or dependent, the
fishes are quite romantic in bed.
What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla
^ahh but where is my fishy boy??
You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.
What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
^ yes, sadly its true
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
8:51PM - new stuff
hey people! today i went to the galleria in monroe! yeay im back in my homeland! since this isnt my computer right now im gonna haveta write this adress down b.c i wont remember it. you know how i am, or maybe you dont. ok so today i got new etnies! woo hoo! and a boxcar racer and blink posters. hehe tom and trvis rock my sox! no... wait. johnny depp does. omg hes so hott. lol. ok sorry... got off track.... again. like a month ago i went to the poughkeepsie mall and there was this really hott kid there who was hitting on me, and today i walked into the crystal run galleria and he was there! i was like OMFG hah cuz i wanted an earing so wen me and my friend were leaving he like hid his face in som sweatshirts pretending to put them away i was like wow. small small world. anyway.... there are alot of hott guys at the mall. its great. im so happy to be in monroe for a while. but tomorro im going with my dad, uggh hes so annoying. speaking of going places... i want to get together with my to bestest friends EVER katie oboyle and kristen eckert. there great. we all like the same things so we get along pritty good. except for in school, we grew apart from kristen. we dont know why we did either but now we're all cool with each other. ok well im gonna end my novel. and always i will end it with a verse from a song...ill sometimes put my songs in there too so yay!
Feeling alone, and he's on my mind
Try to erase all the pain from that time
he's breaking up, and I'm breaking down
Now I'm headed out of this fucked up town
the end