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[14 Jun 2006|02:57pm] today was weird..i came in contact with a knife...i thought i grew out of that fetish, but i guess wirst hurts..and arthur said that noone would care it doesnt really matter i guess...he said that everything that has happened to me in my life was b/c of me and noone else..and hes right....i guess i take life for granted...but i dont really i said before...nothing is going right for me now....and im a little losing it.someone help.
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[07 Jun 2006|01:01am]
yea...mommy is right..i should stop smoking.
1 comment|post comment

[04 Jun 2006|10:56pm]
and that last entry made absolutly no sense now that ive read over it.
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[04 Jun 2006|10:47pm]
ok. so its been quite sometime since i've come on here. well...its time to talk. i've been having a rough couple of weeks. im getting to the point where i just want everything to go away. i want everybody to go away. im scared. and i know that everything is comming back to me times 10. so. wut have i decided to do.i decided to quit hakata. quit everything. find and start a new life. even if there are somethings that remind me of the past...uhg...i know everything that im doing right now is going to remind me of the past. im so scared. not of wuts to come....but of the feeling. the feeling of regret. the feeling that i hate the most in the enitre world. and that feeling my friends fucked me up. fucked me up right in the ass. but you know what..its okay..i was gonna have to learn something about something...AH...anyways i fucked up. i lost the one person that mattered to me the most..some of my friends are still around. but not too many of them. and well..i dont know...let me just sum everything up for everybody....i havent changed...not one bit...ive just been hurting...serverly. for quite a while. so to all my lovely friends...if i seem different...please dont take it in any wrong way..i just put myself in a strange position. and right just trying to get comfortable with my life again. anyways...if this made any sense at all then...o...thats wut i been up to.

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Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship [22 Sep 2005|05:27pm]
Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship

Contact Information
Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship Fund
P.O. Box 2054
Jenkintown, PA 19046
Fax: 215-663-5897

Patrick Kerr Skateboard Scholarship Fund

Individual award amount:

Total amount awarded:

Number of awards granted:

Eligibility Requirements
U.S. citizen

Application Requirements

Other application requirements:
Two letters of recommendation

Additional information:
Applicant must be a skateboarder and possess a cumulative 2.5 GPA

Deadlines & Fees
Application Deadline:

Notification Date:
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Scholastic Art Portfolio Gold Award [22 Sep 2005|05:26pm]
Scholastic Art Portfolio Gold Award

Contact Information
The Scholastic Art & Writing Awards
557 Broadway
New York, NY 10012
Phone: 212-343-6493
Email: a&

Sponsor: Alliance for Young Artists and Writers

Individual award amount:
Total amount awarded:
Number of awards granted:

Eligibility Requirements
Current student status of applicant:
High school senior
Major/career interest:
Arts, general

Application Requirements

Competition/talent/interest in:
visual arts
based on originality, level of technical proficiency, and emergence of personal style or vision.

Other application requirements:
Must submit eight works, including at least three drawings

Additional information:
Five unrestricted scholarships awarded to exemplary works
Deadlines vary
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Automotive Educational Fund Scholarship [22 Sep 2005|05:24pm]
Automotive Educational Fund Scholarship

Sponsor: Automotive Hall of Fame

Contact Information
Automotive Hall of Fame
21400 Oakwood Blvd.Dearborn, MI 48124-4078
Phone: 313-240-4000
Fax: 313-240-8641

Individual award amount:
Number of awards granted:
Award is renewable.

Eligibility Requirements
Major/career interest:
Automotive technology
Engineering, mechanical
Engineering, chemical
Engineering, electrical/electronic

Application Requirements
Applicant must demonstrate:
Proof of eligibility
Other application requirements:
High school seniors must have proof of acceptance to postsecondary institution and two letters of recommendation
Additional information:
Applicant must have interest in pursuing automotive career
Send SASE for application, or download from Website
All required materials must be submitted with application to be considered
Only award recipients will be notified
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[13 Sep 2005|09:12pm]
weird. i didnt make those updates.
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appalachan [09 Sep 2005|12:26am]
Appalachian State University

Main Address
Boone, NC 28608
(828) 262-2000

Admission Office
ASU Box 32004
Boone, NC 28608
(828) 262-2120
Fax: (828) 262-3296
Student Body
50% Women
50% Men
Annual College Costs ( Fall 2005 )
out of state
Living on-campus Living at home Commuting, not living at home
13,178 13,178 13,178
Most Popular Majors
Bachelor's Degrees
Fine/Studio Arts
City/Community/Regional Planning

Test Scores
Middle 50% of
First-Year Students Percent Who
Submitted Scores
SAT Reasoning Verbal: 510 - 610 100%
SAT Reasoning Math: 520 - 610 100%
ACT Composite: 20 - 24 20%

High School Preparation
High School diploma required, GED accepted
Required units: 13 total
English 4
History 1
Math 3
Science 3
Science Lab 1
Social Studies 1
Recommended units:
Foreign Language 2
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charlotte [09 Sep 2005|12:25am]
Art Institute of Charlotte

Main Address
Three LakePointe Plaza, 2110 Water Ridge Parkway
Charlotte, NC 28217
(704) 357--8020

Admission Office
Three LakePointe Plaza
2110 Water Ridge Parkway
Charlotte, NC 28217
(800) 872--4417
Fax: (704) 357--1133
Contact: Jeff Bucklew
Director of Admissions

Student Body
Not reported

Annual College Costs ( Fall 2005 )
Living on-campus Living at home Commuting, not living at home
16,992 16,992 16,992
Test Scores
Middle 50% of
First-Year Students Percent Who
Submitted Scores
SAT Reasoning Verbal: - %
SAT Reasoning Math: - %
ACT Composite: - %
Most Popular Majors
Not reported

Suburban setting
Very large city (over 500,000)
Commuter campus
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alaska [09 Sep 2005|12:23am]
University of Alaska Anchorage
Main Address
3211 Providence Drive
Anchorage, AK 99508
(907) 786-1800

Admission Office
3211 Providence Drive, #158
Anchorage, AK 99508-8046
(907) 786-1480
Fax: (907) 786-4888
Contact: Mary Howard
Admissions Manager

Student Body
60% Women
40% Men

Annual College Costs ( Fall 2005 )
Living on-campus Living at home Commuting, not living at home
11,354 11,354 11,354
out of state

Test Scores
Middle 50% of
First-Year Students Percent Who
Submitted Scores
SAT Reasoning Verbal: 450 - 570 53%
SAT Reasoning Math: 440 - 570 53%
ACT Composite: 18 - 24 23%

Most Popular Majors
Liberal Arts: 40%
Health Professions: 23%
Engineering: 13%

Urban setting
Large city (250,000 - 499,999)
Commuter campus
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[18 Aug 2005|03:11pm]
i got my license!. its pretty lame.
ever since skool started..the days seem really REAlly long.
i see Mark a lot though
oh yea...Matt Kape said that theres a party at his house next friday. i might hit it up.
ok and so by next week...HHW is cut down to me and jenny....*sigh*
oh yea..and theres this kid in my class his name is justin...hes in 2 of my classes...his right side is shorter then his left side...lyk body wise....i stare a lot..and he talks to me...while im staring.
and then theres this old old old lady named Valice...and shes the soldier of the Lord. and she said it loud and proud.
and my teacher Mr. a big butt....lyk graham butt...and i caught him staring at some chicks cleavage...
yeapp....oh yea...and Kit Kat....had one baby...and her name is Reses....or should i name her Snickers?
yea hungry. and this weekend im bothering whose ever name gets pulled from the hat.


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[28 Jun 2005|01:54pm]
damn the DMV...DAMN IT TO HELL!..they told me to come back next week..instead of a license they gave me a permit...wut the hell..oh well..they said i better...b/c they would probably fail me for not having a permit. assholes..

a whole nother week, i mean the only places i wanted to drive to was alyce's jen's and tonya's...and sorta jason's...(heehee)..jk..and jason's.

im off to go and hopefully purchase a scooter.

later tea bag out.

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[27 Jun 2005|12:51am]
im 18..haha...OH SHIT ALYCE!, im gonna smile big on my license 2morrow so that my teeth are blocking the whole face veiw and it will be impossible for the local gas station clerk to notice any kind of difference. but when i went to go buy a blunt yesterday...the clerk didnt look at the pic..just the back...but that was my ID card.

anyways...tonya jenny...i have we will drink till drunk this week. after i get paid. i told miss. alyce already she said "call the girls!" the update..
--willa wonka in IMAX theaters...gotta go,
--4th of july...SC has fireworks...any self invites are always welcome.
--Richard from Hakata = Dick. Dick=Gay? hmm...Erwin gives me a yes. and according to wut i think i heard b4..alyce i might need your backup...Mark and Dick kissed b4...( that came out halarious! )
--sometime this week HHW will be drunk by midnight (hopefully tuesday)
--danielle has became a one third of an enemy to me, the rest...laughs and giggles, and weed.
--last but not fucking straving.

okay...MY LOVES.expect a call. and a giant bottle (or two, or three, or four..or etc) full of the words illegal underage drinking.

much love,
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[24 Jun 2005|07:23pm]
its my birthday and i cry if i want to.
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[09 May 2005|10:26pm]

The term "globalization" has acquired considerable emotive force. Some view it as a process that is beneficial—a key to future world economic development—and also inevitable and irreversible. Others regard it with hostility, even fear, believing that it increases inequality within and between nations, threatens employment and living standards and thwarts social progress. This brief offers an overview of some aspects of globalization and aims to identify ways in which countries can tap the gains of this process, while remaining realistic about its potential and its risks.

Poverty is created because of the strength of the desire to be richer.
Destitution and suffering is created by the strength of the desire to be only richer.
Irrationality supports and nurtures rational things in this modern world, or so it would seem.
It is amply clear that one can extract a high price for fulfilling people's need to be noticed to be enjoying.
It is one thing to be truly great and another to be able to embellish one's image of being great.
If being mean, inhuman and unscrupulous is the same as being really clever and smart, then it is possible that many people are living to either die or to kill.
Nature has thrown forth many great civilizations. How is it that none survived?
Nature is able to perpetuate by adjusting simultaneously at all levels, and being totally humble in accepting its own character.
Happiness would be real and eternal if it did not cause pain and hurt to others.
Most everything created needs some inputs for it's nurturing, understanding and being part of the great cycle of nature can ensure more happiness and longer survival.
Revolutions are reflections of your own frustrations, irrationalities and anger and their perpetuation
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[08 May 2005|10:37pm]
1. Wisdom: If all the wisdom of any animal species other than the humans does not let them perceive more than a certain limited portion of the 'world', then presumably all our wisdom will never really permit us to completely perceive and understand the reality around us.

2.Reaction: If one act is a result of the interaction of a large number of cells, neurons, etc., then why should not one act (besides or maybe including blowing the brain out) be able to influence (not necessarily reversibly) the functioning of a large number of entities at the receiving end.

3.Challenge: The simplest challenge which reveals most about things we are in touch with is to know how we react (feel, think, etc.) to inputs.

The tougher aspect is to judge how it all adds up and what we will become in Time.

Worst is to not only to determine what we want to be but to be that - and make our surroundings as we want them to be!

4. Time Travel: At any instant of time when we refer to certain coordinates we associate a location with it. Considering Time as the fourth dimension, and that things sort of exist all along - then Time Travel would amount to 'going to' (coming into the state of consciousness of) what is already there.

Non destruction of entities is indirectly implied along with progression.
Travel is displacement of 3D object in the 3D world. So a 4D displacement may require a 4D object.

Logically believing that we do not 'know' all that exists (even of our own self) is not difficult as the same is amply exemplified by the 3 dimensional existence!

So probably Free Will is only the ability to put in inputs which may change the consciousness & perception of the circumstances (at any particular moment), and/or maybe - we can affect the entire thing(s) all along the time.

This fits in well with putting the past, the fragile present and the future together. Discontinuities are rare.

Simply, like any three dimensional travel, the place exists, other people exist - and you can travel - but be only at one place at a time - using some rational means! So maybe you need a time (consciousness of it) machine which has the technology and the system/rules!

Again a matter of your consciousness of yourself, and of you in other's 'thoughts' - isn't it? A 'sphere of influence' seems a a phrase that might describe this. A thing that somehow does not change in basic definition much either in the 3D or 4D existence model. Beginning and ending in 4D can only be extrapolated from 3D observations. A state of dimensionlessness.

Further, as all creations/creatures travel differently and seem to have a system for it - then there may be entities (unknown to us) which similarly span the dimension(s) in their existence - differently!

Finally, there must be a higher, and again a higher, and finally the highest dimension ?! Some dimensions maybe more changeable/fragile/volatile than others. Maybe thinking is all about spanning dimensions to and fro! AND consciousness is also complete only when you consider you in yourself, others in you, and yourself in others consciousness. (Grammatical inaccuracies seem to show/project logical inconsistencies).

Then, perhaps that is why there is the likelihood of existence of something like a Turin's Machine - which permits non disturbing probings' results to predict a system's state in time......

Why is that the certainty and accuracy seem to be contra indicated? Perhaps these are two different dimensions/planes - perhaps a matter of zooming in and zooming out!?

5.Cancer & Herpes: Does what is given below mean that there is hope of using non fatal infections to determine the possibility of existence of susceptibility to a fatal disease like Cancer. Also, does the ability of the immune system to over come certain illnesses like Herpes improve the ability to avoid illnesses like Cancer. Is there likely to be a vaccination like procedure to make the body increasingly immune to the disfunctioning of the immune system at some stage. It is known that immunity levels can be changed and the immune system & its responses can be very very varied.

"Herpes simplex (cold sores, fever blisters) and herpes zoster (shingles) are two epidermal viral infections that produce blisters within the epidermis. The severity of these infections is influenced by the state of the person's immune system; they are more severe in injured persons, in the elderly, and in debilitated patients, especially those with cancer of the lymphoid system. Herpes zoster (shingles) and varicella (chickenpox) are caused by the same virus, and patients with shingles have previously had chickenpox. The virus remains dormant in the sensory nerves and is later reactivated, either spontaneously or following the impairment of immune defense mechanisms. The virus, by translocating along the nerve branches, invades the epidermis; the distribution of the ensuing vesicular rash, which is painful, is confined to the cutaneous distribution of the same sensory nerve."

6.Mind & Body: Mind's inputs are feelings (happiness & unhappiness - and their forms). Body could be seen as good health and ability to remain/become healthy (strength, resilience and reformative processes). Living is reflection in the body of the mind's perceptions. Body and it's senses are the channels for mind's perception. Therefore body is primarily playing a double role; one as an input channel and second as an output medium. The processing in between, the input and the output, is done by the 'brain' - which depends on information and patterns passed to it (a) genetically and (b) circumstantially. A person can be trained to relish the same bitter food.

There are certain relatively permanent measures of unhappiness related to the body's existence characteristics. Below a certain level, 'pressure' helps in growth of it's strength - up till the level at which it feels it can overcome - and above which the body goes into a closing up of show act - leaving the body vulnerable and improperly defended. In all this the state of the mind becomes paramount in determining (i) physical strengths, (ii) ability to incorporate in processing patterns and finally (iii) record it in the genetic information base.

Additionally, the intellect/brain has a sequential (making it logical as long as it is corroborated with existing patterns) mode of learning which can occur without any related gross physical perception. Perception is in a vague form somewhere out there in time and space. Somethings make crying (natural act of a child), curiosity (natural intellectual response to sensory inputs), and seeking (physical needs) into exalted anger, aggression, dominance, etc. Once formed these patterns/changes/habits are difficult to get rid of - so our social setup (we ourselves) gives us a race to run all our lives, and we run it either lovingly or grudgingly (or in complicated mixed proportion) - depending on our perception - of where we are in the race (which is the crux of the above transformation).

To climb down this ladder of 'changes' - we have to go back to associations of actions and perceptions. Meaning; if we are in a sad mood and we associate overcoming sadness with liquor then we drink. Alternatively if we associate music with happiness then we could listen to music. A lot of people use the bodies permanent satiation association and eat. It would indeed be sad to use death - the unknown doorway - as an end to unhappiness, even if it seems to be the only way left. We must use simpler associations - including sleep to overcome a state of distress - which may be caused by different things to different people. Time automatically becomes a healer. The permanent climbing down from changes will ultimately depend on 'selecting' associations and restricting/disciplining perceptions/actions!

Ultimately an infinite benign goal is needed for a very permanent redirection. It is not the goal but the habit and patterns it gives that are very useful and fruitful. So however far you may have been transformed (from the child you were) by the social setup - simply bringing up that goal can completely change the pattern without really changing the physical lifestyle 'much'. Simply wanting to be happy does not seem to be this goal, somehow. It has to be really BIG! Probably sway of religion (faith) is in being able to place some such goal! The discussion regarding what if we reach the 'goal' or whether it is reachable is beyond the scope of the present discussion!!

One thing is for sure that continuous pain (or shall we say pleasure) is one circumstance which is used by 'certain people' to bring 'others' to a path where they think 'others' belong. Unfortunately it makes everyone like these 'certain people' in the end.

In conclusion I would like to say that: (1) Stress somehow makes us weak in the mind and therefore that makes our body weak and more vulnerable to infections. So, doing activities which we associate with happiness and good times will help. (2) A conscious effort to use logic and suggestions to de-link unhappiness' association with certain activities - and thereby our reactions is a really great thing. (3) Just waiting makes our mind and body weak. If you cannot do what you wish to do then do something you can, and enjoy it - even for a short while. Do many such things! Prayer is one such thing you can always do even in your mind. (4) Give up everything without giving up the good things which make you happy and don't bring unhappiness - which comes later from some acts (pain begets pain)!

7. Consciousness, Time & Life: Light takes a finite amount of time to travel from an 'object' to you. We are always seeing the past. Other's past is our present. Our present is other's future (other>our>other). Our clock is only right at our 'core' - when we get up from sleep (become conscious) we come back to our present, past and the future!

Life has no meaning without consciousness (it being just that). Somehow time and consciousness are rather linked and one is required to qualify the other. As consciousness is rather changeable so it may be that time is non-linear. Time may well be a very non linear illusion/delusion to project (or of) consciousness. If life is the state of the three dimensional physical world on the time-consciousness axis then all creation must have a strong relation to a singular point of state of stationarity (it's home). Consciousness may well be all that is life. We know life changes with changes in perceptions of things within and around, and the pace of every life is different. Individuality may well be perturbations (or loci of the same) in the one consciousness. Each creation may be evolving on its own path of evolution and may be on a very different level than the other.

It is rather inconceivable that the genetic (physical) evolution is separable from the evolution of the consciousness. The link and its kinematics may be rather obscure - if distinction is made. Boundaries and sub set - super set relationships can always suggest characteristics similar to quantum nature.
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[02 May 2005|10:32pm]
im no writer....never want to be one many critics for my insecure self.
im no dreamer, artist, musician. not much at anything..and the only thing im semi good
im more of a thinker who has a lover.
i get myself to wrapped up in the news..and media..(who wants to know wut cspan and cnn been talking about?)
soo...i guess you could call me a critic..
thats strange.
im everything im afraid of.

!!!!...i want to be in forensics.
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[27 Apr 2005|10:42pm]
so baby,
sing me another song with words only i can hear.
i love our language

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[07 Jan 2005|06:34pm]
yo bitches i got a job at tony's!
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