09:49am 05/06/2003
  THE DARK LORD OF MORDOR IS CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE SOUND OF THE WAILING OF THE TORTURED SOUL.

*wailing of tortured soul*		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
11:36pm 27/05/2003
  HEAR OF THE DOINGS OF THE LORD OF MORDOR! THE FAIR LADY GALADRIEL HAS SENT A CHEQUE TO REIMBURSE ME FOR DEBTS INCURRED BY HER GRANDSON, ARAGORN, FUTURE KING OF GONDOR. I HAVE DECIDED THAT MONEY SHALL BE USED TO START A FUND DEDICATED TO EDUCATING THE FUTURE KINGS OF MEN IN SUCH NECESSARY AREAS LIKE FINANCE, LANGUAGE AND SEMANTICS, LOGIC, AND BASIC GENETICS. ALSO ON THE TOPIC OF EDUCATION, I HAVE SPENT MY PAST FEW DAYS IN THE LIBRARY HERE AND HAVE MADE SEVERAL DISTURBING DISCOVERIES. MANY OF THE TEXTS ARE SKEWED AND PRESENT AN INCOMPLETE VIEWPOINT OF EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED, ESPECIALLY THE HISTORICAL AND RELIGIOUS TEXTS. I SHALL BE DRAWING UP A LIST OF PROPOSED CHANGES AND AMMENDMENTS TO MORE ACCURATELY CONVEY EVENTS THAT TRANSPIRED. ANOTHER DISTURBING DISCOVERY IS THAT THE FAMILY TREES OF THE ELVEN FAMILIES HAVE BEEN CONVERGING FOR APPROXIMATELY THE PAST FOUR OR FIVE GENERATIONS. COUPLED WITH THE RECENT TENDANCY FOR MALE ELVES TO BE HOMOSEXUAL (WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE A RESULT OF THIS INBREEDING) I FEAR THAT THE ELVES MAY BE ON A PATH FOR EXTINCTION IN THE COMING AGE. I HAVE TAKEN THE INITIATIVE OF WRITING A TREATISE INCLUDING A BREEDING PLAN FOR THE ELVEN PEOPLES. MY SERVANT, DENETHOR, WILL CARRY A COPY OF THIS TO LORD ELROND WHEN HE JOURNEYS TO RIVENDELL.  
     Read 7 - Post
 
A LETTER TO ELROND, LORD OF IMLADRIS   
07:42pm 21/05/2003
  LORD ELROND,

I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO FIND A SUITABLE ORC TO SERVE AS AMBASSADOR TO YOUR HOUSE. HOWEVER, I HAVE RECENTLY GAINED A NEW SERVANT UNDER MY SWAY, DENETHOR, FORMER LORD OF MINAS TIRITH. HE IS, IN TRUTH, STARK RAVING MAD AND QUITE POSSIBLY A DANGER TO HIS FAMILY. MY CONTROL OVER HIM ALLOWS FOR SOME MEASURE OF SANITY, BUT HE FIGHTS AGAINST IT CONSTANTLY. AS I HAVE A DIRECT LINK TO HIM, AND YOUR HOUSE IS SUITABLY DISTANT FROM HIS SONS, I PROPOSE THAT HE BE MY AMBASSADOR TO YOUR HOME, IF THIS IS ACCEPTABLE TO YOU.

SINCERELY,

SAURON, LORD OF MORDOR		  
     Read 5 - Post
 
A LETTER TO MR. FRODO BAGGINS   
07:34pm 21/05/2003
  DEAR MR. BAGGINS,

I HAVE THOUGHT MUCH ABOUT RECENT EVENTS DURING THIS JOURNEY AND IT HAS COME TO MY MIND THAT YOU HAVE DONE ME A GREAT SERVICE. I HAD ALLOWED MYSELF TO BECOME OBSESSED WITH THE ONE RING AND HOLDING DOMINION OVER THE PEOPLES OF MIDDLE EARTH, RATHER THAN FOCUSING ON MY REAL GOAL -- THE RESSURECTION OF MY LORD MORGOTH. BY DESTROYING THE RING YOU ELIMINATED THAT WHICH HAD DIVERTED MY ATTENTION AND ALLOWED ME TO REFOCUS ON MY ORIGINAL PLANS. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND HOPE TO THANK YOU IN PERSON (SUCH AS MY PERSONAGE IS).

SINCERELY,

SAURON, LORD OF MORDOR		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
02:06pm 21/05/2003
  HEAR OF THE JOURNEY OF THE DARK LORD SAURON FROM RIVENDELL, THE LAST HOMELY HOUSE, TO MINAS TIRITH, THE WHITE CITY! AFTER HAVING COMPLETED NEGOTIATIONS WITH GLORFINDEL, A TRUCE WAS REACHED BETWEEN MYSELF AND LORD ELROND. I THEN CAUGHT UP ON SOME OF MY CORRESPONDENCE AND DEPARTED FOR THE WHITE CITY WITH MY RINGWRAITHS. AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF TRAVELLING WITH THEM I CONSIDERED MAKING GOOD ON THE "DOOMED TO DIE" ASPECT OF THEIR EXISTANCE, FOR WHEN THEY WERE NOT BICKERING, THEY CONSTANTLY SANG THE THEME SONG TO BONANZA. TOWARDS THE END OF THE JOURNEY, AS WE CROSSED THE WILDERNESS, WE ENCOUNTERED A RAGGED OLD MAN. AFTER LISTENING TO HIM RAVE INCOHERANTLY FOR SOME TIME, I BROUGHT MY WILL TO BEAR UPON HIS MIND. I WAS SURPRISED TO DISCOVER THAT THIS LUNATIC WAS NONE OTHER THAN MY OLD FRIEND AND ER...PUPPET, DENETHOR, STEWARD OF MINAS TIRITH. HE WAS MOST UPSET ABOUT THE SITUATION WITH HIS SONS AND SOMEONE HE THOUGHT OF AS THE "USURPER" WHOM I PRESUME TO BE LORD ARAGON. HAVING BEEN EXILED FROM HIS HOME AND SEEMINGLY A THREAT TO SEVERAL OF MY ACQUAINTANCES, I BROUGHT HIM ONCE AGAIN UNDER MY CONTROL AND HE WILL BE SERVING ME. WE TRAVELLED SOME MORE AND ARRIVED AT THE WHITE CITY AND SECURED AN INN TO STAY AT FOR THE TIME BEING. AND NOW I MUST WRITE SOME LETTERS.  
     Read 39 - Post
 
   
01:01pm 16/05/2003
  HEAR ME, O MY ORCS! I SEEK A SUITABLE AMBASSADOR TO RIVENDELL, ONE WHO WILL UPHOLD THE HONOR OF THE LORD OF MORDOR! PLEASE SEND RESUMES AND APPLICATIONS TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  
     Read 5 - Post
 
A PROCLAMATION FROM THE DARK LORD   
03:43pm 23/03/2003
  HEAR ME, O MY MINIONS! FOR I SAY UNTO YOU THAT WHEN YOU ENCOUNTER ELVES, MEN, DWARVES, HOBBITS, OR ANY OF OUR TRADITIONAL ENEMIES YOU ARE TO NOT ENGAGE IN SENSELESS KILLING BUT RATHER CHALLENGE THEM TO A FRIENDLY GAME OF EITHER SOCCER OR RUGBY! OR IF YOU DECIDE YOU MAY PLAY BOTH GAMES, BUT CONSECUTIVELY AND NOT CONCURRENTLY! IF YOU NEED ASSISTANCE WITH THE RULES FOR SOCCER PLEASE TALK TO orophinoflorien OR morlhach. FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE RULES OF RUGBY PLEASE TALK TO king_elessar.  
     Read 6 - Post
 
THE WOES OF THE DARK LORD   
09:05pm 22/03/2003
  HEAR ME FOR I SHALL SPEAK OF MY WOES! MANY OF THE MEN AND ELVES HERE HAVE EXPRESSED DISPLEASURE AT MY PRESENCE. DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS THEY REFUSE TO BE REASSURED THAT I AM HERE FOR THE FORTHCOMING NUPTUALS AND WILL NOT BE SLAUGHTERING THEM IN THE NAME OF MORGOTH. IT WAS LESS THAN AN AGE AGO THAT IF YOU SHOWED UP FOR A WEDDING WITH PRESENTS YOU WOULD BE WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS. WHAT IS TO BECOME OF THE WORLD? YOU KNOW SOME ONE FOR A FEW AGES, WATCH THEIR CHILDREN GROW UP, WAR WITH THEIR KINSMEN FOR A FEW CENTURIES, AND SUDDENLY THEY CHANGE.

TO PUT THINGS SIMPLY, I ENJOY WEDDINGS, AND SINCE I BOUND MYSELF IN SERVICE TO MORGOTH IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY THAT I SHALL EVER HAVE ONE OF MY OWN. THE ODDS ARE EVEN SLIMMER SINCE I LACK A BODY OF FLESH AND BLOOD. THIS BRINGS ME GREAT SORROW, AND SO I TRY TO REJOICE IN THE WEDDINGS OF OTHERS.

FINALLY, I AM MOST DISPLEASED WITH THEIR CRUEL SENSLESS SLAUGHTER OF MY SERVANTS. SUCH ACTIONS WERE UNCALLED FOR AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES FOR BREAKING THE BONDS OF HOSPITALITY. YOU WOULD ALL DO WELL TO TAKE LESSONS FROM king_elessar REGARDING ORCS.		  
     Read 3 - Post
 
RESSURECTION   
11:26pm 20/03/2003
  LO, I SAID UNTO MY MINIONS "BRING ME A BODY TO INHABIT FOR I AM TIRED OF BEING INCORPOREAL" AND MY MINIONS WENT FORTH AND BROUGHT ME THE BODY OF A SMALL CHILD. SUCH A BODY WAS INSUFFICIENT TO CONTAIN MY MIGHT AND I SAID UNTO MY MINIONS "BRING ME THE BODY OF A WARRIOR OF STATURE SUITABLE TO MY MAGNIFICENCE" AND THEY BROUGHT ME THE BODY OF A WARRIOR. ALAS, BUT THE WARRIOR HAD BEEN KILLED BY MY MINIONS AND WOULD NOT BE REANIMATED SO I SAID UNTO MY MINIONS "BUGGER THIS FOR A LARK" AND INSTRUCTED THEM TO BUILD A ROBOT TO MY SPECIFICATIONS. THE WORK GOES WELL AND MY OLD SUIT OF ARMOR IS PROVIDING AN EXCELLENT FORM FOR MY FUTURE MECHANICAL BODY. I MUST REMIND THEM TO REPLACE THE FINGER HOWEVER...  
     Read 3 - Post
 
 
lord_of_mordor