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Sunday, October 29th, 2006
8:59 pm

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Friday, September 17th, 2004
11:47 pm
http://www.livejournal.com/users/doldrums_thru too. Gosh, I almost forgot about this place.

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Wednesday, June 16th, 2004
1:06 pm - New Existance.

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Sunday, May 16th, 2004
12:39 am - I see it now.
I have moved. Please comment if you'd like to know my new address. But it's probably better that you don't because I seem to go on forever about nothing at all.

current music: My Old Man - The Walkmen

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Thursday, April 8th, 2004
3:19 pm - Ghost Town

current mood: blank

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Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
4:01 pm - Yeah!
I think I'm gonna have to waste all the ink in my printer and print all these entries out.

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3:57 pm - hum hum hummmm
Strange I haven't been here in over a month. I've been on a journal writing dry spell... including my own paper one. Except that last night I wrote about five pages worth of memories in OUR journal, that's right, I share a journal, and attached receipts and tickets to shows and business cards. So that one day I can look back at them, and smile the same I did when I was adding them.

current mood: antsyyyyyyy
current music: Golden Streams - The Hidden Cameras

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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
4:32 pm - Trip.
It's strange... I just started thinking of last year at this time. We had just moved in. I was cautious about sleeping upstairs because the attic still wasn't finished. (It hadn't been finished until the summer) But, I did go up there to type in entries for my journal. I really liked the feel of the room before it was finished. I don't know why. Maybe I just liked the way I felt, having all the time in the world to write what I wanted to. I had started a story that I was convinced I would finish. I opened my window to let the breezes from Long Island Sound come in. Sometimes it was too cold to stand, but I would go upstairs anyway, and type away. When the Spring came, it was even more wonderful. The breezes that came in were so warm, and so fresh, I kept my computer close to the window so that when I sat at it, the breeze would hit me before it hit anything else in the room. So, do I strip the carpet and the plaster? Do I move my bed back to where it used to be? I make up new memories as I go along, I suppose. And really, when it comes down to it, I'm just longing for the Spring so that I can take long walks around the neighborhood with my dog again. It's just too gloomy a day today. And I'll come back and write about the strange or nice people that I met along the way. (I still have a lot of those, but I'm just not as eager to report).

current mood: the same
current music: Dirty Trip - Air.

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4:18 pm - tissues.
I finally finished reading The Witching Hour by Anne Rice. That was the book I was referring to before, if anyone was wondering. It's a haunting book... it really is. I'm not sure really what made me freak out about it. I think my imagination is too strong for my own good sometimes. I tend to get into the things I'm reading and/or writing very strongly, and when there are whispers and winds blowing and touches and all those other sort of things I can feel them as if I were in the story. Particularly emotion. So. Yeah.

I'll be working on a website for a band I just found out about. (Found out about because their guitarist e-mailed me about designing their site) And I'm really excited to start working on it. I love working on sites, and I really should work on my own more, but lately the inspiration hasn't been there, so if I change my splash page once every couple of months, or add to my updates page (with occasional poems or artwork) every few weeks, it's a miracle. I get caught up in chatting with friends who are far away when I'm on the computer, so any creative works get sucked down to the bottom of priorities, when really it should stay at the top. Because if I'm not being creative I feel I'm in a bad place, and I worry about when my next project will be... so now I don't have to worry about it. Well, I never do have to worry about it, really... since I always recover.

Speaking of recovery. I need to get rid of this oncoming cold. Spend many hours in bed being sleepy and sniffly. But hopefully when I return to work Thursday I'll be feeling better. That way, I can request for my vacation with smiles.

current mood: sniffly
current music: Cemetary Party - Air.

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Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
11:51 pm - A question...
... does one give up the type of books and movies they like just to achieve peace of mind? Do they read/view non-disturbing things that really doesn't get a rise out of them? Or do they continue reading the things they like and watching the movies they like only to have nightmares? And slight anxitey attacks. Maybe when one gets older they are just more sensitive to these sort of things? Or maybe when one believes in energies and spirits when they used to not, it's worse? Hum hum hum.

This is asked um... for a friend.

current mood: all right, I guess
current music: Claire - Rheostatics

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Sunday, February 15th, 2004
1:12 am - In dreams...
I've seen the afterlife... and their libraries are much, much better.

It's true.

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12:59 am - an apology
I apologize for the last entry, that really wasn't meant to happen.

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12:38 am - ocd-ness
Huhhh.... I searched my archives for a Valentine's day entry, and I didn't have one. I think at this time last year I was sick with pneumonia. Oh, no, I was just getting over it and starting to move into this house. And I was still sick so I couldn't help move anything and I was both guilty and relieved at the same time. This year, I got the bestest present evar, and more chocolate than I know what to do with. It's really the first time that I've celebrated it. And I tried not to make a big deal out of it, because I never wanted to make a big deal of it, but HE made a big deal of it... and I felt bad that I didn't make a big deal when he did. But, really, I get angry at people who make a big deal about it, especially someone who doesn't have anyone to celebrate with. I mean, I never became that bitter on Valentine's day for the years and years I didn't have someone. *sigh*

I can barely type this because my sister is on my bed, sitting, talking on the phone... and my bed isn't made, so her ass (clothed ass) is on my sheets and I have this obsessive compulsive thing about clean beds and work clothes on my bed. And it's really freaking me out and I'm about to go crazy and tell her to get off my bed and then I'll have to change my sheet. It's that bad, and I feel ashamed about it, but I know she's been around sick people all day and she's sniffling and wiping her snot all over her hand and all over my phone, I'm sure. Yeah, so I have to go find a new sheet now. Huhhhhhhh.

current music: nothing.

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Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
9:18 pm - birfday to me
I've been at blurty for a year, now. Well, as of last week. Wow. ha... I used to post a lot more back then. Yeah, what a great observation! I was going to end my entry after the third sentence, but why not go on and use run-on sentences about things? I used to love picking out the run-on sentences in school, and now I'm guilty of using them. Plus, the term "run-on sentence" is just too cool.

current music: Pavement

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Thursday, February 5th, 2004
1:06 pm - Too Many Caramels.
I have to realize that if I want to enjoy my time away from work that I actually have to make money and not remain unemployed forever. Ha, unfortunately. So, I'm on the lookout of a new job, one of which I applied to yesterday and looks promising. I'm trying not to get too excited about it, so my feelings aren't too hurt if I don't get it, but I really have a chance, and the fact that my sister works for the same company gives me an even better shot at it. Oh, yeah, and they're really short staffed. So... it's retail again. I'm faced with the fact I may never work at an office again. But I still have my goodwill job --- even if I haven't been there at all this week so far --- and the promise of a new job is the only thing keeping me in tact.

Oh, and the fact that I know someone out there cares about me is a good thing, too. I spent last weekend with him. In New York. In my bed. At restaraunts that we wanted to eat outdoors (well, kinda outdoors) even though it was freezing, just so we could hear each other and look at each other better. On the train. Holding hands... which is a foreign thing to me, but a good thing. And... I will be visiting him sometime in March, in Toronto, hopefully inbetween my jobs. ;) But, yeah, I can go on more about that, but it's just in my head now, and can't get out into word form. Just yet.

current mood: anxious
current music: Thank You - Led Zeppelin

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Thursday, January 29th, 2004
10:12 am - Oh so Still
I thought I'd update this morning, since I've been lacking. I have a few minutes before I have to get ready for work. Only two more days until the weekend... I have to keep telling myself that or I won't get through this week. That's what happens when you have a day off in the middle of the week and you feel like you never have to return to work. Again. I like my unemployed, broke self better. At least I'm more creative with my time.

current mood: aggravated
current music: quiet

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Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
2:15 am - resolve.
Oh, I don't know why I'm thinking it. I don't mean to sound like this, because I see men and women as equals, but... it's hard being a woman in this type of situation. These are the things we have to worry about. It's fucked up. But, you should know it's out there. And that it's on women's minds. And that we have to protect ourselves. And sometimes it's hard.

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1:24 am - And again...
He really shouldn't have asked that.

current mood: nauseated

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1:21 am - Someone quote this girl.
But... I usually write (not lyrics, but other things) because it's something that I would want to read or hear or see or whatever... even if it's something that's been done over a million times. Because it all has. And I know that what I write is crap and self indulgent, but I have to do it anyway, just to be creative... just to live. It's when I put that pressure on myself to be the best that my worst censor comes out. I know it's hard to release that standard. But things are so much better when you do.

current mood: still scared
current music: Metric

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1:18 am - Oh God...
... don't get quiet like that. Don't get quiet.

current mood: frightened
current music: Jose Gonzales

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