Jason's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Jason [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

(die for love) Hard Candy [24 Aug 2004|05:18pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | Coheed and Cambria ] A thousand miles from one dream, one dream from a million miles away.. Dead air is tainted with the fallen, broken hearts with gaping holes for yards. Time stops for a breath to take one step, move forward life itself becomming deaf. You look so pretty when you cut yourself, he said as her footsteps fade.. Track marks becoming your scars, dont look back, this time is ours. Cracked eye's with lack of sleep, tend to worry more than the weak. Mark your corner with your tears, cutting deeper with formless fears. Trace the blood from one arm to the next, just another lifeless fix. Cleared your closet of the non existant ghost, your the disease and im your host. Sanity fades a path of useless flesh, sighs weave as you get this off your chest. Empty bottles along your bed, lay down and attempt to rest your head. Lights fade as you read this aloud, dropped the tools you used so well in doud

(die for love) Game of Cards [07 Aug 2004|11:56pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | Mix of Mindless Self Indulgence ] Laid my cards, placed my blame, forced it deeper inside. Finally she cried, with tears, anguish, and feeling. Why does it cut deeper than it should? It runs but I cant feel it. Smile, its the one that makes you happy he said, but I didnt understand. Cry, its the one that makes you bleed he said, but I didnt understand. Fall, its the one that makes you die he said, but I didnt understand. Pushing my life into a corner, its dark here, I like it. FInally she laughed, with tears, discrepancy, and love. Why does it cut less than it should? It runs and I feel it. Smile, its the one that makes you happy he said, and I understand. Cry, its the one that makes you bleed he said, and I understand. Fall, its the one that makes you die he said, and I understand. Life seems so bound with trust, doing all the things you must. Fighting for the blood and lust, crying shame, such a fuss. Love it he finally said, when she cut for the last time. Over again, it started to ryhme, the wounds got deeper, posture slides, Life itself overrides, time consumed by fear and disgust, Forcing for the things you lust, lie you down in a bed of roses, cut...favored...returned.

(die for love) "Lie for Me" [11 May 2004|11:27pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Norma Jean: Face|Face ] "This empty pillows got me thinkin, your back outdoors, your fucking drinking you cry alone....while I die alone..." "Dried lipstick on the cup of insanity, dont you tell me that your back again, holding me close, and wishing I could forgive" "Your apologies just cant fucking cut it, im dieing alone, your raped of motherhood, will we be back to the same thing, counting our stars?" "Feelings of a dosage I cant imagine, high on fumes of this toxic dream" "Overwheliming selfish state, you dream of a heart, and then its fate, you drive your theory as I watch the footsteps...fade" "Taste the salty tears of function, I feel alone, I watch your selection, as you choose from me to....him" "Fly away, your moral is dropping, you sigh for me....Didnt you claim you would die for me?" "You were all I had"

(die for love) "Midnights and Broken Hearts" [10 Nov 2003|09:36pm] Someone hold me, someone keep me, someone look at me long enough to see me. Im hurting, not feeling, im breathing, yet dieing, clustered into a ball of non-gratitude. Break my life, fuck my feelings, they have no pressure to be allright. Something come true, something break me even more, I need it to be stronger. Break a smile, for this dead air is faint and tainted with the fallen. Lonely nights, lonely hearts, lonely souls, am I drowning inside? Im breathing underwater, my lungs are full, I have a impatient breath waiting to burst. Lay down my shadows, lay down my flustered crys, bed my sarrows to a fortune of pain. Everytime I think or dream, im cutting myself deeper with pain and torture. I reach out for a hand to hold, no one is there, im cut from society, cut from the inside. They look, shake heads, and send me deeper, for I am a failure of that thing called life. How dare something or someone make me happy, it breaks the rules put on my birth. Reborn, retitled, refavored, relocated, reviolated by those one's that seem careing to take me in. I lay in time, paused, unmentioned, untalented in the art of existance and succeding. Bitter lives, bitter hearts, bitter feelings, bitter teachings, wrecked..torn...and saluted. I'm fighting a war of my own, a war of feelings, and happiness...neither is winning. Take a drink from this fountain of sanity, maybe it will make you better than you allready are. I offer you a cup, but know that the greedy bitterness of these existances will fight, plead, and arm, for a taste. Taste of what you can be inside, taste of foreign humanity, forgeign hearts. I tainted this cup, I tainted those hearts, but only with the respect of another. A virus seeps through the walls of my life, one that is uncureable, one that places a test. Test of vigor, immunity, and amiable suggestions. Love this, touch this, hold this. It will stay with patients and love. It will go from you with unsane torture, taken like my virganity. Taken like his life. I need this, I want this, I force this to make me stronger. Tide me over, turn it tighter, watch the bitterness fall. Sun will rise, night will fall, tables will turn. And then maybe, not me, but someone else will burn.

(die for love) "Midnights and Broken Hearts" [10 Nov 2003|09:36pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Mixture of Bright Eye's ] Someone hold me, someone keep me, someone look at me long enough to see me. Im hurting, not feeling, im breathing, yet dieing, clustered into a ball of non-gratitude. Break my life, fuck my feelings, they have no pressure to be allright. Something come true, something break me even more, I need it to be stronger. Break a smile, for this dead air is faint and tainted with the fallen. Lonely nights, lonely hearts, lonely souls, am I drowning inside? Im breathing underwater, my lungs are full, I have a impatient breath waiting to burst. Lay down my shadows, lay down my flustered crys, bed my sarrows to a fortune of pain. Everytime I think or dream, im cutting myself deeper with pain and torture. I reach out for a hand to hold, no one is there, im cut from society, cut from the inside. They look, shake heads, and send me deeper, for I am a failure of that thing called life. How dare something or someone make me happy, it breaks the rules put on my birth. Reborn, retitled, refavored, relocated, reviolated by those one's that seem careing to take me in. I lay in time, paused, unmentioned, untalented in the art of existance and succeding. Bitter lives, bitter hearts, bitter feelings, bitter teachings, wrecked..torn...and saluted. I'm fighting a war of my own, a war of feelings, and happiness...neither is winning. Take a drink from this fountain of sanity, maybe it will make you better than you allready are. I offer you a cup, but know that the greedy bitterness of these existances will fight, plead, and arm, for a taste. Taste of what you can be inside, taste of foreign humanity, forgeign hearts. I tainted this cup, I tainted those hearts, but only with the respect of another. A virus seeps through the walls of my life, one that is uncureable, one that places a test. Test of vigor, immunity, and amiable suggestions. Love this, touch this, hold this. It will stay with patients and love. It will go from you with unsane torture, taken like my virganity. Taken like his life. I need this, I want this, I force this to make me stronger. Tide me over, turn it tighter, watch the bitterness fall. Sun will rise, night will fall, tables will turn. And then maybe, not me, but someone else will burn.

(die for love) "Graceful Sun" [28 Oct 2003|03:48am] [ mood | numb ] [ music | Dashboard Confessionals: Briliant Dance ] Knowing you, holding you, sliding away from you. Keeping you, stopping you, forcing you. Back away, stay away, come back, love. Back my feelings, back my heart, back to my hole. Sign these papers of injustice, force myself to retreat my heart. Put my love in a box, and cast it out to the files in my cabnet mind. Drink another, sleep another, run another lonely night. Blankets of sarrow cover my bed, tears of love case my pillows. Give me injustice, give me pain, give me something to swallow. Drop my feelings into this jar, seal it, open it when its ready. Just me, just my heart, just whats left, peice it. My picture half painted, all black, all forged. Your love came to me like a flank on both sides. Causeing me to surrender what I had, for your control. Now tears drip, dew forms, dew falls, morning falls again. Sleep away pain, crack what I have of a shell, its broken. Force me, stop me, back me. Keep me, hold me, dont slide from me. Break that mirror image of what we are. Split this in two, someday, you will find me....finding you.

(die for love) Jurisdictions [27 Oct 2003|04:22am] [ mood | irritated ] [ music | Starting Line: Goodnights Sleep ] As I walk, at a pace you call a delema, I walk farther and farther. One glance behind me was chaos, everything was crumbling. A forshadowed pictorial of my own heart, my own life. Watching people move, and force themselves deeper. Making their own lives, being what some call, peaceful. A goodnights slumber would be something well drempt. I sleep with cracked eyes, wondering what painstaking moves life will pull on me in due time. Put your burdons on me, I have allot allready. So shall I carry more? Shall I greave myself with more pain from others? Or shall I keep these immaginable motivations that somehow stall me? I hear the sarcasim in the world around me, I hear the torture of other hearts. Crys of others that feel my pain, is allmost a form of torture in its own. Mend, break, crumble, flake, hearts do these things, till someone finds that cure for your impression on your heart, you are branded for life, with each heartbreak, death, and loss. Cry...just dont cry for me, cry for yourself. For oneday your peacful life will crumble as mine does. Make wild theories, make false hearts, break true love. Its the job we are put here to do. No one is perfect, we crusified the only one that was. Be aimiable to the ones that hear this sigh of a calased cry, for they know the hurt. What a vicious cicle we are in, what a bloodcurtling lust we fling. Hold me, love me, cry me, lie me into this bed of roses, and call me a false lover, these feelings will only discover passion in its true manner. Let it come to you, not you to it. Fly with no remorse, the fork is in the road, and its your choice to follow. Shall I go twords the moon, or shall I go twords the sun. My heart will take me to the sun for now, but someday, I just might, walk that road... twords a moon that will never fall as deeply as you did. I will walk this pace, but I know I will not glance behind me, for chaos is in my mind, and not my heart, where everything...is crumbling.

(die for love) Sarrows and Contemplations. [20 Oct 2003|05:23am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Dashboard Confessionals: Jamie ] Contemplations, deligations, formulas to form two together.. Trust, built on one form of happiness, and shoved into my pocket to keep for a rainy day. You, special in one way, and kinda packed into your own world in another. Could I only crack that shell and come inside that world and show you things outside of it. I could use some crazy cheesy line formed by some illiterate fool, "I will bring you the stars, I promise" But where will that get me? Another bed? No that isnt what I want, if I promise to give the stars thats not a bed, nor entertwined sheets. If I promise to give you the stars, then I will take you to them, not just force them upon you. You have this crazy beautiful way of showing how you care, showing how you feel inside. Dig deeper into that briliant mind and intangable heart, and see your true belonging. Shall I use dumpy words like, "I've waited all my life for you"?. Nope, that will show nothing, how do we know this? Time will show its true discrepincies, and time will show its discreet way of pushing two together. Dont let them be alone for long, for love shall find someone else to taint, and someone else bring stars to. I can see through your eyes, its a form of ocean, that moves in one impatient manner, forcing waves upon the shore, never to return...never to sweep the sand back into that graceful blue blanket. Could throw a intense word into your mind like, "Forever", but only time will show if that is true.... Not words... Do these things, be patient, watchful, and whistful... My angel did return, she is before me.....watch her study the clouds....for they are around you... Blanketing your inner fire, and your crazy beautiful mind.. With this I bring to you, words of happiness, trust, and no forms of sarrow... With this...I show you my heart, and whipe my tears... And with this....I thank you...

(die for love) Records of Discreet Bridges. [20 Oct 2003|12:52am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Finch: Without You Here ] There are allways things that are needed, there are allways reasons to be remembered. There is allways a reason to do what you feel. Are you placed here for something? Are you shoved around for a reason? Are you allways tortured through moments decridations to make you feel pain? You are givin a god to pray to everynight for a reason, reasons to keep you sane, and alive. Is he here to help you? Or is he just a false magnet used to make you propel your heart to something That isnt even real? Hands come and touch you so delecatly, then they are pulled away cause they feel the akwardness of you, the unrip thorns of your touch. You were once graceful, tasteful, but unsatisfying to that self proclaimed fortune you called life. Steel bars close us in, forcing us to feel unimagined love and pain, gratitude is givin to us for what reason. You are nothing but a tiny spec in what people call earth, you arnt famous, you arnt on the news.. But you want to be...you want to be what everyone else is...false god...false heart. Your mind forms this pornographic image of learning, and judgement. Take it off, wash it, then wear it the next day, for it is clean, and shown as a new fragment of life. Love, share, and waste....Taste, like, then toss it like it never mattered to you... Hope for that longer goodbye...for someday you will receive it...with gratitude...and hate... Those are allways needed, those are allways a reason that is used to be remembered.

(die for love) Natures Discrepincies [19 Oct 2003|03:52am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Dashboard Confessionals: Living In Your Letters ] Walk a billion miles to find my state of belonging, shake hands with the seasons, and nod my head at each incomming element. The earth pulls me in, showing me my center of gravity, pushing me to move on twards the new and not the old, I may feel like a open wound now, but eventually ill be free of scars and scabs, and ill have a fresh coat. Someone once told me, let the bad events flow by like a passing river, never to see it again. Dare I do this? Or dare I watch for I might get caught in a undercurrent? I do what that wise person told me for now, and if im in a current, maybe I will be pulled out, and forced back on earth to feel gravity pull me down again, and watch me walk this billion miles, and shake hands with the seasons, and nod my head at the incomming elements.

(die for love) Disassembled Cares [16 Oct 2003|02:38pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Dashboard Confessionals: Swiss Army Romance ] Walk in the discreet corners of the earth, watching the planet move in its stellar manner, living a life im growing to love not hate, got these crazy ambitions that are motivating me to be something you are not, not being what everyone wants me to be is what makes me happy, weither its the tattoo's or the peircings, my conscience will allways defeat my beleifs now, and what I feel is right, might not be what my concience wants, now and again following your heart might be good for a while, but that whisper in your mind that tells you right from wrong is the only good messiah. My concience has told me to move on, to kill those old random thoughts of you, those beautiful memories. File them away at the back of my mind for a rainy day. I will never go through this again, screen names, phone calls from distant minds, lieing, giving you false pain killers. Swallow this all down, it will heal you in all due time, tonight I may hurt, but tomarrow and the next day will be full healing and full aurora of trying to be happy. I did walk, and watch the leaves turn, something I wish you could have seen. But doing this alone is making me grow to be better than what you could have ever imagined. I might not be any sort of Pope or Mother Teresa but I try to be good to people, not hateful and disorderly. I will better, I will heal, I will walk the corners of the earth until I find that person that does take off this eclipse.

(die for love) Truth is in a Dull Beer.... [14 Oct 2003|02:54am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Dashboard Confessionals: Turpentine Chaser ] "The Truth is in a dull beer"....What a briliant quote....You know, I have tried and tried to understand myself...what I did wrong, why I be who I am...but then I realize....im not sure. This really sucks. Did I deserve this? Did god have something shit like this happen to fucking torture me? Do I deserve this? Did someone put me here to feel so much unhappiness? This really sucks. My heart is laid before me in peices....as I work this 1000+ peiced puzzle, using glue to bring these peices together. Not love. Jesus fucking christ...she told me im insane...im emotionally unstable? What the hell? God strike me where I stand if im insane....*Looks around* Im still alive... Heh, well, ill bury myself in this mini keg....and drink till my sarrows seem nothing but a blur.... I still do smell her, I still do find traces of her....everywhere....weither it was the coke we shared the night before or the sheets we laid in shareing what love we composed to others as a well written fairytale.. Maybe go for a walk? Watch the leaves fall? Watch them turn....as I do? FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do I dare try this again? Pouring my heart to someone........just to let them tear it.....T_T Some might say....I may now have a drinking problem...but I find this a solution more than a problem lately. Dare I be scared to show my thoughts...not hardly.. Shows his mirror of broken sarrow....someone please come fix this....please.... I am gaining nothing from this but another lay in bed and sulk day.... I draw...I write....I create more songs....yet my guitar rejects my feelings like others... God...im so sorry....why me?....T_T Im so fucking sorry....please peel me from under this rock... Take me from this and place me in some form of happieness... All I wanted was a dream come true....thought I had one but you woke me up....FUCKING PINCHED ME!... WHY!!!! Enough is enough....Goodnight... ~Jason~

(die for love) Pictures Last a Lifetime [13 Oct 2003|03:07am] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | Nine Inch Nails: Head Like a Hole ] Smile, for this moment is not staying, take a picture, it might only last a while... till its made of disfigured creases. Mild understandings of what used to be, chilling possibilities of why good things go away. Caress these feelings for they will pass at some point never to stay in your mind. Close your eyes, take a breath, and know that you are constently moving through one impatient solution. My life will never consist of this thing called happieness, for someone keeps taking it from me. I feel it, then its gone, never to return, never to feel a moment like I did. You made me happy for that time, if only I could freeze it, take all the proportions of you, and hold them in my heart forever, but you only stayed for a moment....so this picture couldnt last. And now its full of disfigured creases, and now I realize....All good things go away.

(die for love) Random Thoughts of Miscommunication [12 Oct 2003|06:20pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | Lost Prophets: Fake Sound of Progress ] Doin a bit better today, still has me a little down but I know that this crazy experiance will make me so much stronger of a person inside and outside. Missy, if you ever read this I want you to know I hope the best for you, and I hope you do find that person that makes you happy. Sorry if I did anything wrong, sorry for that lame "Princess" comment I made... Maybe what happened will make us both better, maybe one day you will cross the finish line and stop your running. People say "It wasnt ment to be", and im starting to learn those are some of the most brilliant words ever created by man, and they really do suit some situations. Missy, I know somewhere inside of you, you have a great heart that will belong to someone good :) And like I said im sorry. Going to be the better person here I think, not totally sure. I just know that eventually I will be ok, and this will all pass and make me more of a great person. I end with this quote: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when at first we practice to deceive."

(die for love) Passing Angels [12 Oct 2003|04:08pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Bush: Alien ] My conscience is bleeding, forward rushing abnormalities of formless sheets, that you are not in. My heart empty, and placed with this small hole that is growing larger by each passing minuite. My life passing me by as I lay in a discreat manner, wondering where you went, wondering how you are feeling. My eyes are raining, clouds covering my distant mind, flushing all these feelings down my chin. My body is limp, pale, and now full of flaws, and unproportioned wreckenings of your touch. My clothes have this faint stench of your smell, whispering the possibilities of your return. But that is only a dream, that I will be awakened from with such force, and realize, I am alone... I am empty, my feelings now flying above my head in a discontiued manner, discording the sound of your voice. My whistful angel shall never return, her halo laid before me, and her wings torn and tattered, will she fly again? maybe someday, maybe back into myself.

(die for love) Self Indulgance [11 Oct 2003|02:48am] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | Dashboard Confessionals: Screaming Infidelities ] Rendered, mindless, overindulged in this overwhelming state of selfishness. You call me on your phone to tell me these things....false morals, false blame. Only to crush me in the end, you shall see the wonderous things that come from this someday. You may look back and thank me, you may look back and wonder why. But know that something so drudging is blowing past your mind everyday. You told me forever, but whats that mean? Obviously a scarey tactic to you, used to make you run. Judgement passed, gavel slammed, sentance met, now I am condemed to a fake heartbreak. Another life met, another one wrecked, powerful, and satisfying to your heart. Your eyes bleed, and I know you cry. I die inside, slowly, painfully, and marking the days on the calender when you might return. But my eyes see a empty future, and a calender marked for fake reasons. Remember what you do, remember what you say, and realize it hurts more than you in the end.

(2 died | die for love) Your Birthday. [10 Oct 2003|09:31pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Stabbing Westward : Waking up Beside You.. ] Today is special, today is your birthday, the day you were brought into this world....what was thought to be ment for me. I waited all night for your return, looking at every casted shadow that moved in my dark lonely room, only to hope it was you comming to hold me and take all my pain away. Today is special, because I will try to motivate myself to move from my corner. Try to bring myself into some form of light. Feelings of how I wish I could help you celebrate run into my head, But then they never seem to cross the finish line. I pull myself into that light hoping to forget, but I know I cant, because I know you are crying for me somewhere, in this place they call a world, cruel in one way...kind in others. Today is special because.....its your birthday, figuring, wondering, hoping, careing, wishing upon a neverending shooting star. Efervesant colors bring me to some form of happieness, but its not staying for long. Why? you ask me. Because its your birthday...and while you celebrate this. I die inside.....hoping for that cure...that shall never exist. ~Your Birthday~ Today is "Her" Birthday, by that I mean Missy (BLue) She left me....no note, nothing, just a empty bed and a empty heart..

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