the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree

> recent excuses
> time
> we aren't the same
> uncover me
> 25 already fallen

Sunday, August 14th, 2005
6:30 am
Video code provided by HotCodez.com

taste it 

Monday, July 25th, 2005
2:24 am

taste it 

Sunday, July 24th, 2005
5:41 am

2 rotten apples| taste it 

Saturday, February 19th, 2005
10:32 pm - find me here

taste it 

Thursday, July 31st, 2003
4:04 pm
so i can't find the energy to keep up with this journal much anymore... it begins to seem kind of irrelevant really. but we have finally found a really great place in bloomington and will be moving in less than a month. i can't wait to get out of here although i will miss my job. things have really taken a turn for the better personally here of late. alot of chaos going on around me but somehow i find the calm.

1 rotten apple| taste it 

Wednesday, July 9th, 2003
3:35 pm - happy birthday me
i am a little older today... and i actually feel it too. it's weird. i haven't had time to update this like i would like to lately... soon though. i am going home in a bit after a week and i half of being in michigan city. more when i get home.

Current : tv in the background

taste it 

Thursday, June 5th, 2003
12:47 pm - just because you feel it doesn't mean it's real
a hazy mix of emotions today... seems to be the routine. broken branches of a tree that falls a little more each day. soon my escape... but i'm not good at abandonment, although i shouldv'e learned by now. i've had excellent teachers.

taste it 

Monday, June 2nd, 2003
3:36 pm - it's been awhile...
i haven't been able to get to a computer in a little while and things have been slightly hectic here lately. i went to bloomington to see that house that we were trying to get. everything sounded perfect, but sadly it got leased the day before we went to see it. so we spent two days driving around bloomington searching for rent signs... it wasn't as successful as we had hoped, but i'm confident something will come up. i can't believe how fast time is going by. it's already june....

besides all that, not much has really been going on lately. just working quite a bit and trying to get my life figured out. things at home have been running pretty smoothly... my dad and my sister are leaving for minnesota in about a week. it will be nice to have the house to myself for a little while. looking forward to go to michigan city in july, although i have no intention of getting ahold of anyone besides teric and brandon who just recently graduated from iu. i am done with the bullshit.

i haven't been keeping up on my yoga as much as i should, going to bloomington kind of threw of my routine... i'm going to get back on it though. i feel to tired if i don't.

that's about all for now, there are alot more things i want to get into, but time is limited at the moment.

Current : content
Current : cold-stupid girl

taste it 

Monday, May 19th, 2003
2:24 pm
surprisingly i can say truthfully that i have been in a good mood for about a week now. things are slightly hectic in certain areas, but nothing i feel that i can't handle. my dad and i talked about moving to bloomington on a normal human level last night as opposed to screaming and yelling which is normally how it's talked about. i guess he's supportive. he doesn't really have any other options. we may have found a place too. a house close to where erin and kate work and right next to brians house. how weird would that be? hopefully a good time though. and since chances are that my transportation will be limited when i get down there, i would be thankful for a place close to potential jobs. john is already down there, erin saw him. i hope he's doing well. crystal was supposed to move in with us, but i don't think that's going to happen. i don't know what happened. sometimes people come and go with no apparent reason... perhaps this is one of those times. no regrets though.

i can't wait for joe to get back. in the last letter i got it sounded like he was doing really well, i sent him another one today. i couldn't imagine being over there... some are stronger than i. he's supposedly going to come to bloomington when he gets out of the army to finish school, so that would be great. i hope he doesn't go back to laporte... it's nothing but a black hole up there.

i've been doing my yoga everyday... some of the poses i think i'm halluncinating when i see them actually done... but i'm enjoying doing it. i'm trying to be healthier and that's a good platform. still haven't smoked any cigarettes... it's been almost five months.... it's hard to explain, but it's almost like it hasn't been that hard to quit... once i really made up my mind. change.... becoming a better person. i was content with the lifestyle i was living so here goes.

i got my pictures back from the zwan concert over the weekend. they didn't turn out as well as i had wanted them too, but what can i expect from a disposable camera at a concert that i wasn't suppose to have it at to begin with. the pics are just a little darker than i hoped. i can't wait to see them again. that concert was great, the last one of the us leg of the tour. i admit though that i enjoyed the cleveland show better.... smaller venue and we managed to get closer. but with the chicago show being the last one, it was better performance wise i think.... i don't know....

but i have to go before it rains... i'm not fond of riding my bike in the rain. and i have to work soon...

Current : sore
Current : placebo

2 rotten apples| taste it 

Thursday, May 15th, 2003
1:21 pm - i made it back.... in one piece
well, the bloomington trip was exciting. third time was the charm on transportataion, but i made it for the party and got to see everyone. the ride back was slightly hectic, we ended up turning around and going back to bloomington and leaving reall early this morning. was going to go see the matrix tonight, but i'm having a bad karma week, so it's not happening. have to run to be at work in a half and hour (still have to go home and get my bike)

Current : amused
Current : john mayer

1 rotten apple| taste it 

Monday, May 12th, 2003
6:13 pm
i don't really know what's going on... some kind of high school art show or something... i'm just trying to bid on my smashing pumpkin cds and do own thing. whatever... it just makes it hard to concentrate with a bunch of clapping and singing...

i am going to bloomington tomorrow. it looked a bit hazy there for a while. thus proving my theory that you can only ever depend on yourself... well mostly. but this comes as no surprise... i knew before you did that you would let me down...

dad actually apologized to me for being such a dick today. apparently it's not a good idea to call the phone company when the phone isn't working... who knew? i tend to forget what an apology sounds like though... i didn't know it was in his vocabulary... another moment smoothed over until next times. only til august.... only til august...

i keep having stranger and stranger dreams... faces from the past that i only want to forget. wish i could forget.

Current : sick
Current : some girl singing bryan adams at the library (?)

1 rotten apple| taste it 

Friday, May 9th, 2003
3:33 pm
why is it that on the first day of the year that the weather decides to be almost 90 degrees, i have a massive headcold? i feel horrible and i have to work in an hour and a half. luckily since the weather is so nice, no one will come into the store.

had another blowout at home last night... but shock, what's new. i confirmed to him again that i was moving in the fall and added how much i couldn't wait. it's just too much to deal with right now and i don't feel as though i have to... but such is life.

i'm becoming more antisocial as the days go by it seems. people i used to hold near and dear are fading fast and i am just watching it all happen. i'm not sure what has inspired this distant feeling, but i'm also not sure that i want it any different. we change. you expect me to react to situations the same way i wouldv'e three years ago? just because you feel as though your life hasn't changed, doesn't mean that the people around you haven't. it's too much hassle to care anymore. there isn't an ounce of trust, so what is the point? make me believe you and i may think differently... until then, nothing.

to the one who caught me off guard... i can't shake the hesitant feelings.... is this your fault or mine?

and strangely as i sit here, the chances that anyone i make reference to are slim to none... funny how that works.

Current : sick
Current : alien ant farm is stuck in my head

1 rotten apple| taste it 

Thursday, May 8th, 2003
5:21 pm
the zwan concert the other night was amazing.... i snuck my camera in so hopefully i'll get some good shots back... i was a little limited after crystal got hers taken away. oh well.... don't have much time today, the stalker guy is at the library so i have to go.

taste it 

Tuesday, May 6th, 2003
2:16 pm
i am leaving in less than an hour to go see ZWAN again!!!! i'm really excited, this will make the third time that i have seen them in total now. and this one happens to be in the city by the lake, so i'm hoping it will top the cleveland show (which was amazing)
other than that, things are pretty normal in my bubble... if normal realy means anything. i've been working alot and trying to figure out what i'm doing with my life. i've heard more from joe from baghdad and he's doing well, so i'm not as concerned as i was. looking forward to go to bloomington and finally releasing so much of the pent up frustrations that i have.

Current : excited
Current : the sound of mario bros 1 from the other room

taste it 

3:40 am - thanks for the test meg!
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

taste it 

Wednesday, April 30th, 2003
4:52 pm - curious...
in a very long and twisted dream i had the other night, one part in particular stands out completely...
i was sitting outside somewhere, the surroundings weren't the important part and all sort of hazy. i was complaining of a weird bump on the palm of my hand (right around the base of my ring finger on my left hand) my uncle was there and he happened to have a pocket knife, without even asking he just cut my skin right where the bump was. it didn't bleed or hurt or anything, but a ladybug crawled out of my hand and then flew away. that's the part that sticks out.

an even stranger addition, is the fact that when i woke up the next morning i actually had the bump on my hand and it wasn't there when i went to sleep..... and it's still there and it's been almost a week.

any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated!!

Current : amused
Current : john mayer

1 rotten apple| taste it 

Thursday, April 24th, 2003
3:52 pm - doesn't that figure...

People were hung in various positions from you, sometimes with weights, stretching and dislocating limbs. Sometimes they were left to starve or succumb to the elements. All in all, you're a pretty forgiving person, provided they don't -really- get you angry.

What torture would you be?

taste it 

Wednesday, April 16th, 2003
5:50 pm
i don't know what to write today. things are strange. another shift flows through... new beginnings. old ones rekindled. the new job is working out well... i really like it. more than i have liked a job in a long time. the warmer weather puts me in a pretty decent mood. i have bought too many smashing pumpkins cds on ebay lately... i have to have an obsession... it doesn't feel right if i don't. currently it happens to be collecting smahing pumpkins cds. i am content with it. going to see zwan again in three weeks. i am excited about that. something to look forward to....

Current : zwan

taste it 

Monday, April 14th, 2003
5:42 pm
there are more bumps in the road than anticipated... hopefully i will be strong enough, but the real issue falls in the category of "what do i want", which is always a tough one for the decision-making-impaired.

taste it 

Saturday, April 12th, 2003
2:05 pm
well, i can finally say that i am again back part of the work force (not that i was putting a hell of alot of effort into it) but i'm content for the moment with where i find myself in that aspect. the weather is finally getting better again and hopefully this time it will stay that way. i talked to teric last night, for anyone interested, surgery on his went well, he has to go through alot of physical therapy before he goes back to work, but he seems in good spirits. also he may be moving to flordia... (hmm... roadtrip anyone?)

taste it 

Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
7:22 pm - the road is dark...
did they ever even exist or were they all just figments i created out of desparation... hope. hope is only another way of admitting that we are lacking. i wait for the answer to reveal it self to me, but only feel the hole growing. there are always one of two choices in any given situation. there may appear to be more, but at the core, there are two. one is, one isn't, but they both are. not deciding is deciding and puts you onto the path of one of the choices. you can never leave the journey you chose. it's always a step ahead of you laying out obstacles and occcasional rewards. it was created for the betterment of all and yet has become something dark and twisted. i recognize the faces of those who have fallen before me and those who held my hand in effort to steady me, only to lose themselves when they let go. the needy are often needed. i have been here before, in this very place. i left a trail of breadcrumbs in case i ever had the desire to return... but i didn't need a path, i went in circles and came upon this very place every few months or so. or maybe once a day, depending on which cycle it is. i miss the days when i was confident of my decisions.

Current : sad
Current : radiohead

taste it 

Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
7:45 pm
i don't know what to write today really... i'm thinking about alot of things, but i don't have a whole lot of time... 13 minutes to be exact before the library closes. i just sometimes wish i didn't wake up every morning with the feeling that i am veiwing life from the outside the box (not in a creative way) more as an observer with no true communication inside.

1 rotten apple| taste it 

Monday, April 7th, 2003
5:21 pm
i am bothered by the fact that there are very few i can say i "know" and fewer still that can say the "know" me and be completely honest about it. we don't talk like we used to, and when we do what is it really about? the mindless nonsense that occupies most of our waking life...none of it that really matters. people change, grow closer and further apart just as guaranteed as this moment will only happen once. we connected once... will we ever again... hate to say it, but chances are doubtful (at least as the outlook is now... but that will change...) and yet i continue to sit here and reflect on those "good old days" none of which were really that good and they weren't that long ago... i'm not that old... although i feel my comprehesion speeding past my years... they will try to teach you the fine art of living in the "now" but the now always just happened... but tomorrow it will change again, i can count on that. my small handful will dwindle again. one day, i fear it coming, i will wake up and be alone. left to my own devices again on my journey through the woods...

Current : hurried
Current : afi (in my head)

taste it 

Friday, April 4th, 2003
4:33 pm - a full circle (the truth is i miss you)
i have realized that my life is running on some sort of demented two year cycle... well, in all aspects, but especially concerning prior "boyfriend" situations... earlier this week, i get an email from this guy... says... i miss you so much... well where have you been the past two years? (almost exactly) last summer, ran into an ex... (thought he was gay) and it had been almost exactly two years.... it's weird, i suppose this is something that you may have to be in my head to understand... my weird connections to things.... but it stills concerns me on some level. it's like a situation doesn't get closure, i can almost guarantee that in two years i will run into them again randomly (not so randomly if this is true) and we will somewhat pick things back up where they left off only to remember why they were "left off". all situations of course other than the ones that i wouldv'e killed to run into them again... those 3 in particular and one in even more particular.... how appropriate the song on my headphones echoes the words "the truth is i miss you so... a warning sign that came back to haunt me" hahaha. perhaps i should quit asking, or maybe ask more (?) i don't know... i'm rambling now for sure.....

Current : amused

taste it 

4:05 pm
the night before last, i had a dream where was trying to rhyme words with "fajita" ... i have no clue...
any suggestions though? it might prove to be important some day....

Current : geeky

2 rotten apples| taste it 


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