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Wednesday, March 16th, 2005
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11:22 pm - Dark valleys
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| Wednesday, March 9th, 2005
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10:22 pm
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Felt like saying HI at Blurty!!
HI!!
I think I might revamp this place soon...maybe i'll have 2 blogs? heh..
for my jekyl and Hyde personality. :)
Luv u ple at blurty!!!
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| Saturday, January 8th, 2005
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10:53 pm - Goodbye blurty...temporarily
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Hi guys..
I'm trying out blogspot..
check out my new journal page. Took codes from blogskins.com...
also added my fave pic below...at the blog..
do check it out.
Tink it is prettier..more expressive?
www.loisloved.blogspot.com
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| Thursday, January 6th, 2005
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9:50 pm - aftermath...
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Hello..
Well, as some of u noe, one of my dearest fren left for Germany today to study. It was painful saying goodbye, cos we are so close. Tat we sms/call almost every day. But I guess it is a good break for both of us. And thru these 8 months, hopefully we seek out our own dreams and grow to be betta pple. Maybe it is also a test of our friendship. Can it sustain a long-distance friendship? Well I hope so..meanwhile I will be strong. And I pray tat he will be well, God be with him thru out the journey.
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| Friday, December 31st, 2004
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10:31 pm - Reflections
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It is New Years Eve and I am sitted in front of the comp at home. Heh. And outside the wind is blowing, howling, and the drizzle continues.
Parents just had a quarrel, over a small matter, but neither is willing to give in.
The News is showing the Tsunami thingy, of crying faces and bodies. I almost wanted to cry...
There seems to be a depressing tinge all around, hardly feels like New Years' Eve.
Or maybe I shdn't be focusing on the depressing hah..but on thanksgiving and watever has been learnt for this year.
So so so so so many things that I have learnt. And to be honest, this year has been the MOST challenging year that I ever had. 2 major events in my life this year: becoming a cgl in april, and becoming programs head for SE forum. Shan't keep harping abt these two things. But I guess it is much about being indepedent, leading..learning to be a good leader.
In this year the ups and downs..perhaps it brought out more of my insecurities, my lack of confidence and my deep sense of intimidation..WHICH..I need to overcome. Previous years been doing too easy stuff haha...or can I liken it to the building of muscles..when at first 5 kg seems intimidating, now the muscles can handle them. Now to move on to the 10 kg, it hurts like mad, and the muscles cry in pain. I await the day that I can freely lift up the 10 kg. Next analogy? Climbing a flight of stairs. While 10 storeys seem high..I am now training for the 30 storey marathon. For now during the moulding, I thank God for the frens and angels He placed in my path.
People who wave the pompoms beside me..help me up..my clutches, my frens...
I thot this year wouldn't be alright without the mention of two brothers who have made a huge impact in my life this year:
Andrew
Thank you to my dear fren. He is really like a clutch for me. I never thot I would be so close to him because he has lotsa frens, is sociable and is always running about. And you know for me, it is difficult for me to open up to people...be really open about my hurts, pains and fears. It is nice to be so close to someone that understands you, perhaps u dun even need to share, cos u already know how each other feels without the sharing.
Roy
A dear CGL that really impacted my life. A strong strong pillar in my spiritual walk with God. Only knew him better in sept? Or perhaps when he drove me to church. During the car rides we share so much. And this man of God is filled with so much of the Holy Spirit and anointing. He shows me truly wat the bible means by our strength is made perfect in our weakness. Cos I know that roy is not a perfect guy, yet with faith and a heart after God..how God can use us!
There are many of u reading this blog who have been a blessing to me too. :) Countless...eunice, leo, xt, my dearest sister, huiyun, jasmine...other cgls...other bizadders..weijye...thanks for ur prayers and always believing in me.
My dearest cell group members..who gave me a heart soft toy yesterday. Heh, was rather amazed and pleasantly surprised. Also by Roy's gift of wand and apple juice. Dun really deserve it..haha, or maybe I do..but it again showed me the manifold grace of God. While imperfect He honoured me. Or indeed yesterday's time encouraged me tremendously to move on.
Other events..hah..memorable when my dad locked me outside the door, cos I was home late fr church. But I had my first breakthru overnite meeting!
Maybe also a loneliness..and an independence..the knowledge of being a leader, taking responsibilities over ur own life, making decisions over ur own life, and even having to point the way out for people. :)
What can I say? The best is yet to come. :)
current mood:  contemplative
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| Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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9:21 pm - Travels...part 3
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10/12/04
Today, we made a visit to town and some sightseeing. Went to the temple. Must mention that the places themselves were boring but it was the people that made the difference. Lunch was yucky. Taking the bus down the rocky mountains was fun. The minivan drove at fast speed up and down...
The temple was really zzz. The guide din really explain understandably. Then the idols were different as in they were not buddha or jade emperor etc. But they were idols of ancesters and people from folk tales. Understand fr the youth there that they dun go to the temples anymore, and these are frequented by their parents.
In the afternoon, we visited a pub with Yan Hua (a civil servant from china facilitating our visit) and 4 other people. Wow...eye opener, for them to have a pub at Micheng. Looks modern, like hardrock cafe's interior. We drank Yunnan red wine, ate fries and popcorn. Super decadent. But it made me realise I miss civilisation so much. It fits like a hand to glove to be in this kinda modern environment. Yan Hua wanted to show us the other side of youth in Michen. Creative..hangloose...having their own dreams...The toilets were civilisation standard, I was quite impressed. There were mirrors too!
Got YH a pair of shoes she liked! I feel happy abt it cos I like to make poeple happy. Gonna share gospel with her I hope.
YH din have life easy. She studied for 2 degrees at one time. I do sense that she is filled with a little youthful angst. (she is only 21). Almost as if she was made to mature earlier than her peers, due to responsibilities. Yet, youth angst is universal. I am born in a privileged position, without needing to work to support myself as I study.
God, grant me opportunity to share with YH. There is a gap in the spiritiual minds/soulish needs of the youths in china. Now is the time!
Leadership:
Never thot I was outstanding. I am the girl left behind in class. The girl in 4/10, the nice frenly and quiet gal. I thot I only shine when pple dun. Today it was strange that I let go. Could make funny remarks in a big group to make pple laugh. I do the xiao er sign with Cindy with less self consciousness.
Can leadership be learnt. Dunno. But I've changed. No longer the intimidated girl. PErhaps that God, you are trying to show me that my efforts have availed. Surely day by day I changed. Your grace is sufficient for me. I sang, danced, jumped cos I wanted to.
2Cor 12:9
12/12/04
We had cultural day and travel game today.
A girl made my day. She said in chinese: Sister, I like being with you, because you are very pretty and happy (Kai lang) and with a good heart. Wow! She gave me a frenship bracelet. The other girl with her made 2 lilies for me. Then received some purple and white flowers made from straw too. :)
Sang to the girls a solo of Jia. Then later sang it with willie. Tats q sweet I find. Willie is a talented and good person. Anyway we had fun teaching them to sing. Haha. They sang SHE's song to us. SO funny.
Had a wonderful time singing and performing for the students. Sang guan huai fang shi, jia (home) and feliz navidad. It was great. I realise I enjoy singing. :) My PA experience finally came to use, as I helped with the mikes and music. Heh..minimally but q happy bah...
Today was the opening of the youth centre. Teens streamed in..many eating. Hah...finally a place were teens have a place of their own. We cooked singaporean food for them. There was satay, curry, agar agar, chin teng, vegetables, bak kut teh...food was devoured in a short time.
A student queued for a long time for satay. WHen she reached her turn, she turned to me and said, sister, I give you my satay, cos you have not had food yet. Wow! I cannot imagine singaporeans doin that.
I gave out 2 chinese tracts. God, I pray tat you touch their hearts when they read it tonite. Touch their hearts I pray. Grant me more opportunity to reach out.
13/12/04
Meteor showers. SHooting stars. Saw several, i think 13 of them. The stars remind me of the Abrahamic covenant. Ps8:3 who made the stars but God!!
I made some wishes. But made one silly wish. Haha..just made it for fun.
I will miss Mizhi. Dearly. VEry much. Time stood still for 13 days. Goind on 14. I am still praying for the little girls.
14/12/04
This is my last nite in Mizhi. Later we will be going Lijiang, Kunming for traveling. Feeling very sad.
It's so surreal here. Am I sad cos I've to get back to the realities of life? The fast paced, stressful life.
I seem to wanna stay here forever to watch the shooting stars, to walk the streets, to shop in the mama shop, to sing in the youth centre, to dance in the bball court, to curl in my sleeping bag, to sing in a group and huddle, to huddle in front of the heater, to use the stinky toilet...
Oink oink.
Pigs running, little dogs that bark but don't bite.
I miss you MIZHI!
Visited a rich kid's house today..with nice TV, sofa set, and is 3 storeys high. Played with some kids in pri sch later. Held hand with them..heh..little cute hands.
Sang "an jing" in the Youth centre later...the lyrics: I choose to let go of you, cos I love u too much.
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8:58 pm - Reflections
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Today is Christmas
Yesterday met xinying and mavis for a short lunch...then went to indoor stadium for service. At nite went to East Coast Park with Leo and his cg members for countdown. Rather unhappening there. The only pple counting down were hawkers who shouted merry christmas at 12am. The neighbouring tables were pple dressed casually in T shirts and shorts...families, frens etc...avoiding the christmas crowd. Yet it was peaceful and cosy sitting at the table. :)
This has been a very challenging year. I took up a cell group in april. I realise that that has pretty much been the focus of my life for the year. I also took on a couple of many other roles...like the program head for the SE Forum...in the midst of doing my thesis, meeting up with people I dunno to interview them...Taking on part time job at Centre for financial research...helping aunty and aunties with their business plan...going to Yunnan for YEP.
Bu zhi bu jue, the whole year went by...
I can still remember the start of 2004, the verse for the year...I am the vine, you are the branch. He who abides in Me will bear much fruit. Have not had any verse for 2005 yet.
Got back my results yesterday. I got 1 A- and 2 B+. Extremely unsatisfactory and far from the 3 As that I aimed for. Sigh, I can say goodbye to my first class honours. :( What exactly did I do wrong to get a B+ for personal finance? What a bad last sem...
What happens when a promise or vision takes very long to come to pass? Sigh...the wait is very long, and almost painful. The challenges faced are painful. Everyday u face an aspect of your character..tat keeps popping up and says hello...the silly flaw is still there. When Paul prayed for God's grace is sufficient for him, and God's strength is made perfect in weakness, surely he also set an example for pple like you and me, tat His grace is sufficient for us.
But then it takes an awful huge amount of trust to keep running the race. What if u feel emotionally exhausted...and u feel like not running anymore? What if the desires tat u had at the start of the year are gone? Which way to go now...up or down, left or right?
Read abt Elijah...when he was tired, God made him rest first...by sleeping and eating. And then God showed him that He was near Him..in a quiet gentle way.
Carry Me
by Hillsong United
Album :
Submitted by : Alexandra Monteiro
Corrected by :
You lead me in to Your courts
Surround me with Your love
I walk with You
I do not fear
In this place
Dreams are made
In this place
Where You are
Carry me here
In Your arms of love
Draw me close to You
I want to be where You are
I want to be where You are
You carry me, You are my strength
I've learnt to trust in You
And once again
I'm reaching out
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| Friday, December 24th, 2004
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12:16 am - Christmas
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Walked down orchard today..So crowded. But I really appreciate the christian groups' performance.
ate at lucky plaza with huiyun. Realli appreciate those quiet moments with her. She shared with me abt her Cambodia trip. She realli learnt a lot from there. And it all the more showed me there are many many needs in the world...if we would open our eyes to them. There are also needs in Singapore (as TYS pointed out), and we all need to open our eyes to them. Then it would be lovely..when we truly share the love we have.
Also enjoyed a long chat with andrew yesterday...we went holland V. And we sat on the second floor of the cafe. Beside the window...Told him all the stories in china..showed him all my photos while he showed me his bangkok...thailand trekking ones. Nice. Then we talked abt the SE forum. Hmm...Got a nice bird mobile from him. It flips its wings up and down.
Hmm....
I end with a last question...wat does it mean to be a christian, and a true worshipper of God? I increasingly believe that we all worship Him in different ways. I believe that He has His plans for us. And in our own way, we serve a great and mighty God. And I pray tat I will serve His purpose...
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| Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
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11:10 am - part 2
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7/12/04
The Harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few.
Walked thru the village...Many young children with rosy checks..running and walking along. So cute!!
We visited the tofu factory and the water spring.
8/12/04
We did reflection today:
1. About the toilets
Lack of privacy...no doors...students stare at u as you do ur business...
(Aside: The toilet consist of a row of about 12 holes. Beneath it is a bottomless pit. No flushing system)
2. Back to the basics...
The toilets got no mirror. We gotto go to the staircase with a huge mirror...think many of us forgot wat we looked like. SOme exclaimed, I haven't seen myself for 5 days!!
3. Communication is important. Diff pple have diff interpretation of events
4. Teamwork is evident and important
5. Most of us have EQ, talent and compassion
6. Taking away the complaining spirit, and being appreciatve of Singapore
I hoped to experience what it was like to be in a rural village...vesus searching on the net. (note to TYS: Heh...prob this will not be fulfilled by volunteering in Singapore, cos there is no rural experience)
The people/country are/is:
-Comfortable with their toilet conditions. aka contented
-Shy (women of 25 years old still huddle together and dun talk to me until prompted)
-Frenly and receptive. Old woman stands at the door...come in come in...when we walk pass.
Woman mending the shower room invites us into her home. Beside the fire.
-Less religion, more values. Pic of great philosophers are up everywhere. But can these philosophies fill up the empty heart?
-There are many protocols and authorities...and hidden agenda among chinese officials
-If the economy booms...the people boom. Currently they are doing self subsistence farming..not much market tp sell their goods
-People are more simple...compared with the educated.
9/12/04
Had a great fun day today laughing with Lixiu and Cindy. Am grateful for them. We seem to have an uncanny sense of chemistry. Share similar type of jokes.
Spent the morning at Youth centre...doing nothing much. Pasted some postcards to decorate the wall. Nice and fun.
Afternoon we had business meeting. Laughing with eddie and cindy again..plus kat and serene.
In the evening, we taugh how to start a business. Mkt analysis...etc...
some of the chinese were frowning, disinterested. Think they entertaining us by siting in...
Viable business in Mizhi: Tourism, agriculture :e.g. pear
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| Monday, December 20th, 2004
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3:16 pm
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2:29 pm - Travel Blog
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I type out wat I wrote over the past few days.
3/12/04
Had a very busy day today and yesterday. COuldn't fall asleep on the wooden planked bed with a thin layer of sleeping bag.
Am impressed by the cohesivesness of our group members. Did rehearsal for our presentation till 11plus pm...
The chinese person in charged, Si Ling looks modern.
Today's verse Ps 103 God is merciful and slow to anger.
4/12/04
Dear God,
First time I am sharing toilet with a group of people, the same cup to rinse mouth, not bathing everyday, sharing a drink from a cup that someone but I dunno who has used before. Today is only the 4th day, I feel a little tired already. Physically cos din sleep well on the train, had to wake up early at 5 plus. Had programs meeting for 2 consecutive nights.
I learn to take things easy, to be more independent, to be less concernted about sharing things..to be more easy going.
Physical conditions aside, the programs comm is really very fun. We crack all sorts of silly jokes. In the midst of the challenges we face, we learn to laugh at each other and to take things easy. Am grateful for that. Our team compliments each other. We have the planners as well as the creative people. :)
Am q imprsssed by everyone's proactiveness, initiative and care for the team's good.
It is hard to pray tho, as we have so little time to rest. there is little time to be alone with God. I pray that God will be near to me each pasing day.
5/12/04
I just recovered from a major sickness. Vomitted about 9 times in total. The feeling was totally horrible, I felt totally weak and whatever I ate or drank, I vomitted it out. Everybody was very concerned about me, and I am so touched. I felt like I was in the hospital being visited by loads of frens. When Andrew prayed for me, he reminded me that when I am weak, I am strong in Christ. This gave me the courage to go on.
Took a nap and slept for almost the whole day. Felt better after sleep and medication.
Went to board games area to play with 3 girls. They were rather shy and reserved. I could'nt tell if they were enjoying themselves or not. One girl wanted to chat rather than to play games. They told me only the top 10, out of 59 could go to high school. The rest were to go back to farm to help their parents. I hope to be able to expand their minds and show then alternatives.
As the girl left, she said I could go to her hse to sit if I were free. That's really nice. kinda showed the enjoyed my company?
6/12/04
Lk10:38-42
Lord, I don't want to be like martha, distracted by much serving, but teach me to have an obedient heart before you. That I may seek to do your will. I don't wanna be troubed about many things, Right now I relase the cg, yunnan, thesis, family into your hands.
This trip is different because I've to learn to be independent. I realise tat I hate to do things/inititate things w/o help. I think I must change that if I wish to go to a mission trip in the future. The food looks greasy to me now. Have not much appetite. Have to learn to dumb dirtt clothes and sleep in dirthy clothes. Think I have been too pampered..tat's why I am sick.
Went to a pri sch and saw many little kids today. Really super cute with rosy cheeks. One girl in particular caught my attention. She wore a short sleved t shirt and looked really cold. Her skin looks really dry. Felt like giving her a hug. The little girl with bangs was there too. So cute. Her smile was sweet. Realise that in the same way, people flock to cute kids, just like people are more popular cos of certain physical attractiveness.
Cindy wants to help out the agriculture pple by helping them with their mushroom biz, which so-called can heal cancer. Have to do a SWOT. Potters 5 forces. etc...
Ha..finally can put in good use, in practical sense...
Thank you to the people who have nursed me back to health. Remembered to be grateful when Lixiu reminded me of how YY threw my vomit bag for me. Heh..must write cards to thank them. Realise I always focus on the negative. On what I do not have, rather than what I have to be grateful for. Thank You Jesus. Had fun time chatting with lixiu, xy and xt tonite...
I am reminded to give and also to receive!!
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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6:57 pm - Farewell adieu...
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Take care my frens, I will only be back on the 18th Dec. I am excited...I believe its gonna be a life changing experience in Yunnan. Pls keep me in prayer. =)
Had my last paper on 28th Dec. My last and final paper in NUS..unless next sem I take extra modules. Next sem will be working on my thesis...
Bye, take care till then.
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| Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
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9:58 pm - Burdened...
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A series of new events happened, and suddenly a burden came upon me again.
Do you know sometimes...U feel burdened, but u have no idea why, until u actually share the issues u have with someone? Then u realise why u have that lump in ur throat, and that..weight that weighs u down.
It was quite strange that Sharmaine called me. Kinda shared with her my burdens. And it helped alot.
Yesterday's bible study was very good. Pastor talked abt Legalism. Funny tats not the focus of the BS, but it spoke to me. He talked abt how some pple attempt to win God's favour thru works, and not thru faith. I finally understand liao, have a revelation...
No matter how many good deeds I do, how many pple I counsel, how many hours I pray...tats not the thing that's gonna please God...
We cannot please God by our works, but surely He has already saved us thru His grace. And we can only receive the grace thru faith. When we believe in His words.
As long as alive, I wanna serve with my whole might and whole strength. But whether God loves me or not...is not determined by how well I do.
God's love is unconditional.
In the end it matters we obey. Through FAITH. Because we believe.
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| Sunday, November 21st, 2004
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6:18 pm - my 3 desires
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Today Pastor told us to write down 3 of our desires...
Here's the 3 visions that God placed in me:
1. Anointed CGL (God, grant me more anointing to lead your people!)
2. CG to multiply in June 2005. 28 people in June
3. To lead and teach business people about God's word (Long term vision)
I was on the verge of giving up..felt tired..super super bad attack. Thank God for today's message that really strengthened me. Like Paul I will say:
1 Cor 12:7-10
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I noe that a lot of discussions has gone into the previous blog about the BGR issue. Lets just say tat getting attached is not my priority. I guess that has become a side line really to me... But I trust in God..tat He will give me the desires of my heart, as I seek Him first. =)
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| Saturday, November 20th, 2004
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10:34 pm - Blurp
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wah so full...dinner at some restaurant..good food, had dim sum, sharksfin, fish, prawns, crabs....
Mummy's bday! =)
Thank God for a good time..and a great meeting with my YEP members. Looks like another busy week with the yunnan planning...and exam on 29th Nov.
Super tired..quite...eyes closing..blink blink blink....zzz snore....oinkz
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| Monday, November 15th, 2004
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4:25 pm - Love triangle
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Hmm..not realli a triangle. But what happens when u like someone but the someone shows no interest. And someone else likes you but you have no interest. Hmm..dun u noe wat it feels like to not be loved back? But yet u cannot force yourself to like someone else u dun like. Just like the someone cannot force himself to like u.
Keke..tongue twister.
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| Sunday, November 14th, 2004
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6:38 pm - Life..and divine planning
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This week we had an evangelistic weekend, with a carnival.
God showed me some really wonderful things. And about His divine planning. There is no use rushing God or wishing Him to fulfil your agenda according to your timing. In good time, He will fulfil it. Amazing...
God is good. :)
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| Wednesday, November 10th, 2004
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12:18 pm
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You are a SRCL--Sober Rational Constructive Leader. This makes you a Ayn Rand ideal.
Taggart? Roark? Galt? You are all of these. You were born to lead. You may not be particularly exciting, but you have a strange charisma--born of intellect and personal drive--that people begin to notice when they have been around you a while. You don't like to compromise, but you recognize when you have to.
You care absolutely nothing what other people think, and this somehow attracts people to you. Treat them well, use them wisely, and ascend to your rightful rank.
Of the 54892 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 5.5 % are this type.
http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp?quiz=Better%2BPersonality&page=7
Hoho..bored me..while, the results q good...well..the doc says I should get lotsa rest. Is doing frivalous personality test counted?
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| Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
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11:13 am - a little sick still...
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I feel a little under the weather.
Still having a cough and flu. Been feeling tired for the past few days. I tink my motor running for too long already. FInally it is complaining. Heh..woke up at 9 plus whenever I can sleep in. Yesterday woke at 745am cos gotto go to sch...
Today woke up with a bad sore throat...
Yesterday studied in sch and ate a lot of snacks. Studied with NUS church frens till 930pm? Heh...and ate so much junk food. SIgh, bad choice.
Reformatted my comp a couple of days ago. Was really angry on last thur. Cos feeling sick, trying to get some respite, and watching some singapore idol. Then dad said comp got virus, shouted at me to go fix it..and then even say have to reformat the comp again. Er...I mean, I just reformatted it on wed, and that took me the whole day. So now u just ask me to do it all over again. Seems like a total neglect of my feelings. So I kinda shouted and was really angry.
Tats q bad..sigh, seems like there are so much demands on me everywhere. Like the moment I decide to sit down to read the bible, a sms comes in..and I have to reply. Bad bad...
I took the time to read Pastor Ulf's book today, "The spiritual leader". It says in this part that I can't help notice resounds with me.....
"When this training, nurturing and development begins, it may feel arduous. The blissful feelings disappear and are replaced with a dulled will and indifference. Restlessness, listlessness and lack of concentration start to attack. God seems far away, and praying and reading the Bible is so difficult. It may even feel as if you are walking throught he valley of the shadow of death...Instead of feeling stronger, you feel weaker. Others seem to be making progress, while you seem to be going backwards. What you cannot see is that this is the Lord starting to do a deeper work in your life. WHen all the blissful feelings are taken away, you are forced to keep to the Lord by faith, to be faithful without emotional crutches."
God...Help me please, thru this period...
I know you never let me go. =) Through it all.
current mood:  tired
current music: Through it all
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| Thursday, November 4th, 2004
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6:53 pm - Poor sick girl
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Hehe..tats me...got a flu and cough bah..feeling a little tired and got headache.
Intend to rest tonite. Yay..and catch Singapore Idol. =) Been studying whole day today..
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