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14th December 2002

9:44pm: i'm too tired to formulate coherent thoughts. pretend i said something clever and obscure that kept you on the very edge of your seat the entire time.

i have an insane amount of reading and catching up to do.

14th November 2002

11:24am: i did mention i'm a huge procrastinator, didn't i?
Current Music: queens of the stone age: no one knows

2nd November 2002

10:46am: everyone looks their best in black and white. i can't place what it is. perhaps the fact it leaves all the minor details to the viewer's imagination, but there's also a certain amount of truth and innocence underlying the glitz and facade of color. there's real beauty minus what's been caked on for added effect. at the same time it's all so mysterious and that in itself is what gives it a particular allure that people are so intrigued by. consider me hooked and reel me on in.

jason_london finally caved. there's so much i could say about this guy that i'm not going to now because i'd never shut up. he's the greatest and i'm in his interests right next to sex. always good to know he has his priorities straight.
Current Music: pvd: today

30th October 2002

8:44pm: i can't speak for anyone else, but tonight i was certainly feeling.. uninhibited.

i was in the middle of watching camp nowhere with christopher lloyd when i remembered that i'm not twelve anymore. and, i've made a mess. i have an arts & crafts idea and i've been making sample projects before going out and spending money on real materials. i've never had artistic talent but now i'm wondering if i just haven't found a workable outlet for myself. i'm developing collage-based journals, manual binding and all. they're inspired by music, my favorite poety and literature, combind with some of my own words. i plan on making a few for some friends and getting their honest feedback. i feel so satisifed when in the midst of production, that i'll probably continue with such projects even if people hate them and there's no foreseeable market. i miss the feeling of a tangible finished project in my hand and this has intensified during the recent months. it's not as rewarding to see your work stored in a database instead of hung up and put on display. sometimes i just need proof that i'm doing something.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: kill hannah: i wanna be a kennedy

27th October 2002

2:11pm: i saw me without you last night and i liked it a lot. the people i saw it with found it somewhat depressing, but i found it to be an accurate amount of the betrayals between the closest of friends, or what people perceive to be the closeness among friends. in actuality, you can really never know exactly how private the other person is. how could you?

i also started reading all families are psychotic by douglas coupland. the story line is great, of course, but the dialogue is a bit snappy and unrealistic. it's like the literary equivalent of conversation among the characters of "dawson's creek." but, i'm drawn to coupland because i'm interested in generational insight and his form of cultural critique. i'm a little perplexed by the fact that one of the quotes of praise on the back cover is from whoopi goldberg. now, i don't hold out for a new york times book review, but whoop goldberg? i thought she was still busy cracking the code on how stella managed to get her grove back.

nothing particularly exciting happened today, but i kept smiling. and wow, i feel good. today at work, ryan sent me an IM that said, "uh oh!" and by the time i read it, he was standing at my office door with water spilled all over his shirt. it can really be funny to talk to someone in IM when they're only a few feet away and they decide to illustrate their message. i really feel good, though. my bonds with old friends who were in the area when i moved back are growing stronger, and the new people that i've met are so interesting. they read intelligent books and they all write. and i love that selma and i are within walking distance of each other's houses. my hard times have helped me to better understand, recognize and appreciate true friendship. i'm no longer even saddened by the wasted efforts of my past; they've only prepared me for right now. and right now, i'm happy.

i think the bad times are officially over if i can walk through the streets of this city, smiling at strangers. i am and will be forever grateful to my husband, who believed i was stronger than the depression from the beginning. my strength was gone and he gave it back to me. his unconditional support blows my mind. i felt for so long that i just had a terrible streak of bad luck, not recognizing that he was the good luck fighting it, picking me back up every time i fell down. i've never felt capable of unconditional love in my life before now.

this weekend's been good. ava had a play date with friends down the street which meant i had the entire afternoon to myself to fraternize with baby syncers and saucy pop divas. ;)
Current Music: tracy chapman: fast car
11:50am: i'm only here to say the bassist of my most favorite band ever has a journal and i might be in platonic love with the man. everyone go welcome alex_james. yes i mean you, and yes i mean now.
Current Music: blur: tender

25th October 2002

10:26am: ryan is evil in its purest form and to make matters worse, i didn't realize this until after i signed the marriage contract. at this rate he'll be sleeping on the couch indefinitely.

recently we bought a house in the south, somewhat close to home but far enough away from the glitz and glam of hollywood. we want ava to have as normal a childhood as two parents in a less than ordinary profession can provide and you can't do that in the limelight. there are so many bedrooms and windows that open and breathe fresh air that i've fallen madly, deeply in love with this place and never want to leave it again. it reminds me of the home i grew up in back in tennessee, and i hope that some day when ava settles down and decides the time is right to begin a family of her own, she has some of the fondest memories of now.

i'll never be so complacent to say "this is it, this is how it's always going to be" because i for one am not so sure how fate works. but i like this and where it seems to be leading me.. even though i've never been one to become mixed up with things like fate and pre-destination. i like to believe i have a fair amount of control in whatever goes on in my life so when something doesn't go according to plan i can place the blame where it's meant to be put.

...on the other hand, i do believe in karma, and am thoroughly convinced i was a magician or scientist in a previous life which accounts for my scientific and philosophical approach to most situations, at the same time retaining a certain humorous aura about myself. let's not rule out the possibility i was just a very eccentric girl either.

oh and !!!!!
Current Music: flickerstick: beautiful

23rd October 2002

6:45pm: a magazine once referred to my husband and i as the "ideal couple." the biggest misconception about our relationship is just that. we aren't picture perfect, i'm not the cinderella to his prince charming and we don't live in a syndicated sitcom where all of our problems can be solved over the course of half an hour. to this day we're working out the kinks and semantics of our relationship, overcoming the occasional bump in the road, and eventually we'll get to where we need to be. the key is to allow things to take their natural course and not push them along.

i'm more patient with him than he could ever be with anyone else, especially himself, because i know how difficult i make this for him. i'm not always a walk in the park. i have baggage, i have problems of my own, and the easiest thing would be for me to take it all out on him. but who exactly would that be fair to? at times i question whether or not i'm good enough for him, if somewhere along the way he took a wrong turn and was left with a mortgage and a baby, if we were ever supposed to fit into his life, if we do now, and it's about that time i tell myself i'm looking too far into it. most of the time, if we can get pass the surface bullshit, we're pretty good for each other.

before i forget to mention this somewhere, i have an AIM screen name now to match my journal one: ljr witherspoon. i'm good at being random, or so i'm told.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: sandbox: curious

22nd October 2002

9:57pm: the thing about first impressions is you can only make one and above all else they're lasting. i'm reese witherspoon, wife, mother, actress extraordinare. you might recognize me from films like man in the moon, cruel intentions, or two of my most recent releases, legally blonde and sweet home alabama. the concept of keeping an online journal is both frightening and intriguing to me, but the only thing we can do is wait it out and see where this leads us.
Current Music: aimee mann: you could make a killing
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