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The Lizard king

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[18 Oct 2004|01:29pm]


x^4 + 3^2 + 17x - 437
third derivative = 24x
the future is uncertain...]]

[14 Oct 2004|11:27am]
the future is uncertain...]]

[23 Feb 2004|10:37pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Stone Temple Pilots Sex Type THin ]

God today has at last set me free to do anything

the future is uncertain...]]

Alone [25 Jan 2004|08:14pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | The Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness ]

I'm back to the start Shannon doesn't know if she wants to be with me or not and wow that's a fucking low point. So it proves to me something I'm Alone. There is no one there for me and no matter what I say or what I do there wont be. The same problems I had with sarah I'm having with Shannon I'm such an ass hole and I cant deal with it. I just fucking do these horrible things to people and I don't know why I do it. I'm really fucked up inside really fucked up. there isn't much of a chance in things getting better because every one who will love me will lose those feelings in time and ill be alone much like how I am now. the only thing left are the words that I write and I don't enjoy reading them they only bring back hurt and emptiness. I love Shannon/ loved Shannon don't know what it is now but I cant fucking do it. I make people want to leave me and the only reason I'm alone like sarah said is because I let my self be alone and because I'm such an ass hole. As fucked up as jazmin was I think that's why she left and same thing with Juan they all left me because I'm such an ass hole and I have to fucking hurt people just so that I can feel better about my fucking problems and just so I can now that there are others that feel as empty as me. But you know what I should die alone I should suffer and every thing I get well I asked for it. Why can't I just let things be and just let it work out. I have to be a fucking ass hole about things and I have to see people that I really care about get hurt because of my fears and demons.

the future is uncertain...]]

Monday on another day [20 Jan 2004|08:31pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | Nirvana I hate my self and i want to die ]

If it feels like a Monday and you see the same people you would see on a Monday then it must be a Monday but its not. I have nothing better to do with my time so I will write about my day. Nothing happened I'm in the talks with some guys over a power metal band they want me in the like how I sing but well power metals not my thing it would be a bad ass idea on paper but that's all it would be. Ill think about it but I don't want to leave my band and I don't want to do anything stupid. Had fun with Sarah like all ways and my band is still in search of a bass player I hate Miami and its lack of bass players then again we have had five. Underneath the bridge the top has sprung a leak ok so yea that's it for now who the fuck reads this wow.

the future is uncertain...]]

[31 Jul 2003|10:11pm]
So today I went crazy every day for the past few weeks we have been working on some cover songs today was the first day we did any original work only problem is we I sang about beagles but hey one step at a time right. Well we were working on a cover of about a girl and I went crazy kicked and threw things started says mother fucker and jumping into walls when next door there's a room filled with little kids I some times wonder why I make an ass out of my self then I remember its because I have so much inside that when I'm weak it all comes out and it does some really scary things.So then I came up with the line that I will be known for Jim Morrison had I am the lizard king I can do anything and guess what I have I suck But I suck better than any one else. Its not much but its some thing and it came out of me when I was going crazy so guess what I'm going to use it.Yea then I started screaming my ass of and calling my self a good then when we would play a song I would sing something else it was so funny it was just one of those moments I know Sarah and Eric got really fucking mad and Eric all like his having a Jim Morrison moment leave him alone but it was great. I was like guys ride the snake the snake is long its seven miles and every ones looking at me like if I'm crazy. During this time there are people seen us play and I'm just going crazy singing anything that would come to mind I said almost every bad word I can think of. Then after that just came a fall no energy I really just fell to the floor and I was empty. I really wonder if there is something wrong with me because I have been drunk really drunk and I have acted more normal than that I don't know what got into me I just really think I need help.
1 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[27 Jul 2003|06:19pm]
The last few days have been great. Sarah started working with us in the school and the band has taken shape I'm no longer the singer / basses but now I'm just the singer. I did some kick ass covers and of course you know me I had to sing the doors. I sang the end Light my Fire Break on through and roadhouse blues and did it well so Yay I guess I can sing. My Misfit covers will all ways be there and I'm looking forward to doing die die die my darling and Horror Business. Then on Friday nobody went to work so it was just me and Eric we had so much spare time we sang the whole nirvana unplugged album Its great how I'm getting so much practice as a singer. I was so surprised when Sarah told me to be the lead singer she's right I would have more fun as a lead singer its something that fits my character way more so then it just changes the way I looked at the band. My number thing right now is to work on controlling my voice better and getting it to do what I want whenever I want. Every thing working Eric and me are slowly becoming the best of friends and that's great his some one I can really trust. The week that's about to come up is going to be the last week that I have of waking up at 6 30 in the morning and singing with my friends work was the shit and the little kids are really nice having your best friends there with you also helps out a lot. So then I'm just going to be one more sexy lead singer that dies because he is just to sexy and then every one will go wow the died but he was so sexy. Then ill have people that go to my grave and hump it over and over ageing. This is the life that I will live and yes I will have sex with a lot of blonde girls joking to get mad Ashley I don't go for blondes. I will leave you for misfit's shirts do so yea that's the way it's going to be. I would only need a bong and then I can die in peace after my last show in California and then end up with Jim were ever dead people go and we could sing light my fire on a cloud and we could be all like you know that it would be untrue you know that I would be a liar come on baby light my fire try and set the night on Fire!!!!!!! And then we could fade to black or I could sing the end and we could be all like this is the end!!!! I saw the movie godfather it was bad ass. Me and Eric are in with the mafia and I became his new godfather so he had to kiss my hand. So then what is there to see but if not the space in the empty door. O I found Danny's SN and Blurty and that's cool because I she was a cool friend to talk 2.
1 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

Gods Bong ! [19 Jul 2003|01:54pm]
TODAY SUCKS !!!! why make plans when every thing just sucks so much nothing works out and its the same shit over and over. I have been singing way more and its funny I actually can sing metal good. I don't seem like the type that would sing metal in a band but guess what I can and that's just so gay. Were going to be the next system of a corn and I'm just so happy about that. Its all because god got high and started to fuck with me I'm having problems with every thing its all hitting me in the face at the same time that's just my favorite thing about life when every thing hits me in the face at the same time makes me just want to jump of the tall building but I live in fucking Miami and there are none. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Its cuz im black just to black for this world
5 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[13 Jul 2003|06:07pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Jack Off Jill Strawberry Gashes ]

So I haven't written anything here in a few days. Reason because I have been working I have had way less free time to sit and write about how my day has been. So what have I been up too not much. I have been to that mall over a million times with Eric and its not all fun but I'm not going to get into this at this point. I haven't written much poetry so that sucks but every thing else is pretty good. Sucks that I'm spending my summer working but its better than staying home and doing nothing at all. Life is good there is no reason to kill my self and that's great. I haven't hanged out with Jesus much because he got summer school the poor guy failed like 3 classes and that sucks for him. I hope he does good in summer I would hate to leave a friend behind. Jesus is a close friend so I care about the guy a lot. The kids are great and the teachers are cool so I'm not having a hard time working and most of the time I feel like this is just way to easy.This weeks been great well ill try to write more but I don't think I will.

4 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[08 Jul 2003|06:11pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | The Misfits Bullet ]

Dead so fucking dead. Ok well I haven't updated in a few days because no one really reads this and there really isn't a point. I don't know why I'm doing this now when I really shouldn't well for the few that read this I have been working and don't expect to see me online much for this month

3 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[08 Jul 2003|06:06pm]
After all the years of this life you would think i have something
I still Wonder if im anything
With your smile
In me you brought out the child
Then you left me in the blue
Only to miss you
Never to go
and never to know
The sweet voice that i hear
The Final tear
Tomorrow is only another part of today
It all ends the same way
Left in my dark home
To die alone
thinking of you
Then go here and there end up nowere
Ill wait for that love that last for ever
You can make it last
1 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[04 Jul 2003|05:09pm]
[ mood | Happy ]
[ music | AFI Third Season ]

I Dont have to go to that preppy helllllll YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the future is uncertain...]]

[04 Jul 2003|02:31pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | The Misfits Return of the fly ]

The Same fucking boring shit every year. Great I cant be with my friends and that sucks my mom is making me go to my cousins house and I hate there friends because there nothing but preppy ass holes. That's ok when I come back from there ill spend time with my friend and I'm sure ill have fun I just hope my mom doesn't make me stay late as fuck like she does some times then I would shoot my self. I really hate preppy people know that I come to think about it more and more there all ways telling me to change and cut my hair and shit like that. there trying to make me look better the stupid fuckers them. Why do you all ways wear black? Well why are U so fucking stupid. So what if I wear black its not going to kill any one. Thing is I have fun making jokes about them when they don't even know it. Stupid Preppy people STUPID!!!!!

the future is uncertain...]]

Bored HA!!!!!!!! *shoots self in face* [03 Jul 2003|02:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Misfits Crimson Ghost ]

Wow today is so boring. what the fuck am I going to do? I really need to look for something to do something fun. So I called Eric it doesn't look like him and I are going to do a lot today. Best thing I can do is go to Jesus''s house and then from there go some were but then what. O god I have nothing to do summer sucks for this one reason some days you do to much and you don't have time for every thing and then some days you get bored enough to shoot your self in the face. So every ones got problems mine are small at this point in my life so I'm going to go and start helping people that's something that I should do more often but I gave it up because I needed to help my self

the future is uncertain...]]

[02 Jul 2003|09:09pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | The Doors People Are Strange ]

Today was I nice day to be home. I didn't get a change to go out but that's ok because it rained the whole day and I really didn't feel like going out. Eric came over and we played the hulk its a fun game to play every one is little and your this huge green thing its funny. Yup as you can tell I really don't have a lot to write about because I didn't do anything today. Nothing was learned and I didn't have any life changing moments. THe only great thing about today was that I feel closer to Ashley but I do every time we talk so its really nothing out of this world that I really love her more than any thing is it. OK so life as we no it means something its great I'm not just taking space any more I feel special.

1 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[01 Jul 2003|12:46am]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | The Misfits Return To fly ]

Fuck I'm Hypppppperrrrrrrrrrrr and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't get hyper a lot any more I use to when I was in middle school but now I'm so dead that just doesn't happen and then right now of all the times to get hyper guess what I'm Hypppppperrrrrrrrrrrr this sucks I got so much energy and no fucking idea hot to let it all just get out. Today was fun one of the best days I have had in weeks. I'm really happy and at least for now every thing seems ok I know its all going to fall apart very soon and things wont keep been this way but I'm going to enjoy it all for as long as I can. IT sucks how it all ways has to fall apart at one point or another why I don't know they just do and that sucks its probably because I like the misfits or something like that. If only I could see her right now I really love this girl and the longer I'm with her the more I care for it. Its great to be in a situation were your love grow and grows.

1 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[30 Jun 2003|11:13pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Jack Off Jill Star No Star ]

Today kicked ass I saw the movie 28 days its a really good movie. Its not the normal zombie movie that's just really fake this movie had things in it that could and would actually happen. Ok so yea I got to see Sarah for the first time all summer she was the same I felt bad for her because some one was bothering her I'm not going to say any names but I will say this I'm glad you came Sarah your my hero and I love you so much god Sarah I just really love you. Well I though Ashley was mad at me but I was wrong and that's a great thing I really don't want her mad at me I loves her to much.

1 [[and the end is always near... the future is uncertain...]]

[29 Jun 2003|11:56pm]
[ mood | Happy ]
[ music | Misfits TV Casualty ]

I'm feeling way better don't know why I just am. The darkness has past maybe just because I really do have a lot to live for. Things are just to important for me to leave at this point. I need blood but that's all and take a long walk in the dark and come back you all ways feel better. maybe I'm just really fucked up ant its my job to think fucked up things what ever it is it sucks. but R A T F I N K rat fink R A T fink Rat fink yea yea rat fink. Ok well I got to go bolt my doors up and turn the lights down low maybe laterz

the future is uncertain...]]

The way that things are [29 Jun 2003|11:16pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | The Door The End ]

Today well not today but tonight just is a trip into my past. I read my note book that I keep and it has took me back to last year and every thing that has happen in my life how I over came them and all of my new problems. Then what the music that's on the Doors the end this is the same song that I have wanted to die too. This song sets my spirits free. I really some times would just want to die all those nights alone with nothing but pen and paper and how I could never really understand my self. I'm just some one that no matter how I feel I cant be at peace with my self its just some thing that doesn't happen. I really wonder if its just me or are things really that fucked up is there something wrong with every thing or am I just trying to run away because I'm to scared to be there and face every thing like how I should. My fears are growing slowly I worry about a lot more things than I really should and in some ways that's just what makes me. The only reason why I haven't left is because of her and the way I feel about her. There are such few things to hang on too in this world. I'm to hard on people even when I understand what there trying to tell me I'm just to hard on them there is no in between with me. This is something that has been getting me in trouble for such a long time and its about time I work on it but yet I don't. This is something that I know I have a problem with and I'm to cold to care and fix it. I figure that eventually this thing is just going to take over and every thing will be fucked up not by the hands of other or god but by my own. Every thing wrong in my life has no one to blame but my self I am the one that fails to be there when my friends need me I am the one that just at time no matter how hard I try I just simply don't care, Why do I have to be this way ? why? there really is no reason at one point in my life I knew why I was this way because I had been hurt so much that I needed space so I just stop caring for months but now there is no reason for me to be this way yet I still am. I'm sorry Sarah I really came down hard as fuck on you. I understand what you were trying to tell me. Today has all the making of that night when all I could do is here this same song over and over and how it made me feel and I how I was just broken into nothing. How I feel has changed but how I am has not and that really has started to become a problem. for the people that I love and for the people that love me I must change my way of been or I will soon and up with nothing. THe fucking line can you picture what will be so endless and free really just takes me for a walk and then there's the future is uncertain and the end is all ways near. The doors are no longer my favorite band but the only band that really connects with me are them. Jim was a god and he really did change every thing for me. I belief he was a poet some fuckers tell me its all just because he was on acid what ever it maybe the man wrote a lot of great things and he really reaches me as cold as I maybe at moments I'm never far enough for him not to reach me and pull me back. I really have learned a lot about my self in the past few years and I'm going to do some thing I have a lot to give why don't I start now. Save them please it doesn't matter if you leave me. Never will I say I gave up before I went for it and never can I say I never bleed. I'm human and there is nothing more to me. I'm still not a god and I wont be one. I can only save those that want to be saved and why should I save you when you told me you didn't care to save me. COme on and leave the end after it all just let it go walk away.

the future is uncertain...]]

[29 Jun 2003|03:12pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Cradle Of Filth Her Ghost In The Fog ]

Fuck it just doesn't stop and it never will. Today is just the same shit will at least it started out good. Ashley's my girl friend I think that's the only good thing I'm going to get out of this month because every thing else just really sucks. I cant go to my friends house because my parents love making plans and shit with out me this is the second week in a row I blow him off and that just sucks. Fuck is it just me or an my a crappy friend every week its the same shit. I really should do something to make it up to all my friends that I blow off for some reason every week. I just hope they don't take it as if I don't care about them because really do and that's the last thing I would need at this point in my fucking life. Fuck Just fuck Fuck Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of anger I need to get of and just let it all just flow out. Fucking Fuck's not letting me be with my friends they who fucking think there so fucking big well U know what fuck you and you and fuck that guy behind you.This world sucks and I should just take of my pants and run around screaming FUCKKKKKKK don't make a drinking came out of this and take shots every time I say fuck. Laterz

the future is uncertain...]]

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