liz's Blurty -- Entries
liz's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[20 Apr 2003|10:18am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | corey matthews - suspicious delight ]


what do you do when you die. DEADTER [17 Apr 2003|07:05pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | in this diary - the ataris ]

eeh i don't feel like typing a five page story so i'll make it short.

last night was the ataris, juliana theory, yellowcard, further seems forever show. eeee it was fun. i reunited with my good friend brett detar. eeh i've officially ended my obsession with him though. he's too damn cocky. he did teach us how to pronounce his last name though. and i got a hug so, you know.

anywho, damn chet got us scratched off his list so we got in under the juliana theorys guest list thanks to marty. wahoo. pretty boy josh gave us another tour of their bus. this time we got to see all of the boys bunks and the backroom. goo us. we met all of the boys from the ataris and chris knapp let us go to the hotel that was right next to the venue with him. we sat and talked to john while chris showered. good times. chris wouldnt give us his phone number but we did get his screen name. weeee. that boy is so cute, especially with his beanie hat on. we met the boys of yellowcard and they invited us on their bus. went back into the show. watched the juliana theory who didn't play a good show at all. brett ruined all of the songs because he was like screaming. grrrrr. and all of the moshing and the fact that it was like 2040932 degrees in there didn't help either.

went back outside. talked with brandon from further seems forever. met with kris roe from the ataris. kris invited us onto the ataris tourbus. chilled with him for a while. ataris played a great show. talked with brett some more. talked with josh some more. took pictures. talked with brandon where he proceeded to write his screen name on my arm with like permanent marker lol. said goodbye to chris knapp. got a kiss from chris knapp. AAAH! lol heck yea. overall it was a pretty cool night. pictures are coming soon. yay.

that's it. later kiddo. ;D

the monday skies are oversized in the strangest way [14 Apr 2003|09:45pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | it's monday and raining - the movielife ]

sooo the shit sort of hit the fan, so to speak lol. man this sucks. i was in such a bad mood today. krista told me she doesn't like bad mood liz. neither do i.

eeh whatever. considering the past six months of our lives and how everything has just fallen into place, i've become a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. there was a purpose to all the shit that went down. so yeaa. i know i won't realize that now, but at some point i'll get it, and i'll be happy.

i just wish i was given a chance to speak. im never given a chance to speak, or to explain myself, to anyone. its sort of a contradiction. im told to stand up for myself, and to 'speak up' but when i do, i get shit for it. maybe that's why i'm so held back in what i say. who knows.

all i know is i hate fighting like this. i hate drama. and lately there's been plenty of it. i'm not perfect. you can't expect me to be. i'm going to make mistakes. that's part of growing up. but with every mistake i make i'm learning. realize that.

and i'm glad i found a person who will listen to me and not give me shit for what i have to say, or go and tell everyone else. for some reason it's been a rarity to find people like that. eew, i know i've been a prick to you at times and i'm sorry. you ROCK so hard kiddo. right on jerkk :p

wow. lately i've become obsessed with music. i'll read lyrics and i can relate to them in a big way and it's SO comforting to know that someone else, at some point, was going through or felt the exact same things i do. music IS therapy. there are times, much like now, where i'll just feel like complete shit, and i'll put on some music and my mood will do a complete 180.

today i was actually hoping that my physics teacher would give us homework. hmm, a very non liz like thing to do. im proud of myself though. im spending alot of time on my school work. i've become quite determined. heck yea.

alright i'm done. later jerkk. ;D

that asshole says that he loves you [13 Apr 2003|11:03am]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | regret - girl repellent ]

so overall the weekend has been pretty good. amanda and i went to a show near asu with some boys last night. when we got there some unknown band was playing so we hit up del taco with this kid wayne who's in a chs band called not quite bernadette, i think? he gave me this ghetto bracelet but throughout the course of the night i lost it. moooo. yeaa so then we came back to the show and slowpoke was about to play. and the kid zach that makes all of the movies was there and heck yea he filmed us. amanda and i pimped the next slowpoke video. the drummer let amanda sit like two feet from him while they played. muahaha. eee we macked it to some guy with nice eyes who was in girl repellent. then he said that all girls were gay. bite me. thennnnn i met a cute boy named conner from one of the bands that was playing and we exchanged phone numbers. eeh i feel bad though cause i told him i was going to stay for his band, but i didn't. ooh well. he called me twice already but the reception was horrible. aaw. i wish i could remember the name of his band. i tried to look them up on the internet but i couldn't find it. grrrr. after slowpoke we decided to leave. zach knew of some asu rugby party so we followed him there. eeeh it was alright. jordyn and lauren were there. yay. man asu has some hot, hot boys. but we left like 2 minutes upon arriving. and i went home.

friday night amanda and i hung out with ryan and taylor. first we hit up sonic, then we went to the haffo show but eeh all we did was say hey to rob and leave. we went to taylors house and pimped the trampoline. haha wordd. then they proceeded to show us some videos that they made on the computer. man, you kids are weird. lol it's all good though. somewhere in there we went to target, bought something and brought it to chris'. then i went home.

asu has such a cute little town. man. i wanna go there just for the atmosphere. liz digs asu.

hmm that's about it. im looking forward to the ataris*juliana theory show on wed. hopefully amanda and i will get in. the chet guy who's friends with kris is supposed to call back tuesday and confirm that he can get us on vip. he better.

alright. i'm out. later jERKK

i am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding [11 Apr 2003|04:57pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | colorblind-counting crows ]

it's friday and i'm bored. that's not good.

eeeh so we were gonna hit up some corona baseball boys tonight with krista but i guess that's not working. grrr the guys that were for me and amanda decided not to come so mooo on them.

some girls having a party tonight but blaa im not particularly fond of the people that will probably be there so i'd just assume stay away.

there's a show tonight and rob's band is playing in it and amanda called him at lunch to see if he could take us and he said he'd call back... and it's 5 and he still hasn't called. bite me!

lindsay and anthony are out of town this weekend. rawrr.

heey guess what. i love ashton kutcher and sean william scott.. like ALOT.

i've established that i love a guy who can play the piano. heck yea. piano playing boys rock.

the counting crows are a GOOD band.

so i've been thinking and uuh i'm a pretty weird kid. like not even joking. i don't know. i'll like guys that i know i have no chance with, or i'll like a guy when he's mad at me. wtf is that about. and if i find out he likes me back or something, i don't like him anymore. man. that's fucked up. i can't figure myself out.

ok that's it.. im out. later KiDDO

please don't ask me what i think, trust me... you don't want to know [10 Apr 2003|09:43pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | the last kiss - afi ]

wow. i hate drama. i hate the he said she said bullshit. i hate how a girl and a guy can't just be friends without everyone else assuming one's in love with the other. i hate how people make assumptions based on what other people are telling them. god. I DON'T LIKE ANYBODY. i thought i did but i don't, AT ALL. and i hate how i'm automatically leading someone on just because i talk to them. yeaa ok friday night, but we all agreed that was all in fun. nothing else. jesus.

baah everything's all good now though, hopefully?... just had to let my little rant be known. right on jerkk ;)

anywho, it's been 90 for like the past week. man. im gonna die this summer. its all good though. id rather it be 90 then snowing. haha jerks.

eeeee next wed. im revisiting my good friend BRETT DETAR! heck yea. too bad steel train won't be there. man. it'd be soo ghetto to see evan. aah well.

i need a job. no more new clothes, no more anything until i get a job. i hate going somewhere and not having the money to get something. shiiit.

ok that's it. tomorrows friday. fridays are good. later JERKK

cause we both know what it's like to be alone [08 Apr 2003|06:35pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | konstantine-something corporate ]

ive been updating this thing alot lately.

boredom is a bitch. so is school. i cant wait until the summer. 5 more weeks.

ok konstantine by something corporate is a GOOD fucking song. shiiit. the first time i heard it i like cried. woww. download it now.

so i talked to sarah and she talked to vinnie from brand new and explained to him my problem of their coming to arizona when im not here.
HiFiC: he sed he feels really bad but not to worry bc they are tourin the us again soon lol
baah come on now. that doesn't cut it. i'm still mad. and ook get this.
AHiFiC: geenas mom is liek best friends w/ his mom..brand new is fucken comin to geenas graduation party
whaaaat? get the fuck outta here. i wanna go! no fair. damn you. i wanna hit up that graduation party! mooo.

so i have a research paper to write by may 2nd on the effects the black death had on the economy. mann. thats not fun. ive begun to work on it though. weeee.

i talked to my dad on the phone. he was all yeaa ive been sort of depressed and lonely lately. not a good sign. i dont know. and its weird that he says that the day after i post that entire thing on him. i was rummaging threw my old health papers yesterday during class and i found all of the suicide stuff and uuh hate to say but everything applied to him. wow.

sooo according to my moms statements this morning im not affectionate and im never gonna find a boyfriend. baah. i dont like boys. boys can bite me. RAWR.

we're watching the miracle of life in health. mann i remember when we watched that in 8th grade bio. haha good times.

aah im so excited. now that the times changed for everyone else, all of the good MTV shows are on at 10! that means i'll still be awake to see them. aaaah. too bad real world ended. hmph. theres still sorority life and fraternity life. wahooo. eat that, jerkk.

im out. later KiDDO

goodbye, farewell to this fucked up world that was my former self [07 Apr 2003|06:56pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | my hotel year - the ataris ]

i don't really have anything interesting to say. im just bored. bite me.


hmmm ive never actually fallen asleep in school before until today. we were watching some black and white movie in drama and i just slept for like 40 minutes. man, i wish we still had nap time. that'd be soo dope. like if they had a room set up just for naps. and we could bring pillows and sleeping bags. shiiit.

soo apparently everyone in ny had a snow day today. lmao its fucken april. thats ridiculous. it was like 90 out here today and they've got snow. damn. we got out of there just in time.

hmm last night i couldn't fall asleep so i stayed up and thought about how much my life has changed in the past year. shiiit. this time last year i would never have guessed in 409382 years that i'd be where i am. man. i feel like ive lived here for years. and really its only been 3 and a half months. eeee imagine if i had never cried that day in the courtroom. everything would be 100000 percent completely different. wow. a couple of tears changed everything. thank god. i think we all would have seriously committed suicide by now. baah i was thinking about how my dad cried and i started to feel bad. im still undecided as to wether it was real or if it was just a bribe to make me feel bad. still... i dont know. its weird. i mean, in the matter of like one month everything that could possibley go wrong for him, did. he broke up with girlfriend of 13 years, he lost his house, moved back in with his mom, his company sort of uuh failed, his kids moved across the country and his best friend of like 35 years committed suicide. man. thats rockbottom. but yanno, there were soo many things that could have been done to prevent that. SOO many things. but he waited too long. he doesn't know me at all. he doesn't know anything about me. and he never will. and that's sad. i look at greg and everything he does for his kids and im like, man, i missed out in so many ways. but then i had a really scary dream and ive been creeped out by it all day. it was like i was walking down the street and i saw my dads car and i went to go talk to him but he shot himself and it was like i knew that it was my fault. and i felt so guilty and upset. and then i woke up and it was 2 in the morning and i just cried for like an hour. damn... i hate to be pessimistic but uuh im afraid that'll really happen. i don't know. i was thinking and shit just isn't right. damn...

ok enough with the serious shit... im out ;D

officer leroy comes up and hes like 'hey i thought i told you --' and im like yeaa WHATEVERR [06 Apr 2003|06:07pm]
[ mood | ditzy ]
[ music | whatever - liam lynch ]

i hate not having privacy. i need somewhere to just go and vent shit out and NOT get in trouble for it. and i dont get that anywhere. i thought a journal would do it but apparently not. i wish my mom wasnt so into my personal life. and i know shes reading this right now. and i know she'll tell me she'll stop but she won't. just trust that i'll do the right thing. i guess things will get better. now that gregs here she has someone else to go to. i have friends to go to. lauren is gonna get involved in her own thing with school. we all need some time off from eachother sometimes.

anywho, aside from the events of this morning, this day has been alright. i went to my cousins 18th birthday party. all of her friends were really nice so that was good. we trampolined it up. dude i can jump so high. its wicked. i want to camp out on a trampoline. that would be so freakin ghetto.

wow. yesterday was the most wasted day ever. i hate wasted days. especially saturdays. i got home at like 11 and slept from like 12 to 5. then i woke up ate dinner went on the computer and went to anthonys house with amanda, megan, and allison for some family birthday party thing they were having. uuh ryan, taylor, huy, and ryans brother were there too. wahooo. then we all decided to leave and come to my house and go in the pool. and then i went to bed. hmmm i guess i needed a day off from friday night. whoaaa. i need to learn some self control. jesus.

you know what i was thinking. i havent seen beetlejuice in a long time. i used to watch that once every week like 2 summer ago. man, i knew all the words. if someone ever sees beetlejuice on DVD buy it for me!

my knees like died. they hurt soo freakin bad. theyre not black and blue or anything they just hurt ALOT. damn.

amanda wrote lipslut on my hand in like permanent marker last night and for the life of me i cannot get it off.

ooh and ive become obsessed with seventy times 7 by brand new. damn. thats a good song yooo.

right on... JERKK

everyone's caught onto everything you do [05 Apr 2003|01:20pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | seventy times 7 - brand new ]

wow. last night was crazy. we all had one bitchin sleepover. thank god for GOOD kids. im way too tired to even type though. i haven't slept since thursday. im going to attempt a nap.

some lyrics for your time...

Back in school they never taught us
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
Don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life has gone to hell

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...

So is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever

remember that i'm just a stupid kid [03 Apr 2003|03:49pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | the slow song-district 28 ]

i have developed an overwhelming obsession with this song. holy shit. ive listened to it nonstop for like the past 3 days. click and hit download now next to the slow song. yay for talent.

anywho, 2 early outs 2 weeks in a row. wahooo. ryan anthony taylor and huy picked amanda and i up from school yesterday and we went to valle luna. then we ventured on over to anthonys house where amanda and i totally snooped through everything in his room haha. its fun to go through boys rooms. i did that with my cousins roommate once. whoaa we found some bad, bad stuff in that one though.

today amanda and i called evan from steel train at lunch.. and he remembered us!! aah i feel all special because we accidentally hung up on him and he called back and now i look cool cause evan from steel train called my phone. heck yea. and just for the record, that stupid something corporate kid had no idea what he was talking about - evan never called amanda anything bad.. he even told her it was good to hear her voice. EAT THAT ASSHOLE. they're coming back at the end of may. i wonder who theyre coming with? hmm that should be fun though.

there was a dj at lunch today and some kid proceeded to strip. good times.

aaah i saw some brand new on someone from arizonas away message today and it made me feel cool because those are my homeslices! representin levittown... and i remember i saw a brand new sticker on the wall at the bash on ash several weeks ago. i checked their dates though and theyre not coming here. mooooo.

its cool how people can't accept the fact that your happy and feel the undying need to bring you down. leave me the fuck alone.

wahoooo. tomorrow is friday. liz loves fridays. im out. later .. jerk.

[31 Mar 2003|08:27pm]
here jerkkk.....


right on ;D

lets take a drink and never think and here's to the past [31 Mar 2003|05:44pm]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | history of a boring town-less than jake ]

this weekend i had fun. LOTS of fun. wahoooooooo. amanda lindsay and i made up nicknames for ourselves.. im not particularly fond of mine but baah its growing on me.. mine is lizard amandas is blondie and lindsays is rebel. wootwoot. friday night we went to peter piper and totally jacked the prize booth. we played jump rope like little kids. it was so ghetto. then we met up with anthony and uuh some kids came. wahooo. saturday night we met up with some boys at sonic and rob and matt from two weeks ago came... then we hit up a party... and finallyyyyy matt and i hooked up. wordd.

scooooore. im looking forward to this weekend. whatevers going on friday night should be fun. im down for the whole shindig. and saturday night is morp.

wahooo leeann sent me a pretty neat website just now and i'd thought i'd share..

ok i have instantly become obsessed with this song. i totally jacked it off of someone else. sorry kiddo. it reminds me of my former self.. muahaha

it's just another wasted day
a boring life in a boring town with the same old crowd
and I used to say that I'd never stay
but I'm rotting here today
with that same old crowd
that's always been around
and I always thought I'd be the first to go
that same old crowd that brings me down
a boring life in a boring town
and remember when they'd look through you
and then look past me

mayday we're going down [28 Mar 2003|04:04pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | shatterday-vendetta red ]

ok i was thinking today and im so glad that i don't go to trinity anymore. that shit was like a fucking penitentiary. you could not possibley experience high school there. i mean you got a fucking detention if your shirt was untucked. how sad is that. and you got like 15 minutes for lunch. lmao. i take pisses longer than that. i remember when i first got to trinity i was like uuh ok where's the fun. that place was not fun AT ALL and sorry folks compared to here, it never will be. corona is like high school you see in movies. i love it. and we get 50 minutes of lunch. and we actually get to walk around campus for it. not locked in a 2 by 2 cafeteria. weee next week all these bands come and play for us at lunch. haha eat that trinity people. and fights! aah i love fights. and dances. soo many good dances. the school is so big and open. god there's SOOO much more here. i could go on forever. i actually feel bad for everyone who went to trinity cause they'll never know 'high scool'. the things they claim to be exciting are pathetic. noo offense chicos but i'm doing 50000 times better than you poor poor souls living in new york and going to holy trinity 'high school' haha.. bite me assholes ;D

let's get it on til the early morn [26 Mar 2003|08:49pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | get busy / sean paul ]

new season of the bachelor. wootwoot im excited.

anywho, schools been fine. today was early release. amanda and i went to the mall and i ended up buying absolutely nothing but food. grrr i always do that. fuck. and i need new shirts! damn yooo. we took pictures in one of those ghetto booth things but mine came out with a huge glare right in the middle so i have fucken one eye. amandas picture came out so nice. grrrrr.

i need to get on top of my schoolwork. im slacking like you wouldnt believe. and i did absolutely ghastly in physics and spanish. ive never gotten that low before in my entire life. and my mom surprisingly wasnt mad. so that made it alot better. she told me tonight though that she talked to greg and he said that alot of good colleges *like UCLA!!* wont even accept you if they see low grades like that. so i need to do good this last quarter. only a couple more weeks and then im done. next year should be moderately ok. im not taking any real difficult courses so hopefully ill do good. fuck you schoolwork.

baah now that greg moved in across the pool its really weird. i mean i like the man and all but he's always here. gaah i dunno it's weird. hmm i dont know how im gonna deal when we all move into a house together next year. and when they get married. baah i dont wanna think about it.

im going to bed. later JERK

whenever i want you all i have to do is dream [24 Mar 2003|11:57pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | dream,dream,dream-the everly brothers ]

baah finally back. the flight home was fine. i like flying at night better. no gay flight attendants though. aah well. like half the people on the plane were the same people who flew out with us. so it was like a little reunion wordd. i watched harry potter and the chamber of secrets haha and let me tell you the plane food was not all that bad. grrr im so happy to be home. im gonna have shitloads of school work to make up though. aah well. baah today i didn't goo to school.. i slept really late, then went tanning and then wrote my play review for The Producers haha. rawrr im so not looking forward to school tomorrow.

ok i took this entire part out because of some asshole that i used to be friends with.. i hope the next guy that sticks it to you has aids you dumb bitch - -

hmm and to end this on a lighter note.. i would like to inform all of what happened to my house. two weeks upon leaving all of the pipes in the house burst and the entire first floor flooded. poor poor people. and they had all the windows open throwing out buckets of water. lmao. better you than us... later JERK

new yawk citaaaaaaay [21 Mar 2003|08:26pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | the anthem / good charlotte ]

hmm well yesterday was a somewhat interesting day. my mother and i ventured into new york city. it was fuckin 2 degrees and pouring rain the entiree time!! omg we were drenched. and we got hit in the head with peoples umbrellas about 200 times. omg. the weather sucked penis. hmm well first we went over to the nbc studios cause we wanted to go on the studio tour but it wasnt leaving until 3:45 and it was only like 12 so we were like aah ok we'll come back. so then we went over to planet hollywood where we wanted to eat but NOOO the stupid fuckers had some "event" going on until 6. but weee we got vip passes for the next time. wordd. so then we took a taxi to the hard rock cafe and ate their. whatwhat. we had a homosexual waiter! shwinggggggg. then i wanted to go the plaza where kevin stays in home alone 2 haha soo we did and we went in. lordy that hotel is niiice. and i was really ghetto and touched the counter that kevin touched. and i got this little teddy bear thing that says the plaza haha. hmm then we went to the disney store. holy shit 3 levels of disney. i got a cinderella pillow. haha. hmm then we walked back over to the nbc studio and we were cool and looked in the window where katie and matt report. then we went up to take our tour. they showed us this little video on the history of nbc. then they took us to conan obriens set thing. omg soo freakin small. thank god for wide angle cameras. and it was such a mess. his little stage is soo small. we sat in the audience seats for a while and they talked about him. then we went up to my favorite show everrrrrrrr - saturday night live!! omg had they been doing a new episode this week they all would have been there practicing. damnit! anywho they took us into where the stage is and everything. that too was surprisingly small. aah we saw the little door that everyone comes through and the monologue stage. then the performance stage was on the left of that and a bigger stage on the right for all the skits i guess. but they share that section with carson dalys show the last call so they were gettin ready for that. hmm interesting. then i wanted to go see the last half hour of trl but there were soo many god damn antiwar protests that i had we got stuck in a taxi forever. aah the antiwar things were scary though. the people were psychotic and there were soo many of them. so yeaa then were walking past the entrance to the mtv studios and benji and joel from gc walk out and theyre like 2 feet in front of me and i just stare at them like a huge asshole. and then all of a sudden i scream omg because i realized who it was and then all of these stupid girls starting running toward them and were like jumping on them. and i kept trying to get a picture but i couldnt. and their security guys were like pushing them down the street and aaw they were soo nice they kept apologizing. and then of course i followed them down the block along with another 9354 girls. and grrr i tried to push my way through the girls but i couldnt so i didnt get a good picture.. and then they just got in the car. damnit. i had the perfect opportunity for a picture when i just stared at them for a year. stupid liz. aah well. june 3rd. hmm soo yea then we left the city and saw how to lose a guy in 10 days. aaah super cute movie. three days in a row of goin to the movies. whatwhat. but yeaa i hate this war shit. people here are obsessive over it. its all anyone talks about, and its on every single tv station. i wanna go home. ... JERK!

SHIT SUCKS [17 Mar 2003|09:39pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | angelica / steel train ]

fuck do i miss az. ive never missed people or my house or anything when i go on vacation but this time i do ALOT... damnit. well the plane ride was SUPER boring. but we did have TWO homosexual flight attendants so that was quite amusing. uuh we went to rob and nancys and matthew is superrr cute.. and than we went to dinner at my grandmas and everyone came over and that was nice i guess. then we came back to the hotel and its superr nice but uuh someone kept calling me like every hour of the night and my mom got soo pissed because my phone rings really loud. ooh well. the next morning was super weird. we started driving down the old block and i started crying. i dont know why i wasnt sad or anything it was just weird. and there was a cat in my old bedroom window and i was mad! cats arent allowed in my bedroom. stupid cat. but uuh we went to go visit sarah but she wassleeping so we talked to her mother and saw good 'ol chester. then my mom went to donnas house and talked to her for like a year. and then we went to the bagel store! those bagels are the only thing i miss about ny. hmm then we went to go visit margaret, maria and matthew. CUTEE. then we visited our old next door neigbor pat and it was sad and i cried because henry died. aaw. he was the illest guy in the world. everyday i would walk home from school and he'd always wave to me and we'd have a little two minute conversation about the weather or something cute like that. and yeaa that was really sad. i feel bad for her. aaw ;[

hmm nothing else too interesting. haha on saturday night we all went to blockbuster to rent movies and then we spent $40 on snack.. thats disgusting. we went to the movie theater just to buy the popcorn and bought 4 HUGE tubs. we're sick. that night i slept over my cousins. aaw fun. on sunday we took the ferry to RI to take rob back tocollege. the dorm room is disgusting. it smells like a dead body. and there's shit all over the place. his roommates are slobs. but you know. college boys are cute. i dig. and today my father and i went to the st patricks day parade. hmm i felt sooooo freaking out of place though. his friend is all rich and powerful so he got us into this really exclusive party thing that was in the metropolitan club - right across from the plaza and central park and it overlooked the entire parade. but jesus there were all of these political people from nyc there and i dunno the people were SOO proper and im not really like that so it was weird. and i saw rudy guliana or however you spell it .. aaw soo cute. but uuh yeaa so that was interesting.

hmmm i dont want this entry to be like 12 pages long, and im amazingly tired soo im not gonna write about everyting and how i really feel but shiiiiiiiit i don't miss this place at all. holy fuck. it's a dump. it's sooo filthy and depressing. people are crude. no one at all is happy here. god. i dont know why anyone would ever want to live here, seriously. it's disgusting and i'm soo fuckin happy that i moved. arizona is 398583485432859345 times better than anything in new york. the city is nice but uuh that's it. i can't wait to get the fuck home.... two minutes after i got here i wanted to go back. lick my balls new york.


damnit [13 Mar 2003|11:17pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | 4 my people / missy elliot f/ eve ]

fuck you to hell. i havent even fuckin left for new york and already i miss people. ive been like crying all day. jesus im only going for a week. i cant even imagine how ill be for the fuckin month in july. godddd. just when things were going good i have to go away. don't forget me! ... none of us want to go back but we have to because of the fuckin court agreement. gaah i know what this is gonna turn into. every single little good thing i say about my life, my family will try to find a negative to it and shove it in my face. i hate that. they always bring me down. and i feel all shitty about myself. grrrr im gonna cry myself to sleep every night. i hate having those feelings that i have when im around them. since ive been here i havent felt weird like that AT ALL with the exception of the weeked my dad was here. all of my stress headaches started to come back and thats when i started biting my nails again. damnit. eew and when i get like this i start thinking of all the bad things about my life and thats how i get myself all depressed. i turn into a completely different person. FUCKK.

and everyone in ny is all ooh yea were definitely gonna hang out. psssht. my ass. after all the shit that was said about me when i left. id rather suck a dog than hang out with you. if theres one thing i cant stand, it's two faced people. why would i wanna spend time with someone who's just gonna talk mad shit about me the second i walk out of the room. im under enough stress as it is, i don't need that too.

hmm tomorrow shouldnt be soo bad though. my dads pickin us up and then were goin to see nancy, rob and matthew to pick up the car. aaw i cant wait to see matthew. he can supposedly walk and talk now. i hope he didnt forget me. and then were going to my grandmas house for dinner with my uncle jimmy, eddie and robyn. weeee. robyn is gonna be there! i love her. i havent seen her in forever. shes the sweetest person in the world. its gonna be kind of weird though cause we left on a bad note. i mean we didnt even see them for christmas. they made my mom spend christmas completely alone in a hotel room. that sucks. jesus, i can hear them arguing already...

ok wahtever im too tired to keep talking... my moms bringing her laptop soo ill probably be on. and my grandma has aol in the room im staying in so yeaa ill prob be on all night. weeeeee. and uum hey people in arizona cALL ME SOMETiME SOO i KNOW THAT YOU DiDN'T FORGET ME!! and the weekend that im coming back we're doing somethingggg!!


weeeeee [10 Mar 2003|06:21pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | heaven / dj sammy ]

whats up homeslice. today was such a nice day out and i wore a skirt and it was fun. skirts equal good times. hmm only 2 more days of school for me this week. wooohoo. but baah then it's back to new york. good lord. everyones taking road trips to california or mexico or somewhere fun for spring break, and they're gonna come back all tan with all these fun memories. and im gonna be in fuckin new york freezing my ass off bored as shit. and ooh yea the squirrel in my grandmas house is not just an ordinary squirrel, oh no - it's a flying squirrel. so while everyones partying it up on the beach in cali i'll be sleeping on a fuckin air matress with a squirrel flying over my head. fun times. grrrrrrr.

im soo excited summers almost here. baah ill be away the entire month of july though and then school starts up again like 10 days after i come back so it will probably feel like a really short summer. then im a junior. holy bejesus thats crazy lol.... i need a job!!!! i am in serious need of some cash yoo. get me a job! you have to be 16 to work at like every single store in the mall so forget that, but to be a hostess you only have to be 15. hmm i got a job application for buca haha wordd i should go fill it out.

i was listening to the radio on sunday and they were playing all of these cute love songs like dj sammy heaven and my heart will go on and i was like aaw i wish i had a bf. but baah either the guy has a girlfriend or he just wants to hook up and never talk to you again. good lord. boys suck. hmmm there are a couple of guys that i really want though <3 shhhhhhhh

okay dog i talked enough. later

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