[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Monday, December 22nd, 2003|
still sickworse cant stop shaking so hot hurts hutrs hrutd wish i coudl die
|Saturday, December 20th, 2003|
I feel so sick, and I think it’s actually physically, too. Went to get a “Christmas tree” with Eve and her family. I still don’t really understand that holiday, but it seems nice, and happy... I wish I could be happy. I took a painfully hot shower when we got home and opened up my left shoulder. Blood got everywhere, but the pain still won’t leave! And no matter how hard I scrub, the scars won’t wash away. My skin is raw, and it stings, and started bleeding in some places, but the scars still shine like sins. Curled up on the floor in a black, black, room like I used to do when my fingers started to bleed from practicing and cried. The silence crushed me, and forced out all the tears. I think they’ve dried up. That’s the only explanation for why no more will come. So lonely, so forgotten... so freaking selfish. Other people hurt more than me, I have no right to be sad! I should be happy! WHY CAN’T I BE HAPPY?!?! What did I do to deserve this? Oh, yes... I’m bad. I’m worthless, and I should of been aborted before I was ever born.
Yes, so I guess this is my Blurty. Eve wants me to write in it 'cause... she's bored, I guess. I tried to tell her that it's pointless; I have nothing to write about, but she just won't listen. I mean, nothing ever happens to me worth meantioning... nothing about me is, but, whatever. I wanna go to bed (I'm dreadfully tired), but with sleep comes dreams with dreams come memories. I really don't want to get into that now... Can't. Won't! I mean I won't. Yes. I cut myself again today, just a little while ago. Kyle cleaned the cuts all up, but they still sting and are bleeding a little bit... somehow, it still doesn't get out the pain! Shouldn't it leave with the blood? No matter... I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. This might sound weird, considering stuff, but I hate sleeping alone. It makes me feel so... by my self. Like I'm the only person left on the world, and I'm gonna wake up tomorrow to find out everybody's dead and it's all my fault. Or maybe I'll be dead and it's all their fault. I wouldn't blame them. I'd thank them, really... no matter how hard I try, I keep messing up!!! I can't do it!! I'm sorry!! Oh, dang it... I'm going to go lay down now, even if I can't sleep. Sitting here is making me feel sick. Current Mood: sleepyCurrent Music: Kommst Du Nun Jesu Von Himmul, Bach