my willpower knows no bounds!   
10:20pm 22/09/2003
mood: contemplative
music: Matchbook Romance
what would you say if i asked you not to go?
to forget everyone, forget everything
and start over with me...

Today I did my cardio and my weights even though, according to Chris, I looked like "dog shit run over twice." Which is because I couldn't sleep last night. Which is because I couldn't get my mind to settle down. I fear I'll have this problem for quite some time...and I wonder if he is having it too, or if I'm all alone.

And the thing is, the thought that I have about him that scares me the most is the most innocent one, involving just being wrapped up in his arms, close to him, and letting our breath slowly even out and become one. And how nice it would feel. And while I recognize the risk of the Gatsby/Daisy syndrome, I also recognize the risk of having my life changed forever, and having someone get closer to me than I ever was comfortable with -- how thrilling it would be, how amazing, and how utterly terrifying.

And I wonder if he has similar thoughts, or if I'm all alone.