revelation   
03:25pm 23/07/2003
 
mood: determined
music: Autopilot Off
So I don't think I've ever been spoken to before.

Or, at least, I wasn't paying attention.

But today I left an AIM away message up begging for insight on how to get my life together, and I went to kickbox. Sometime during my cooldown/stretching, I began to get answers. And I think they're right.

First of all, I'm putting in my notice, and I'm leaving Home Depot on August 29. That's regardless of finding a new job. I won't be able to work for that company in North Jersey, because I know how they are about working all the time, and there will be large gaps in my working schedule. I don't want to anger the Home Depot gods by going up there and then telling them that I can't work weekends (*gasp*) and I have to spend winter and summer breaks at home, and will not commute (*double gasp*).

Second, I don't need to work a billion hours a week. It's understandable that I want money, but I can't let that be my focus. I need to focus on school when I'm there, and money should be a bonus. Therefore, I'm not going to rush into finding any job. I'm going to let myself settle in at school, start building up good study habits, and good habits where taking care of myself is concerned (more on that in a minute). Then I'm going to poke around and look for jobs because I know that the Goddess will take care of me, and when I'm ready to find a job, I will. And I'll be in a better place to receive it. Until then, I can pick up extra cash by running light and sound boards at the Berrie Center. I also want to apply to be an RA, because they get their own room, free housing, and a paycheck from the school. I've heard my share of horror stories, but I don't even care.

Third (and here's the big one), I need to take care of myself. I really do need to make myself my top priority. I can't give myself away, I can't be afraid I'll miss something if I don't stay up late. And so, starting now, but especially when I get to school, I will exercise daily, and I will drink tons of water and almost no soda. I'm going to be easing into this throughout the rest of the summer, but come school, it will go into full effect.

For the rest of the summer:
1) No more using my credit card.
2) Pay off the credit card with large, large portions of each remaining paycheck.
3) Don't buy anything I don't need (this includes the hair dye and might include the ear project -- I can always save up the money if I really, really want it).
4) Stop drinking so much fucking soda.
5) Exercise Monday - Friday, regardless of work schedule.


Now, once September 3 rolls around, it's going to be a new story. My class schedule looks like this:

Monday
8:30 - 9:45 American Government
10:00 - 11:15 Modern Comparative Politics
2:00 - 3:15 American Presidency

Wednesday
10:45 - 1:15 International Politics
6:30 - 9:00 Readings in Poetry

Thursday
8:30 - 9:45 American Government
10:00 - 11:15 Modern Comparative Politics
2:00 - 3:15 American Presidency


So here's the plan. I'll get up every day at seven, and have one soda. Then I'll workout. Kickboxing and weights will be Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and belly dance will be Tuesday and Thursday. I'll meditate for about five minutes to ground and center myself, and prepare myself for the day. Then I'll go to class or do some reading or go to work (when I eventually find a job). Before I go to bed every night, I'll do Yoga -- I'll do two Sun Salutations (one on each side), then the string of poses to increase clarity and relax my neck and shoulders, then the ones to release the tension in my hips, then the ones to stay supple and stretch out completely, then the ones to soothe my back, and then, finally, the ones to find stillness. That adds up to about twenty-three postures, but after awhile, I'll be able to string them all together really fluidly. I'll meditate for about five minutes, then lay down, and do a mental scan to make sure everything is relaxed and feeling well before I go to bed and sleep.

And then I'll do it all over again.

Weekends, I'll try not to break my schedule by too much. I may sleep a little later, and I may stay out a little later, but I'll try to stick to a good time frame so that I don't throw myself off too much.



Because I have so much to overhaul in my life (my finances, my spirituality, my health, etc.), I feel the need to break it down. So for right now, I'm going to focus on paying my credit card way far down, so that I can hand the control back to my mother for awhile. Once I get to school, I'm going to focus on my education and my spirituality and my health. Without the distractions of a boyfriend (not that he distracts me, but that I distract myself with him), I'll be able to focus much more easily on the tasks at hand.

I can't allow myself to not achieve these goals. The pattern that I've set in my life is that I set a goal and then something comes up and I allow myself to tell myself that the goal wasn't really that important, but was more like something I was killing time with or something I can take care of later. Then nothing gets accomplished. I need to start being the kind of strong, capable woman who can achieve her goals. I need to hold myself accountable, and not let myself get away with any kind of crap.

I know I can do it.		  
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  litai115
 
 
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