if I told you this was killing me, would you would you stop?   
05:15pm 28/06/2003
mood: content
music: The Julianna Theory
In case you read this: I never meant to hurt you. It's a byproduct of my taking advantage of the happiness that was in plain view, that I knew (as Steve told me months ago) I shouldn't deny myself. I chose happiness over loneliness and depression, and I'm sorry for what happened because of it, but if you hang on a little while, then by the time you get to college and meet a flesh-and-blood woman to be with, you'll forget all about me.

From Bree Sharp:

The road is turning for me
The road is turning for you,
The light is red like a fire
But you drive on through.
I stay behind
and hear you call
You should've known this
from the start
I'm left with,
I'm left with
a piece of my heart.

This affected me, too. I'm not as heartless as people seem to think I am. And I know I deserved those last two words you'd ever say to me, but I just hope you can forget about me and make yourself happy.

I feel like such a bitch continuing this post on a happy note. I feel he deserves better than that -- better than anything I could do for him from so far away. However, I feel that it's equally important to note how happy I am, and how I'm really falling hard, and I think this could be something really special, something I was meant to find. And I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry for taking this opportunity to feel what it's like. Because it's heaven.

Absolute heaven.

And I'm loving every minute of it.