| blah | ||||
| 12:53am 29/05/2003 | ||||
This business with Jen is really bothering me. She's suing me, for those who don't know. And she has spent the past year and a half saying, "Who would I sue? Jessica? I couldn't sue Jessica!" every time we tell the story of the four-car pile-up we were involved in two Februarys (Februaries?) ago. But now she has proven that she can, in fact. And I am responding to it in my typical way: by firmly burying my head in the sand and hoping that, if we don't say it out loud, it will go away. I need her and her friendship and her family too much to let this ruin it. But it's really, really tough. I can't even really explore it here, so let's move on. Pitman Rec auditions and callbacks have been held. Every time I go to Pitman, I have so much fun. Some of the best people I know are from there. Just thought I'd throw that in here. Yesterday, Jess Wilson and I drove through upstate New York and places I hadn't been since I broke up with Keith. I miss a relationship. Not that particular relationship, mind you, because I'm glad we aren't still together, and, if anything, I'm ashamed that I was with him in the first place. But I miss sharing a piece of your life with someone. Having shared friends. Going on long drives. Holding hands. Kissing. I miss kissing a lot. A few weeks ago, I had a mental breakdown. I dug through this box of all my old papers and stuff and found an old diary and all these notes from Bruce and me writing back at forth at poetry convocations and even just in class and such. I kept them. I read the diary tonight. It was from my seventh grade year. Wow. I also re-visited my youth at the poetry boards tonight. I posted. I might hang around there some more now. I think I need to make poetry a bigger part of my life again. Work is going well. I enjoy it. I made a friend named Dan there, who's into tattoos and such. We chat, and the other day he bought me to McDonalds and bought me a soda after a particularly bad day, to make me feel better. It was rather nice. Any guy who buys me soda's a friend of mine. Last night I read about Quantum Physics, and now I feel all smart. I'm spreading this newfound wealth of knowledge as far as I can. It's cool to know about. Besides the fact that Keith used to say he wanted a girl smart enough to talk about Quantum Physics, and I never felt I was smart enough to be that girl, or interesting enough to be anyone's intriguing, interesting girl. But now I sort of do, and it's nice to know that I don't need him. Working out is going well, however. Today I did the full kickboxing thing, and the weights. It felt incredible. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. Well, the kickboxing. By the end of the summer, I will be in considerably better shape. And that's that. I have the power to change my shape through sheer force of will. Oh! I figured out the tattoo. Jess Wilson and Vicki are both drawing me phoenixes. I want it to be kind of small, since I only want to sit once. But I want the wings to go out along my shoulders. I want it to be made of fire, like this one picture I found. However, I want to bring the elements into it. Since the bird represents fire and air by itself, I want to add these small ripples beneath the tailfeathers to include the element of water, and I want the bottom feathers on the wings to really be leaves to bring in the earth element. To top it all off, I want the phoenix to be holding a really awesome pentacle in its mouth -- but I haven't quite envisioned the pentacle yet. Something earthy, I'm thinking, that looks like its made of twisted twigs. I don't know. I still have to earn my phoenix before I can do it. So I hope that a really awesome tattoo will be the motivation I need. Okay, I think I'm done now. Let me resume the list: Five Things I'm Thankful For 1) Rawn 2) Work is good 3) Pitman Rec is good 4) I've figured out the phoenix 5) Working out is good |
||||
| Post | ||||
confused| oh! | |||
| 01:35am 29/05/2003 | |||
|
I forgot that I changed my Ramapo schedule. Also, because I'm a geek, I did it in an Excel table. Anyway. The new schedule looks a little like this: Monday 8:30 - 9:45 American Government 10:00 - 11:15 Modern Comparative Politics 1:00 - 1:30 Model UN meeting 2:00 - 3:15 American Presidency Tuesday 7:00 - 1:00 Work 2:00 - 5:20 Stagecraft Lecture & Lab Wednesday 10:45 - 1:15 International Politics 6:30 - 9:00 Readings in Poetry Thursday 8:30 - 9:45 American Government 10:00 - 11:15 Modern Comparative Politics 2:00 - 3:15 American Presidency Friday 7:00 - 12:00 Work 1:00 - 1:30 Community Builders Coalition Meeting (?) If not, I'm going to stay at work for a full shift. That way I can have about 15-17 hours of work a week. I'm also going to try to pick up a job running the light board at the theater, so I can get some extra cash flowing in that way. I'll be keeping pretty busy, but also keeping my weekends free this way. I don't know what I'll end up doing with theater, but it'll be much easier if I just have Saturdays and Sundays off, and I'm working only mornings. And I only have one class after 6 during the week. The schedule's pretty good for whatever. Stagecraft will keep me busy, as well as joining Model UN and Community Builders Coalition with Vicki, and then whatever else I decide to do. I'm glad I'm going back to a happy place, where I feel at home every time I step foot on campus, instead of trying to force myself to be happy in a place where I'm just not. Okay, goodnight now. |
|||
| Post | |||
| litai115 | ||
|
Recent Entries Friends Info Calendar | ||
| days | ||
| Previous Next |
||