| i heart Sears Auto Center | ||||
| 02:23pm 17/12/2003 | ||||
The other reason I took the final so quickly was because I couldn't stop thinking about all the outside stuff on my mind. Like the fact that, right after the midterm, I had to go to The Lodge to fill out a stupid form so that I don't get kicked out or fined for staying past Friday, because my exams got rescheduled. And the fact that, after that, I had to take my tire somewhere. Janine informed me that there's a Sears Auto Center at the Paramus Park Mall, so I went and I got that taken care of. Enjoyable. Now I'm killing time before work. I should probably take a nap, but that's what a normal person would do. Instead, I'm about to check out the New York Sports Club, because I want to join a gym for the new year and I need information on that one (since there's one right on 17N). I'm also chugging Diet Coke in the hopes that I'll wake up, and I'm also hoping someone interesting to talk to will come online or take their away messages down -- all my friends are away, and I friggin hate that. lol Janine's listening to the CD someone made to help her choose a wedding song. I personally am rooting for Lou Reed's "Have a Little Faith in Me" -- although I might not want her to do it, because I want that to be only mine (um, and a bazillion other weddings) for when I get married a million years from now! I love that song...it just made me happy, even in this miserable, cold, rainy weather and with the looming prospect of The Pet Company ahead! |
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drained| argh | ||||
| 12:15am 17/12/2003 | ||||
On the way to Walmart, I hit this pothole in Tuxedo, of all places, and blew a tire. Wide open. So he changed it for me, and everything was okay...but now I have to get up early in the morning to go get myself a new tire. And then make it in time for my final. Oh, and then fill out a check-out extension form (because Ramapo makes nothing easy). And then go to work. I'm closing with Janene, which means we'll be there forever, and then I have two finals on Thursday, and then more work...then errands on Friday and even more work...At least this weekend will be interesting -- hopefully. We'll see. More on that when there are developments worth noting. Wow, sometimes I really just need someone to relax with. I'm convinced that the high-stress life I'm living would be eased so much if I just had some soothing time alone with someone who meant something to me, which I'm highly lacking. All I'm looking for in life is a guy to be my best friend -- someone I look forward to coming home to. Anyway, I'm going to get some much-needed sleep before I battle the big long day I have ahead of me. |
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stressed| the infamous "it's only fair" post: | |||
| 07:07pm 16/12/2003 | |||
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100 Things You May or May Not Know About Me 1) I was born on an army base in Heidelburg, Germany. 2) If I don't drink soda within about twenty minutes of waking up, I have headaches that last all day long. 3) I have never kept a job for more than five months. 4) Jen and I did not grow up together. We've only known each other since orientation at Monmouth, 2001. 5) I am obsessed with Law & Order. 6) I have conquered more silly childhood fears in four months of working at the Pet Store than in the previous 18 years. 7) I have never had any cavities. 8) I could actually go to The Olive Garden every night for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy. 9) I don't cook. Don't ask me to cook (unless you want pasta with not enough sauce, or rice a roni). 10) I spent far too large a portion of my life trying to figure out who I should be, instead of trying to figure out who I was. 11) I will never stop feeling guilty (for myself) about how I lost my virginity. 12) I know how to play the baritone horn and the trumpet. Sort of. 13) Most people who think they know me, don't. 14) I only have one friend left from high school who I talk to on a regular basis. 15) I hurt myself without even noticing. 16) There are only two people on this whole planet that I trust to tell me the truth, no matter what -- my mother and Chris. 17) I am a lot more feminine than I appear. I just hide it well. 18) I spent a year "living" in the guy's wing of a dorm. I can take shit most girls can't. 19) I seriously considered the military as a career option. 20) I will do almost anything for a friend. Betray me, and I'm very likely to cut you out of my life completely, with no warning and no excuses accepted. Ask Charles. 21) I have never met my sister. 22) I love puppies. Furthermore, all dogs, regardless of their age, are puppies. 23) If it makes sense to me, it makes sense. Let's just move on. 24) If a restaurant offers some form of fried cheese as an appetizer, I have to try it and compare it to all the other fried cheese in every other restaurant in which I've ever eaten. 25) I am grammatically infalliable. My grandmother (and everyone else) asks me to spell words for her and checks random, obscure grammar rules with me before editing things my mother has asked her to read and fix. 26) I've never done drugs. Even when Jim offered me K (which I think only Bill and Jen and Tommy D. will find funny). 27) I like to be cold rather than hot -- because it's easier to warm up than to cool down. 28) I don't wear shorts. Ever. Any attempt to get me to wear shorts will fail. My mother's been trying since I was eight, folks. 29) I set my alarm clock ahead so that I'm never late...but when I set the clock, I keep in mind that it's set ahead, thereby completely destroying everything I was trying to accomplish. 30) I am big on making memories. Bill and I have planned countless trips to the city and the like to that end. 31) Jen and I talk constantly about making a scrapbook we will never make. 32) I used to want to be a wedding planner. 33) I am Wiccan. 34) The first annual spring break road trip was so that I could meet a guy I'd been dating on the internet. If you want to know how well that went, ask Jen. She loves to relive it. 35) I want to see the world. Literally. 36) I spend hours in Barnes & Noble carefully selecting the next book to buy and read, in a process that astounds Jen to this day and makes no sense to anyone but me (see #23). 37) I am obsessed with astrology, and must know everyone's sign. I actually base my opinions of people on their sign. 38) I cried when my Uh-Oh Oreo skunk got hit by a car. For that matter, I cry pretty much whenever I see anything dead on the side of the road. 39) For that matter, I cry way too easily. 40) I have always had a fetish for guys with long hair. 41) I truly believe that The Princess Bride is the best movie ever made. 42) I am always right. You will never win an argument with me. 43) I am the Queen of Guilt Trips. When you think you've won an argument with me, wait for me to bring it up the next time we disagree. 44) I believe everyone should own and know how to properly care for and operate a gun. 45) I have only kissed three people. 46) I regret kissing every single one. 47) I have never had a relationship in which I allowed myself to actually be vulnerable (see #13). 48) I have two Christmases (one with my best friend Jen's family, one with mine). 49) I am currently on my third car. The first one was an '88 Corolla that got ruined in a four-car pileup on 2/16/02. 50) Ever since Jen decided to sue me, my mother has completely cut her off. 51) I took Hawaiian dance. I am learning how to belly dance. 52) The best job I ever had was as an After School Care attendant at a Catholic elementary school. 53) Usually, when I come to you with a problem, I'm just looking for consolation and comfort. I can be rational and logical on my own -- your attempts to fix me will only irritate me. I promise. 54) When I was little, I used to go to at least two movies a weekend. 55) I just may be the future Press Secretary to the President of the United States. 56) I wear a disproportionate amount of black. Apparently, this makes me look like I "live in a black and white movie." 57) My chest weighs 20 pounds. 58) I am (or was) the personal secretary and masseuse to Bill. 59) I have very recently gotten into the new punk scene (Senses Fail, Brand New, All-American Rejects, Smile Empty Soul, Yellowcard, etc). If you have a problem with that, leave it alone. 60) I grew up listening to country music. I still sometimes listen to it. If you complain, I will trap you in my car on a road trip to Albany (Vicki and Rox) and blast it. Non-stop. Don't test me, I really am that sadistic. 61) Love Connection will always be the best cheesy dating show of all-time. 62) I have killed every plant I've ever tried to keep. 63) I don't base my opinions of professors on my grades in their classes, unlike most people I know. 64) I find a real problem with the selling out of K-Rock and Hot Topic. 65) I own my own purple sparkly bowling ball with my name engraved. 66) I skipped a grade in school. Don't you wish you knew which one. 67) I have been to see four or five different therapists in my life. 68) I am a very habitual person. I don't deal well with change. 69) I enjoy contradicting people just for the fun of it. 70) When I decide to try something, I must have every single thing necessary to do anything it might entail. I never follow through on it, though (i.e., the jewelry box). 71) I am still struggling with money management. 72) I'm a big cuddler, though that information (prior to this list) was released on a need-to-know basis. 73) I really like to drive. Sometimes, I drive to nowhere, just to be in my car with my CDs. 74) I firmly believe we never landed on the moon. Please, I dare you to fight with me about it. 75) I am a very sarcastic person. If you take the things I say personally, you're likely to walk around pouting a lot. 76) I kickbox and strength train pretty much every day (except during the Christmas season at work!). 77) I love the smell of coffee, but I hate the taste of coffee. This has led me to the decision that I must marry a coffee drinker, so I can smell it every morning, but never have to drink it. 78) Before my cousin Cole was born, I was strongly considering going to the fire academy to continue a family tradition. Now it's his burden. 79) My last relationship led me to realize that I really can't forgive everyone everything, and I do have to have some standards written in stone. 80) I get very offended when my reliability, honesty, and trust-worthiness are called into question. 81) I am not-so-secretly infatuated with Angelina Jolie. 82) I love when people leave messages to AIM when I'm away. 83) I love to read Live Journals and other online diaries. 84) I have spent my whole life giving most of myself to others and receiving very little in return. 85) My children will be taught about values and ethics, and they will be taught how to act in public. The day my child is screaming in a store and I do not correct that behavior is the day you can run me over with your car -- because I have ceased to be a productive human being. 86) Starry Night is my favorite painting, although M.C. Escher is my favorite artist. 87) I buy thirty-seven cent pasta at Walmart. In bulk. Every time we go to Walmart. 88) I go to Walmart once a week, on Adventure Tuesdays. 89) Most of the poetry I have ever written has been about one person. 90) I bruise easily -- this can be interpreted in a few ways, and it's true in each way. 91) Kevin Smith graduated from my high school, and I give the best "Kevin Smith" tour of Monmouth County ever. For that matter, I give the best "famour people" tour -- Montel, Bon Jovi, Springsteen, Geraldo, Billy Joel, Whitney Houston...I know where all their houses are. 92) I call my mother every day. She is my best friend. 93) I sang soprano 1 in the a capella choir for five years. 94) I hold grudges for a long time, even though I know that it's not healthy. 95) I love mashed potatoes with ketchup. Don't knock it until you've tried it. 96) There is a wide array of different foods I've never tried. I won't get into it, though, because it will frustrate JD. 97) If I sleep past 11, I feel like I have accomplished nothing -- regardless of how much has actually gotten done. 98) I changed my major at least six times, ranging from English/Secondary Ed to Theater to Poli Sci. 99) If I had to go on a real date tomorrow, I would literally have nothing to wear. I didn't even own makeup until the father of one of my high school friend's died, and I had to go to the funeral. 100) I am shy. I hide this fact by being outgoing. It's difficult to discern the truth about me in a lot of areas. |
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| third time's a charm, but would we ever get that far? | ||||
| 07:06pm 16/12/2003 | ||||
I'm very tired, because I stay up talking to Brian every night these days. But that's my own fault. I can't wait for the New Year...can't wait. Anyway...I've gotta do laundry and run to Walmart. Hopefully Chris will wanna hang out tonight -- even though I should be studying, I really need to be around people right now. =) This is stuff saved up from a few days, because Blurty hasn't been publishing. 1) Single or Taken: very single 2) Sex: girl 3) Birthday: January 15 4) Starsign: capricorn 5) Siblings: a half sister, and a brother and sister who aren't really my brother and sister 6) Hair color: brown 7) eye color: brown 8.) shoe size: 9-10, depending on the brand 9) Height: 5'3"-ish 10) Who is your best friend? chris, jenna 11) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: no 12) Who do you like? i'm batting around all kinds of possibilities at this point 13) Where is your favorite place to shop: target. or Walmart in the middle of the night, with Chris and Susie on Adventure Tuesdays. 14) Any tattoos or piercings: not yet 15) Do you do drugs: never 16) What kind of shampoo do you use: Suave, because it smells good and they sell it for about a dollar. 17) What are you most scared of: not making a difference to the people I care about. 18) What car do you wish to have: mine -- i just wish I could afford to get the dents banged out. 19) Who is the last person that called you: my mother. 20) Where do you want to get married: in the garden of a manor house/hotel where i can have a weekend-long celebration 21) How many messenger buddies do you have? on Belladonna994, 92. 22) If you could change something about yourself, what would you?: i would try to look at myself with as forgiving an eye as i hold to everyone else 23) Favourite Color: black, lol. no, probably purple, green, or various shades of blue. 24) Songs: it depends on the mood, and also...which song is playing at the moment. 25) Band: i don't have one trademark favorite band. i like a lot of different kinds of music. 26) Subjects in school: poli sci, sociology, psychology, literature (except for Readings in Humanities)... 27) Animals: puppies 28.)Food: anything Italian gets to me 29) Way to die: peacefully. 30) Game: violent air hockey. or bad chess. or Spit or Egyptian Ratscrew. 31) Given anyone a bath: i washed this girl's hair once at Bill's house because she couldn't get her costumed nails off...and i bathed a dog once. 32) Smoked: i have. i started and quit one month in seventh grade. 33) Bungee jumped: i will someday. 34) Broken the law: daily, when i drive at death-defying speeds on Route 17. 35) Made yourself throw-up: nope 36) Gone skinny-dipping?: nope 37) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: you betcha 38.) Red: if you say so 39) phone: um... 40) Socks: i don't have enough, and they're all just plain white socks. 41) Greenland: uh huh... 42) Do you like filling these out: yes. 43) Last film you saw at the cinema?: Bad Santa, which sucked 44) Favorite cartoon character: the baby on The Family Guy 45) What do you have for breakfast in the morning? Cheerios 46) Who would you hate being locked in a room with: Bill or Vicki -- we'd kill each other 47) Who would you love being locked in a room with: Jen, because we probably wouldn't notice, until she wanted to go to the bowling alley and we couldn't get out. 48.) favourite quote: "The more sadness carves out of you, the more joy you can ultimately pour in." LAST PERSON WHO... x. Slept in your bed: me x. Saw you cry: everyone at work, to my horror x. Made you cry: Rawn probably x. Spent the night with: ha. x. You went to the movies with: my mom x. You went to the mall with: myself last time...but the last time I wasn't alone was with Chris or Jen x. Yelled at you: gotta be my mom. x. Sent you an email: grandma. x. You kissed: the puppies at work yesterday HAVE YOU EVER... x. Said "I Love You" and meant it: i don't think so x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: sibling rivalry with my dog. x. Been to New York: many a time x. Florida: no, but someday I'll make it to Disney World. x. California: no, but someday... x. Hawaii: I wish x. Mexico: no, but if you want to take me to Cancun (any month but March - April), feel free x. China: I would love it x. Canada: yes, with Jen and Daddy, and we decided we hate Canadia x. Danced naked: probably at some point. but i was alone at the time. x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: sometimes x. Wish you were the opposite sex: nope x. Had an imaginary friend: i don't think so RANDOM x. Red or blue: blue x. Spring or Fall: Fall x. Are you bored: currently, no. x. Last noise you heard: the sound of SNL reruns on TV behind me. x. Last time you went out of the state: almost daily. x. Things you like in a girl/guy: i like intelligence, a sense of humor (bonus points if it's a dark or sarcastic one, double bonus points if it's both rolled into one), and someone who allows me to see things about them that they don't allow others to see -- and will respect me enough to not share with the world the things i allow only them to see in return. i also like long hair, tattoos, some piercings, guitar/bass players, guys who like dogs, guys who like movies, and guys who like me. the offbeat generally attracts me as well. x. Do you have a crush on someone: I'm one of those people that sees things in potential terms as opposed to actual ones, ever since senior year of high school. It's usually more, "I could like him" than "I do like him" x. What book are you reading now: i'm working my way through several books at the moment x. Worst feeling in the world: loneliness, feeling like you're not loved x. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: I don't wanna x. How many rings before you answer: a couple...depending on whether or not i hear it. x. Future daughter's name: Morgan? x. Future son's name: my uncle stole the one I really liked without knowing it, so now that my cousin is named Cole I'll have to settle for Dillon or Patrick or Tristan. x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: at home, but not at school. x. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be: i want to be a lawyer...maybe a judge someday x. Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous: righty x. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: no, but i type about 120 wpm. if you don't believe me, i invite you to watch me type. once i was in the computer room in high school, sitting by the door, and people came in from the hallway to stand in awe and watch. the best part about that story is it's true. x. What's under your bed: my jewelry box, my old stage management box, a bag i love but don't carry anymore, and some clothes x. Favorite sport to watch: hockey x. Current Age: 19 x. Siblings: Nicole...14? 15? x. Location: Mahwah x. College plans: graduating May of '05? or January of '06. x. Piercings: just my ears x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: currently, neither. EXTRA STUFF x. Do you do drugs: never x. Do you drink: nope x. Who is your best friend: Jen and Chris and Susie x. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use: cheap stuff that smells good x. What are you most scared of: not making a difference to people I love x. What clothes do you sleep in: a t-shirt and PJ pants x. Who is the last person who called you: my mom x. Where do you want to get married: someday x. Who do you really hate: Everyone. Yes this means you! (if you know me, you know the truth) x. Favorite number: 9 x. Been in love: nope x. What type automobile do you drive: '99 Corolla x. Are you timely or always late: Always, always, always early. I have a thing about it. x. Do you have a job: yes. x. Do you like being around people: depends entirely on the people. if it's the right person, the one who understands that you can sometimes just sit in silence in a room, even doing different things, and still feel close and comforted, then all the time. if it's someone that constantly needs to fill the air with noise, then when i'm in the mood to talk. x. Best feeling in the world: knowing that something you did made somebody else's day better x. Are you for world peace: in theory, yes. x. Are you a health freak: not really...but i'm trying x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: yes x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: yeah x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: no x. Want someone you don't have right now: sure x. Are you lonely right now: yep x. Ever afraid you'll never get married: sometimes -- I was just talking to Val the other day about how, if I can't tolerate anyone more than three months ever...I'll never get married x. Do you want to get married: if i find the right person x. Do you want kids: sometimes FAVORITE x. Room in house: Whichever one no one else is in x. Type(s) of music: Depends on how I am feeling x. Band: all different stuff x. Memory: Boston/Salem with Jen, Christa and Sandra... x. Day of the week: whatever day I have off work -- extra good if I don't have classes, either x. Color: black...purple, blue, green x. Perfume or cologne: i love vanilla scents. on guys...nothing that Dan or Keith ever wore. I like Bill's Drakkar... x. Month: late-September to October, when it's not sooo cold, but it's sweater weather and the leaves are changing colors and the trees are on fire. IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU... x. Cried: yeah x. Bought something: food at work. x. Gotten sick: no x. Sang: yes. I sing all the time. x. Said "I Love You": to my mom, on the phone this morning. x. Met someone new: Yes...the people I sold dogs to, for one. x. Moved on: never x. Talked to someone: yes x. Missed someone: yes x. Hugged someone: no (and i'm going through withdrawal) x. Kissed someone: No (and I'm going through withdrawal) x. Fought with your parents: nope x. Had a lot of sleep: no (although sleeping from 4 - 11 was the most I've gotten in a long time) Jessica: You have a love of travel and adventure, and you enjoy sports. You also have a very strong sense of fair play and want justice. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen. You have a need to earn money to prove your success to society and must learn the true value of material gains and status. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. Lenora: You are fair-minded sometimes to the point of being opinionated. You have a strong need to be loved and appreciated. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You have a need to be up front. Barrett: You have a tendency to resist change. Don't miss opportunities for growth. You have a love of creature comforts, but must learn to handle money. You have a need to be up front. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. You need to learn faith in place of fear. |
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busy| i apologize for TMI | |||
| 09:23pm 07/12/2003 | |||
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| we get by just fine here on minimum wage, if love is a labor i'll slave til the end, i won't cross these streets until you hold my hand | ||||
| 01:32am 07/12/2003 | ||||
Yesterday I went shopping for Jen at Palisades, and ended up buying myself three presents to her one. I got a Nightmare Before Christmas sweatshirt, a pack of bracelets, and Punk Goes Acoustic, probably the best CD I found in a long time, with acoustic pieces by Yellowcard and Rufio and oh-so-many others. Afterwards, all the fun started. So let's talk about how we had an actual blizzard. It was a complete white-out. And the poets still came for Def Poetry Jam. And I met and spoke with cute, passionate, intelligent guys. It made me wish I had any actual social skills. But alas, I don't. And the poetry was amazing. Ramapo's poets and the Def Poets. The whole night was so much fun. Wow. Anyway, I had switched shifts with Melissa on her behest, so as I was trudging home in the blizzard from Friend's Hall back to my dorm at 1 AM, I was not worried, because I didn't have to be at work until 3. I slept until 12, and when I got up I called the store to see if it was open -- because there was so much snow on the ground and even more falling. It was open. And she informed me that I was supposed to be there four hours ago. Which means Melissa never showed up. [Oh, and how I wanted to rip her throat out for getting me in trouble before I even woke up.] So I hauled ass to work in the snow. It was a terrible drive. Melissa never showed up. Then I got a migraine, and almost passed out. Then Val, Janine and I were talking about what time I should be allowed to go, and I was trying to negotiate for an earlier time, since I technically came in earlier than the shift I was supposed to be covering, though later than the shift I was given. Josh felt the need to tell Janine he was the only 12-8 on the schedule, and Melissa was 3-10, and then ask to go on break. So I started crying, told Dave I was going to slit Josh's throat, and went out to sit in the hallway with my bottle of water, crying my eyes out because I couldn't make the headache stop. [You must understand, I have never had a migraine before, and I genuinely thought I might die.] Because I have never cried at work, it became a huge deal that I'm sure everybody talked about all night. I wouldn't know, though, because Janine followed me into the hall and told me I could go home, because she knows how bad it probably felt. However, I know there's a catch somewhere that I haven't found. And I was $100 below commission this week, so I'll have to make that up next week. And she's probably really pissed about it. But it's not like I made myself sick. The best part of it, though, was how much Dave and Ashley and Laura and Valerie actually cared. When I went to leave, Val scribbled her number down and gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to call her later. I mean, I didn't call her, but it was a nice gesture. Then I drove home in the snow with the migraine. The plows had blocked in where the spots were, and so I had to get out [with the migraine, in the snow] to shovel myself a spot. Argh. But anyway, I came home and called my mom to talk to her. I cleared 14 messages out of my school voice mail. And then I took a forty minute nap, made about eight pounds of pasta so I don't have to cook all week, and have subsequently been sitting online talking to Brain from Nanuet, whose LJ I found awhile ago and then discovered he was from Nanuet, etc. So we're chatting about various things, like how AIM is life. Or something like that. Anyway, I have to write my paper for American Presidency. That way I can spend next week working on the paper for Modern Comparative Politics (ugh...but only 10% of my grade). Then finals. And then I go home and start commuting to The Pet Company. Argh. I also have laundry to do tomorrow. Shoot me in the head. Everything good about this semester (i.e., Def Poetry Jam) is now behind me...time to just do what I have to do. The only good thing I can think of is that my 8:30 American Government is cancelled on Monday, so I can sleep in a little more. Also, I went on a downhill slide around Thursday. So I have to really prevent that from happening again this week. At least the five days of working out, if not Saturday too. It's going to be a lot harder starting next week, because I won't even be getting out of work until 11. So that means I'm going to slack on the 6 AM workout so that I can get enough sleep -- I'm going to make sure I workout every day, and go to 6 AM workouts in the new year, once the job settles down. Okay, I guess I'm done now, because I'm getting spread pretty thin...Nite. |
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blah| ha. hahahahaha. | |||
| 02:06am 06/12/2003 | |||
 How evil are you?  Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The Alone. "When I wake up alone, the shades are still drawn on the cold window pane so they cast their lines on my bed and lines on my face." The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness, melancholy, and patience. It is governed by the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword, or Unrequited Love. As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so much love to give, but thing just never seem to work out the way you want them to. In life, you can be very optomistic, even when things are gray and nothing works out to your expectations. What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| my eharmony profile | |||
| 02:45am 03/12/2003 | |||
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Apparently, I'm so strange that they can't even fit me into a profile, which means they won't match me. Isn't that nice? Anyway, I still got a personality profile, so I'm sharing it with you. I've bolded the things I find particularly true. Some of it I think is bullshit...but again, I don't know what the HTML is for writing the line through it. Oh well. If you know me, hopefully you'll know what's true and what's not. By analyzing your answers to the Relationship Questionnaire we have created the following Personality Profile. Everyone has a set of subconscious wants and desires that drive their choices and attitudes. By asking you questions about a wide range of emotional issues, this report has established general patterns in your values. Some of the following information may seem inaccurate or incomplete. Remember, that this profile is a snapshot of your personality at a specific moment. It is not intended as an in-depth analysis of your complete being, but as a tool to aid in self-discovery. - Others may see you as disciplined and self-controlled. You have seen the problems of being overly optimistic when planning to depend on others following through. - You usually assume a cautious and reserved demeanor when meeting new people. Your relationships must grow naturally and in sincere ways. You will not confide in others readily because of your need for security. - Others showing genuine sincerity and acceptance impress you. You do not like a shallow expression of feelings or thoughtlessness of others. You will get along with most people you meet because you don't cause hostility. - Because of your thoughtful nature, you need others to express sincere interest in you or the relationship. This offers the secure feeling that you seek. - During times of stress or tension, you may withdraw inside yourself and appear as somewhat cool and aloof. You need to be alone when thinking through projects, problems or solutions. - You may be a matter-of-fact person who may be critical of the shortcomings of others who display a more emotional or outgoing side. Each person has a unique way of communicating. We use a combination of body language, facial expression, verbal tone and word choice to share ourselves with others. The following statements offer a look at the natural behavior you bring to an interpersonal relationship. [This section, overall, was quite dissatisfying.] - You may be somewhat reticent and retiring when with others, especially in a large group. As others grow louder, you may become quieter. You value control of emotions, and are more reflective than rowdy. - Because of your need to be quiet rather than rambling, you are somewhat introspective about events and activities. You may not communicate readily and rapidly with others, but this does not mean you don't support others. - You attempt to influence others not by showing great emotion, but by appealing to the logical nature of people. Those who are more emotional and excitable may sometimes ignore your approach. - Some people may inaccurately perceive you as not liking people. You may be misread by others, because you approach social situations with logic and objectivity, judging others by their competence--you may sometimes be misread by others. - You are usually astute in social situations because you take little at face value, will listen carefully and accurately, and will watch others carefully. - You tend to listen rather than talk. You may place a premium on display of emotions. As a result, "reading" you at times may be difficult. - You may want to base relationships on a nonemotional respect for each other's abilities, and base your level of trust on directness and straightforwardness. Many different factors determine the communication styles with which you are most comfortable. Some individuals thrive on the challenge of pointed criticism, while others are at their best in a nurturing environment where criticism is offered as a suggestion for improvement. Each of us has a unique set of requirements and preferences. Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own. Having a partner who understands and practices these traits is important to your long-term happiness. - Have facts and ideas in a logical order. - Provide options, rather than opinions. - Give pros and cons of ideas. - Ask specific questions--preferably "WHAT" questions. - Be brief, clear and to the point. - Prepare for demanding questions, and perhaps objections. - Be ready at the exact time. - Stick to the topic. - Be on time. - Use a logical and unemotional approach. - Show patience, especially when drawing out information. - Provide questions and choices for making decisions. Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people. Some will seem obvious, but you may be surprised by others. Take a moment to reflect on each and consider what role it may have played in your past successes, and even failures. - Like games of competition and skill. - You are good at "troubleshooting" potential problems in a relationship. - You generally don't like to back away from a challenge. - You place a high value on being direct and honest when expressing thoughts and feelings. - You tend to be tenacious about solving problems, not liking to give up until something is resolved. - You like to analyze problems and discuss their possible solutions before taking action. - You like to initiate new activities. - You don't tend to get distracted by superficial issues. In general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed. You may want: - Respect among peers and friends for your quiet manner. - Opportunity for personal involvement. - To be seen as a leader. - Rewards for your ideas, and results for your actions. - Objectivity and logic in relationships and activities. - Freedom to act independently from time to time. - A supportive environment where you do not have to display great emotion. - Opportunity to talk about your ideas and prove your skills. - Straight talk and straight dealing. - New challenges and problems to solve. - Time away occasionally--you value your privacy. [Which I never knew until Dan made me the epicenter of his entire life.] |
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| they say you need to pray if you wanna go to heaven. they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell. [and i can't let you let me down again] | ||||
| 05:13pm 02/12/2003 | ||||
But I need some excitement. Come the New Year, when work lightens up and my life shifts a little, I'm going to make it a more active goal of mine to make my life much more interesting. I need to meet more people. I need to spend more time out of the house. I need to develop social skills. I need to have fun. I need to be active and live my life fully and really enjoy every single stinkin moment of it. This is the epiphany I reached this afternoon, while procrastinating writing my PATRIOT Act paper for American Presidency, and bouncing around through people's journals, reading their private thoughts. It has occurred to me that I don't think too many people read this, and I don't know if that makes me happy, or angry, or disappointed, or relieved, or what. Like, I'm glad that my personal thoughts remain relatively personal (as I don't believe more than one or two people read this, and even if they do, they never comment). However, I guess maybe I'm just not a magnetic enough personality and I don't have an interesting enough life to garner big-time followers like some people I know. Furthermore, it points to a lack of friends with real interest in my life, because this is clearly here, the link is in my AIM info, and still no one comes. Hmph. So anyway, let's see. I strength trained yesterday, and today I did the kickboxing. I need to make it a much more routine thing. I need to stick to it. Getting up at 6:30 AM and doing what I have to do, and eating well and keeping it all going. I have some pretty high goals to work towards now, some big things I'm planning for myself. I am going to be pushing myself pretty hard, but I'll also be feeling so proud and so accomplished when I get there. For example, right now my biggest goal is getting through the end of this semester and the end of the holiday season at work. Ha. No, seriously, my biggest goal is focused on lifting and cardio, getting it done every day so that I can be ready for...the military? Is it possible? Can it be true? Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't know. But maybe. Maybe. Halle Berry is a frickin genius. I don't care if she made a mistake or two (namely, drunken hit and runs and things of that nature). She was on E!, on some stupid program about her love life. And she said something along the lines of, women have trouble in relationships because we're taught, growing up, that we should meet Prince Charming and he'll love us and take care of us and complete us and make everything okay. She also said that this is the worst bill of goods women were ever sold, because we need to love ourselves and take care of ourselves and complete ourselves, make everything okay for ourselves. Then we'll have something to offer someone else. I guess that's my newest inspiration. Because it's what I'm doing. Or trying to do. Score! I have stumbled upon the most inane of all inane television programs. It is called Vegas Showgirls: Nearly Famous. And it's on E! -- of course. Because why would I be writing important papers when I could be watching nonsense? |
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pensive| quick quiz before work | ||||||
| 03:58pm 01/12/2003 | ||||||
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| my new life resolutions | |||
| 10:39pm 30/11/2003 | |||
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1) Exercise daily. 2) Respect and take care of myself. 3) Meditate. 4) Work hard at everything I do. 5) Think, speak and act positively; release negative emotions. Starting tomorrow, I'm going a whole new approach to taking care of myself. That is, to start out slowly and healthfully, and keep getting better and better. With that in mind, I have two new notebooks -- a little one to track my workouts and what I eat, and a larger one to chart the mental, emotional and spiritual progress I'll be making. And I will be making this progress. That's all. I'm done now. |
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| wishful thinking? | ||||
| 12:27am 28/11/2003 | ||||
[Ha. Don't I wish.] |
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sad| thanks a lot | ||||
| 11:05pm 27/11/2003 | ||||
Actually, I wish you knew how easy it was to make me happy. And how to say just the right thing. And how to take the cues I'm giving you. Or, when you find out by accident how easy it is to crush me (although I don't think you know that's what you did), I wish you would make it better. I can't believe you'd let me sit here and cry instead of putting forth any effort, when all I ever do is try to help you and be there for you. Happy Thanksgiving, thanks for letting me know you care. [I'm sorry, this is not your fault. I just hate to spend holidays alone. And I hate feeling alone. And I get very upset when it's so easy to make it better...and you just won't.] |
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| a couple quizzes for your enjoyment | |||
| 10:51pm 26/11/2003 | |||
 You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and creativity, and usually are highly intelligent. Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla  You are the Bloody Siren. Vain, selfish, sexual fantasy, you lure mortal men to their dark end. You are sex and illusion and you use up men to feed your wicked desires until they surrender to you their last, crimson drop. What Fictional Vampire Archtype are You? brought to you by Quizilla HAPPY TURKEY DAY! |
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| a note...because I know you read this | |||
| 02:46am 26/11/2003 | |||
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This time last year, I didn't know you existed...but I knew you were missing. Thank you for giving me someone to be thankful for. You mean more to me than you'll ever know. |
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| =) | ||||
| 02:08pm 25/11/2003 | ||||
Meanwhile, two of my ten-page papers are done, along with my five-page and my four-page. That leaves me with one more ten-pager (which is getting done on 12/2, when I get the day off like I requested) and the preparation for the France presentation (which is getting done on Sunday). I feel like I'm missing something, but it's just because I've accomplished so much, and I thought I was going to be so behind, especially with my work schedule the way it is. Wow. I don't believe it's so close to finals, to Christmas. I can't believe it. I have to still do much to get ready for Christmas, but I can't worry about that until after the last ten-page paper is done. Then I can revisit my Christmas list and see what I still need to get, and I can piece together everybody's presents and give them away during exam week (Bill and Jen are getting theirs on 12/14). On an even higher note, it's only ten days until Def Jam. Wow. That's gonna fucking rock. My life is pretty cool right at this very moment in time. And it's only going to get better once I clear away the cobwebs from my fall semester and bust into taking care of myself hardcore for winter and spring semesters, and emerge over the summer from my cocoon. =) |
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| wow | |||
| 12:35am 25/11/2003 | |||
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JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious. The point here is to cross out everything that you don't think applies to you. I don't know how to do that...but I'd really only cross out "hard-hearted" -- because I only appear that way. And I guess I'm not particularly quiet, but I do get much less quiet when excited or tensed. Everything else fits me very well. |
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| and so i fall, i don't wanna feel this small -- you know i just can't handle this, handle this at all | ||||
| 12:52pm 24/11/2003 | ||||
Anyway, let's see...starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up and kickbox and do the strength training. I can't keep coming up with these stupid excuses. How am I ever going to get started if I keep letting myself off the hook? In short, I won't. So that's that. I have to get up tomorrow and do it, and kick myself in the ass. Working with Janene, she's been providing me with information that I already knew, but it's kind of like I guess I should hear it again so that I can remember. Lay off the carbs. Strength training is almost twice as important as cardio, so I realllllllly need to do it. Shit like that. I have to get started. Don't have the time? Hmph. Of course I have the time to take care of myself. And I need to do it already. I'll feel less blah -- I'll have more energy, more confidence, and I'll feel wonderful. Who wouldn't want that?! |
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| *sigh* | |||
| 01:56pm 20/11/2003 | |||
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| we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get | ||||
| 12:19am 20/11/2003 | ||||
It's raining. It's been raining all day. I finished researching for my terrorism paper, so that's going to get written on Friday, along with my Hedda Gabler/Nora paper for Readings. Sunday is my day to do the policy memo, and then my mom's coming up in the morning, so I won't really have time to do anything except the memo. Next week I'm going to do research for my Presidency paper on whatever day they give me off, and write it up on Sunday. I'm also going to have to find time (probably Thanksgiving evening/night) to do the research for France and figure out what I'm going to say when we present. Because I'm pretty sure the rest of my group would appreciate me knowing that. And I should've done it today...so I guess that's getting added onto "Things To Do Friday," since I'll be in a computer lab so that I can print. Tonight I played Cranium at Susie's with Susie (obviously), Roxane and Kylene, and Chris and Jamie. It was fun. Chris, Jamie and I were a team, and Roxane, Kylene and Susie were the other team, and then Baby Hands was the moderator/quiz-master. We had a good time. We lost, but it was still fun. I don't know her very well, but we seem to have a lot in common, and we'd probably get along. Then I came back home and I got a very nice message from Rawn, which brought me many smiles. Don't you love it when nothing's easy, there is no right answer, and there is no bad guy? |
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awake| litai115 | ||
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