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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
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6:32a
so, interesting evening to say the least, very much thinking about life and direction again...and where I can find a place to fit into the developing world....and of course swinging from negative to positive....you know what's made me so negative about something's? It's been the lack of support systems for genuinely good ideas....then of course there's been instances where I've had good idea's and just had them ripped off by others....and I still say that without being biased ...of course the positive is....that despite feeling like I could give up on life sometimes....I start thinking.....wow...I've got a bunch of extremely good idea's stacked in the back of the brain box.....so then it's trying to fit those idea's into a category that aren't just self motivated....and following that....which still have some commercial value....I mean the world is all about commercial value right ??
then well I start thinking about my dental situation, abuse, and neglect, and all the things and situations which might not put me in such a great frame of mind.... I was thinking about giving up swearing in my journal, I have a long story to tell you about swearing, and my life....it's quite interesting really....but you know ....think about it ...think of your perfect Utopia, think about if you could rebuild life somewhere....think about which country has the least abusive population in terms of sex crimes, racial genocide crimes, government corruption....etc....which country in the world do you think that would be ?....
I really need a more civilized life.....but I have to confess in my travels, I have found few instances of the truly civilized....I mean it's just a pretext really isn't it, you can't have development without social cost...e.g. pollution, which is of course uncivilized...you know walking is probably more civilized than driving a car....yet those that consider themselves civilized would probably say that driving a car is more civilized than walking...
I think I would make a good ruler...but I don't think I'm going to be around long enough for any of my idea's to come to fruition as my own...
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6:33a
anyway soon I will be going to bed....watching a video...and the following day, going to court....of course that's because I'm allegedly so uncivilized.
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6:38a
I think I should invent a new discipline, or at least it feel's new to me...I think I should become a social architect...
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6:47a
you know I do probably just belong under a waterfall in some tropical paradise.....I might go to South America....
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6:57a
and you know what else I think, I think the Department of Family and Planning are responsible for creating abusive relationships with their client's...I mean where the hell do they get off starving someone for eight months because they refuse to work as a Slave without correct wage entitlement...I mean seriously this country...without wanting to swear...it's a fucking disgrace...
and you want to know a history of abuse...start with less than proper family ties, I mean my Grandfather tried to pay my mother not to marry my father, followed by less than adequate family care...which hey, the working world can make situations like that, followed by an abusive Government and Church system, basically denying right to life....man I'm lucky to think myself sane, when I should given all account's be a complete fucking fuck up....lol....
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6:59a
but I wouldn't say that in public, I'd put it far more eloquently...as in "these are the thing's I think we need to change, because they server no good purpose"....
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7:04a
I guess perhaps these day's my experience has taught me to recognize an abusive situation, and to remove myself from it quicker....
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7:04a
well at least as quickly as one is able...
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7:08a
I can't even begin to imagine, how abuse most likely perpetuated through my own families life, I mean I only know bit's a piece's here and there, so I have no doubt that there's more hurt than
I could imagine hidden under the year's where my life had not yet come into being....
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7:19a
But you know what else I am aware of, of what a sly bunch of pricks people can become when they're getting Government Funding, and rely on it, to pay their bills....me you know why I don't have that many bill's, because I get no money...so in actual fact, I have the least dependent situation in terms of money from the Government because I'm not paying off a mortgage or car loan which I bet half of the people in the office would be......
but you know, only time will tell on this matter...and probably a lot more investigation....which I will point out was cut short...and who can say, perhaps thankfully so for both parties...
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7:23a
and you know what else, in term's of husband's in Adelaide, I actually think my mother was very lucky, of course dad's can be real turds, but then so can mothers and often people fail to appreciate the small things in life.
But that's life...and very few people are really, really happy.
Anguish man...I think I've experienced it all....and probably i would have had a better life, had I not been born at all....lol.
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7:47a
so you want to know the first person my mother's side of the family abused...my father..and I still recall a couple of thing's that happened to me along the way....and I really question the nurturing process behind it....people aren't nurtured these day's....or if they are it's because there's a quick buck in it...I mean that's the health industry for you...I think I'm currently a victim of a health industry...how fucked up is that...??..yeah I know using the bad language again...but seriously, what world you prefer me say, isn't that disgusting ? can you believe that happen's in this day and age ?..I mean I would have thought shonky doctors went out in the 1800's....but then I forget, Australia was founded just some 300 year's ago...and it seem's they failed to keep up with the rest of humanity...well maybe that's being a little too optimistic to other world developments, but you know you can always hope...
anyway I better kick the bucket and get to bed and watch a movie...not that you'd call it your normal routine, but it's one that's going to fit the current situation....and don't tell me it's because I'm unregulated...because thing about it ...one five million dollar deal can be struck in a matter of 10 minutes over a dinner table...so the nine to five routine...despite fitting one sector of society, doesn't mean it's the best framework for everyone...
Mind you I don't dispute the nine to five routine either for it's benefits...I'm just saying there's a situation to fit each situation...
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8:46a
you know i think i should add the line, fuck you and fuck your money too....to the fuck you song...
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