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Ailin

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rejected [01 Jul 2004|01:56am]
today is july first... life is passing me by at an amazing speeeed. i cant believe that my vacations are more than halfway dead! i had a good time though.... lots of times like this one rite now, at jo's computer room LOL
anyways
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I forgive you... [29 Jun 2004|02:30pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | Incubus - Morning View ]

I know I have been mean to you, don't ask me with what purpose, all I know is that I've been someone that I'm not. By nature, sympathy is one of my major qualities... I can't help to not feel bad about other's disgraces and misfortune, like the one you are going through right now. I am deeply sorry if I couldn't manage to stay sane without your presence... by nature, I need you to go on. However, after last night's talk, not only now I understand you but I also forgive you and I don't hate you anymore. It feels so bad to hate someone that you love as much as I love you. I can't resist the stinging feeling of loneliness that inhabits every single room of my apartment, every place I go... just to smell in the air ur absence and my resentment. I understand now baby, don't worry... I know I have to be strong, and I promise I will not let you down. By saying yes to tying myself up to you, I comitted to always be here for you, during both good and bad times. Unfortunately, this is not a very pleasant time, but that doesn't mean I will love you less. I feel lonely... yes... but I won't blame you anymore for it. It's my own fault, you were always here, in my heart, it's just that I didn't wanna know how to listen. Yes baby... we'll hang on to each other... I'll miss you so much, my stomach will eat me up alive, my tears are like acid melting the fleshy layers of my skin... but is by suffering that I discover how deeply and intensely I can love. I will never leave your side baby, and that is a promise that will never be broken.
I reminisce on yesterday and the rainy nights that used to be nothing but dark and lonely... ever lasting nights that have now vanished into memories. Wish I could turn back time to be there with you once again. I know we'll catch up on time one of these days. I'll think of you each passing day, I will remain strong to my promise and I will love you till the end of time.
I'm yours... I refuse to change.

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hallo mothafuckas [27 Jun 2004|07:41pm]
for some stupid reason i yet unknown... i have repeated the same entry more than 2 fucking times... why is that happening?!?! lol i wonder... but forget it, not that that will change my present.
today i have done absolutely shiiiiiit
i woke up late, totally living it up.
im still jobless.... why? do i care? NO jeje
anywas yall im just writing this cuz i wanted to check if this account was still active. not that i have anything interesting to say... i just wanted to drop by and say hi. anyways fuck u all. love u... chau!
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no shit [22 Jun 2004|01:03am]
hey everyone, whats up? nothing much here, hanging loose till my bf decided to log on back online... why dont we talk on the phone? well maybe its because of the little problem we have been having with the line, suddenly its like the whole apartment complex acquired our number, which happens to be the same. everytime i will pick up the phone i will listen to meaningless conversations coming from distant voices i totally unrecognize. the guy from downstairs is a divorced, 40- something yr old man and lives with parrot!! last month we got a huge phone bill that charged us for calls we didnt even make to obsece hotlines and shit like that... evidently, it had to be the parrot man, poor parrot, i dont even wanna imagine what he does to him!!! anyways so yeah, that's the reason why we can't talk on the phone right now.. :(( he logged off just like that, it makes me so sad!!! we hardly spend time together... today he showed up like at 9 in the morning, it was so romantic. my sisters slept like till 1!!! so we had a lot of silence to fulfill with our sentimental verbal display of lost emotions... aw it was a kodak moment, i got it on pix!!
i'm talking to some guy rite now... makin some time till my doodie comes back!!! i know he wont, why hold to a childish fantasy that elementally will never come true?! why this human nature takes over my temple and makes me comit the mistakes that i do?!?! gooood he is never gonna show back up! i better go to sleep and shut this shit down
laters... lamers!
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i miss the winter [02 May 2004|03:48pm]
i miss the winter and its hollow days... you used to be with me day and night, and i was the happiest girl on earth. now, everything has faded away, you are over there, and i am way over here... we are not as bond as we used to, and i cry nonsensely day and night. where did those golden days go? where did all the love u once had for me flee? why is it that we have to be going thru this when u promised u would always love me no matter what?
i wish he would be more straight with me, but he's not.
he won't even look at me in the eye, and will fix everything up realeasing an "i love you"
there is one thing he doesnt understand though, it's not all about love....
our relationship is full of love, yet something is missing and i cant figure out what it is.
my friends tell me he is hiding things from me.
i dont know what to think about this.
i never thought he would ever let me go, for i believed each one of his words accompanied by a tear.
i dont understand, no matter how hard i think about it, i cant seem to find an answer to all my inquiries.
i wish u'd tell me the truth once and for all so that i can let u go and move on with my life, all this time im wasting here as i cry is priceless.
and u'll pay for it anyway.
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hey! i'm at jo's house! [29 Apr 2004|09:34pm]
what's up everybody?!?! nothing much here, so don't worry if there is anything new to say!
well, what have i been up to? A LOT. TAKS totally sucks [to those of u who have not the slightest idea of what TAKS stands for, it a diagnostic test that the state of TX takes on its public schools to measure their abilities and skills, in other words, to make sure that its money is being well spent on education]. anyways, it lasted three days.
i remember hating the juniors back in the day for taking so freaking long to finish such a simple assignment!!! i mean, come on, what gives? all it takes is a bit of common sense! but this year it has been way different; i suffered as each minute ran by cuz i knew my baby was striuggling in who knows what spot of that filthy campus! my poor baby... this year, all a junior!! how much pressure he had to undergo!! he really deserves to pass that test. i know that unlike others, he studied hard and focused and put the best of him into it. he more than anybody wants to succeed at getting thru with school cuz im telling u, it's not fun at all.
i don't know what those ppl who invented the so called phrase "high school years are the best in one
s life" were thinking about... high school is like hell!!! it's not very different from a concentrarion camp where you go thru all sorts of obstacles in order to survive. it is like the survival of the fittest. i despise it so much cuz im not really used to this environment. education in this country is not all that good to be honest... but oh well, this is my home and i don't have another choice but to get used to it as i can possibly get.... so anyways! everything is cool as long as i have my baby with me, cheering me on, telling me all those sweet things that so good turn me on jajajjaajaj!
im getting to b very good friends with nury. each day that goes by i realize that her and i have more things in common that we ever thought! we pretty much find ourselves involved in the same plane situation... you know, sentimentally, physically [ our bodies look almost alike! so she knows what im going thru] and socially.
too bad she is graduating this yr.... but its ok cuz im changing schools anyways hehehe
a lot of teachers stil disagree with my idea of leaving. if they only knew what it islike!! it's not easy, trust me.
and yeah, believe me, times have totally changed!
those were other days, when evil was still in diapers and ignorance was a bad word, not something to b proud of.

I love my life.... aint it great to b able to say that?!?!?!
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every day that goes by i love u more... [12 Apr 2004|03:11pm]
to chester bennington -
how i wish i was born in ur country, in ur hometown, and that i would have gone to ur high school.... i love u with all my heart but i gotta accept that u and me just werent meant to b together. there are many more things that we have in common than i could have ever thought ... oh chester.... maybe in my next life, maybe in my 7th life, you wiill know what it is to love!!!! [when u meet me :)]

it rained like the gods last nite... my dreaming was profound and perfect, as the cozy rain discharged its ever-growing fury against this filthy world. i wish i could be taken away or molten as the fertile soil becomes into mud; but that neverhappened...

i feel like shit - so does my friend nury, or so she is IMming to me rite now- and it's all cuz i cant share the beauty of this day with no one.

It's monday, and there is no hell school to go to, i'm so happy, but sad... and true.
Tomorrow the fucking week will begin just to bring more shit and sorrow to my life, my mom is gona, she left us all .. [cool] jeje and my dad, god i love him but sometimes it feels as if he didnt give a care about me anymore. i live with MG, aight, but i still need parental love, ok? i'm am still unfolding like a flower in the earliest dawn.

My baby didn't get my message... so i guess i won't see u today... u don't understand my indirect msgs neither wll you ever .... i hate u, but i love u, it's ok, it's not ur fault. i'm too complicated, and cool with it.
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oh im so so happy! i did it! [11 Apr 2004|12:18pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Linkin Park - Figure.09 ]

well well.... after staying up till like 3 am in the morning yesterday i could finally install a network in my house, a wireless network! all by myself :) the feeling i got is very gratificating because i did it all by myself; when everyone would tell me to give it up already, i would keep on trying! because that's what it all is about, never giving up and having a strong spirit.
the only 'negative' thing is that ijust woke up... it's like 12 already! shame on me, but that's OK, I don't like to complain.
My dad went to get us all some donuts, the outcome of my mom being away for a couple of days is showing its positive side; we all are getting along better and growing closer to my dad, who has turned out to be a wonderful house keeper. I love you daddy.
Well and that's it for now, I hope my day turns even more exciting when doodie comes in scene!!! I love you bebe!

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Bored as Hell - Intro to my world [09 Apr 2004|04:58pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Hey everybody, what's up? Nothing much, just chilling at da comp as my dad tries to install the Win 98 SE [actual year - 2004, isn't it ironic? anyways] and my sis is "cleaning" around da house cuz my mami went on vacations, she ran away from us! YAY I don't blame her, good for her, I have the feeling that I will end up doing that any time soon... Hehe well.... I'm still in love... and as far as I know, I will be for an undetermined amount of time, do they call it "forever"? Yeah, I think so. Well my dad needs help with the comp... I knew he couldn't do in on his own! OMG I'm somaen, he'll learn, it's in da genes of a genius's relatives hehe write lattaz!

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