First off, before my initial post (This was originally a letter to a friend). I want to post my work scheduel for the weekend so people know what the hell is going on.
I work tonight from 10 pm until 7 am. Saturday from 9pm to 7am. And Sunday from 9pm to 7am.
I should be around more next week hopefully, now, here is that update.
I started my job last night. I've been vaguely depressed about things in general, but I'm hanging in there. Today was my worst day so far. At orientation for our job we were bombarded with pretty terrible news. New Hires as of October first are no longer eligible for health insurance for one full year. Needless to say, not only were all of us floored by this revelation. 24 Hour Fitness was as well.
Their human resources office is working as hard as possible to find alternatives for all of us, and they are terribly upset and afraid this new policy will turn people away from the company as it is a fitness company. Anisa (head of human resources for 24 Hour Fitness) was very upset by this, and she's taking the issue on as a personal battle. Also, she was very glad to hear what all of us had to say about it. And she did something very kind for me. She said she would call Steve Anderson (Head fitness manager at my club) and she would ask him to do everything possible to help me reach my fitness goals.
The coolest thing about this, Steve very well may take me on as a special case and give me either free or extremely cheap personal training. This is a very good thing.
Now, onto other random news. I met a very interesting person yesterday. He is my suprervisor actually. His name is Eric and he reads comics, watches anime, reads shit loads of books, and was homeless awhile back. More or less Eric left Michigan with nothing but what he could pack in his car. He's a very free spirit, who upon meeting I felt very connected to. He's very kind, very gentle, incredibly easy to talk to. He gave me a ride home last night after my shift and came in and just hung out with me for roughly two and a half hours.
He's a musician and plays pretty much all of the strings, he's a poet and philosopher in his own right. I'm fascinated by him. It's funny, I mentioned Sam in passing. Mentioned that one of my best friends had passed away and was part of why I moved (He asked why I moved, he's genuinely interested in people and their stories.). When I told him a friend passed away he didn't shrink away or go silent like most people do. Instead, he stepped right up to the plate and asked what happened.
He didn't say he was sorry either, nor did he try to comfort me like so many others have. I was THANKFUL for that. It's like he understood what not to say, so, he didn't say it. He just let me ramble for a moment and apologize for getting upset. And he just smiled and said it wasn't a problem.
Then he told me I reminded him of a dear friend of his. And oddly enough, her name too was Misty.
The other thing that strikes me about Eric is that he's a storyteller. Much like me. We hear these poems or lyrics or quotes or legends or myths, or just anything in passing that we think is beautiful or worthwhile. And then we end up telling others those things. We share them.
I've met a few people in my life who to me, shone like the brightest stars in the sky. They were something beautiful and fragile and rare in a world where it's a miracle anything exists at all. Max was the first, his guitar and voice brought me to tears, and he was missing a string, and high. Pip was the second, when I thought there were no others like Max in the world. He stared into my eyes like I was the last person on earth and sang one of my favorite songs to me. Brandt, was the third. He still amazes me.
Eric, is the first who outshines all of them. He seems to me a living, walking, breathing, personafication of freedom and joy and beauty. He is, at this point. The brightest star I've ever seen. Perhaps not even a star. More like a comet. He's come into my skies and in a years time he'll most likely pack up and leave. It already breaks my heart. Maybe that sounds crazy, or mushy. But it's so rare I see that in people. I wish I saw it in more people. It's so sad. I look back at Sam's life and I realize too that he was one of those people. He was this amazing glowing living breathing waling brilliant vibrant thing. And I realized it far too late.
Sam was like a star, that was hidden in the blackest sky. He couldn't shine until the moon passed away and the clouds parted. The night he passed, the clouds over Galveston did part, and I'd never seen the stars like that. Mars hung at it's near brightest over the ocean and a million stars had filled the velveteen and milky sky. It was fitting.
I'm sorry I'm rambling so much. It just feels good to. This week has been so hard for me. Not even a full week. I know it'll get easier, it's just so hard to believe that wonderful things can happen. I wish I was free and brilliant. I wish I could be the living personafication of something so important. But I'm not. I'm just a writer who has lead this really strange and miserable life.
I feel like I've been sleeping for the last 13 years of my life. And just recently I've begun to wake up and really understand that I am incredibly small in comparision to life. To the universe. To everything. I'm just so seemingly insignificant. It's strange really. I'm writing this great work. My Magnum Opus. And for what reason?
Do I merely have a story to tell, or is it just because I don't want to be so insignificant? I'm not sure. I'm not sure about much anymore.
I only know that life is not going to crush me. If something as small and seemingly insignificant as a butterfly can exist in this world, then I'm sure that I can continue to do so as well.
Today, I closed my eyes. The window of the truck was down and I was dreaming, the sunlight still pure white and blinding behind my eyes. I could almost still see the large white and grey clouds slipping and rolling across the most joyously blue sky. And in that moment, I thought: This is so beautiful, I must be dying. And in my mind I heard a voice and it said: Come with me.. Leave your body behind, the sun is so joyous here. It's so pure and white. Nothing can harm you. Leave with me.
And feeling some strange bittersweetness I smiled and opened my eyes, and to that voice I heard inside I said simply: No, not yet. I think I love this world.
It's been so long since I felt that. So terribly long.
Anyway, enough rambling. Much love,