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Below are the 12 most recent journal entries recorded in
Lily Wilt's Blurty:
| Thursday, August 28th, 2003 | |
| 7:58 pm | I am in love. I am motivated because I am in love. I want to give her everything she could ever desire. We are happy. We communicate. Sex is indescribable, not painful, comfortable, unique. I look forward to our future. Current Mood:  contentCurrent Music: Madonna: 80's hits |
| Monday, June 23rd, 2003 | |
| 10:15 pm | Everything is going to sh1t in the Welt der Dreklings. I anticipate a split. Favourable, but difficult. There will always be music. Updates to come. R ist krank. I habe ihr ein Brief geschreiben. Morgan, ich will am Bibliotek viele wunderbar Bilden machen fur R. Gott, mein Deutsch hat Scheide-Scheiss bekommt! I am afraid of losing H's friendship. Arbeit-Schule-Arbeit-Schule... Drinks and cookies for a moment. Cellos coming. Loved. Current Mood:  exhausted |
| Saturday, June 21st, 2003 | |
| 11:20 am | Support from no-one. Glad, however, that this is not encouraging, diluting. The worries went to sleep. Sleep well, little worries, and sleep long. Possibly raising my body from the well soon. Stinking rot. Needs roses... fresh lilies. Mend me. Stitch me up. Lick my injuries clean. Listen and ask and remember. Don't pretend. Make it good as is, Like it never was. And for the thousandth time over, I will try... again. |
| Friday, June 13th, 2003 | |
| 11:55 am | Monday was my first night of class. I like my professor; he professes well. A petrified-looking boy asked me for a date immediately after class. How absurd! I laughed at him. Then I remembered my manners. R has new shoes. Shimmery, with a straps crossing her ankles, she said. I will see her tomorrow. Reading Samuel Beckett. Enjoying Samuel Beckett. Not enjoying my mother's company, for the first time in 5 years. We've been so close. Now all she ever seems to talk about are politics and religion and my problem-plagued family. The time here at C's is passing quickly. I feel well. Current Mood:  okayCurrent Music: Nick Cave-Lime Tree Arbour |
| Friday, June 6th, 2003 | |
| 11:31 am | Too many nights together to keep my head. Tangled limbs and always pressing on and falling back like our beloved lake. Sustained desire in spite of natural entropy. Need a bath. Need to feel as if I've, or we've, time. Odd, that all is well but in out minds we worry so. Photos coming soon. I'll be proud to carry her always. Very strange dream last night... a singer (not she) and a passing fancy (same), a murderer below, trickery, blood, standing on a wall, thought it was SMV... We told him. He is uncomfortable at best. We wish he'd just be angry and express it. Tonight we visit the museum of natural history... after-hours, members only, third floor collections. Looking forward. Always hungry for her. "The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean - so Bunbury died." Current Mood:  busy |
| Monday, May 26th, 2003 | |
| 1:23 am | Enjoyed a productive rehearsal this afternoon. Enacted dreams on a playground this evening. <3 <3 Current Mood: happyCurrent Music: Dreklings - The Suffering |
| Sunday, May 25th, 2003 | |
| 12:42 am | Trying to make a gift for R using Rimbaud's A WINTER'S DREAM. It's a catastrophe. I'll keep at it, though. Current Mood:  aggravatedCurrent Music: Under the Bamboo Tree (Judy Garland) |
| Saturday, May 24th, 2003 | |
| 4:20 pm | Moving soon... scared. And happy. Quite looking forward to living alone and, oh, my love love love, finally. The plan: Pack and make peace during the next week or two. Write. Decide whom I will stay with first. Begin summer college on July 9th. Hopefully housesit whilst C is in Europe (through June 28th-ish). Apply to CPS. Follow up. Get the job (keeping my toes crossed). New apartment all my own on Oct 1st. Retreive my kitties. No TV. No computer. Inspiration. Creation. R. Scared... and happy. Current Mood: busyCurrent Music: Suede-Stay Together |
| Friday, May 23rd, 2003 | |
| 9:17 pm | Everything is different now. Current Mood:  loved |
| 9:02 am | A Natural Dilemma We peer up, Nervously, desperately, Wandering star to star To star. My eyes find yours And, suddenly, I have no words. I scarce have breath In the hours I pass Adrift in your gaze, Wanton and weightless, Tickled By the tiniest explosions, The lapping of waves, And the fluttering wings Of birds of prey Encaged in my bones, Screaming with tongues of fire, Desire to be released And released from this desire, But quelled. Quelled. Quelled. For we should not. For we cannot. For tonight. We peer up, And the moon sighs, Again. Current Mood:  nervous |
| Thursday, May 22nd, 2003 | |
| 8:00 pm | It feels like writer's block only it pertains to my whole life. Current Mood:  gloomy |
| Wednesday, May 21st, 2003 | |
| 2:47 pm | Monday was accidentally one of the best days of this year thus far. M photographed me for an intriguing and inspired project of hers. We wandered through alleys in search of mechanisms, gears and wires etc, to photograph for compositing. We were hassled by police. Later we ate vegan pizza and talked and talked, and I feel, not for the first time, that she understands me better than anyone I know. We are connected by our similar internal struggles. We sat on the rocks by Lake Michigan and talked still, from 6 until 11 PM. I had butterflies. I felt alive, which is rare of late. I opened this journal, my first on-line, because I cannot talk about this to anyone I know. I live with my recently-almost-ex-gf, H. She is still in love with me. I am insatiable. I hope that aura/mindset/inexplicable and uncontrollable state of exciting inspiration and proactive art returns this summer. I've lacked what I still consider to be much of my self for a few years now. I don't know where I am anymore. I need those old feelings again. Current Mood: worriedCurrent Music: Mozart - Requiem |