Blurty for Steve. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Website (The Moblog). View: Memories. You're looking at 20 entries, after skipping 20 newer ones. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries or forward 20 entries.

Sunday, January 2nd, 2005

Subject: Back From A "Extended" Holiday and No Resolutions For Me... Time: 8:18 pm. Mood: calm. Music: Mae "All Deliberate Speed".

Hey there. Been a while huh? Not much has changed since the last time I put an entry in here. Not gonna do a "this year is gonna be like..." type entry. New Years is somewhat a sham. Celebratin is nice and all but no New Years Resolutions for me. I can decide to change something in my life whenever I see fit. One thing I'm going to work on though is trying to be more self motivated. I decided today so it's not a resolution. heh. Anywho, talked to Ricky on and off a few times last month. Couldn't keep doin it. Just didn't have it in me. Whenever I begin giving him the benefit of the doubt that things will be different, they won't. He won't change. And thats fine. But I'm going on with my life. Moving on, life in Salisbury is still the same. Absolutely nothing has changed. As anything ever will. Due to my lack of having a life, I figured I should do stuff to keep me swamped until I'm out of high school. I'm gonna take some non-credited courses at the community college around here this spring. Still gotta get volunteer hours. Try for my license this month! Gotta get my senior pictures and all that hoo-haa done. So, I think I can manage to stay pre-occupied. Over break, I managed to become a video game freak. Because I had nothing else to do with my time. Playing Prince of Persia: Warrior Within, Baten Kaitos, finishing Kingdom Hearts CoM, Final Fantasy 1, and GTA: Vice City (Yes I just got the game. I'm tryin to save my money so I didn't get the new one). Um... most of the time during the beginning was organizing songs to put on my iPod I got for Christmas ^_^. It was truly a pain though. Working a pretty decent amount the past few weeks due to Christmas and all. Hours are gonna get cut tho. I'm not complaining. More time for me to watch my shows during the week. New Years was like every new years. Sucked and alone. Not really feeling "sorry" for myself. Just tired of it being like that. Umm, break though was overall nice. Although all of the people who said we were gonna go out and do stuff didn't call me once, it's cool. No point in staying bitter about stuff like that ya know? I guess that's really it. Well, I'm going to do my fairly short Psychology paper and maybe I'll update sometime later this week. I'm out. P.S. My favorite band for the past two months have been The Killers (who are still awesome), but my new band is Mae. They are awesome. Going to see them in concert on March 12th. Already bought tickets. :D

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Subject: Friends... Time: 11:44 pm. Mood: depressed. Music: something corporate "konstantine".

I called Ricky on Saturday around 930ish. We talked for maybe 5 minutes. I forgot if I already mentioned it or not but he called me twice on Friday. I can't tell why I decided to call. Anyways, lately I've also been considering about quitting SGA. The initial reason I joined was to gain more friends and the people in there really don't want to seem to try. And some stupid stuff has been happening lately. Anyways, Ricky and me quitting SGA have a point. The point is... I'm lonely. I always stuck around Ricky because I wasn't really lonely. Yeah he would continously tear away at me mentally and emotionally but I mainly talked to him every nite. The only main time I was ever lonely when him and I were cool, was when we weren't talking at all. So it made sense why I always stuck around. I think I figured that out before but I might have forgot. Anyways, I'm having a sucky time because I'm so lonely. Yea I have some friends in school but just in school. Haven't hung out with anyone at all since I've been up here (that actually goes to my school. Erin doesn't count. She's a junior in college). But it's just not up here. I rarely talk to anyone from back home. Jessica is probably the one that's there for me the most (besides the her weekend escapades). I still count Billy even though we barely talk only because he's my oldest best friend. But when it comes down to it, I really have no one. Ricky was the only person who ever kept interest in me. Others... we either lose contact, we just stop talking, or we talk but it's nothing significant. I'm just tired of always being there for people and whenever I need help (which is extremely rare), no one is ever around. Like Saturday nite. Nope no one was around. Sam was the only person who picked up her phone but when she answered "What do you want?", it basically sent that down the drain. I'm tired of doing it. I really don't want to say that putting any more effort with friends besides Jessica and Billy would be pointless, but I just can't bring myself right now to care. I have such a fuckin load on my plate right now and no one is around. I guess I could do something about it but things never wind up good when that happens. Everyday is the same exact thing for me. Nothing ever changes. I hoped moving out here would change that but I guess I failed at that. I feel like all I will ever be is just a kid. I know a handful of my friends from Virginia read this. If you guys do read it and get pissed, don't call me because I can't really care right now. The only person who could begin to understand (to my knowledge) would be Jessica because we've had this talk before. Sam, you have Josh and tons of other friends (your boys) and such. Trevor, you have a car... maybe not currently, but between Wes and your g/f (sorry, 4got her name). And whoever else reads this from NN, you didn't leave your high school at the end of your junior year. I know I could have stayed, but life still would have sucked there. I couldn't stay there... it was horrible. I had to get away....I know things haven't necessarily gotten better, but it was worth it. That's why I'm not coming back to stay. I won't go back to that. Not with the same people in the same place. Never....

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Subject: Things I Need To Do & Making Dreams Come True... Time: 1:07 am. Mood: determined. Music: Simple Plan "Me Against The World".

Well, I was listening to Simple Plan "Still Not Getting Any..." last nite and I started thinking alot. Ya know, this time next year, I will be in college. I don't even really know what I want to major in. I thought it was going to be Psychology but... I don't think I can really hang in there with that. I mean it's a cool course to take, but besides the course, I don't think I could delve deeper into it. Trying to keep this short, more than likely, it'll be something with technology or something because I'm pretty techno-savvy (not tooting my own horn. It's just that "thing" everyone has that they are good at). But if I did just do that, my life would be so boring. I knew that there was something else I wanted to do... I just couldn't think of it. And then I remember how much I want to act. I love acting. I love the challenges of taking on different roles. And I have so much fun doing it. I wanna be in entertainment. I want to be where the stars are. I want to be famous. And I think I could really become a successful actor. Seriously. That's a dream I've always had. But I never really thought about pursuing it. It's always been "stable college career" type thing. And I'm starting to believe that's not all thats out there (how its' always been). To get to the point, I don't want to go to college, get this "computer systems technican" career and wake up when I'm 40 and regret never going after my dreams. Never trying to achieve what I want to. I don't want it to be too late. I don't want it to pass me by. So I've decided that I'm going to go to a college around here for about a year or 2 (because I'm not ready to leave), and transfer my last 2 years to a bigger and better college. By then I'll be about 21-22 and I'm going to move to one of the big states (New York, California, etc.) and see if I can make. See if I can make it come true. Now, I'm only going to do this til I'm like 26 or 27 because I don't want to spend my entire life trying to get a job as an actor and never evolve in what I got when I graduated from college. I'm not saying that I'm going to give up, but after while, I need to come to terms and see if nothing is coming of it. If I don't make it, then it's okay. At least I can say I tried to make my dreams come true. That I just didn't let it pass me by. So that's my first thing that came out of me hearing 2 lines on a song called "Jump". (haha, I'm such a dork). Then after hearing "Thank You", I've basically come to terms with, I gotta let some friends go. The friends who are no good for me, who drag me down, make me feel bad, or are always in a horrible mood. You know, that's half of my problem. I pick my friends for the wrong reasons. I wind up picking the bad ones and letting the good ones find me. But I tend to get close to the bad ones. None of those people read my blurty anyway but I need to start being around people who want to do something with their lives. Who want to get somewhere. Who doesn't just run away from things and do with you as they please (yes I'm talking about Ricky but about other people too). Im tired of it. I shouldn't have to put up with it. So I won't anymore. I'm not even emotionally attached to people like Ricky anymore. Take way too much energy. And the one way I know that this is somewhat different because when I use to talk about him, I was always either really angry or really sad. But it's dirt off my shoulder (haha) now. When it comes down to it, I'm trying to get my life on the right track. I don't have time to play games with people. I'm tired of games. I'm trying to be happy and go for my dreams (which still include meeting Simple Plan again). Well it's late and I need sleep. Lata minna!

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Subject: Before I'm Off To Bed... Time: 1:36 am. Mood: good. Music: simple plan "addicted" (live).

I'm listening to my Simple Plan Live in Anahiem CD and it brings back so many memories from Saturday. I can't wait until my next Simple Plan concert. I'll be driving by then and I'm seriously getting there hours early so I can get up front and get my goodies and stuff. And hands down bringin a camera with charged batteries (and a disposable just in case). Oh and my moblog is done. A lot of the pictures say the 7th because that's when I uploaded them but the first two (@ the bottom) were on Friday nite and the others from Saturday night at the concert. Check it out here. And I believe that's it. Well catch ya later. Bai.

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Subject: Wed. - Kitty, Thurs. - The O.C., Fri. - Birthday, Saturday - BEST FUCKIN DAY EVER... seriously... Time: 3:55 pm. Mood: happy.

Alright. I have a lot of stuff to cover. I've been meaning to do it for a few days now but I haven't had the chance. And for those of you I haven't explained how I met my favoritest band ever, that'll come later. Moving back to Wednesday. Highlights for Wednesday: Got in the 4 episodes of The OC I was shooting for. Also that nite, I got Erin's number and called her. When I went outside to get the number from my moms car, a gray cat with orange-rusted spots came near the car and was meowing like crazy. I didn't wanna chase it away or anything so I was saying hi to it and stuff. Eventually it came up to the car and was walking around my legs and poked its head in the car every now and then (I left the door open). After while I pet it a little and picked it up and held it. It was shivering :-( I was gonna briefly take it inside the house to find some food (I didn't wanna leave it outside and go look for food and have the cat leave). But it wanted down so I went in the house and got some water and chicken. It tore the chicken to pieces. Then some other ugly came up and was all up in my cats' (yup, I've claimed it) grill. I stayed out there for about a hour watching it eat to make sure that ugly cat didn't try to take the chicken. That's about it for Wednesday. Thursday was awesomest. School went by SOOOOO slow. I found out I have a B in AP Psychology which is mad awesome of ness. I got home and finished the last episodes of The OC (and still had time to watch TRL w/ Mischa Barton and Jamie Foxx which was halirious. GIVE IT UP FOR ANGLO-SAXONS. haha. You had to see it to get it). I finished the last episode of The OC around 750ish and then I watched the trailers for Season 2 and such. Then it hit me that it was coming back on. I started getting all excited. Then it came on. And wow that was the fastest fuckin hour of my life. (For those who watch the show (and will understand it, you can continue to read, if you don't you may wanna skip this part), I can't believe Theresa lied about losing the baby. I'm glad she did though so Ryan could go back. It's cool though that everyone is back in Newport. I'm mad b/c of the seriousness of Summer being pissed off with Seth). Anyways, I busted my lip that nite because I was going crazy when Ryan and Seth went back to Newport. (I figured I should have one time where I go crazy over something). Yeah, my lip was bleeding pretty bad. Moving on... Friday, MY BIRTHDAY! woot. 17. Slept in and me mom and I got up and went out. She had to go to Target to get some work and I had to go to Best Buy to get my schedule for this week coming up (they are both in the same parking lot). So I went into Target with her and looked around a bit. When she went to the back, I had left and walked over to Best Buy. Said hey to everyone there (they hadn't seen me because I haven't worked since Sunday). I got Yellowcard "Live At the Electric Factory" DVD and DN Angel volume 1. I was gonna get Swichfoot "the beautiful letdown" but it was cheaper at Target. I looked at some phones in Best Buy and left. Went back to Target and got switchfoot. Waited in the car for my mom. She came and we went to Barnes and Nobles (had to pick up my monthly reading... it's always good to have some kind of reading material... keeps dem juices flowin... and keeps you from being stupid). Then we got some Dominos and went back to Best Buy (oh and ricky texted me wishing me a happy birthday....). I wound up buying myself a new cell phone for my birthday. It was 279 bucks? but I got a instant rebate of 30 bucks and a mail in rebate for 150 so it came out to be 100 bucks (although I paid 249 since the mail in rebate doesn't count then and there). And I got a case for it which is usually 20 bucks for about 3.79. hahaha. that's awesome. Then I went by the bank and got some money for the concert on Saturday and went home. Got birthday money from my dad and my grandmother on his side. Gotta go deposit those soon. Then my dad called and said he was gonna come visit me tonight. So he got here around 12 and we went to Applebee's and had somethin to eat. I got home around 2ish. And went to bed. Saturday was the day. Woke up around 11 and cleaned up my room a bit. It hadn't hit me that I was going to see Simple Plan. And was basically messing around until Erin came got me around 345 (Still hadn't hit me). So we went on our way. I hadn't eaten that whole day cause I knew we were gonna stop somewhere and get somethin to eat so around 530ish we stopped at McDonalds(still hadn't hit me). Traffic was pretty good getting there. We got back on the road. We started to get caught in traffic lights and such so we slowed down a bit around then. We got to Towson about 7(Can you believe it still hadn't hit me?). We found awesome spot in the parking garage to park in (it was right up front). We walked about 2 blocks to get to the theater (which we passed going to the garage and boy was that line long). So we got in line and was chillin. We were talkin and she found out Friday was my birthday (my mom hadn't told her). So we moved on up pretty quickly. We saw some guys from FYE talking about "Buy a CD and meet Simple Plan". Thought it was fake so I didn't bother. And some guy with a camera phone going "Meet Simple Plan.".... Riiiight. So I signed up for this win a iPod contest and got a Simple Plan poster for signing up. And then I realized that those guys from FYE weren't joking and I was getting overly excited because they had moved all the way to the back of the line and I wanted to buy something from them so I could meet Simple Plan. So we finally got into the theater and I went to the FYE booth and bought "Still Not Getting Any..." special edition limited cover and got "the blue ticket" I needed to meet the band. Erin got one too cause she didn't wanna just leave me alone after the concert. So I was happy. We got in there and this women was like "Mash 2 Simple Plan singles and win a chance to be in their new video in 2005!" So I was like "Sure, why not?" and went to the computer and played with it for about 30 seconds. Me and Erin went in there and the opening act was setting up(It still hadn't fuckin hit me!!). (Mind you, this is a club tour so the place isn't that big which was awesome because the place was so small the stage was right there). So we walked up there and chilled. Found out during the first opening act that my digital camera.... it's batteries were dead. I meant to grab the rechargeble ones I charged the nite before but I forget. And the cell phone pics weren't that great. So I was somewhat upset... no I was upset about that. Anywho, the opening acts were Jersey, Plain White T's, and Mae. Concert started about 8 and Mae wasn't done until 10. Jersey was pretty decent. Nothing GREAT but I woulda bought their 5 dollar CD if I felt like it. Plain White T's were pretty good. Mae.... poor Mae. I don't know if it was because I (and almost everyone else) was just wanting to see Simple Plan and they were the third act and everyone was getting restless but... I didn't enjoy Mae. Neither did Erin. They played from like 9:20 til 10. Everytime they ended a song, they started playing another one. That was the slowest 40 minutes in my entire life. I started playing Dracula on my cell phone. They finally went off, and we stood for about 20 minutes listening to Green Day "American Idiot" while the people set up the stage for Simple Plan. Well, about 10:20, I stood up on my tippy-toes to see if I could see anyone (from Simple Plan) on the stage and I looked in the right corner and I saw Seb. Seb was sitting down in the back corner of the backstage. I had lost my mind. It hadn't hit me until then that Simple Plan was in the same room as I. So I started freaking out(It finally hit me o.o). Then they eventually came out on stage. The adrenaline was so crazy and everything... I was just overtaken by the concert. I realized that the people I've seen soo many times on tv and listened to in my CD player almost every day, were no more than 50-60 feet away from me. I went crazy. It was AWESOME. They did a lot of songs... over a hour and a half of songs. Lets see, they did, Worst Day Ever, You Don't Mean Anything To Me, I'm Just A Kid, Addicted (of course), God Must Hate Me, I Won't Be There, One Day, Grow Up, Happy Together, Shut Up!, Thank You, Me Against The World, Jump, Promise and Welcome To My Life (which was one of my favoritest performances of the night I must say. It was awesome. What made it even better was before they started singing, the track came on and it switched to Ashlee Simpson "Pieces of Me". And Pierre was like "this is the wrong song. This isn't the song." And he started doing the hoe-down. haha. then they started singing Welcome To My Life). The energy was crazy. I was jumping up and down and yelling and screaming and shit. It was GREAT. Then they left the stage. Everyone started chanting their name and they came back out. They did I Believe In A Thing Called Love (only 1st verse), then Pierre started doin the runnin man and disco. Then they did I'd Do Anything, and finished off with Perfect (and of course, everyone pulled out their lighters and cell phones and was waving them in the air). (During the entire concert, people kept leaving I guess to go to get drinks and Erin was pullin me up and pushing our way through. We ended up in the back of the front portion of the crowd. Which wasn't bad at all). So then the concert was over and we were going to meet Simple Plan. Erin went to look for her ticket and it was gone. She lost it during the show. I was sad because she couldn't meet them with me but she said it was cool and was finding where I had to go. I went to the merch table and Pat was back there. I got a Simple Plan t-shirt (and met Pat. Got 2 pics of him w/ my camera phone). Then I found the line to meet them and Erin went outside to wait. By then it was around, 1220. The line changed about 3 times and when I finally figured out which was the real one I shoved my way up near the front. I got both Erin and mines CD covers out for them to sign. And then I got up there and these two girls came running up and gave Pierre and Seb their phone numbers and ran away. Pierre was like "How am I supposed to say hi if I don't know what you look like" because those girls seriously bolted. So then I went from Pierre to Seb to David to Jeff to Chuck. I asked them all to sign both because my friend lost her ticket and they all were like "Yeah sure its cool". Pierre shook my hand thanked me for coming out to see them play and I was basically a big pile of mushy nothingness and said something like "Oh yeah man, its cool. No prob." And I said hey to Seb and David. Told Jeff it was my first concert and he was like "Wow, your first? You enjoy it?" And I was like "Yeah defintely". And I went to Chuck and Jeff told him how it was my first. And Chuck was like "Wow man, thanks for making us your first show and coming to see us play." And I was like "No problem. It was awesome and I had a great time and it was the best." And stuff... something close along those lines. And then I sneaked a picture of them in signing for people (because the punk bitches at FYE said "there are no pictures to be taken... blah blah blah". So then I was going to try to take another one but they were too far away. I left and gave Erin her signed cd and we left and found our way back home. I didn't get home until obviously 3ish because it takes 3 hours to get there. I couldn't really sleep last nite or this morning because it kept going over and over again in my head. And it still is. Meeting Simple Plan is crazy. I can't believe it really happened. It doesn't seem real at all. It went by so fast, it's like it was all a dream. The same people I turn on MTV and see their videos, or see them on their DVD or on TRL... I met them. I talked to them, I shook hands with them. It's still unbelieveable. I'll never forget this birthday ever. And I've decided that I'm going to their concerts from now on within a state radius. So if they are in Pennsylvania, Virginia, Maryland and such... oh hell yeah I'mma be there. It was amazing and THE best experience I've had. Meeting the band at basically your first concert. Man I feel lucky. And I also decided that if Best Buy said that I can't get off whenever they do play in a radius near me, I'm quitting. Or I'm not showing up. It's really that serious. I'm even considering being a professional roadie for some up and coming band so maybe we'll tour with them or something. haha. I'm a roadie for a band and would be hanging out in Simple Plan's bus the entire time. xD) Man, I'm so overly excited. I met Simple Plan. My life is complete. (I'm not gonna die or kill myself because I gotta meet them as many times as I can, but if someone did ask "did he live a good life" if I died anytime soon (god forbid), then I want whoever is there to say "Yes, he met simple plan." lol Anyways, so, that's it boys and girls. My past few days. I spent too much time writing in here. I gotta do some homework before I go to work. Well, catch ya later. Bai!!!!! (Btw, I do get the features on my phone working, then I'll post the pictures from the concert on my new moblog. Some are better than others, but its the memories that count right? I'm out).

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Subject: Oh My Fuckin Gosh... Time: 3:33 am. Mood: ecstatic.

Because I just got home a few minutes ago, this will be short and sweet. But Saturday or techinally today, was the greatest day of my entire life. I met Simple Plan. I met Simple Plan. I met Pierre, Sebastien, David, Jeff, and Chuck. I even met Pat. Today, ladies and gentlemen, was the best day of my life. I'm going to try to go to bed now but I'll talk about it later. Nite.

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Subject: Ricky's An Ass... Again, Simple Plan Concert, A Friend Leaving & The Rest Of My Weekend... Time: 1:07 am. Mood: happy. Music: simple plan "shut up!".

Well, my last entry was fairly short and blunt. To cover everything that happened (I believe it was Thursday night), Ricky, my "best friend", and I were talking about how he was gonna come up and visit me for my birthday. And how about he wanted to live here. I told him that he couldn't move up here right now because we're going to be buying this house in January and we can't support him (let alone, put invest so much and have him leave again). He said he would get a job but then he wanted to complain. He didn't want to get a social security card and a ID before he got up here to get a job. He knows that he wouldn't of needed either. Although he's never had a job before. Anyways, so he wouldn't come up for the weekend to at least try and go see Simple Plan with me because he didnt feel like coming up and going back within 3 days. So basically once again I'm ditched because it's not convienent for him. Not even for my 17th birthday. Now this is where I usually moan and complain and get sad and cry about it. But I don't really feel like it. Only because I don't feel that way. I could care less. The next day I was like "Damn, I can't believe he just ditched me like that", but it was only 3 times most. I'm over it. Now to talk about the things that really matter. Let's see... Ashley came to visit me at work on Saturday. She only stayed for like 2 minutes which I was sad about. Hopefully we'll be working together next week. I miss her (she works there but we've worked when the other has the day off). She told me she was on disk 2 for The O.C. boxset so I've been watching it since then. I'm on disk 4 now. 3 more to go after this one. I'm trying to be finished by Thursday before the season premiere. I can't wait. Weee ^_^. What else.. umm... Ah, I'm not going to the Simple Plan concert by myself. This girl that works with my mom loves them. My mom was telling me how when she asked the girl (Erin), if she knew anyone who loved Simple Plan, Erin started orgasmically expressing her deep love for them. lol And that she really wants to go. So I guess I'm goin with her. lol I've never met her before but I think it'll be fun. She actually goes to Salisbury University (meetin more older people. Oh, I'm cool. lol) So I'mma call her tomorrow and let her know that she can have my other ticket. Speakin of college students, Jay is quitting Best Buy. Found that out Sunday. He doesn't want to stay there if he can't get off during the holidays to see his family. So he will be quitting soon. I was kinda sad. Just because he was my cool college buddy. We had a talk on Sunday about my "social problems" which he turned it into I need to get laid. e.e I dunno how he got that out of "I'm too shy to talk to people." So he was trying to hook me up with this manager's friend who is like late 20's. And would clearly break me. Anyways, so yeah, in turn of my "social problems", he made me hit on these 2 girls. lol I won't say anymore. Uh, to sum everything else up, I jammed my big toe on Sunday. I tripped on the stairs and caught myself on my big toe. So it's swollen and it hurts. My sister and her boyfriend came to visit this weekend. It was cool. Had fun hangin out with them. Went to see Shark Tale last nite but I didn't get to see much. I fell asleep through some of it. I dunno why I was so tired. The only movie I've ever went to go see where I've fallen asleep was "Simone" with Will and Linsey. They are okay. Umm, I believe that's it. Oh, two kids from my class came to visit me on Friday night. Which was really cool because they are the first that have actually come to see me. Everyone else was just going to see the store. I felt really special because I dont even really talk to those kids and they came to see if I was there anyway. Besides that, I think that's it. I'm gonna go. Maybe one more episode of The O.C. tonight. And to say something else about that Ricky thing just to be politically correct, this time wasn't a big deal. Usually I get so wrapped into it all it fucks me up whenever he becomes an ass but I just didn't care. I guess I'm not mad because I didn't let him get to me this time. Which now, he could come and go as long as pleases but I think this is eventually gonna end up just getting old and shutting him out. Hmm..... well I'm out latta people.

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Subject: Lessons Not Learned & Mixes... Time: 1:11 am. Mood: disappointed. Music: the 88 - how good it can be.

Well ladies and gentlemen. Once again, I get screwed over once again. I never learn my fuckin lesson. lol Maybe this time? Probably not. Oh well. Good news is that I got The O.C. Mix 1 & 2 today. ^_^ They are awesome. Write back later. Bai.

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Subject: 2 Weeks In... The O.C., Ashlee Simpson, The Job, Billy-Bob, & Err.... That Eclipse...!! Time: 12:50 am. Mood: good. Music: steel train "alley cat".

Wow, it's been a good while huh? Sorry about not really updatin like talkin about it. It's not even that I've been busy. It's because I've been too lazy. I've had every day off since Sunday and I've been chillin like crazy. And nothing really has been goin on in my life. Like anything ever does. Let's see. I went to Homecoming and the game last weekend. They were pretty cool. If it weren't for Jay, I wouldn't have gone to the dance because I was scheduled to work. But because he put me on the spot, one of the managers actually gave it to me off. So I'm in his debt. Tuesday I got the new Simple Plan cd which is simply awesome. They haven't changed their sound but their songs are a lot more mature and somewhat harder (closer to their live sound). I love it to death. And what's even better is I got The O.C. Season 1 Boxset on Tuesday too. ^_^ I didn't get a chance to really check it out until today. Watched the first episode with commentary and the last episode. I so can't fuckin wait until next Thursday. I'm seriously disconnecting the phones and everything in the house so no one can distract me. And Tru Calling comes on right afterwards so people better get everything in they want to talk about before 8. Moving on, I can't wait until Friday... (today. lol after school at least). Because then I don't have to go back until Wednesday. Wee. ^_^ I got my SAT scores from the 9th. I got a 1060 on my FIRST try. Isn't that good? Espically since I didn't get that much sleep the nite before or go over any SAT strategies in months. 500 on Math and 560 on Verbal. It's funny cause I thought the math was easier. haha. Moving on, I finally got my Check card in the mail Tuesday. It's horrible. I've bought a few good things online already. haha. I got a DC hat and a "Man of the Hour" shirt for the concert next week. And this little subscription and that's it. I'm waiting for my next paycheck (my b-day) and my b-day money before I buy anything else. Can't wait. ^_^ Oh and I just had to mention about it. The whole Ashlee Simpson thing... People are seriously getting ridiculous. It's not that serious. So what she lip-synch that one time? I can bet any amount of money ANY pop group/person has lip synch in their career. Even Rooney lip-synch on The OC. Granted it was a pre-recorded episode of an actual series, it's the principle. Get the fuck over it and leave that poor girl alone. I hate it how fans are so quick to turn on their idol because of something as stupid as lip-synch. Maybe if she made a racial slur or did pics in "Sluts Magazine of the Year" but she did nothing wrong. Anywho, I think that's really about it. I gotta finish my government homework because I don't want to get into bed too late tonight. I had a bad experience with that earlier this week when I had to catch a cab to school. Never again. Anyways, oh and I talked to Billy yesterday! And we had "the talk" that I'm seeming to have once a month with someone new. I feel bad because him and I haven't had "the talk" and I've known him for 6 years. The longest ladies and gentlemen. Me best friend ever. He's just hard as a bitch to get ahold of. Seriously, I'm lucky if I can get in contact with him twice in 3 weeks. He ALWAYS has his phone off!! ARG! Oh! see that lunar eclipse last nite? That was so cool. Just the thought that people in a dozen other states were looking at the exact thing as me. It was weird to understand how truly big the sky is. One thing I love about the country is that at nite, the view is beautiful. You can see the stars and the moon. I can't wait til it snows here. It's gonna look so cool. ^_^ Weee. Let's see... the next things on my "I'm gonna buy list" - The O.C. Mix 1 & 2 (I'll get 3 sometime later more closer to Christmas since it IS a christmas album), and err... maybe Mario Tennis or something. I loved the one for N64. Heh heh. Anywho people, I think I'm finally out this time foreal. I wanna get to bed so I can cuddle and smell my nice clean tiger blanket (Washed it fabric softner yesterday. Smells kewl). Welp, I think I talked about everything (cept that I'm passin Physics with a 70.4!!! That's a C and it's awesome. Espically since I neglected to do a lab and a notebook. Now my next class and last class to pull up my grade in is Psychology. BUM BUM BUM. Maybe I can get Jay to help me.) Well, I'm goin foreal. Later.

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Subject: Basically Best Buy... Time: 4:07 am. Mood: tired.

Ah, it's been a few days. Lets see. Ur.. Wednesday... I left home early so I could go get some things I wanted to get. I went to Target and got Sonic Advance 3 for the gameboy advance. Yesh I know it's a kiddie game and all. But I think every person should have that one old favorite fandom cartoon they stick with forever. It keeps them grounded. Although for me, I like a whole bunch and I love playin Sonic games anyway... Besides the point. Then I went to my work (i did that on purpose. I would have said job but so many people call it "work" now.. so I call it my "work), and I got The Day After Tomorrow and Good Charlotte's new cd. My plan was to watch The Day After Tomorrow Thursday night since I was off of work and I didn't have school Friday but I tried that and it didn't work. Because my computer is the only working DVD player upstairs, I had to use it. And it wasn't acting right. And I couldn't go downstairs to watch it because it was too late (Around 1 am). Anywho, I finally watched it a few hours ago with me mummy (who liked it very much and is the reason why I'm still up). And I guess that's really it. I like a many Jake Gyllenhaal movies. He's a really good actor. Role model for my secret aspiring dreams of becoming an actor someday (I really do). Moving on, Jay hasn't been at work in forever. Keeps calling off. And I won't see him until Saturday because I work all the days he's off and vice versa. So I just keep messing around with my two crushes to keep my time pre-occupied. But I guess that's really it. I've been okay. Gotta read a lot of chapters for English by Wednesday (don't ask me how I'm going to do it). And I will be working 30.75 hours this upcoming week. Which is again, a lot of hours e.e Ah well...I need the money. I've blown the 100 bucks I basically had down to a merely 8 in 4 days. lol I know. Dunno if I've mentioned it or not but Ricky wants to come back up here and stay with me again. (Talk about that some other time). And there was 1 more thing I wanted to say but I fergot. Anywho, gotta go. Latter minna!

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Subject: The Past Two Days & My College Buddy... Time: 12:14 am. Mood: happy.

Wow, let's see. So much to tell. Um... sorta. Well, first of all, to clear things up, I work at Best Buy. That cool store with all the tech stuff and gadgets and such. Anyways, moving on, yeah I didn't get to really tell about my SAT experience since I was so rushed. The verbal was harder than the math. That's what everyone was saying. Some of the analogies were ridiculously difficult. I skipped a good few. So, I guess I won't know how I really did until next month right? Moving on, Sunday I was 5 minutes late for work. It wasn't really a commerable day. Well, it was odd cause this dude Jay (these names have been used to protect the innocent) that works in the department beside me seemed like such a whore. Jus because he was so mean. At least I think he was? Moving on, yeah on Sunday he was being really nice to me. I told him how I talked to this one girl that came into the store from school (who which I have never talked to... even though I ate lunch with her last year and she's in my class this year). It wasn't anything major. Just a hey and handed out a flyer. Anyways, I went and told him and he was like "hey yeah man. that's cool. u should bring her to one of my college parties. yeah you'd have fun" and stuff like that. Swears he was being serious but I went back to my department to hang with one of my crushes, Ashley. Yeah so anyways, Monday was my day off and I did not one thing. Homework that my teacher didn't collect today. Took a nap, watched Screen Savers, 7th Heaven, Everwood, and Battle of the Sexes 2 straight. Went to school today. Hated it once again. Fell asleep a bunch of times. Did my improvastion of a split personality crime lord (his other side being gay) by popular demand from my drama class. Everyone loved it. ^_^ (still hate that school though for reasons I will divulge into for another entry). Came home. Went to the bank and got me a checking account (woot woot). And now I have some monay! (First thing I buy will be "The Day After Tomorrow" tomorrow before I go to work). Then go to work (which I was late getting to because of going to the bank but thank GOD! the computer systems were down so I couldn't clock in.) Work a little. Talk to Jason who is once again being really nice to me. Asking how my day was and how I was doing and if anyone was picking on me at school and if so he'd get his frat buddies and scare the shit out of them (that's all they could do b/c they would go to jail if they beat them up). Of course, haha, that's great... back to work. Later, I tell one of the people who is talking to Jason how I was going on break (Break is a very good thing. You can go on break as a sluggish, tired, overworked, pissed at the world, I want to go home person and come back excited, refresh, like you just woke up. Seriously... espically since it was a boring day at work. Anyways, I was tellin everyone b/c I was over excited). And Jason was like if I held on for a sec, he was going to go on break too and I could tag along. Hell sure, why not? Not like I really had ANYONE else to hang out with on break. So we went over to McDonalds and got somethin to eat and talked and shat. (He even said I could stay @ his house the nite of my birthday and get drunk. And he was completely serious o.o) Anyways, back to work. My time came to get off and they weren't letting anyone out of the building because everything had to be put up (we got a truck in tonight). And of course I was already working more than the law allows and so I got my mommy to call (lol yeah I did) so they would let me out. Here I am now. Now for the "reflection" part. Um... I don't think I hate Parkside. I think I just hate school period. Due to the fact that I'm not a "social butterfly" therefore, its nothing but boringness and work. I mean I do pretty well grades wise, I just can't stand being there (Jay and I actually talked about that too... He said he'd help me in Psychology (my currently worse class) cause he's taken it two years in a row). Uh... to tell the truth, I'm somewhat intimidated knowing someone who's in college. It's bad enough I still watch cartoons and stuff. Now I don't really know how to act. I don't want to act like a little kid and chase away what could probably be the coolest thing I have. (The Ryan to my Seth. Only The O.C.'ers would get that. And I'm not talkin bout "I saw the first episode" or "I saw a few episodes". I'm talkin about "I've seen and interpreted every character conflict between the two and I have obtained a full and complete understanding about the actual relationship both Ryan Atwood and Seth Cohen exhibit" type). But, I don't want to NOT be myself. Let me put it like this. I've been put in a similar position like this before and I didn't really handle it well. I don't want to make the same mistakes again... I dunno what to do. I'm once again confused. Anywho, got homework to finish. Hope you guys enjoy seeing me back! Bai.

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Subject: My Two New Loves & A Visit...! Time: 10:54 am. Mood: good. Music: Switchfoot "This Is Your Life".

I probably shouldnt be writing right now because I have to be to work at 11:15. But I figured I'd come back and put SOMETHIN in here. I mean, much hasn't really been goin on. And work has been kickin my butt. But uh, talkin to Ricky on a basically regular now. Yeah, he smokes weed and cigarettes. lol I laugh about it because I figured it. Do I care? Somewhat. Not really because who knows what will happen around my birthday. But then again, he's just hurting himself. ANYWAYS, onto important things. I can't wait til the O.C. It's gonna be great. I took the SAT yesterday for the first time. There were a lot of people there. I think I did okay. Not really great but that's why I'm takin it again in December. Anywho, moving on, yesterday was a awesome day at work. Besides the fact that I was bored and my feet were killing me. My two crushes were there. And when one went home, I hung around the other one. ^_^ I love that store... to an extent. They are what make me wanna go everday. :-D I think I'm in love. heh heh. Anywho, Chris came into the store yesterday! It was cool because I was ultra bored and there was finally someone I wanted to see. He's cool people. Basically one of my only cool friends (meaning one I like to hang out with) up here. I left my area and hung around the store with him. Zack and Jamie didn't come see me yesterday. Punks. Anyways, I believe that's it. Probably do a entry tonight? Gotta get finished gettin ready for work. Layda minna!

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Subject: The Call and How Things Are... Different... Time: 9:32 pm. Mood: okay. Music: ashlee simpson "undiscovered".

Well, boys and girls. The past 24 hours. Last night, I did wind up calling. I was gonna post but I didn't feel like it. And of course I guessed it. There was no answer. So I waited to see if I'd get a call back... maybe saw the caller ID or somethin but nope. So I went to work this morning and on break... I was just floating around outside. And I said, ya know, why not call my old best... maybe I'll get an answer. And guess what. I did. In all, it was short because I break was almost over. But everything was cool. I was happy to finally talk to my best friend again. I know a lot of you that know how the story goes, are disappointed and asking me why the hell did I do that. Let me finish.... A while ago, I called back. Had to get my nerves up again because I was nervous. And we talked for about a half an hour. Just talkin about what's going on the past month and a half. When I got off the phone, I felt something different. It's not the same. Things aren't the same anymore. He's changed but then again, he hasn't. I know why but I'll leave that unsaid. But it's hard to explain. So I don't think I will but I can't see us being best friends anymore. I can see us friends but even that's truly hard to imagine. I dunno. I'm glad that things aren't the same because I don't want to go through all the drama I have had to for the past 4 years. But then again, things just dont seem right. Anyways, I guess we'll just wait and see what happens. To tell the truth, I'm confused. I don't know how or what about... but I am. Anyways, I'll let ya know what happens later this week. I have Tues - Thurs off so I'll be able to update ya. Btw, I got the tickets yesterday for the Simple Plan concert! They are beautiful. I just need that weekend off. I'm already getting my neogiating plan together so I can't get no. Well, we'll see. Gotta go do some homework. Later minna! (I dunno what minna is. I just like the sound of it. heh heh)

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Subject: Dammit... Time: 8:18 pm. Mood: confused.

Ya know, I wanna call tonight and get this over with. To find out whats going to happen. But whenever I start to think about it, my heart starts beating really fast and I psych myself out. I dont know what to do. If it's the right time yet... Oh boy...It's going to be a long hour....

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Subject: My Long Tiresome Day... Time: 2:07 am. Mood: tired.

Can't keep you guys out the loop for too long. Although it will be a rather quick entry seeing as how I have to be to work at 9. Thursday, I didn't go to school. My mom suggested that I stayed home. So I slept in til 1030 and woke up and did absolutely nothing all day. Tried to switch the modems and the routers around but I didn't finish which almost made me late for work. Work was... well... work o.o Came home and I knew I had work to do and I basically played with the router and modem again. I got one thing done but I had around 4 or 5. I didn't get to bed til 1:30. Got up and went to school. Test in Pre-calculus. I was going really slow because I was tired and didnt finish but I went back 7th period and finished. I think I did well. In English I had a college essay rough draft due (which I did the night before) and some questions on the Anglo Saxon period due. Didn't get to those. (It was cool cause I told everyone I was having a bad day because I was tired and everything that I knew was going to come and Ryan and Adrienne both gave me hugs. I felt special). So I went on to Drama and we got this improvisation assignment to do where we have to make up a character and perform for three minutes by ourselves. I couldn't think of anyone (finally I came up with a rather feminine crime boss). Physics was going to be hell because I hadn't done my study guide (wasn't there on Thursday to get the answers) and it was due with our notebook today. Luckily, a friend gave me hers and I got most of mines done and the test.... was okay. I think I passed. Somewhat easy stuff. AP Government was probably the most dreaded class because I had a test in there which are super-uber ridiculously hard. The test..... I hope I passed. If I didn't it was by a small margin, I believe. Because I knew a lot of that stuff from taking US History last year. Moving on, I hadn't finished my AP Psychology work like I was supposed to and then got into the class and didn't do any (some but not enough). Last period was finishing my test and getting my work permit signed. My mom came and picked me up. So that's really it. I did go to work tonight. A week left til opening day. Woo! I've been hearing some not cool rumors though about how if you don't do small things then your fired. :-\ Not cool. Good news is that I only have 17 hours this coming week. So I can watch One Tree Hill and Smallville instead of recording them and falling behind. I take my SAT next Saturday though e.e First time... Can't wait. Uh, I've been wanting to call Ricky but I'm waiting until I hear from Ray. I'm getting him to find out if Ricky still hates me or not. I'm hoping he'll say no so I can call and talk to him about the concert and stuff. I dunno what's going to happen if he says yes. I might just do it anyway. But uh, I guess that's it. Can't think of nothin else to say. I talked to Billy today for a second. It was cool. But I'm goin to bed. I'm tired and I have to get up around 8 to go back to work. Oh Boy. Later.

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Subject: My First Cool Concert & Other Stuff... Time: 2:08 am. Mood: exhausted. Music: maroon 5 "secret".

I shoulda done this earlier but oh well. Reason why I'm up so late is because me mom said I could stay home tomorrow (or today). Thing is I didn't even ask. She suggested it. Anyways, we're all wireless baby! I'm havin some complications with hooking up our wireless router and all but I didn't type in here to talk about that. Probably the biggest reason why I'm typin in here is because I have ordered my two tickets to the Simple Plan concert in Towson, Maryland. It'll be my first concert (that I wanted to go to), and my first Simple Plan concert. The only band I've only liked. Thing is... my mom made me get 2 tickets. Originally, Sam and Jessica were gonna come with me. But I figured that Sam wouldn't be able to come because her mom wouldn't let her come and Jessica would find something else to do. I mean, I'm not ruling them out... but going to any concert screams Ricky. Espically a Simple Plan concert. The only person who I know who would appreciate it and if it weren't for him, I wouldn't like them like I do now. Seems right ya know? I don't know. I have a little more than a month to find out who I'mma take. I was thinking about my entry on getting back my best friend and I'm depressed. Only because I don't know when the right time is, I don't know what I'm gonna say, and I don't know what's gonna happen. For all I know I could get myself psyched to call and he wind up not being there and never getting a call back (It's happened before). Anyway, I guess I'm just havin second thoughts. More than likely, I will do it... it's just, I don't want things to happen like they did before. I hate making the same mistakes. I don't know. I'mma sleep on it. Catch ya later homies. Lata minna!

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Subject: I Will Never Give Up... Time: 11:24 pm. Mood: determined. Music: james chatton "one card short".

The last 24 hours have been hell. I mean, they really could be worse, but I've been pretty confused. Last nite, after I wrote that entry... I had a dream. I dreamt that Ricky was living with me again. And we were watchin tv and having fun like we used to when he was here. And then I woke up. And I was sad because I miss my best friend. Yeah we had arguments over stupid shit, but we still had fun. And this morning... I knew that I had to get my best friend back. Then I went to Psychology and we were talkin about the depression cycle or something. And how any chemicals can mess that cycle up and make the person get stuck on a part of that cycle... and it would never finish. It could be stuck on depression, or being in trouble, or even controlling that person. The chemicals can be anything from alcohol to marijuana and they cause permenant effects if used for a period of time. I know you're probably wondering where I'm going with this.... Ricky swore to me when he went back to Virginia that he wasn't smoking weed. Who knows if he is now... it's been a month. And I don't know if we could be friends with him smoking weed... Because it wouldn't be him anymore. It's someone else. I don't want to go through that over again. Which brought me to the point that, it was hopeless trying... knowing that nothing would ever come of it. I know I may be taking this out of proportion... and those people who probably think that do smoke weed themselves. I don't expect you to understand. It's hard to. I mean it may be fun and it gives you a good high, but I don't think it's worth it. And he already had a short temper beforewards, when he smoked, he was completely irrational. Nothing mattered... at all and I don't ever want to not care. I was talking to someone special one night, and we were talking about how I care to much and I said how I needed to stop. And they told me that caring is apart of who I am.. and I wouldn't be me if I didn't. I don't want to not be me... Anyways, later tonight, my mom got home and looked through the mail. You know what was in there? A letter to Ricky from a school he was looking into. How did I know? Because his name was on it. Which sent me up into confusion again. Then I realized something. Ricky and I have been friends for 4 years now. And I don't know if I can be all "happy go lucky" friends with someone like him. But still, he's my best friend. He's the only one who understood me, the only one that cared, and even though he sent me through bullshit, it only made me grow.... I put a lot of quotes in my entries.. some about making life to how you want it. And others about friendship and fighting for what you believe... and I don't know if I'm supposed to or not... But I think I have to fight for our friendship. No kind of relationship or long-term friendship is ever easy... It gets difficult. And when things went wrong, I thought I wasn't supposed to fight. I thought that fighting for something that would bring me bad things wasn't what I was supposed to do. But something tells me that, I'm just giving up because things are bad. I've always fought for a friendship I thought was worth having. Usually because it's just too much there. And I can't now. Ricky has had g/f's who have come and tried everything in their power to stay, but had to go. Pothead friends who want to smoke pot. A mother that left and a father that has a shorter temper than he has. I think about it and I don't want to be the next person to give up. No I can't spend all my time and energy to try and help him but I don't have too. It doesn't mean I have to let him do what he wants. I wont... I can't... When I talked about One Tree Hill last nite... Lucas and Keith returned back to Dan... even though Dan was such an ass. But they had too... I'm not saying I'm going back to the way I use to be (at least I'm not trying to nor do I want to). But I can't give up. I've been fighting 4 years to help him and I won't stop now. He may not want it, and he may not seem to need it. I don't care though. I won't give up on this. I want my best friend back dammit. And if it means that going back home and paying him a visit, then I'll do it. In all, it's not that I need Ricky, or Ricky needs help, or I'm insane for helping/ trying to get a person back who's made me more depressed then anyone else. It's about never giving up on a friend, it's about me.. not losing myself and forgetting who I am when things get rough. I've never smoked a blunt because of who I am, I've never had sex (wow, I just admitted that) because of the morals and values I hold (nothing major... I just want it to be with someone I really absolutely care about.. hopefully until we get married), and I won't give up on a friendship I believe in, something that I know will work... because of who I am. It wouldn't be me to give up on him... or anything for that matter. So I say this right here and right now, that no matter what, I won't give up. I've come this far... and I'll keep going. I won't stop doing my job at work, or doing my work at school... but I will get my best friend back. I made a promise to him when he was up here, and I won't break it. No matter if we are friends or not. Gotta go. Later minna!

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