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[10 Aug 2008|10:42am] |
Yayayay! I'm 20!!! I have lots of things to write about but not really any time. Everyone is coming over in about 25 minutes for paintball and I'm still in pajamas. On a good note, my dad and cousin Dave decided they're gonna come along which is going to be SO great.
I realized something today while emptying out things from my room. I always felt bad that my dad never had a son. Someone who would actually want to take the business, someone he could engage in conversation about football for more than just the ravens teammates, someone who was actually strong enough to reel in those huge tuna by themselves when deep sea fishing. I don't know - but I realized he's kind of lucky. He got the best of both worlds. Because while I have the ability to be a girly-girl who can dress up cute and be formal if necessary and all those things girls do, I can also be laid back. I still find myself surrounded with at least 4-5 guys every football game cheering on the ravens and actually understanding whats happening on the television screen, I still go deep sea fishing and catch fish and use all the strength in my tiny little body, and I am taking my father out paint balling for the first time in his life today. I mean how many 20 year old girls say that?
I think I used to doubt a lot. I didn't understand why I couldn't get along with any of the 50 something girls in my grade except Ashly. I'd doubt myself for not being able to completely relate to my father on things that interest him. But when it comes down to it I think I'm pretty balanced in all aspects. I didn't graduate high school in a clique (though over my seven years I certainly experienced every single one of them), but I have my really close girlfriends that I cherish and when I feel like it, can dress up with and be a girl with. And then I have my 50 billion guy friends that I adore hahaha.
Last night walking into Daves with Emily I couldn't help laughing to myself. In a typical situation it would have been those 10 guys and just Emily and I. But Seeg and Kim have started coming around a lot more so they've been thrown into the mix and Seeg looked around and goes "I love how it's all guys here" and I just turned to Emily "Isn't it always that way?"
I suppose what I'm saying is I always thought that there was something wrong with me for not fitting into a certain classification. But I'm happy with who I am, who my friends are, and the fact that I've stayed true to myself. I didn't go out and join a sorority just for the sake of forcing myself to be friends with a large group of girls, but I still have those few that I keep extremely close to my heart.
If there's an aspect I need to focus on now in my life it's confidence. When I am with the people I know, I believe in myself and I want to share who I am with everyone - but the second I am thrown into an unfamiliar situation I begin to doubt myself again. It's a minor aspect, but it's something I'm working towards bettering.
Overall, it's really nice to be able to turn 20 and say I am completely satisfied with the person I am. I think that in itself is something to celebrate.
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