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[01 Jan 2008|09:59am] |
So it's the New Year. I feel like I should write something inspiring to start the year off with. But I've got pretty much nothing. I could make my resolution to stop biting my nails but in all honesty thats been my resolution for the past decade and I'm pretty sure nothing about that is going to change my mind. So then I decided to stop focusing on the outer me and focus more on personality traits. How could I better myself? I've certainly learned here that I can be more awkward than I think I am. My social skills certainly aren't up to par with everyone elses here and as a result I sometimes feel out of place in a large group of people. Then I thought about what Sarah said, about my lack of confidence in my intelligence - what if I focused on bettering my self-esteem in terms of how smart I am? Is that even possible? and how do I go about it - do I come up with a mantra to tell myself, do I actually study more? and do I even fucking care enough at all to come up with a New Years Resolution?
When I woke up this morning my thoughts didn't go directly to contemplating a resolution however. First, I was in shock that I felt so good. Then I cursed because I heard the rain. And then I freaked out questioning myself if I'd done anything incriminating but as I did a quick rewind of the night in my head I'm pretty sure I was pretty a-okay.
I honestly feel like going for a run right now. Well, maybe not that good. But I don't want to sit here and stay inside. The island is quiet right now. Everyone is inside with their glasses of water and ice packs trying to get over the hang overs. And then there are the few, like Burdgeman who never went to bed and are still wandering around drunk from the night before.
Anyway, I'm getting kind of tired of the drinking thing. After 6 nights in a row of being hammered it starts to lose it's fun. I realized that of the hours I've been awake, more than 50% of the time I've been drunk. In the states I'm pretty sure we'd call that a drinking problem but down here, when everyone is the same way it just seems to be part of life. I feel like if I were to do this more than 2-3 weeks though I'd fall apart.
I'm going to go grab some breakfast and get back inside with the A.C. Half of me is disappointed I've got nothing good to write about, half of me doesn't really give a shit. I've just got to stop looking at all these events and feelings as foreshadowing the entire year.
Here's to a good 2008. ♥
(and em - trust me, I wish you were here too!)
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