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[03 Oct 2007|06:06pm] |
God I have been so MIA on blurty. Every time something happens I think to myself "I have to write about this later" and when I actually get the free time to do it, I don't have the motivation.
fuck it. I still don't have the motivation to write.
hahaha.
sorry.
♥
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[03 Oct 2007|07:31pm] |
I think my "I'm so glad I'm still not at Macon"'s have become overkill. I say it every night. And then some days I miss Ashley, Pat, Shannon, and Winry so much it's rediculous. But other times I know I made the right choice. I talked to Shannon tonight online for a good 20 minutes - I'd forgotten how hilarious she is.
I think if I had stayed, I would have dropped out. I don't know how I would have been able to cope if I was told the week I returned that Pat wasn't coming back. If I'd stayed another year, I would've just stuck it out and not transferred. But I would have been unhappy. and pushing my way through it just like I did Maryvale. I would have joined a sorority with Ash just for the sake of making friends. I would be living in a dorm. I would be driving home every weekend.
Every day I think about Ashley. My girlfriend dilemma is becoming more problematic as the days go on. Literally every day walking to class I ask myself "why dont girls want to be my friend - why cant I make girlfriends?" - and still the more I put on that face to let people know I'm friendly and approachable, the less it seems to work.
I keep thinking over and over what I did to make Ashley want to be my friend. Was it strictly because she saw me as a threat over the Patty situation and thought the "friends close, enemies closer?" or did she actually see us becoming friends? I don't understand girls that well except for my 5 summer girls (Chrissy, Emily, Hoobs, Kathleen, and Lia) and Ashly and Molly. I've just always understood boys, and my understanding of them only got easier when I went to Macon because asides from Ash and Shannon guys were the only friends I had.
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| For your kindness I'm in debt to you... |
[03 Oct 2007|09:27pm] |
I'm listening to 'May Angels Lead You In' and it's making me think of coach. And you know, I picked up on something Jas does. I don't even know if he realizes he does it... but when we're at practice and he is stumped on something and questioning himself out loud he looks up to the sky. I realize in those moments he's not asking himself, he's asking coach.
Practice ended at 4:30 today but after the girls left we stayed out on our wooden bench talking for over half an hour about life, problems, relationships. Ever since he told me about his family it's come easier for him to just spill his guts to me. That makes me happy, I think he needs to unfold on someone who isn't going to have a major effect on his life (aka me) bc his girlfriend just makes him upset and everyone else plays too large a role.
It's weird how much you can think you know someone, especially after so many years, and then have them tell you everything. All the deaths, all the pains, and still they come out with a smile on their face every day. Jas has been through a lot, more than some people twice his age and I really respect him for how he deals with everything. He is so selfless when it comes to his problems, always saying that they're not that big. But they are big, and whats worse is he doesn't burden other people with them. I think if I lost two best friends within a year, had a fucked up long-term relationship, and my family life secretly falling apart I'd be seeing a therapist.
But anyway, practice today was so good. Jas started the girls off doing hills on pavement and I sat there biting my lip thinking how bad of an idea it was. Just yesterday the girls were telling me how they had to split up on long distance because the pavement was hurting their knees and the uphill/downhills were throwing their hips out of wack. The second they were off on the first of 5 castle circuits I turned to him: 'J I don't think this is a good workout for them today' 'Why not?' 'they should be doing something else, like kolbergs on the flat grass right now' 'but kolberg's are so boring' 'jas when I ran kolbergs were all we did, who care's if it's boring, someone is going to get hurt'
I was rather surprised when he took what I said into consideration. 'you're right, I'm stopping them after this set.' What made me happier was that we not only did the kolbergs, but put my plan into effect I had been mentioning for two weeks. Our top six girls have a problem: two are twins, two are sisters, and two are best friends who talk non-stop. My solution? break each from their partner and have them run in two different groups with girls they weren't with during the races. I truly believed the faster girls would pull along the slower ones because when you are running in small groups it is a major confidence bust to be seen coming in last.
He put it into action and it worked so well. Julie and Irene stepped it up so much that they were running with our #1 girls. By the end Jason had such a smile on his face I wish I'd had my camera to catch it. I was excited to know that the first thought-out plan I'd come up with had actually work... now we just have to figure out a method to get it working in the meets, not just practice.
Anyway, I'm going to get back to cleaning. I should deffinitly study for my Biology test tonight so I'm not bombared all day tomorrow with studying.
Goodbye loves ♥
What would you think of me now?
so lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
now I'll never have a chance
May angels lead you in
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