|
[13 Dec 2006|06:38am] |
It's 6:38 in the morning.
My eyes burn like hell.
I'm up studying MORE.
ahhhh. I need sleep.
♥
|
|
| All of your haze and all your thunder. |
[13 Dec 2006|07:31pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Where We Gonna Go From Here | Mat Kearney |
] |
Sometime between 8:20 and 8:30am this morning I decided the change I wanted to make. It seems everyone re-invents themselves when they go off to college. As far as I could see I was still the same person - and maybe my return home every single weekend is to blame for that, but there's nothing I ever wanted to change about myself... until today.
This girl walked into the exam room. She turned to the boy behind me. "What does 'Gin Lane' mean?" I repeated the answer in my head. "Who is Johannes Kepler?". Again, I repeated the answer in my head. She asked him about 6-8 terms before taking the exam. I had managed to answer all but one of the questions in my mind. I was unsure about how the exam was going to go but I reassured myself "at least you'll do better than the girl behind you".
Thats when it's hit me. I don't want to just be better than the girl in the back row who didn't study for her final. I don't want to set my standards right above the bare minimum anymore. I want to actually excel. I want to be someone people come to for help when they don't understand their schoolwork - and amazingly so far this semester, I have been. I'm not the slacker anymore. In fact, I'm above average now. I can almost guarantee my report card will be all A's and B's which makes me happier than I can say. Yet every time I prepare for a paper or test, I set my standards low. I suppose it's a nice surprise, but I want to raise my bar. and hopefully I can start to do that.
I have a constant want to better myself. A lot of times I fail. But I'm doing okay. I'm balanced right now, but that balance comes from my happiness. I was talking to Dan last night and just gushed... "I'm so excited right now, and not about anything even in particular... I'm just excited about my life" - I've got so much on track and I'm home right now, sitting in my room, awaiting the arrival of Emily wanting nothing more than to light up the hookah and flip on the On Demand.
I had dinner tonight with Dan. It's still strange to me that we've hit that comfortable level in our friendship because I really didn't think we would. We saw Easton101 in Strapasta and all of a sudden I wished so bad that the whole Hillendale crew was with us so they could have shouted it out the window with me when we drove by them as we left. Buttt they'll all be home soon enough. I can't wait.
Where we gonna go from here?
I've waited and I'll wait some more
won't see me knocking on another door
but all this is crazy and amazing
♥
|
|